My dating curse...one and done

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2011 10:35 AM GMT
    so since coming out in January, I've gone out on a handful of dates with some super nice guys...but the chemistry just isn't there.I have a dating curse...go out on one date and that's as far as it goes. urgh!

    Has this happened to any of you guys? Starting to get a little discouraged here!

    Brad icon_razz.gif
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    May 13, 2011 10:39 AM GMT
    That's dating for you, I guess.

    Where are you finding these men? It might be better to try and pursue some particular interests and see if you can meet men through them, at least then you know you have something in common and perhaps are similar minded.

    Chemistry unfortunately is just one of those things though, if it's not there it's not there - you'll find someone at some point, don't lose hope!
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    May 13, 2011 10:53 AM GMT
    Welcome to the reason I prefer to stay single.
    I figure if "mr right" ever come into my life, there won't be any obligatory dates.
    Instead, there'll be sex and sushi. And pictures, because he'll be a camera whore like me. icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 13, 2011 11:03 AM GMT
    haha! Well I don't even think i'm being overly picky either. I'm not looking for perfection by any means...in fact, imperfection is endearing. but it's just not what i'm truly seeking.
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    May 13, 2011 2:13 PM GMT
    welcome to the gay world
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    May 13, 2011 3:48 PM GMT
    Oh its happened to me. You go on that date and just...meh. Nothing impresses you
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2011 4:32 PM GMT
    You're already one step ahead of me...I have trouble just getting dates. =/
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    May 13, 2011 7:36 PM GMT
    I've experienced the exact same situation. I've meet 4 very nice guys so far (all from online dating websites), and I never experienced any sort of chemistry what-so-ever. I met with these guys thinking that I should keep an open mind and not be too superficial; but, I'm realizing that wanting "chemistry/attraction" is ok. So, next time, only go out with a guy if he's nice and if you feel the spark.

    (P.S. I know that I'm in no position to give advice. But I felt that your situation was very similar to what I'm going through.)
  • dhinkansas

    Posts: 764

    May 13, 2011 7:48 PM GMT
    Join some groups/volunteer agencies perhaps. If you're meeting them on the net, I think it takes the mystery away from it. You can have great convesations via e mail, then in person, it falls flat.
  • Goofeyman

    Posts: 199

    May 13, 2011 7:52 PM GMT
    I read your profile. My suggestion is not to limit your date by your interests. You might be pleasantly surprised.
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    May 13, 2011 7:59 PM GMT
    Same thing with me. I've only went on a second date with one person and it was because I was giving them the benefit of the doubt. icon_sad.gif
  • NerdLifter

    Posts: 1509

    May 13, 2011 8:12 PM GMT
    Sounds like dating to me. Don't be discouraged. Don't be like me and stop going on dates all together for 8 months at a time.
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    May 13, 2011 8:15 PM GMT
    You are essentially weeding out those who don't qualify... Just like university.... 50 % of the class fails and 50 % pass...

    But of those 50 % that pass, you want the top 20 % icon_smile.gif

    So, yea dating is tough....

    This past date I went on - the man failed...



    miserably.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2011 8:17 PM GMT
    Indeed. Nice guys, no chemistry. To be honest I can tell if they're not my type physically, but I give it a chance anyway if we've had a decent conversation.
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    May 13, 2011 8:18 PM GMT
    This is why I don't date, unless it is with the guy that I am with, or seeing. I wouldn't go out on a date with someone I didn't know or barely knew. Its just a game.

    I'm dating the guy that I've been seeing for a year now, but it all started as a hook up that quickly turned into a regular thing and then a sort of relationship.

    Now we date, but mostly we just get into bed for 5 or 6 hours and get carnal. then sleep or run out for dinner or bring dinner back with a movie.... which is a perfect date for me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2011 8:31 PM GMT
    You're not alone...sometimes the idea of having dates to meet someone special is too overrated. It's better you start by finding 'potential great friends',being close buddies and then let chemistry or whatever they call it, builds up.
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    May 13, 2011 9:03 PM GMT
    Dating is overrated, IMHO. Hook up, hang out, see if there's any chemistry, and go from there. I didn't realize gay guys even dated anymore! I haven't ever been on but a couple of dates in my twenties, they blew chunks, but always ended up in relationships after just meeting someone, hanging out and going with the flow. No expectations. No disappointments.
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    May 13, 2011 9:28 PM GMT
    ...would b a mistake to categorize it as: abnormal.

    Just keep your radar on; have your goals clearly defined.
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    May 13, 2011 10:00 PM GMT
    go_vols saidso since coming out in January, I've gone out on a handful of dates with some super nice guys...but the chemistry just isn't there.I have a dating curse...go out on one date and that's as far as it goes. urgh!

    Has this happened to any of you guys? Starting to get a little discouraged here!

    Brad icon_razz.gif


    hey brad, don't get discouraged, it's part of the process of getting to know people. i hear ya though, i've been striking out recently, but i'm optimistic i'll meet someone eventually who'll go past date #2 LOL
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    May 13, 2011 10:14 PM GMT
    it just make you appreciate the right guy a lot more once you find him.
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    May 13, 2011 10:20 PM GMT
    go_vols saidso since coming out in January, I've gone out on a handful of dates with some super nice guys...but the chemistry just isn't there.I have a dating curse...go out on one date and that's as far as it goes. urgh!

    Has this happened to any of you guys? Starting to get a little discouraged here!

    Brad icon_razz.gif


    Oh Brad. They're just not hot / good enough for you. That's all. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2011 10:25 PM GMT
    if you go to dinner with a friend, is it a date? it's a dinner date, but not necessarily a romantic date. i find that's the only way to date anymore. that way you don't have to frame it as anything other than friendship. if more happens, great. if not, oh well. in our techie times, people forget how to have conversation and meet new people.
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    May 13, 2011 10:34 PM GMT
    Hi Brad:

    Do not get down, it is not you...I been there this past year. I went out on a blind date a couple weeks ago and it was a nightmare. I am new to the gating scene as well. This guy seemed nice on the phone, we chatted for a while, exchanged pictures, etc. I made the plans and time, since at first he said he was busy when I was in his area and could not drop what he was doing to see me, and he would call me in a few minutes. He never called back so I dropped him completely not moving forward. However, the next day he apologize-saying he was really sorry and really wanted to meet. So, I decided to give him a second chance. When we finally met, he trashed his ex-boyfriends, ex partners, etc. It was a total turn-off . Also, he called me every 10 to 15 minutes prior to getting to the restaurant, although I was on time to getting there at 7:00p.m. which totally gave me a red flag that this guy had issues. When I got to the restaurant, he wanted to get a coffee at Peets, prior to going to the restaurant which was a bit odd since he could have gotten coffee at the restaurant.

    Anyway, there was no chemistry...and we parted our ways. So, do not give up.
  • TrentGrad

    Posts: 1541

    May 13, 2011 10:57 PM GMT
    go_vols saidso since coming out in January, I've gone out on a handful of dates with some super nice guys...but the chemistry just isn't there.I have a dating curse...go out on one date and that's as far as it goes. urgh!

    Has this happened to any of you guys? Starting to get a little discouraged here!

    Brad icon_razz.gif


    I don't think you have a dating curse Brad, but I wonder if you might really just not be up for getting involved with anyone at this point. I mean, you've only been out for what...five months now?

    You're a handsome fella, so I'm sure that you probably garner a fair amount of interest...perhaps deep down, you're feeling a bit restless, and you want to enjoy the attention other guys are giving you?

    Or perhaps you're too reliant on the internet to meet these guys? Don't get me wrong: it's a good tool...but I suspect it's a better tool for hooking up with guys for sex than it will ever be for meeting quality guys for dating and relationships!

    My experience has been that the most successful dates that led to relationships that really meant something to me generally came from people I already kind of knew: this is why if someone was asking me for advice on where to meet good guys, I'd suggest they get out and join a gay social club, or sports team, or volunteer organization.

    It's not an immediate answer, but if you meet someone in one of those places, chances are you'll get to know them, and you'll already have a good read on whether there is chemistry there or not. When that happens, if you go out on a date with one of them, a big part of the pressure is off, and you can just enjoy their company.

    Don't get discouraged...at least you're out there meeting people. If you've managed to expand your circle of friends, that in and of itself would be a success, would it not?
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    May 13, 2011 11:04 PM GMT
    AvadaKedavra saidit just make you appreciate the right guy a lot more once you find him.


    Great way to look at it!