Have you gone out with an ex who cheated on you?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 16, 2011 8:04 PM GMT
    I know many will post saying 'if he cheated once, he will cheat again' ..etc. I am curious to find out if there are any guys who were treated poorly by their ex boyfriend(s), and then ended up going back out with them .. and it turned out well. I'm not projecting anything of my personal life here.. I had a call with my ex last nite, and months after I dumped him for cheating, i had to hear the 'i miss u, love u' speech..

    Time heals most things, and we learn, and i really don't want to see him because i don't want to get sucked back in (as i'm still physically attracted to him).. but I was just thinking today was I was walking my dog.. 'who would go back out with an ex who cheated on them' .. has that happened?

    thanks for reading and hopefully replying.
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    May 16, 2011 8:08 PM GMT
    Don't go back to him, at all. Don't do it. He loves the chase and will hurt you again. Let this be your time to ignore him.
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    May 16, 2011 8:42 PM GMT
    I wouldn't go back with an ex, regardless of the situation.
    As far as cheating goes, I also never gave a fuck if they cheated on me. In fact I encouraged it. I only had one monogamous relationship, and hated it...never again.
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    May 17, 2011 5:06 AM GMT
    Nope I would feel like a fool with diminished self worth.
    Chances are they would do it again, and I would prefer to date someone who won't take me for granted until they have compared me to others again... too much mental run around icon_rolleyes.gif
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    May 17, 2011 5:11 AM GMT
    Meh
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2011 6:25 AM GMT
    You can't have definitive proof that he'll never cheat on you again.

    Do you think you can forgive him? If you do and are willing to take the risk that he might cheat again, then go for it.
    If you're still attracted to him and don't think you can trust him emotionally, then maybe you want him as a fb.

    You need to ask yourself if you miss the ex or miss being in a relationship.
  • Vaughn

    Posts: 1880

    May 17, 2011 6:38 AM GMT
    Nope.
  • Vaughn

    Posts: 1880

    May 17, 2011 6:44 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidI wouldn't go back with an ex, regardless of the situation.
    As far as cheating goes, I also never gave a fuck if they cheated on me. In fact I encouraged it. I only had one monogamous relationship, and hated it...never again.


    Chlamydia. That aside, I hope I'm not single when I'm 40. To each his own.
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    May 19, 2011 5:10 PM GMT
    People cheat for different reasons. Some people are chronic cheaters (and, in my mind, those are hopeless cases), and some are "situational" cheaters--the latter usually cheat because of the circumstances extant at that time (e.g., depressive mental state, unusual living arrangements, etc.). Situational cheaters, generally speaking, can be "rehabilitated"; chronic cheaters, on the other hand, are often prone to recidivism.

    I think the following article on cheating is rather interesting.

    *****************

    It's not just guys, powerful women also more likely to cheat

    When it comes to infidelity, power may play bigger role than gender, new study finds

    Powerful men, such as California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, shown here with his now-estranged wife, Maria Shriver, are more likely to cheat not because they are men, but because they are powerful, a new study shows.

    Arnold Schwarzenegger has a love child (or, more accurately, a lust child) and the head of the International Monetary Fund, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, is now sitting in a Rikers Island cell charged with sexually assaulting a hotel maid and has admitted to at least one past affair.

    Both are more proof, as if we needed more proof, that men, especially powerful men, can’t keep their pants zipped.

    That makes a convenient narrative, but what if it’s not gender that leads to scandalous behavior, but power itself? What if powerful women were more likely to engage in illicit sex than their less powerful counterparts, just as powerful men are?

    That is exactly the conclusion of a new study from a team of Dutch university psychologists lead by Joris Lammers of Tilburg University about to be published in the journal Psychological Science.

    They used a survey to poll 1,561 professional workers, male and female, asking questions to measure how powerful respondents perceived themselves to be, how confident, how likely to consider cheating and how often they actually did cheat. They found that of the 1,250 people who answered the "actually cheated" question, 26.3 percent had done the deed, and the more powerful the person — male or female — the more likely to have strayed.

    “People in power generally are more confident, self-assured, assertive, and impulsive than people low in power,” the authors state. That confidence makes powerful people pretty sure of themselves. They think others are sexually interested, that they will be successful if they make a pass, and that they themselves are more attractive, which explains why an old fellow like Strauss-Kahn, who is no Brad Pitt, might think he’s irresistible to women , or why Donald Trump seems so convinced he’s Andrew Carnegie, Abraham Lincoln, and that guy from the Old Spice commercials rolled into one.

    The reason we hear more about powerful males doing the nasty with the help, the authors say, isn’t that they are male, it’s that more men are in power positions.

    .“Gender did not moderate the effects we found. Among women who had an independent source of income (as all our female respondents did, since they were working professionals), power had a comparably positive relationship with infidelity as among men.”

    While it seems we almost never hear about the powerful woman in a sex scandal, it does happen. A number of military men, for example, have accused female superiors of harassment and according to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission 16.4 percent of sexual harassment complaints are filed by males.

    There are brain mechanisms at work that the Lammers study doesn’t explain.

    In most animal species, the powerful have increased levels of testosterone. In the brain, testosterone works as a neurochemical that elevates tolerance for risk taking, and increases sexual desire and focus. The more testosterone, the more power and the more power, the more testosterone. (Guys driving Porsches have more testosterone — because they are driving Porsches — than guys driving old station wagons.) Testosterone can have some of these same effects in female brains.

    All that extra hormone floating around in the brain turns the more primitive desire circuits into a shouting Glenn Beck, while the frontal cortex becomes a quiet professor trying to rationally explain why assaulting a hotel maid is a bad idea if you want to be president of France.

    Which is another way of saying that rich and powerful men and women may be smart, but they can act as stupidly as the rest of us.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2011 5:12 PM GMT
    No you cheat on me once and i am through with you
  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    May 19, 2011 5:38 PM GMT
    I have but it was only for sex. I didn't want to date 'em every again, but I wanted sex since it was fantastic!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2011 5:43 PM GMT
    I've never gone out with an ex. They are exes for a reason.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 19, 2011 5:47 PM GMT
    The only "exes" I've had are women......LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2011 5:50 PM GMT
    SoDakGuy saidI have but it was only for sex. I didn't want to date 'em every again, but I wanted sex since it was fantastic!


    I've done this once. But looking back, even the original relationship was more a fbud setup. I was young. I wouldn't even call him a boyfriend if I "dated" him now. and we didn't "go out" later, we just went to bed. it was awesome. sex was the common ground. i just didn't know it when i was 19

    As for men I actually had feelings for, no. You get to choose someone else over me ONE TIME ONLY. and then we are done.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2011 6:07 PM GMT
    You're right when you say time heals all wounds! But when I ex-cheated and we broke as a result. I was devasted because, I would never cheat nor would I ever be in a position to cheat. I just saw him as totally diffrent person and I just could not trust him anymore.

    My ex was very regretful and blah, blah, blah!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2011 6:10 PM GMT
    honestly i thought about it for awhile but then it hit me if i was going to go with a guy who played me while ihad no idea what was happening who is to say it wont happen again and the fact that the doubts would plague my mind constantly. so i would never be comfortable. I dont think that after someone cheats on you it will be good youll always have the slight disgust to that person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2011 6:10 PM GMT
    Ducky47 saidYou're right when you say time heals all wounds! But when I ex-cheated and we broke as a result. I was devasted because, I would never cheat nor would I ever be in a position to cheat. I just saw him as totally diffrent person and I just could not trust him anymore.

    My ex was very regretful and blah, blah, blah!


    Preach it lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2011 6:20 PM GMT
    all the asshole cheaters stand up! icon_neutral.gif Im prob the only one who would admit it
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2011 6:45 PM GMT
    It's happened a lot more than people care to admit hah.

    From my perspective, there is nothing wrong with going back to an ex-boyfriend but going back into a relationship WITHOUT fixing what went wrong in the first place is what undoes most of these second (3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th..) tries and just ends up in more pain/suffering for both.

    There is also the problem that some things that need to be fixed in a relationship take so much time that it's not worth it to stay in this kind of a relationship. Some people will say cheating is one of those, but I think you need to really know why he cheated to say either-way.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2011 6:57 PM GMT
    They are called Ex's for a reason as in "excused" from your "existing" love life.