Who thought about killing themselves when they realized that they were gay?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2011 2:30 AM GMT
    Given the Trevor project and many statistics, I'd like to hear a few personal stories. PLEASE DON'T POST PROPAGANDA LIKE, "DISCOVERING THAT I WAS GAY HAS BEEN A JOY FROM THE START FOR BOTH ME AND MY LIFE PARTNER."!!!
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    May 17, 2011 2:32 AM GMT
    Being gay had nothing to do with my suicidal moments.
    Being ADHD, OCD, SAD (seasonal affective disorder), and unemployed (at the time), did.
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    May 17, 2011 2:33 AM GMT
    I definitely did... considering my background... extreme muslim parents... hardcore egyptian culture...

    The fact that when I was praying every day with my own family and every friday with the masses of people there who are antigay...AND the fact that the imam would recite verses that described the place the gays will go to after the day of judgment is over and hell is brought in...

    and the torture that they will be receiving... icon_sad.gif

    It made every hair on my body stand up in fear... but most of all it made me feel guilty...
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    May 17, 2011 2:36 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidBeing gay had nothing to do with my suicidal moments.
    Being ADHD, OCD, SAD (seasonal affective disorder), and unemployed (at the time), did.


    Yeah, I can see how that would do it. Glad you made it through.
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    May 17, 2011 2:37 AM GMT
    _Mohammed_ saidI definitely did... considering my background... extreme muslim parents... hardcore egyptian culture...

    The fact that when I was praying every day with my own family and every friday with the masses of people there who are antigay...AND the fact that the imam would recite verses that described the place the gays will go to after the day of judgment is over and hell is brought in...

    and the torture that they will be receiving... icon_sad.gif

    It made every hair on my body stand up in fear... but most of all it made me feel guilty...


    YIKES!!! It took guts to live through it.
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    May 17, 2011 2:39 AM GMT
    Being a teenager, not having anyone I could relate to, having really really bad parents and probably hating what I didn't know about myself most likely had me at the brink. I wouldn't pinpoint me being gay as one of the factors.

    Glad I was strong enough to know better.
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    May 17, 2011 2:40 AM GMT
    TrevorMark saidBeing a teenager, not having anyone I could relate to, having really really bad parents and probably hating what I didn't know about myself most likely had me at the brink. I wouldn't pinpoint me being gay as one of the factors.

    Glad I was strong enough to know better.


    and I am glad you pulled through trevor icon_smile.gif
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    May 17, 2011 2:51 AM GMT
    _Mohammed_ saidI definitely did... considering my background... extreme muslim parents... hardcore egyptian culture...

    The fact that when I was praying every day with my own family and every friday with the masses of people there who are antigay...AND the fact that the imam would recite verses that described the place the gays will go to after the day of judgment is over and hell is brought in...

    and the torture that they will be receiving... icon_sad.gif

    It made every hair on my body stand up in fear... but most of all it made me feel guilty...
    That's the catch22 of all religions that marginalize gays...it makes you feel like shit for being who you are, then tells you you're going to be punished for it, that there's no way out, and that suicide would only expedite the punishment.

    My family is also extreeeeemly religious, and tried to put me through that hell. Fortunately I was raised to have some really big balls, so I stood up to them and told some of them to go fuck themselves...with no sugar-coating on the words. That's the ONLY thing that prevented my gayness from factoring into the suicidal thoughts.
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    May 17, 2011 2:55 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    _Mohammed_ saidI definitely did... considering my background... extreme muslim parents... hardcore egyptian culture...

    The fact that when I was praying every day with my own family and every friday with the masses of people there who are antigay...AND the fact that the imam would recite verses that described the place the gays will go to after the day of judgment is over and hell is brought in...

    and the torture that they will be receiving... icon_sad.gif

    It made every hair on my body stand up in fear... but most of all it made me feel guilty...
    That's the catch22 of all religions that marginalize gays...it makes you feel like shit for being who you are, then tells you you're going to be punished for it, that there's no way out, and that suicide would only expedite the punishment.

    My family is also extreeeeemly religious, and tried to put me through that hell. Fortunately I was raised to have some really big balls, so I stood up to them and told some of them to go fuck themselves...with no sugar-coating on the words. That's the ONLY thing that prevented my gayness from factoring into the suicidal thoughts.


    Thing is, if I ever said that to my dad or mom, I would get kicked out of the house when I am 18, and be on the streets. I would have no connection to a good education ... so I am waiting until the time is right.

    I got beat before by both my parents when I came out to them, but the cops got involved and said it was "necessary actions" because I resisted to get beaten up.
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    May 17, 2011 2:57 AM GMT
    _Mohammed_ saidThing is, if I ever said that to my dad or mom, I would get kicked out of the house when I am 18, and be on the streets. I would have no connection to a good education ... so I am waiting until the time is right.
    I think Trev would be a good one to chat with about that.
    He's already been down that road, and pulled out on top. icon_wink.gif
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    May 17, 2011 2:59 AM GMT
    _Mohammed_ said..
    I got beat before by both my parents when I came out to them, but the cops got involved and said it was "necessary actions" because I resisted to get beaten up.
    Scratch my last post...didn't see this part.
    Personally, I would have killed my parents in their sleep. Literally.
    Grew up in a house with many guns. icon_wink.gif
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    May 17, 2011 3:15 AM GMT
    I did. It was not so much when I realized I was gay, but when I tried to suppress the urges and date women. My freshman year in college, I had already accepted the fact that I was gay, but didn't really like it. I was on the XC/track teams and didn't feel comfortable coming out, especially being a new freshman. I found one girl that I really hit it off with in most ways, but inside the bedroom I was absolutely miserable, both physically and mentally. We would have made perfect best friends. She was constantly hinting at engagement and I realized that if I didn't do something, I would mess up both of our lives. It all seemed so impossible and overwhelming. I had a mental image of wife, two kids, family dog, etc., even though deep in my heart I knew it wouldn't happen. That was very hard for me to reconcile. While we were dating, I also had a collegiate-ending injury. At the time, my whole identity was based upon being an athlete. I saw no way out of the mess that I created with the gf, was depressed about the injury, depressed about the prospect of being gay, and thought suicide was the only answer. I had a letter written to my family, all that shit. Looking back, I think I was probably too much a puss to go through with it, but glad I didn't get close enough to answer that question. Fortunately, she caught me in bed with my roommate/best friend (he would soon become my boyfriend shortly thereafter). After that, I slowly started telling people and life improved. Brief summary, but I am sure most are bored at this point anyway.

    I don't know why I just didn't come out sooner, even if only to some people. The guys on the track/XC teams I am still in touch with now know; they are all cool. Some of my teammates wouldn't have been, but I didn't like them anyway. My family is, and has always been, very cool and supportive. My mom used to frequently ask me in HS if I was gay, making sure that she was very clear that it was fine. Now, I can't even imagine being straight.
  • nubScotty

    Posts: 282

    May 17, 2011 3:41 AM GMT
    My attempt at suicide was actually a month or so after coming out.

    From age 13 and on, I had undiagnosed hypothyroidism, which for those who don't know the major symptoms are depression, fatigue, weakness and weight gain. I was diagnosed with this at the same time as my depression, so I had two strikes against me which led me to the major depression throughout my teen years related to being gay and my weight issues.

    So while struggling with my sexuality and not being able to have everything I thought I had wanted in life, kids/family/white picket fence/etc; I was also struggling with my weight issues as well as Social Phobia. So I was basically alone in the world, or so I felt; and my only source of social interaction was through video games on the computer. I'd literally goto school, come home and be on the computer for 8+ hours than slip, rinse repeat for 5 years of my life.

    Fast-forward to 19 years old, I had made a great friend from said video game and had told him one night(consider him one of my closest friends, though we've never actually met in person). That than slowly started my coming out process to co-workers etc, and eventually my mom. Who after telling, the next morning had told my entire family without me knowing, which was awkward.

    That led to being told by my brother-law-law saying "You know I can't let you around the boys(my nephews) alone now". Remained stoic until I got home where I broke down, and wondered if I made the right decision in coming out or if I should of just forced myself to be straight. Couple months pass, things are still rocky and I'm home alone one night, and decide that I wanted to die. Just before I start cutting wrist, I get a text from my dad asking how I'm doing and I tell him what i was about to do and said sorry. He rushes over to the house, takes me to ER etc. Afterwards we're out to eat and I had no idea my dad knew, but apparently mom had told him(shocker, right?) and basically told me doesn't matter as long as I'm happy, I'm his son and he still loves me, and I'm tearing up writing this so etc shall finish it

    I still struggle with depression, but it no longer impacts my life so dramatically and I believe I'm a stronger and healthier, both physically and emotionally than I have ever been and life is pretty good being a work in progress icon_smile.gif

    Long-winded, I am
  • Aus92

    Posts: 328

    May 17, 2011 8:40 AM GMT
    SoCalScotty saidMy attempt at suicide was actually a month or so after coming out.

    From age 13 and on, I had undiagnosed hypothyroidism, which for those who don't know the major symptoms are depression, fatigue, weakness and weight gain. I was diagnosed with this at the same time as my depression, so I had two strikes against me which led me to the major depression throughout my teen years related to being gay and my weight issues.

    So while struggling with my sexuality and not being able to have everything I thought I had wanted in life, kids/family/white picket fence/etc; I was also struggling with my weight issues as well as Social Phobia. So I was basically alone in the world, or so I felt; and my only source of social interaction was through video games on the computer. I'd literally goto school, come home and be on the computer for 8+ hours than slip, rinse repeat for 5 years of my life.

    Fast-forward to 19 years old, I had made a great friend from said video game and had told him one night(consider him one of my closest friends, though we've never actually met in person). That than slowly started my coming out process to co-workers etc, and eventually my mom. Who after telling, the next morning had told my entire family without me knowing, which was awkward.

    That led to being told by my brother-law-law saying "You know I can't let you around the boys(my nephews) alone now". Remained stoic until I got home where I broke down, and wondered if I made the right decision in coming out or if I should of just forced myself to be straight. Couple months pass, things are still rocky and I'm home alone one night, and decide that I wanted to die. Just before I start cutting wrist, I get a text from my dad asking how I'm doing and I tell him what i was about to do and said sorry. He rushes over to the house, takes me to ER etc. Afterwards we're out to eat and I had no idea my dad knew, but apparently mom had told him(shocker, right?) and basically told me doesn't matter as long as I'm happy, I'm his son and he still loves me, and I'm tearing up writing this so etc shall finish it

    I still struggle with depression, but it no longer impacts my life so dramatically and I believe I'm a stronger and healthier, both physically and emotionally than I have ever been and life is pretty good being a work in progress icon_smile.gif

    Long-winded, I am


    You and I are VERY similar people...

    Only thing is I havent told my parents yet but I can only hope It goes the same way as you.
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    May 17, 2011 8:55 AM GMT
    Being gay has never been on my list of "reasons I should kill myself".
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    May 17, 2011 8:59 AM GMT
    You know, I always knew that I was gay. When I actually accepted myself, yeah I cried. But after that was a sense of relief, peace, and happiness. icon_smile.gif
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    May 17, 2011 8:59 AM GMT
    _Mohammed_ saidI definitely did... considering my background... extreme muslim parents... hardcore egyptian culture...

    The fact that when I was praying every day with my own family and every friday with the masses of people there who are antigay...AND the fact that the imam would recite verses that described the place the gays will go to after the day of judgment is over and hell is brought in...

    and the torture that they will be receiving... icon_sad.gif

    It made every hair on my body stand up in fear... but most of all it made me feel guilty...


    http://www.thereligionofpeace.com would be a great website to show those people living in fear... I'm sorry you had to go through that. Fear and faith do not mix... any god worthy of worship would not condemn you for the way you were born. Unfortunately, so many people of faith, my mother who kicked me out included, have difficulty comprehending that.

    As for the OP, meh. I was depressed about it but I learned to repress my sexuality very well and focus on other interests.
  • BardBear

    Posts: 533

    May 17, 2011 9:45 AM GMT
    For some reason you might consider it propoganda, but coming to terms with who I am--not a major concern. Sure, I was a blue, but that went away and I joined a group. We had a young man attempt suicide, jumping off his dorm room's high balcony and it made the rest of us get real, real fast.

    Peace,
    Bardy
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    May 17, 2011 9:55 AM GMT
    No, never really considered ending my life, despite the fact that I have been sad about it all my life. I handle it well and I am good at rationalising everything. My life doesn't evolve about me being gay and therefore I know there is so much more to live for even if it comes to the point that I have to deny my sexuality. In my opinion life is worth doing that for icon_smile.gif I wish (young) people got more educated about suicide and the difficulties of life! I hope that anyone considering it will change his/her mind somehow.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    May 17, 2011 1:08 PM GMT
    nahhh....never entered my mind.

    i woke up, naked and hard, with my best broly equally naked and hard next to me in my bed and thought: "oh, ok....this DOES explain a LOT of things. now i know."



    icon_cool.gif
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    Jul 09, 2011 3:35 PM GMT
    _Mohammed_ saidI definitely did... considering my background... extreme muslim parents... hardcore egyptian culture...

    The fact that when I was praying every day with my own family and every friday with the masses of people there who are antigay...AND the fact that the imam would recite verses that described the place the gays will go to after the day of judgment is over and hell is brought in...

    and the torture that they will be receiving... icon_sad.gif

    It made every hair on my body stand up in fear... but most of all it made me feel guilty...

    My precious, darling, adorable babyboy: YOU, of all people, are most certainly NOT going to "Hell"!!! (NOR are any **other** gay or bi people!!) No way, Jose!! So **forget** THAT!!

    Most traditional religions (but **especially** the Abrahamic ones: Judaism, Christianity and Islam) are so fuckin' uptight about what people (males & females, but for slight different "reasons") do with their own and/or other's bodies and genitals!! PLEASE! Studies since at least the 1970's have consistently demonstrated that gay males make-up about 5% of any given (male) population, while bi males make-up another approx. 35%!! I mean fuckin' damn, people: That's a total of 40 fuckin' percent!!! So---to the other 60% out there, get clear on this: WE (40%)' are here, and we're queer!! Get the fuck over it!! (And take your hetero-normativity and shove it where the Sun don't shine!!)
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    Jul 09, 2011 3:45 PM GMT
    I never thought about for being gay. I had understanding parents and good friends and so my experiences were not that bad. Although the thoughts were nothing serious, it did sometimes cross my mind a few years ago during a period of a serious medical episode and the heavy financial costs that came out of it.
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    Jul 09, 2011 3:52 PM GMT
    Yes, a matter of fact that is why I "came out" (ie acted on my sexual attractions to men). It was a matter of survival. One can only beat one's self up for so long (and for me it was 25 years).

    However, when I first realized I was gay (age 12) I did not become suicidal. If being gay was the only problem I had in my teenage years, then I would have been pretty content.
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    Jul 09, 2011 10:56 PM GMT
    swimguychicago saidWho thought about killing themselves when they realized that they were gay?


    I did then, and have since found lots of other reasons to think about killing myself. It's a wonderful life.
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    Jul 09, 2011 10:59 PM GMT
    I never once thought about killing myself when I admitted to being 100% gay.

    I thought about running away or moving away from everything and everyone I knew multiple times though.