Dealing with loneliness

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 08, 2008 1:15 PM GMT
    What's your method for dealing with loneliness--and I'm talking about times when just getting off your butt and hanging out with friends is not an immediate option?
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    Apr 08, 2008 1:49 PM GMT
    I deal with it the same way i deal with everything negative in my life. I allow myself to feel if for about 15 minutes, then i compartmentalize it and move on. I then take it to stage SLASH the ring.
  • demonwring

    Posts: 9

    Apr 08, 2008 2:14 PM GMT
    This is a tough one.

    Problem is when I'm lonely I have no desire to try to hang out with friends. I usually just sit around and feel sorry for myself, which makes it much worse.

    I read somewhere that when you are lonely you are really just not happy hanging out with yourself.

    Hopefully someone has some better advice for you.
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    Apr 08, 2008 2:28 PM GMT
    Call my sisters! Obviously as we get older our lives are different. My twin is married with kids and her life is completely different than mine. Therefore we don't necessarily "hang out" like we used to. Never the less, anytime either one of us needs to talk we are there, 100%, all the time. My family totally keeps me in check. If I ever feel like things aren't going as I would like them to, they are there to remind me how lucky I am, and basically to tell me to shut the fuck up about it and smile!
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    Apr 08, 2008 2:36 PM GMT
    Well, first I'll usually just grab the phone and call someone.

    Then, I usually end up getting online and writing to/chatting with people. If I get lonely, I try to use the time to better develop some of the friendships I'm starting (like the ones with some of you on here).

    Other than that, I usually read, play video games, or pack up the laptop and head down to City Cafe and blog.

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    Apr 08, 2008 2:43 PM GMT
    Three times I have moved by myself to a strange city where I don't know anyone and far away enough where I can't hang out with my friends. It was helpful for me to regularly schedule something. Join a sports team or practice a martial art. It will take up a few evenings a week and you will network with other people. Also, I will hang out where there are a lot of other people. Friday nights at the local art museum are packed, or a coffee house.

    One thing I would not recommend is going out to the bars frequently. Sure, seeing guys and flirting can be fun, but a few times a week and you will soon be in AA.
  • twentyfourhou...

    Posts: 243

    Apr 08, 2008 2:47 PM GMT
    This may sound crazy but i ..................pull weeds from my garden. There is something really therapeutic about pulling weeds. I can do it for up to an hour - sometimes i prefer not to use chemicals to control the weeds - because then i'll have nothing to pull!

    If that is not an option (cold/winter/raining)- i will go to the gym. If that is not an option, i will go window shopping - electronics, home depot,

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    Apr 08, 2008 2:48 PM GMT
    I have to admit, I rarely feel lonely. I grew up on a rural farm with not much to do in terms of social contact with people other than family. So I became emotionally self sufficient at an early age. If I'm 'home alone' and all the friends are gone, I'm either reading a book, writing, chatting online, or various things at once.

    You know Geminis. We never get bored.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Apr 08, 2008 3:05 PM GMT
    I leave alone for most part of my life. I am use to it. But yes, I do feel lonely. How I deal with it.....surf the internet, read and exercising. Sometimes it work , sometime it dont.
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    Apr 08, 2008 3:23 PM GMT
    I think it's OK from time to time to feel and be alone.

    I'm with Rocco on this one - I'll allow myself to feel what I need to feel and then move on.

    Next, I find my dog and take him for a walk or go play.

    No way I can feel lonely looking at his big wrinkly face...

    If it persists, then I'll hit the neighborhood coffee shop. Just being AROUND people can help.
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    Apr 08, 2008 3:37 PM GMT
    I'm with twentyfourhours later on this one. Pulling weeds, it really does relieve the tension of being alone. Or I do the following:

    - go for a walk and soak up the air, (even in -25celcius), and enjoy the calmness of the moment

    -clean house

    -write in my journal about anything at all

    -wander around Home depot

    - or Just RUN! icon_smile.gif It will put your mind in la,la land and you'll feel frickin' exhausted but so good afterward
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    Apr 08, 2008 3:53 PM GMT
    I have suffered from loneliness off and on since the age of 2, that is one reason why I really wanted to be in a relationship.

    The ways I have dealt with it have varied over the years, but being an introvert I used to deal with it by withdrawing into myself and reading, listening to music, or (when I was a kid) playing my toy cars for hours on end.

    As I have gotten older I have coped better by going out and playing sports or hooking up with close friends. I agree with MunchingZombie that going to a gay bar is not necessarily a good solution, especially by yourself. I found that it actually increased the loneliness. I also would not recommend going to a bathhouse in order to get human contact/touch.
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    Apr 08, 2008 3:59 PM GMT
    I find this topic so interesteding, specially because I been feeling lonely. How I deal with it? I basicaly listen to one or two sad songs then I totally change it to something optimistic and hit the gym. I start to read a Metaphysic's Book which it has help me.

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    Apr 08, 2008 4:07 PM GMT
    Like 26mileman I walk when i feel alone at anytime of the day or night. Just wandering the streets listening to my ipod and thinking about stuff that make me feel cheerfull or i try to solve the reason why i feel lonely! Surfing the internet is another option or i sit down and watch comedy series to take my mind off sad stuff.
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    Apr 08, 2008 4:10 PM GMT
    I'm sure more people are going to add, but I wanted to just really quickly say thanks to those of you who posted already. I sure hope no one was thinking that I was fishing for pity... that really wasn't the purpose. Every once in a while I get in this spot, and I sometimes just need a few people to just "remind me what you do" when ya feel like this. So if I was fishing for anything, it was more a gentle shove in the right direction.... and I feel like I am getting it.

    Thanks again,
    Adam
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    Apr 08, 2008 4:18 PM GMT
    i find i've been feeling lonelier since coming out actually. but i can honestly say i think it's because of where i am. KNOWING that you're the only openly gay guy at your school isn't a nice feeling and i find it hard to talk about it to my other friends. so i sometimes just ditch into my room for a couple hours. i';ve come to find that going and doing something to keep my mind occupied helps out a bit, bike ride, even a drive for 20 minutes. sometimes being alone helps me deal with it better than having to put on a happy face in front of people.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 08, 2008 4:26 PM GMT
    Make phony phone calls. Always use *67 before dialing the number.
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    Apr 08, 2008 4:32 PM GMT
    RunintheCity saidI have to admit, I rarely feel lonely. I grew up on a rural farm with not much to do in terms of social contact with people other than family. So I became emotionally self sufficient at an early age. If I'm 'home alone' and all the friends are gone, I'm either reading a book, writing, chatting online, or various things at once.

    You know Geminis. We never get bored.


    I had the same experience growing up on the farm. Now instead of killing time catching bugs, snakes and polliwogs I walk to the zoo or wander down to the bookstore when my friends are busy or out of town.

    I agree that as a Gemini I'm always thinking of about 100 things at once so I never have time to feel bored or lonely. Besides, it's almost impossible to find someone who is interested in the same things I am so I would never have time to enjoy those things if I was always looking for someone to share them with. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 08, 2008 7:23 PM GMT
    I log on to RJ and look for posts by McGay, JPrichVA, and ObsceneWish.

    K
  • Jimbo3DC

    Posts: 4

    Apr 08, 2008 7:27 PM GMT
    Internet chat (or discussion forums) don't always cure the loneliness...having a good foundation of close friends is always the cure for that, or family as some people have already mentioned.

    Yeah, I agree with what others have said here - don't go to a gay bar alone if you don't expect to meet a friend there. In fact, I rarely go out to gay bars unless I have friends with me. It's a rare occasion where a visit to a bar results in some sort of connection. Bring your connections with you, but be sure to make sure you're available to new ones as well.
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    Apr 08, 2008 7:33 PM GMT
    str8hardbody saidjsut go out.. travel all over the world that what I do I jsut arrived from Bora Bora & Hawaii to do snorkeling. Next month I'm going to Prague & Budapest this is the best way to cope with loneliness. Just have a great time go out and enjoy life to the fullest. Life is wonderful. Make new friends.



    Seriously, are you insane?
    I have read post after post of yours and ... seriously....are you?

    Do you think you are Hannah Montana ?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 08, 2008 7:35 PM GMT
    str8hardbody saidjsut go out.. travel all over the world that what I do I jsut arrived from Bora Bora & Hawaii to do snorkeling. Next month I'm going to Prague & Budapest this is the best way to cope with loneliness. Just have a great time go out and enjoy life to the fullest. Life is wonderful. Make new friends.


    Something tells me most guys don't have that kind of cash on hand. Travelling is fun but very expensive even if you live on the cheap in terms of accommodation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 08, 2008 7:40 PM GMT
    str8hardbody saidjsut go out.. travel all over the world that what I do I jsut arrived from Bora Bora & Hawaii to do snorkeling. Next month I'm going to Prague & Budapest this is the best way to cope with loneliness. Just have a great time go out and enjoy life to the fullest. Life is wonderful. Make new friends.


    Would that I had all the money and time in the world...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 08, 2008 7:48 PM GMT
    SAHEM62896 said
    Would that I had all the money and time in the world...


    You can just have your butler do your traveling for you. Problem solved!

    K
  • NickoftheNort...

    Posts: 1416

    Apr 08, 2008 7:48 PM GMT
    Re-watching favorite TV-shows on DVD is one of my tools v. loneliness.

    In my case, this includes Buffy, Angel, Veronica Mars, and a few more.