why do guys lie about why they don't like you

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 16, 2011 12:22 AM GMT
    It seems like a lot of guys wont just tell you that they aren't into you. Instead they will tell you that their cat died and they're in mourning or that the planets aren't lined up in a way that suits them at the moment or that you are too good for them, or that they aren't dating at the moment.

    Then a week later they have a boyfriend. It's so confusing. Why not just say, sorry I dont feel the same way or something like that. If you make up a story about some external factor you leave the other person under the impression that if that factor changes that you might be interested in them. In trying to avoid causing the person pain you actually hurt them a lot more in the long run...
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    May 16, 2011 12:26 AM GMT
    I know. I totally hate the "Shit came up" and "well hang out sometime soon" which is plain Gay English for "I don't want to see you ever again". Be a fucking man with a pair of balls and just say it.
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    May 16, 2011 12:29 AM GMT
    dekiruman saidIt seems like a lot of guys wont just tell you that they aren't into you. Instead they will tell you that their cat died and they're in mourning or that the planets aren't lined up in a way that suits them at the moment or that you are too good for them, or that they aren't dating at the moment.

    Then a week later they have a boyfriend. It's so confusing. Why not just say, sorry I dont feel the same way or something like that. If you make up a story about some external factor you leave the other person under the impression that if that factor changes that you might be interested in them. In trying to avoid causing the person pain you actually hurt them a lot more in the long run...


    I know! It's like they mislead you to think that if those external circumstances change, you two can be together! But he should have just told you that "it's not you, it's me...well, I am just not that into you so yeah, it's my problem." i mean, just grow a pair of balls and tell the guy!

    Awww...what happened sweetie btw? After you told us you love us I thought I should turn off my bitchiness and be a nice cocoa butter for ya! Do tell (only if you want though).
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    May 16, 2011 12:38 AM GMT
    cityaznguy said
    dekiruman saidIt seems like a lot of guys wont just tell you that they aren't into you. Instead they will tell you that their cat died and they're in mourning or that the planets aren't lined up in a way that suits them at the moment or that you are too good for them, or that they aren't dating at the moment.

    Then a week later they have a boyfriend. It's so confusing. Why not just say, sorry I dont feel the same way or something like that. If you make up a story about some external factor you leave the other person under the impression that if that factor changes that you might be interested in them. In trying to avoid causing the person pain you actually hurt them a lot more in the long run...


    I know! It's like they mislead you to think that if those external circumstances change, you two can be together! But he should have just told you that "it's not you, it's me...well, I am just not that into you so yeah, it's my problem." i mean, just grow a pair of balls and tell the guy!

    Awww...what happened sweetie btw? After you told us you love us I thought I should turn off my bitchiness and be a nice cocoa butter for ya! Do tell (only if you want though).


    Well nothing actually happened recently really but I've just been thinking about it since it's happened a couple of times to me and to everyone here I would imagine. If a guy likes me and I dont return the feel like, I don't let him live in a fantasy world where things might work out between us. I try to be as delicate as I can about letting him know he's not my type but above all I will not wast another guys time-time that could be spent focused on better prospects.
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    May 16, 2011 12:38 AM GMT
    cityaznguy said
    dekiruman saidIt seems like a lot of guys wont just tell you that they aren't into you. Instead they will tell you that their cat died and they're in mourning or that the planets aren't lined up in a way that suits them at the moment or that you are too good for them, or that they aren't dating at the moment.

    Then a week later they have a boyfriend. It's so confusing. Why not just say, sorry I dont feel the same way or something like that. If you make up a story about some external factor you leave the other person under the impression that if that factor changes that you might be interested in them. In trying to avoid causing the person pain you actually hurt them a lot more in the long run...


    I know! It's like they mislead you to think that if those external circumstances change, you two can be together! But he should have just told you that "it's not you, it's me...well, I am just not that into you so yeah, it's my problem." i mean, just grow a pair of balls and tell the guy!

    Awww...what happened sweetie btw? After you told us you love us I thought I should turn off my bitchiness and be a nice cocoa butter for ya! Do tell (only if you want though).


    I loved you when you were bitchy. dont change. icon_wink.gif
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    May 16, 2011 1:26 AM GMT
    dekiruman saidWell nothing actually happened recently really but I've just been thinking about it since it's happened a couple of times to me and to everyone here I would imagine. If a guy likes me and I dont return the feel like, I don't let him live in a fantasy world where things might work out between us. I try to be as delicate as I can about letting him know he's not my type but above all I will not wast another guys time-time that could be spent focused on better prospects.


    That's the mature way of handling things. However, some guys do these as well: (and they think they're doing you a favor of letting you down easy)

    1. String you along. Or worse yet, mislead you, and hope that IN TIME, you get the idea. (I'm sorry but that's fucked up because like you said, you could have been focusing on another guy, or guys, or school, or friends. Don't they know that a gay men's youth is important?! Your future husband can sue them for delaying your path to true love!

    2. Make up a bunch of BS and blame it on the circumstances. Yeah like that grandmother passing away stuff. If that shit didn't work with their college professors, do they actually think that it'll work with a dating prospect? Come on!

    Dating is so delicate, because when you guys say goodnight / goodbye, you dunno he's serious or just being polite when he said, "yeah I had a great time, we should definitely do this again.". But you know there's a trick to see if he's really into you at the end of the night? See him off, and watch if he keeps turning his head back. If he does, it's a good indicator that he is into you. If he doesn't...don't put so much of your attention on the guy. If he calls, great. If he doesn't call...oh well.

    The take home message is: not everyone has your mature dating mentality, especially at your age. So don't be surprised when you see really screwed up dating etiquette out there. It's to be expected, actually. Maybe I should teach a class called "How to be a less of a douchebag in a world full of assholes". I'd be rich.

    <3 ~cocoa butter.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    May 16, 2011 4:11 AM GMT
    Most people don't like taking the risk of hurting someone else's feelings.
    But, I agree that honesty is the best policy.
    I'd just say that it wasn't working out.
    You don't have to tell them why.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 16, 2011 4:14 AM GMT
    why wouldn't they lie? would you prefer, "hey, um, i'm not feeling any chemistry, sorry, but it was great to meet you" vs "you are an ugly fat sack of shit. I hope i never see you again"

  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    May 16, 2011 4:31 AM GMT
    Caliboyswag saidwhy wouldn't they lie? would you prefer, "hey, um, i'm not feeling any chemistry, sorry, but it was great to meet you" vs "you are an ugly fat sack of shit. I hope i never see you again"



    The OP is referring to the circumstance where the person does not say the first of your quotes. There are those times when you meet someone cool, but you just don't feel anything romantically. You can be firm and honest without being hurtful.
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    May 16, 2011 4:35 AM GMT
    omg was i on lsd. The spelling in my original post is horrible.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 16, 2011 4:35 AM GMT
    Caliboyswag saidwhy wouldn't they lie? would you prefer, "hey, um, i'm not feeling any chemistry, sorry, but it was great to meet you" vs "you are an ugly fat sack of shit. I hope i never see you again"



    I LIKE YOUR STYLE HAHA
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 16, 2011 4:38 AM GMT
    That sucks for the guys who's minds are elsewhere because one of the "extreme" factors did come up.
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    May 16, 2011 4:40 AM GMT
    HisAlterEgo said
    Caliboyswag saidwhy wouldn't they lie? would you prefer, "hey, um, i'm not feeling any chemistry, sorry, but it was great to meet you" vs "you are an ugly fat sack of shit. I hope i never see you again"



    The OP is referring to the circumstance where the person does not say the first of your quotes. There are those times when you meet someone cool, but you just don't feel anything romantically. You can be firm and honest without being hurtful.


    True, but that is a lot of effort for one date that you won't ever see again. I would take the path of least resistance and just say hey man, sorry, but not feeling you, gotta bounce.

    Why the need for a long ass explanation?

  • brendanmuscle...

    Posts: 593

    May 16, 2011 4:43 AM GMT
    i think its because many of us dont want to hurt other people's feelings honestly.
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    May 16, 2011 5:57 AM GMT
    ESCESV saidI know. I totally hate the "Shit came up" and "well hang out sometime soon" which is plain Gay English for "I don't want to see you ever again". Be a fucking man with a pair of balls and just say it.


    THANK YOU. I don't know why this is so difficult for some...

    It pisses me off the most when they say things that are completely opposite and misleading like "I had a blast. We should plan another date." while they have no intention of seeing you again...

    I'm soooo bitter about this subject. :\
  • brendanmuscle...

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    May 16, 2011 6:11 AM GMT
    goldenblue said
    ESCESV saidI know. I totally hate the "Shit came up" and "well hang out sometime soon" which is plain Gay English for "I don't want to see you ever again". Be a fucking man with a pair of balls and just say it.


    THANK YOU. I don't know why this is so difficult for some...

    It pisses me off the most when they say things that are completely opposite and misleading like "I had a blast. We should plan another date." while they have no intention of seeing you again...

    I'm soooo bitter about this subject. :


    Hmm, ide never tell someone i had a blast if i didn't enjoy it

    honestly, ide be more like "it was good to see you" if they asked when we could have another date, ide probably say something of "ill see what my schedule is"

    if they kept asking, thats when ide tell them the truth, assuming i wasn't feeling it

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    May 16, 2011 6:16 AM GMT
    brendanmuscles said
    goldenblue said
    ESCESV saidI know. I totally hate the "Shit came up" and "well hang out sometime soon" which is plain Gay English for "I don't want to see you ever again". Be a fucking man with a pair of balls and just say it.


    THANK YOU. I don't know why this is so difficult for some...

    It pisses me off the most when they say things that are completely opposite and misleading like "I had a blast. We should plan another date." while they have no intention of seeing you again...

    I'm soooo bitter about this subject. :


    Hmm, ide never tell someone i had a blast if i didn't enjoy it

    honestly, ide be more like "it was good to see you" if they asked when we could have another date, ide probably say something of "ill see what my schedule is"

    if they kept asking, thats when ide tell them the truth, assuming i wasn't feeling it



    There's a lot of hypocrisy when it comes to dating. Haven't you seen those dating TV shows? They seem to enjoy the date but at the end of it when they go their separate ways, they say what they really feel about the other person.
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    May 16, 2011 6:39 AM GMT
    Some guys bought into the myth that if they don't say anything harsh to you then they're still good guys. It bothers me most when they make some vague plan to talk or do something later if they don't plan on it.
    Mourning for the cat, or the astrology craziness, etc is them trying to tell you that you aren't going on another date with them. Accept it and move on.
    You can't force someone to date you who for whatever reason just doesn't want to.

    dekiruman saidThen a week later they have a boyfriend. It's so confusing.

    I don't know why you care so much. If they moved on, then you should too.
    What's so confusing? If the guy has a boyfriend, chances are very unlikely that he'll be calling you anytime soon for another date.
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    May 16, 2011 7:01 AM GMT
    Sometimes I do not think about telling someone "I just think you are not attractive" or asking something like "brah did you receive an education?" - I will much more easily find another quality to zoom in on and let that take over for everything else. For example smoking is an immediate turn off for me. Before I have rejected a couple guys for this but later realized I just was not into them to begin with. Somehow their habit unconsciously cleared the field for me to duck out smoothly.

    Probably sounds cruel - I apologize but that's just how I reason things out.
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    May 16, 2011 10:34 AM GMT
    That's their way of telling you they're not into you...
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    May 16, 2011 11:11 AM GMT
    I have to agree. Just be blunt about it. The problem with lying is that you lead the other person on into think you're still interested and you really had something that came up.
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    May 16, 2011 11:16 AM GMT
    I am going through the same situation but only this time i am moving on
  • jlly_rnchr

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    May 16, 2011 11:17 AM GMT
    brendanmuscles saidi think its because many of us dont want to hurt other people's feelings honestly.


    Of course that's it. There's no need to tell people the truth on this topic, it literally will only cause hurt feelings.

    Also, while so many of you say you want to have it this straight-talk, no bs, truth only way, I think you'd regret it after a couple of rounds. It would mess with your head more than the lies. It's hard to hear "i don't like you enough".
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    May 16, 2011 1:56 PM GMT
    jlly_rnchr said
    brendanmuscles saidi think its because many of us dont want to hurt other people's feelings honestly.


    Of course that's it. There's no need to tell people the truth on this topic, it literally will only cause hurt feelings.

    Also, while so many of you say you want to have it this straight-talk, no bs, truth only way, I think you'd regret it after a couple of rounds. It would mess with your head more than the lies. It's hard to hear "i don't like you enough".


    Bull. It's not that guys don't want to hurt others' feelings, it's that they are too nervous about being perceived as "the bad guy." The problem is, if someone likes you a lot and you tell him one of those little white lies, he can easily convince himself that it's true and he's gonna get hurt worse in the end.

    I someone honestly saying "You're a nice guy, but we're not clicking" would mess with your head more than hearing a fib, I think that says more about the listener than the speaker.
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    May 16, 2011 2:02 PM GMT
    I always love this argument/discussion - from straight, gays, guys, girls - they all complain about the same thing.

    If we all know that these are "lines" and "code" for I'm not into you and we can all list them and we all recognize them here -then when you hear them in real life why aren't you able to translate it in your head to - hey they aren't into me. Why is it always- hey they are stringing me along, they aren't being honest . . . yes they are, you just have decided not to listen to them. . . . .

    Just a thought . . . .