When you break up...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2011 10:33 AM GMT
    Do you throw away things that remind of you of him?

    I'm kind of torn, after ending a relationship of two years I have a few things that directly remind me of him. He's deicded to go the 100% ignore/dead to the world route and not communicate with me at all.. so part of me feels like I just need to get everything out of my life that reminds me of him to move on.

    Thoughts?
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    May 14, 2011 1:27 PM GMT
    Throw it away. The sooner you do it, the better. New won't come if the old is still there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2011 2:35 PM GMT
    Yes throw everything away. It seems like he's like thrown everything that reminds him of you so you should do the same. I know it's hard but it has to be done ;(
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2011 2:42 PM GMT
    If you want to go for full catharsis, stage a Bonfire of the Vanities. Get a couple of bottles of wine, assemble all the photos and memorabilia. Drink the wine, watch a couple of weepy chickflicks, then tear up, shred, burn or pulverize all the relics of the ex-bf. A fireplace or gas grill is the most satisfying, but if all else fails there's always the vortex of the toilet.
    You'll feel lots better.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2011 2:43 PM GMT
    If these things are his, return them.

    If these things are yours, donate them so someone else can use it. If it's just sentimental value....put them away at a storage. If you guys remain friends later you have at least that memory icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2011 2:43 PM GMT
    When you break up after 2 years, sometimes it can be better not to have contact for some time.
    Otherwise there can be a lot of confusion about whether the relationship is over or not.

    Still, you spent 2 years with him and don't need to throw it away.
    Just put it out of your mind for now (and stash those things in a box).

    Then go through it again in 2 (or 20?) years later.
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    May 14, 2011 2:49 PM GMT
    Caesarea4 saidWhen you break up after 2 years, sometimes it can be better not to have contact for some time.
    Otherwise there can be a lot of confusion about whether the relationship is over or not.

    Still, you spent 2 years with him and don't need to throw it away.
    and stash those things in a box).

    Just put it out of your mind for now (and stash those things in a box).

    Then go through it again in 2 (or 20?) years later.


    For fuck sake, WHY? If you want to move on ASAP, burn it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2011 2:53 PM GMT


    When i had relationships with women, I only kept things that meant the most to me... Like letters, a couple of pictures, but mostly everything else of sentimental value are thrown out.. Luckily for me, I haven't had a real break up yet with A Boyfriend yet.... icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2011 3:02 PM GMT
    AntoNomad saidWHY? If you want to move on ASAP, burn it.

    Because, in my case, I valued those 2.5 years and didn't need to go through a ritual of burning stuff to move on.
    (And it wouldn't have allowed me to move on any faster if I had done so.)
    (And I'm a pack rat.)

    So, for example, the Raggedy Andy & Raggedy Andy dolls made by his niece are now toys played with by my nieces.
    Really, who could pass those (the dolls!) on to Molech?
  • str8hardbody9

    Posts: 1519

    May 14, 2011 3:11 PM GMT
    AntoNomad saidThrow it away. The sooner you do it, the better. New won't come if the old is still there.


    I totally agree. Throw everything that reminds you of him. The new beginning start now. " A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2011 3:15 PM GMT
    I guess it depends on the nature of the breakup, and also the item in question. (If he left an armani jacket, you fucking keep that! j/k icon_razz.gif) I've kept a couple things that ex's have given me with sentimental value. Those breakups were mutual, and we're still friends. Though I had to put them away for a while as to not really look at them. Once you're over it, you can take them out again and be okay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2011 3:48 PM GMT
    For me, if the relationship is a short one and you aren't really that emotionally attached, if I have any of his belongings I'll either give them back to him or keep them (clothing he left at my place, etc) if he doesn't want them.

    Now...if it is a relationship with strong emotional connections, it is much different. I tend to date out of town twinks (MUCH nicer people i.m.o.) so I tend to hold on to more things due to the long distance, time/effort put into the relationship. In some cases because the things he gave me are very sentimental to him, I've had to go down to visit/ship things back to him, but other things I've kept with his permission.

    Some might think it's a little wierd, but with the way I am, once I get over the devastation of losing someone special those items serve as a memory of the good times we both shared. One ex was very surprised to see some things I've kept, which made him realize that I still valued them and him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2011 3:52 PM GMT
    My last ex and I were together 14+ years. The divorce (yes, we were married) was acrimonious and financially destructive to me. I got rid of everything that was solely him. I didn't get rid of things that I was part of. "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" sort of over simplified this idea.

    It would be absurd to pretend that 14 years of my life didn't exist. I only think of him in an inert historical way. I won't forget him, because I don't want to repeat that mistake. At the end of that relationship I learned the joy of being single, and after several years of that I was ready for a new relationship. The other aspect is that it makes me appreciate my bf/partner now, that much more.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2011 5:25 PM GMT
    Yea i would give back his stuff but I'd keep the photos that I took etc., to remind me of the time together and as a record of it.

    Doesn't matter how he feels, whether I'm dead to him or not, its a matter of how I feel and the value and lessons learned from that relationship.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2011 5:31 PM GMT
    I sold whatever I could. He gave me some of his personal items to remind me of him. It worked; I thought about him when I was spending the money I made from them.

    Things worth nothing I just threw away.

    ...And somehow it still didn't erase the memories.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2011 8:43 PM GMT
    sell it or burn it.

  • Abc123456

    Posts: 336

    May 14, 2011 9:01 PM GMT
    Uh...there might come a time in your distant future that you want to reminisce...

    Give him back anything that's his...any excuses to see him...file the pics and good memories away in a box...and forget about him for now (for like 2+years...you want to get over him, not torture yourself). Accept that it's over, but remember, all relationships end. Don't talk to him anymore. Do what you gotta do to move on...but why burn everything???? This person was important enough for you to spend a measurable amount of your life with. Blocking out large chunks of your past is about as effective as pretending it never happened...it DID happened, it shaped who you are today and will influence who you will be tomorrow. Your brain will eventually let go of his memory, and you'll move on; you're gonna want those memories one day.

    I love looking through old pics of exes, old concert tickets, etc...it lets you see how much you've grown. How hilariously naive you were. How you used to be such a fox...and how he probably wasn't as hot as you remember him being...

    You'll thank me 5 or 10 years from now.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2011 9:13 PM GMT
    TRASH! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2011 9:16 PM GMT
    Gosh no....not the diamond ring...lol.
  • Twenty_Someth...

    Posts: 1388

    May 14, 2011 9:20 PM GMT
    It depends on what it is!!! If he bought you a flat screen tv, keep it if you use it. If it's a stuffed animal or some of his old clothes, or shit that you don't like, throw it out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2011 9:23 PM GMT
    Seriously, you don't have to throw it out.....that's being childish. No matter what you will still remember him all your life....he has been a part of you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2011 9:32 PM GMT
    jekyll2hyde saidUh...there might come a time in your distant future that you want to reminisce...

    Give him back anything that's his...any excuses to see him...file the pics and good memories away in a box...and forget about him for now (for like 2+years...you want to get over him, not torture yourself). Accept that it's over, but remember, all relationships end. Don't talk to him anymore. Do what you gotta do to move on...but why burn everything???? This person was important enough for you to spend a measurable amount of your life with. Blocking out large chunks of your past is about as effective as pretending it never happened...it DID happened, it shaped who you are today and will influence who you will be tomorrow. Your brain will eventually let go of his memory, and you'll move on; you're gonna want those memories one day.

    I love looking through old pics of exes, old concert tickets, etc...it lets you see how much you've grown. How hilariously naive you were. How you used to be such a fox...and how he probably wasn't as hot as you remember him being...

    You'll thank me 5 or 10 years from now.


    This! I've been spring cleaning and came across a box of mementos from past loves. It was fun to look through - after over a decade - it's all just happy times from my past.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2011 10:11 PM GMT
    deltalimen saidI sold whatever I could. He gave me some of his personal items to remind me of him. It worked; I thought about him when I was spending the money I made from them.

    Things worth nothing I just threw away.

    ...And somehow it still didn't erase the memories.
    Exactly!
    Throwing away and/or selling his stuff won't magically erase the memories. It will only un-clutter your closets.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 14, 2011 10:28 PM GMT
    jekyll2hyde saidUh...there might come a time in your distant future that you want to reminisce...

    Give him back anything that's his...any excuses to see him...file the pics and good memories away in a box...and forget about him for now (for like 2+years...you want to get over him, not torture yourself). Accept that it's over, but remember, all relationships end. Don't talk to him anymore. Do what you gotta do to move on...but why burn everything???? This person was important enough for you to spend a measurable amount of your life with. Blocking out large chunks of your past is about as effective as pretending it never happened...it DID happened, it shaped who you are today and will influence who you will be tomorrow. Your brain will eventually let go of his memory, and you'll move on; you're gonna want those memories one day.

    I love looking through old pics of exes, old concert tickets, etc...it lets you see how much you've grown. How hilariously naive you were. How you used to be such a fox...and how he probably wasn't as hot as you remember him being...

    You'll thank me 5 or 10 years from now.


    Your post reminded me of a journal me and my first bf wrote in, we were all of like..17 or so and I remember making him write in it haha! The shit that was written in there, the drama and the emotions poured out onto those pages makes me laugh to this day. But it def. shows how we both have grown emotionally and how fragile people are sometimes when it comes to matters of the heart, especially the young ones.
  • Abc123456

    Posts: 336

    May 14, 2011 11:13 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    deltalimen saidI sold whatever I could. He gave me some of his personal items to remind me of him. It worked; I thought about him when I was spending the money I made from them.

    Things worth nothing I just threw away.

    ...And somehow it still didn't erase the memories.
    Exactly!
    Throwing away and/or selling his stuff won't magically erase the memories. It will only un-clutter your closets.


    Forgetting isn't magic...but by all means, trash your clutter.