How have others coped when..

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2011 9:44 AM GMT
    ou bump into ur former church going aquaintances and know they know you're gay and left the church and the gossip has gone round as they are soooooo awkward around you and clearly uncomfortable.

    Its painful.
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    May 13, 2011 9:58 AM GMT
    Keep the upper hand.

    You already know they're being cowardly hypercritical fuckwads who don't have the fucking balls to tell you to your face that they think you're a bad person, so they talk behind your back instead.

    With that in mind, politely tell them to go fuck themselves, while keeping a huge smile on your face. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2011 10:29 AM GMT
    Ignore them and rise above it. They are horrible people.
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    May 13, 2011 10:32 AM GMT
    Pure saidIgnore them and rise above it. They are horrible people.
    ^^^This!
    I'd rather have no friends than "friends" who talk behind my back.
    Fuck'em. If they cared about you, you wouldn't have left the church in the first place. icon_wink.gif
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    May 13, 2011 10:37 AM GMT
    Yes, I can understand why this is so painful for you. But you have the upper hand here. You are the one that has to deal with you on a daily basis. They don't. It is not for you to make it so they feel comfortable around you. They are wrestling with trying to reconcile their religious dogma with the guy that they have known for a long time. And they can't, not yet. Some won't and other will refuse to do so. At the end of the day, the loss of these friends will be painful for you, but I would venture that a couple of them will eventually get it and still be a part of your life. Just keep in mind that your spirituality is between you & God and what these people have to say has no bearing on that. Chin up. I will keep you in my thoughts. icon_biggrin.gif
  • TadPohl

    Posts: 259

    May 13, 2011 6:37 PM GMT
    In my situation, I addressed the elephant in the room.

    Being upfront is essential in determining the people that should matter to you and the people that are not essential or toxic to you.

    It's human to feel pain when we're judged negatively, but ultimately worse if we do not stand up for ourselves, and our dignity.

    Once we determine who is toxic to us, we must remove them from our lives. They have their own issues to sort and their opinions of you should not weigh heavily on you.

    Address the elephant and determine who are sincere Christians and who are bible thumping poseurs.

    -Vic
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 13, 2011 6:46 PM GMT
    There is some good advice here for you but it's going to depend on the situation too

    Where are you seeing them?
    Is it on a subway or at a cocktail party?
    do they say hello or are you in a situation where you need to talk tom them?

    But anyway you cut it you need to show them that you are doiing well and that you need them in your life as much as you need a hot iron dildo icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2011 6:55 PM GMT
    who cares, they're hypocrites....live your life & move on
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    May 13, 2011 7:06 PM GMT
    Churchy people should know that if "god truly forgives" there's no judgment that should be placed upon you.
    Fuck'em.
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    May 13, 2011 7:09 PM GMT
    ch...ur..ch?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2011 7:11 PM GMT
    Remain polite!

    No matter how much they talk behind your back, you know you're not what they make you out to be. Show them how good your life is without shoving it in their faces. Force a smile if you have to, but don't get too upset. Let people say what they will, because you know who you are.

    I've been in that situation, and it sucks, but just keep going doing your thing!
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    May 13, 2011 9:00 PM GMT
    Remember that THEY'RE the ones who feel awkward, and with good reason. You have no need to feel awkward - you're the one who's being honest and forthright about yourself. Stand tall.

    Hugs.
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    May 13, 2011 9:11 PM GMT
    Next time you see them, wave your hands and say, "Heeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"

    Best way to diffuse any situation is to remove the element that would be the topic of gossip. If everyone knew you were gay, there wouldn't be any gossip to spread... ?
  • stee99

    Posts: 317

    May 13, 2011 9:15 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidch...ur..ch?


    Its gods house, where you dress up and pay to go to be told how to run your life even though they tell you hes omnipotent and as a result could be worshiped anywhere for free.
  • havingfunmtl9...

    Posts: 258

    May 13, 2011 9:16 PM GMT
    I can completely relate!!

    I was the senior altar server at my parish for over 8 years when I was younger. When I finally was able to come to terms with my sexuality, I began to tell people when asked. Before you know it, everyone in the parish knew that the boy serving at mass was a homo. It caused a little bit of a scene and I decided to go after the priest made a comment about 'homosexuals burning in the eternal fires of hell like those condemned in the ancient city',

    To be honest, one of my best friends is a Jesuit Priest, he is completely okay with my sexuality and believes as I do that sexual orientation is not going to define you as a person (unless you let it). Just smile, be courteous and if the worst thing someone can say about you is that your Gay - well I would count myself VERY lucky.
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    May 13, 2011 9:30 PM GMT
    Trollileo said
    Caliboyswag saidNext time you see them, wave your hands and say, "Heeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"

    Best way to diffuse any situation is to remove the element that would be the topic of gossip. If everyone knew you were gay, there wouldn't be any gossip to spread... ?
    You're doin' it all wrong. You have to be like "Hey, gurl, heeeeyyyyyy! Damn, gurl. Look atchoo! Honey, you lookin' fine today! Mhmmm!" Even if it's a guy.


    OK well I'm really masculine and straight appearing so I can't master the technique, but even if it doesn't come natural, that would definitely give them something to talk about!

    But actually, the way you described it, is how I get talked to in the Castro all the time.

    Amusing, and annoying, all at the same time.
  • somedaytoo

    Posts: 704

    May 13, 2011 9:32 PM GMT
    Act like a civilized person. Let them take the childish approach.
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    May 13, 2011 11:10 PM GMT
    I love you guys. You're all seriously cool.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2011 11:45 PM GMT
    Caliboyswag saidNext time you see them, wave your hands and say, "Heeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"


    I totally second this. Show them they are the ones that are uncomfortable, not you. (Even if you are lol)

  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    May 14, 2011 12:03 AM GMT
    If they're awkward and uncomfortable, they were never your friends.
    True friends would be glad to see you and ready to give you a hug.

    Don't hang onto people who only want to drag you down.
    It sounds as if you're afraid that you can't fly on your own.
    But, you can.
    Let them go, so that real friends can come into your life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 14, 2011 12:10 AM GMT
    I can empathsize with you. Sometimes it's very painful being gay. I think it's better to take the high road and pray for these people. As a Christian, I believe that if I'm not behaving any better or differently from the majority of the population, then what's the point? Blessings be with you.