I call bs on those who say it isn't healthy to be extremely close with someone

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    May 14, 2011 3:14 AM GMT
    EDIT: This thread is fini... some really good responses have been given that have reinforced my belief. Being extremely close with someone IS healthy.
    thanks for all the responses.

    because clearly, this is healthier! (Sarcasm) icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif

    Mike's bf:
    "Oh hey honey, sorry I didn't call you in the past week, been screwing the plumber over at my sister's house and going on a date with your boss -I didn't have any money so I grabbed the 50 dollar bill from your drawer! Hope you don't mind! " *kiss*

    Mike: "Oh no problem babe, this is exactly what I asked for in a man... someone that acts distant, is a slut, and uses up my cash for their selfish needs!"


    ---------------

    seriously, this is exactly what is wrong with the EDIT: dating section within the gay community.

    I make a thread about a man I saw on the weekend who is not following-up and I get tons of gay sluts saying "you are so needy man, you actually want someone to respond to you and communicate effectively?.. you are so needy..."

    No I am not needy idiots... I am a man who wants a man that can make up his fucking mind about his needs.
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    May 14, 2011 3:23 AM GMT
    _Mohammed_ said
    I make a thread about a man I saw on the weekend who is not following-up and...
    ...I am a man who wants a man that can make up his fucking mind about his needs...

    I totally agree with the fact that communication is vital in any relationship. If he respond then it should be obvious his mind is already made up rofl.


    _Mohammed_ said
    I get tons of gay sluts saying "you are so needy man, you actually want someone to respond to you and communicate effectively?.. you are so needy..."

    No I am not needy idiots...


    By saying this, you're just giving them more to bitch about rofl...
    Tis why most of my friends are straight~
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    May 14, 2011 3:26 AM GMT
    Jaws_ said
    _Mohammed_ said
    I make a thread about a man I saw on the weekend who is not following-up and...
    ...I am a man who wants a man that can make up his fucking mind about his needs...

    I totally agree with the fact that communication is vital in any relationship. If he respond then it should be obvious his mind is already made up rofl.


    _Mohammed_ said
    I get tons of gay sluts saying "you are so needy man, you actually want someone to respond to you and communicate effectively?.. you are so needy..."

    No I am not needy idiots...


    By saying this, you're just giving them more to bitch about rofl...
    Tis why most of my friends are straight~


    Ok, you still don't quite get it?

    If, after any number of dates (0 < X < infinity) where X represents dates... the man says "I HAD A GREAT TIME" and does not respond he is either:

    a) a liar
    or
    b) a liar

    -------------------

    Do some men really get turned on when they meet up with someone and then just move on with their lives?

    It's as if, you don't care about the person... oh wait... that's the whole point right?

    If you don't care about someone it makes you look bad ass!
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    May 14, 2011 3:44 AM GMT
    _Mohammed_ said

    If, after any number of dates (0 < X < infinity) where X represents dates... the man says "I HAD A GREAT TIME" and does not respond he is either:

    a) a liar
    or
    b) a liar


    If you know the results then why do you even bother? Why waste your time?

    _Mohammed_ said
    Do some men really get turned on when they meet up with someone and then just move on with their lives?


    I wouldn't necessarily say they would get turned on, but more of a self-accomplishment.
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    May 14, 2011 3:48 AM GMT
    You are correct. If the other guy feels any kind of connection he will remember to text/call you and if he is terribly busy he will make even that little bit of time to text/call you.

    Follows: He's just not that into you. And not man enough to tell you in person.

    Move on

    next!

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    May 14, 2011 3:49 AM GMT
    Jaws_ said
    _Mohammed_ said

    If, after any number of dates (0 < X < infinity) where X represents dates... the man says "I HAD A GREAT TIME" and does not respond he is either:

    a) a liar
    or
    b) a liar


    If you know the results then why do you even bother? Why waste your time?

    _Mohammed_ said
    Do some men really get turned on when they meet up with someone and then just move on with their lives?


    I wouldn't necessarily say they would get turned on, but more of a self-accomplishment.


    Bolded part: Very true... I do wonder why I waste my time on someone that doesn't respond. Maybe it is because I can't accept the fact they are horrible people and would actually lie to my face about their feelings.
    But you are right in asking that question.

    now, as for part two, how is a self-accomplishment when you meet up with someone and then just move on with your life?

    Well, I guess it depends on what you VALUE.

    I value getting into a relationship, so actually, moving on after I see someone is a failure - a failure to get into a relationship with that person.

    But I guess others value being detached so in that sense it would be an accomplishment.
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    May 14, 2011 3:50 AM GMT
    bhp91126 saidYou are correct. If the other guy feels any kind of connection he will remember to text/call you and if he is terribly busy he will make even that little bit of time to text/call you.

    Follows: He's just not that into you. And not man enough to tell you in person.

    Move on

    next!



    exactly! and that is precisely what annoys the shit out of me. That is what ticks me off.. Why can't he just say "I am not into you"

    fuck.
  • ohioguy12

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    May 14, 2011 4:08 AM GMT
    _Mohammed_ saidbecause clearly, this is healthier! (Sarcasm) icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif

    Mike's bf:
    "Oh hey honey, sorry I didn't call you in the past week, been screwing the plumber over at my sister's house and going on a date with your boss -I didn't have any money so I grabbed the 50 dollar bill from your drawer! Hope you don't mind! " *kiss*

    Mike: "Oh no problem babe, this is exactly what I asked for in a man... someone that acts distant, is a slut, and uses up my cash for their selfish needs!"


    ---------------

    seriously, this is exactly what is wrong with the gay community.


    Wait I'm confused...what do you mean this is what's wrong with the gay community? What are you referring to?
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    May 14, 2011 4:10 AM GMT
    ohioguy12 said
    _Mohammed_ saidbecause clearly, this is healthier! (Sarcasm) icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif

    Mike's bf:
    "Oh hey honey, sorry I didn't call you in the past week, been screwing the plumber over at my sister's house and going on a date with your boss -I didn't have any money so I grabbed the 50 dollar bill from your drawer! Hope you don't mind! " *kiss*

    Mike: "Oh no problem babe, this is exactly what I asked for in a man... someone that acts distant, is a slut, and uses up my cash for their selfish needs!"


    ---------------

    seriously, this is exactly what is wrong with the gay community.


    Wait I'm confused...what do you mean this is what's wrong with the gay community? What are you referring to?


    The dating portion of the gay community... this is why it is difficult to find a long term relationship. I am honestly beginning to miss the 18 months spent with my ex now... ughh

    that means a lot.
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    May 14, 2011 4:15 AM GMT
    I see that thread went out of hands, but honestly speaking, you shouldn't have made it to begin with. No, not because his feelings would get hurt. It's because that was a tiny decision you could have made on your own. When your IQ is higher than the average person, then you don't need to ask. I have made much bigger decisions on my own because I know even if I ask others, I will still end up doing what I think is best for me.

    Now that aside, you have to keep in mind - first date ditches are VERY common. Happens in both straight and gay world. It doesn't matter what he said on the phone. Meeting in-person is a different story. You get to see that person's behavior and personality. Maybe there was something that he kept to himself and didn't want to be rude on the date. Most people do that, so take the advice from other thread - start out as friends next time. First dates are like an interview. You speak about yourself and you ask him questions. More talking than touching. Personally I only go as far as hug and maybe a peck on first couple of dates.

    If someone likes you, he will make sure to call you back. Then you can take it a step further on second date. Bottom line, forget it. Move on. Take it as a learning experience and keep expectations next to nothing on every first date. You will be fine. icon_wink.gif
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    May 14, 2011 4:18 AM GMT
    I don't think it has to do with being gay, straight or gender.

    If the other person has the same feelings as you, they will step up and keep things going.

    If they don't or there is something in the way of them expressing those feelings, do you really want to be with those people?

    Your boyfriend should be your partner, not your project imo.
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    May 14, 2011 4:19 AM GMT
    nycam86 saidI see that thread went out of hands, but honestly speaking, you shouldn't have made it to begin with. No, not because his feelings would get hurt. It's because that was a tiny decision you could have made on your own. When your IQ is higher than the average person, then you don't need to ask. I have made much bigger decisions on my own because I know even if I ask others, I will still end up doing what I think is best for me.

    Now that aside, you have to keep in mind - first date ditches are VERY common. Happens in both straight and gay world. It doesn't matter what he said on the phone. Meeting in-person is a different story. You get to see that person's behavior and personality. Maybe there was something that he kept to himself and didn't want to be rude on the date. Most people do that, so take the advice from other thread - start out as friends next time. First dates are like an interview. You speak about yourself and you ask him questions. More talking than touching. Personally I only go as far as hug and maybe a peck on first couple of dates.

    If someone likes you, he will make sure to call you back. Then you can take it a step further on second date. Bottom line, forget it. Move on. Take it as a learning experience and keep expectations next to nothing on every first date. You will be fine. icon_wink.gif


    You're right. I really do think the bolded part is what actually is causing this.
    Because as he hugged me before I was about to leave he said he had a great time... so he must've lied to me then and kept something to himself that caused him not to respond to my one text sent to him after.

    Thanks.
    however, as of making that thread - it was completely necessary. I wanted to see if people felt he was a jerk... and they did. That was really my goal of the thread... to see if I was not the only one who sees him as a douchebag.
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    May 14, 2011 4:22 AM GMT
    Whatever I better find a man that is ready to be my best friend too. The others can keep on walking
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    May 14, 2011 4:23 AM GMT
    KSUOWL saidWhatever I better find a man that is ready to be my best friend too. The others can keep on walking


    This needs to be plastered on walls in every place possible.
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    May 14, 2011 10:43 AM GMT
    _Mohammed_ saidbecause clearly, this is healthier! (Sarcasm) icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif

    Mike's bf:
    "Oh hey honey, sorry I didn't call you in the past week, been screwing the plumber over at my sister's house and going on a date with your boss -I didn't have any money so I grabbed the 50 dollar bill from your drawer! Hope you don't mind! " *kiss*

    Mike: "Oh no problem babe, this is exactly what I asked for in a man... someone that acts distant, is a slut, and uses up my cash for their selfish needs!"


    ---------------

    seriously, this is exactly what is wrong with the EDIT: dating section within the gay community.

    I make a thread about a man I saw on the weekend who is not following-up and I get tons of gay sluts saying "you are so needy man, you actually want someone to respond to you and communicate effectively?.. you are so needy..."

    No I am not needy idiots... I am a man who wants a man that can make up his fucking mind about his needs.


    I think it's very very very poor wording and very tacky to call people, whom you've never met/seen in person mind you, "gay sluts"

    You asked for people's opinions on that thread did you not? And isn't that internet forums are for?

    I think you should re-word that. And maybe it would help to (?- and I mean this respectfully but honestly) stop acting like you have years and years of dating experience, when it comes down to the fact that you're what, 19? Still maturing, and have have had probably less dating experience than 90% of the guys on here, because by having that attitude you're really gonna turn a lot of people off.

    Just my 2 cents.
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    May 14, 2011 11:51 AM GMT
    Mohammed,

    I find some of your posts on here to be insightful and interesting, especially when you give advice to other people. But I agree with runner, I find this post straight up un-classy.

    When you ask for advice you are going to get all kinds of advice. It isn't classy to then berate people who give you advice by labeling them all gay sluts because you don't like their point of view.

    Sometimes the tone matters, too.
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    May 14, 2011 4:03 PM GMT
    Mohamed dear,

    From my tiny experience, i can say that you only give a damn when someone is worth the damn... otherwise don't give a damn.

    regardless of what u wana hear from him in the first date (well people lie all the time), u shouldn't be hung on him this much. Again, people lie all the time and this is somethng u can't change and it happens with straight and gay men.

    I admire ur sincerity in relationships which is why am telling u that ur special and u will know who is the right person to really give a damn about!

    Just enjoy the dating part maybe don't its all up to you yet; when u ask for advice u will not hear what u want to hear, you will only hear other people's views.

    Have fun! icon_rolleyes.gif
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    May 14, 2011 4:21 PM GMT
    yea let it go man. it all starts with a RJ posting... next thing you know you'll be stalking his home... boiling his rabbit... spray painting LYING SLUT on his garage door.....

    be a man suck it up and move onto the next.


    This is exactly why I don't "date" but hook up and hang out and listen to music and talk when I first meet someone... and then take it to the bedroom if it gets to that point.

    If it gets to that point, they'll be back. Text, call, or not.



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    May 14, 2011 4:32 PM GMT
    Caliboyswag saidyea let it go man. it all starts with a RJ posting... next thing you know you'll be stalking his home... boiling his rabbit... spray painting LYING SLUT on his garage door.....

    be a man suck it up and move onto the next.


    This is exactly why I don't "date" but hook up and hang out and listen to music and talk when I first meet someone... and then take it to the bedroom if it gets to that point.

    If it gets to that point, they'll be back. Text, call, or not.





    Well Mohamed is not that kind of person if u noticed... he wants to establish a relationship based on trust and honesty, the thing is its hard to find! so that is why he is a little pissed at him. Right???
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    May 14, 2011 4:36 PM GMT
    You can't just create a relationship based on trust and honesty out of the box. this sort of thing takes time.

    I'm saying that his expectations are unrealistic at best, and his approach and final analysis are inappropriate at worst.

    The only thing fair in life is what you pay to ride the bus. You can create what you desire but it isn't going to happen with one date or one night or one week.

    Hence the reason I don't do the dating game. I just meet people, hang out, and if more happens great. then friends with benefits sometimes turns into a long term relationship. In between comes the trust and honest as things progress in an evolutionary manner.

    At least in my life. Relationships have all happened by accident and when you were least expecting it. and sometimes with someone you never would have expected it with.

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    May 14, 2011 4:41 PM GMT
    Caliboyswag saidYou can't just create a relationship based on trust and honesty out of the box. this sort of thing takes time.

    I'm saying that his expectations are unrealistic at best, and his approach and final analysis are inappropriate at worst.

    The only thing fair in life is what you pay to ride the bus. You can create what you desire but it isn't going to happen with one date or one night or one week.

    Hence the reason I don't do the dating game. I just meet people, hang out, and if more happens great. then friends with benefits sometimes turns into a long term relationship. In between comes the trust and honest as things progress in an evolutionary manner.

    At least in my life.



    Sure, and this is great for you... but u know how people are different and this why there is life going on...

    I just hope he can understand all of this and try to cope with all of that! icon_biggrin.gif

    BEST OF LUCK HOMY!
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    May 14, 2011 4:45 PM GMT
    _Mohammed_ said
    bhp91126 saidYou are correct. If the other guy feels any kind of connection he will remember to text/call you and if he is terribly busy he will make even that little bit of time to text/call you.

    Follows: He's just not that into you. And not man enough to tell you in person.

    Move on

    next!



    exactly! and that is precisely what annoys the shit out of me. That is what ticks me off.. Why can't he just say "I am not into you"

    fuck.

    Not what you want to hear, but don't judge him to harshly though. Dating, pursuing a relationship, falling in love etc. are pretty difficult things at times and only experience and failed attempts make you smarter. So I assume your 'friend' has a steep learning curve ahead of him.

    Serious question to everyone: What needs to happen at the date, inside you, afterwards so that you want to see another guy again? How long will you 'date' someone without anything developing before giving him the boot, or failing to call/text him back?
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    May 14, 2011 4:50 PM GMT
    If you wear a shirt that says, "Hi! I'm looking for a long term committed relationship with an honest guy"

    That's one way to scare a man off. Things have to develop in their own way and time, for each.

    Friendship usually develops after sex. Not always, especially if its long distance, but you grow strings over time with someone.

    Here's an analogy, how do you find something that you lost? When you've quit looking for it. Or where do you find something you misplaced? In the last place you looked.

    Think outside the box, this is an unconventional life we lead. No matter how hard you try, you can't replicate a heterosexual relationship through traditional means. That, in gay life, is called an "arrangement"
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    May 14, 2011 4:54 PM GMT
    bhp91126 said

    Serious question to everyone: What needs to happen at the date, inside you, afterwards so that you want to see another guy again? How long will you 'date' someone without anything developing before giving him the boot, or failing to call/text him back?


    Well... I'd say the first date.
    Again with my tiny experience (the first date was the first time i had sex and first time to do anything. and the other guy was a relationship over the internet which ended up for us having sex) anyways, this is "hors sujet", The first date determines a lot abt where the relationship is going... at least from my side; am very weird abt relationships.
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    May 14, 2011 4:59 PM GMT
    You're right.

    But I hate to use the word "date"

    Call it a meet and great.

    I was married and the same rules don't apply to hetero "dating" as they do to gay "dating" although gay guys think that it does.

    The first meet and greet will determine if anything will develop. If there's no sex, then its a bust.