Coming on too strong?

  • nfgsd

    Posts: 24

    May 12, 2011 8:12 PM GMT
    So there is this guy I started talking to at the end of december. Things were going great and we were interested in eachother He would invite me out to meet him or have drinks and whatnot, but I would decline because I'm kinda shy, and I was also busy at times. One day we had made plans to finally meetup and get some pizza or something. I was totally down for it and was looking forward to finally meeting him. So we text in the am about having lunch later and I had no problem with that. I had happened to be buying a new car that morning, so I was unable to respond to some of his text messages during that two hour process. I apologized to him and let him know that I was still interested and he said everything was okay. Apparently they weren't. He slowly started to not respond anymore so that was that.

    Well about a week ago I was on grindr (I know not a good place to meet guys) and I see this guys profile. He didn't have a facepic, but I still went ahead and messaged him, and said I like dates as well (bc thats what his profile said). We started talking and we were like "I know you". So we start texting again and finally meet up after he got off work at 1130 at a bar. He was great, just like his pictures and whatnot. We talked and ate and I thought things were good. I text him the next day asking him if he was still interested, and he said "yeah, your just kind of quiet and reserved" (Something that I'm working on, he is very outgoing which is nice). So I ask him when hes free and he said he was pretty busy this week. He said friday after 8 pm would work. So I tell him sure, I'm off at 9. Maybe we can grab something to eat/see a movie etc. So I also sent him a picture bc I just got my haircut and he responded. Then two hours later I ask him if friday worked for him. Then he replies "he's going downtown if I want to join." So I respond what time, where. He doesn't respond back. I message him on grindr and he responds the next morning that he also is going to a gay bar down there. I say sure i'll go.

    So later on I text him whats up? he just responds "sup" So I just say that I'm working and how did his day go yesterday. He responds a few hours later that he is trying to get chores done

    I said nice, I just got home as well, I can help you.

    he says lol thanks for the offer.

    So I respond I'm serious lol. Im trying to be more spontaneous, plus I'm good at cleaning

    He responds Ha, I'm good but thanks

    So I say "aw ok. I'm just trying to get to know you but its kind of hard because you don't respond that much"


    So that was yesterday. I feel like writing him a message apologizing for coming on too strong, and hopefully he will give me a chance. I know everyone needs their space and time, and I respect that. I just got a little excited, finally meeting him after all those months. He's a good looking guy, has his own place and car, and isn't a slut, and was pretty nice.

    I don't know what I should do at this point. Should I just not say anything, and see if he responds, or send him that message? Or wait til tomorrow (friday) and ask him if he still wants me to go with him to downtown? Sorry this was so long icon_mad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2011 2:42 AM GMT
    my advice: say nothing.

    i'm not sure if what you said so far seems weird, but messaging about it would seem like too much to me. like you are overthinking it.

    go on about your life and let it play itself out
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2011 2:57 AM GMT
    you seem to like him alot.. but i dont think he is that interested, sorry..
    i dont know how well you got along when you actually met, but based on what you said in your mini story, i would say you should just leave him alone and forget about it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2011 3:15 AM GMT
    Here is what I learned over the years. If a guy is interested in you, he will make the effort to reply and/or make plans with you. Otherwise, he'll just beat around the bush because he's too much of a pussy to say that he just isn't interested.
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    May 13, 2011 3:20 AM GMT
    I was in the EXACT same place you are a couple months ago... with a guy I really liked and it seemed to be going great until he just stopped responding...

    It's probably best to move on... Apparently ignoring you and hoping you'll just go away is how some people like to say they're not interested. Rude icon_confused.gif.

    I texted my guy every so often for about a month hoping he'd reply and he never did (jackass). Don't waste your time like I did...

    I got really good advice from Ariodante:
    "When a guy really wants to see you he'll want to see you, hell or high water. [..] When guys want something they reaaaaallly let you know. If they want it."

    If you wanna see the other stuff people said, it's here.

    It'll all work out in the end.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2011 3:26 AM GMT
    microbiologist saidHere is what I learned over the years. If a guy is interested in you, he will make the effort to reply and/or make plans with you. Otherwise, he'll just beat around the bush because he's too much of a pussy to say that he just isn't interested.


    That's not always the case, though. But it probably is for your case though, judging from the avoidance of meeting up and the dismissive nature of his texts to you.

    For your case, the ball is definitely in his court in that it's his "turn" to text you now. Just go about your day to day business, have fun with friends, etc. and if he doesn't try to contact you, let that be the end of that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2011 3:48 AM GMT
    From first glance, you are being too shy and being too needy and awkward over texts. A lot of guys like a shy guy, but they don't like to have to pry things out of him, so that could be annoying to him. So that could be a problem.

    Also, you kinda send unneeded apologies which can get annoying. You couldn't respond to him for two hours, its no big deal. Just say "sorry I was buying a car". There is no need to assure him you are still interested. I know, its a little thing, but I would think its weird if a guy kept doing that.

    And the other guy, messaging him on his phone, then on grindr too, its a little much.

    So first, what you need to do is open up more, try to let a guy see your personality more. Do you drink at all? I know this isn't a way to solve things, but maybe go grab a drink and have a few so you can open up. Second, chill out a bit. You don't have to text a guy all the time and ask over and over again if he is interested and you don't have to tell him.

    Not trying to be hard on you, I just think you can benefit from some advice. If you work on these things, you will have tons of guys in your pocket. Good luck buddy!
  • nfgsd

    Posts: 24

    May 13, 2011 4:21 AM GMT
    Thanks for all the responses. Yeah I def was over thinking things. he is probably not that interested. I did ask him out to drinks and he invited me downtown tomorrow night, that was before I sent that last text yesterday, so I'll just have to wait it out and see if he contacts me. I dont have much exp with dating so I appreciate the feed back. And I guess there are always plenty of fish in the sea. I know I'm a good guy, independent honest smart and not a whore.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2011 4:22 AM GMT
    nfgsd saidI know I'm a good guy, independent honest smart and not a whore.


    Good. Just remember that and a good guy will come along!
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    May 13, 2011 5:35 AM GMT
    I think it's good that you care so much but you don't seem like the type of person that can handle someone who is aloof like that. He might be interested, he might not but either-way I don't think it would work out good for you