Everything Seems So...Dark

  • XxXxXxAZNxXxX...

    Posts: 615

    May 17, 2011 3:44 AM GMT
    I don't know if it has just been because of recent events, but I feel as if there is no meaning to life and that everything is empty.
    I can already see all the comments flowing in:
    "suck it up!" or "stop bitching!"
    I am gay or bisexual (whatever) and I have never come out but I've recently been telling some of my best friends, but I don't feel any better.
    I can't seem to feel happy, relieved, peaceful, or even regretful. All I can seem to feel is sadness.
    I feel as if I have let down not only myself, but my family and all my friends.
    I'm not technically contemplating suicide, but I can't seem to figure out any reason to live.
    Does anyone have any encouraging comments? They would be greatly appreciated.
    icon_smile.gif

    p.s. sorry I just had to vent somewhere TT-TT
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2011 3:47 AM GMT
    Clinical Depression -- Research the symptoms.
    What you just described sounds very familiar, as I've been there.
    *hugs*
  • XxXxXxAZNxXxX...

    Posts: 615

    May 17, 2011 3:55 AM GMT
    I'm sure that contributes to this feeling and I hate to sound so cliche in my description of how I feel.
    I have amazing friends, wonderful family, a happy life.
    I'm usually not this emotional randomly, but I can't seem to stop feeling so down.
    I am always smiling and optimistic!
    I just can't seem to find that anymore TT-TT
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    May 17, 2011 3:58 AM GMT
    xcuriousgeorge69 saidI'm sure that contributes to this feeling and I hate to sound so cliche in my description of how I feel.
    I have amazing friends, wonderful family, a happy life.
    I'm usually not this emotional randomly, but I can't seem to stop feeling so down.
    I am always smiling and optimistic!
    I just can't seem to find that anymore TT-TT
    That's why I say research the symptoms.
    I remember your earlier forums posts being much happier.
    Clinical depression is weird...it can strike for no apparent reason at all, leaving you confused as to why you're feeling sad.
  • camfer

    Posts: 891

    May 17, 2011 4:04 AM GMT
    Is your school workload feeling overwhelming? For me, life got much better after I was done with school.
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    May 17, 2011 4:12 AM GMT
    Hope all gets better soon.
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    May 17, 2011 4:15 AM GMT
    xcuriousgeorge69 saidI don't know if it has just been because of recent events, but I feel as if there is no meaning to life and that everything is empty.
    I can already see all the comments flowing in:
    "suck it up!" or "stop bitching!"
    I am gay or bisexual (whatever) and I have never come out but I've recently been telling some of my best friends, but I don't feel any better.
    I can't seem to feel happy, relieved, peaceful, or even regretful. All I can seem to feel is sadness.
    I feel as if I have let down not only myself, but my family and all my friends.
    I'm not technically contemplating suicide, but I can't seem to figure out any reason to live.
    Does anyone have any encouraging comments? They would be greatly appreciated.
    icon_smile.gif

    p.s. sorry I just had to vent somewhere TT-TT


    Cheer up buddy icon_smile.gif
    There's always meaning to life, you just haven't found it yet but don't worry you will. You have to find things that make you happy!! Everyone has a purpose for living.
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    May 17, 2011 4:26 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidThat's why I say research the symptoms.
    I remember your earlier forums posts being much happier.
    Clinical depression is weird...it can strike for no apparent reason at all, leaving you confused as to why you're feeling sad.


    He's steering you right. Looking in your area I saw Adult & Family Counseling Center, (703) 642-1112.
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    May 17, 2011 4:31 AM GMT
    Last year I had a horrible bout with depression. A friend suggested that I
    take up the practice of meditating. It has helped me a lot!
    Still do it twice daily in fact. It's helped me to focus and to move
    towards letting go of my negative thoughts. Holding on to them
    only brings more pain imo.

    Sometimes I just allow myself to wallow in it. Really act it out
    you know? I cry and wail, play some sad music, the works!
    I give myself a time limit on this. Anywhere from a few hours
    to a few days. At the end I let it all go and I go out and do
    something different in my life. Trying to break the mold of my
    old routine. This could be visiting a museum, discovering
    a new part of town or a neighboring town, walking in the park
    or on the beach at dawn, volunteering somewhere, or simply
    meeting up with a new group of people who share my interests,
    whatever works for you.

    I hope you find some sunshine on your face soon friend. I know
    how hard it is when you feel alone in the dark. In the meantime be
    kind and compassionate to yourself. You're experiencing a really
    rough patch in your life. Beating yourself up won't help to shake the blues.
  • XxXxXxAZNxXxX...

    Posts: 615

    May 17, 2011 4:50 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    xcuriousgeorge69 saidI'm sure that contributes to this feeling and I hate to sound so cliche in my description of how I feel.
    I have amazing friends, wonderful family, a happy life.
    I'm usually not this emotional randomly, but I can't seem to stop feeling so down.
    I am always smiling and optimistic!
    I just can't seem to find that anymore TT-TT
    That's why I say research the symptoms.
    I remember your earlier forums posts being much happier.
    Clinical depression is weird...it can strike for no apparent reason at all, leaving you confused as to why you're feeling sad.


    thanks I will icon_smile.gif
  • XxXxXxAZNxXxX...

    Posts: 615

    May 17, 2011 4:50 AM GMT
    BlackStarRising saidLast year I had a horrible bout with depression. A friend suggested that I
    take up the practice of meditating. It has helped me a lot!
    Still do it twice daily in fact. It's helped me to focus and to move
    towards letting go of my negative thoughts. Holding on to them
    only brings more pain imo.

    Sometimes I just allow myself to wallow in it. Really act it out
    you know? I cry and wail, play some sad music, the works!
    I give myself a time limit on this. Anywhere from a few hours
    to a few days. At the end I let it all go and I go out and do
    something different in my life. Trying to break the mold of my
    old routine. This could be visiting a museum, discovering
    a new part of town or a neighboring town, walking in the park
    or on the beach at dawn, volunteering somewhere, or simply
    meeting up with a new group of people who share my interests,
    whatever works for you.

    I hope you find some sunshine on your face soon friend. I know
    how hard it is when you feel alone in the dark. In the meantime be
    kind and compassionate to yourself. You're experiencing a really
    rough patch in your life. Beating yourself up won't help to shake the blues.


    Thank you for those encouraging words icon_smile.gif
    Maybe tomorrow I'll go out somewhere
  • XxXxXxAZNxXxX...

    Posts: 615

    May 17, 2011 4:51 AM GMT
    mickeytopogigio said
    paulflexes saidThat's why I say research the symptoms.
    I remember your earlier forums posts being much happier.
    Clinical depression is weird...it can strike for no apparent reason at all, leaving you confused as to why you're feeling sad.


    He's steering you right. Looking in your area I saw Adult & Family Counseling Center, (703) 642-1112.


    Thanks I'll look into it icon_smile.gif
  • XxXxXxAZNxXxX...

    Posts: 615

    May 17, 2011 4:51 AM GMT
    camfer saidIs your school workload feeling overwhelming? For me, life got much better after I was done with school.


    My school is done so it prob isn't that icon_sad.gif
  • XxXxXxAZNxXxX...

    Posts: 615

    May 17, 2011 4:51 AM GMT
    vain_nayias saidHope all gets better soon.


    Thank you
  • XxXxXxAZNxXxX...

    Posts: 615

    May 17, 2011 4:53 AM GMT
    BlackCat90 said
    xcuriousgeorge69 saidI don't know if it has just been because of recent events, but I feel as if there is no meaning to life and that everything is empty.
    I can already see all the comments flowing in:
    "suck it up!" or "stop bitching!"
    I am gay or bisexual (whatever) and I have never come out but I've recently been telling some of my best friends, but I don't feel any better.
    I can't seem to feel happy, relieved, peaceful, or even regretful. All I can seem to feel is sadness.
    I feel as if I have let down not only myself, but my family and all my friends.
    I'm not technically contemplating suicide, but I can't seem to figure out any reason to live.
    Does anyone have any encouraging comments? They would be greatly appreciated.
    icon_smile.gif

    p.s. sorry I just had to vent somewhere TT-TT


    Cheer up buddy icon_smile.gif
    There's always meaning to life, you just haven't found it yet but don't worry you will. You have to find things that make you happy!! Everyone has a purpose for living.


    The rationality in my knows that
    but the emotions in me disagree
    Thank you all for your words of encouragement icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2011 5:08 AM GMT
    Coming out is a long, and often difficult process.

    Some people are able to escape certain feelings of sadness... but there is definitely a mourning process that goes on for many people. You have to mourn a life that you might not have... you mourn the fantasy of what you thought your life was going to look like... and often begin facing some difficult challenges interpersonally.

    BUT... you will realize that 'giving up' those things means you get to live a life that is YOUR OWN, and not prescribed by someone else.

    Keep on going. Stay strong.... it will all improve in time icon_smile.gif
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    May 17, 2011 5:21 AM GMT
    I completely understand you because I go through rushes of emotion on a daily basis. I just try to keep positive. Take it one day at a time, and if there's something in your life that's not working find something else. Lean on your friends for support, the real friends will always be there to listen.
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    May 17, 2011 5:29 AM GMT
    My life today is so different from ten years ago. I moved to Europe, got a job I loved, and changed everything about my life I hated. It sucks it took HIV to make it happen, but it happened all the same.

    Sometimes it's hard to see the tomorrow through the today. If today feels rotten, you can be sure 100% that there is some real pleasure and joy in your life tomorrow you aren't taking into account. Have faith in that because you can't ever imagine how much fun it will be. Especially when you are young and don't have an ounce of fat on your body.

    I imagine your future has quite a few bits of pleasure in it. I'm not a gambling man, but I'd put money on that.

    Your life today is not your life forever. You can change it and you will. What you change it to is up to you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2011 6:24 AM GMT
    Hey I understand how you feel too.

    It may not be the perfect solution for everyone, but talk with your doctor. I struggled for 31 years before getting a prescription for antidepressants and they make a world of difference for me!

    Better Living Through Chemistry!

    (before the flame wars start...it's biological with me. The list of family members not taking an SSRI is shorter than the list who are!)

    That said, talk with your physician and therapist.
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    May 17, 2011 1:48 PM GMT
    Well, I think, based on this, "I am gay or bisexual (whatever) and I have never come out but I've recently been telling some of my best friends, but I don't feel any better.
    I can't seem to feel happy, relieved, peaceful, or even regretful. All I can seem to feel is sadness.
    I feel as if I have let down not only myself, but my family and all my friends."

    ...that your feelings of depression are situational and not chemical. Coming out is also coming to terms with who you are, and who and how you love. For some it's pretty fantastic, for others (myself included) it was rather bleak. In fact, I had a lovely nervous breakdown when I came out. 6 months. No meds or doctors.
    The medical establishment had just decided a year or so before that gay was not a mental deviation requiring therapy and even shock treatment. So you can imagine my anxiety over feeling bad. Part of me wondered whether they had been right after all!

    Nevertheless, I weathered it and came out of it. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
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    May 17, 2011 7:25 PM GMT
    i used to feel that way all the time, it's just your perception of your surroundings as what's really different than on a good day. i've been through some extremely suicidal phases in my life and am fine and don't take medication. i do alternative medicines though, meditation, accupuncture, things of that nature. it's one of those things that just seems difficult to get out of from where your standing, once you get to a better state of mind you'll just think "what a waste of time that was..." as it'll be clear to you that things aren't hopeless or as negative as you thought.
  • XxXxXxAZNxXxX...

    Posts: 615

    May 17, 2011 8:17 PM GMT
    ZbmwM5 saidComing out is a long, and often difficult process.

    Some people are able to escape certain feelings of sadness... but there is definitely a mourning process that goes on for many people. You have to mourn a life that you might not have... you mourn the fantasy of what you thought your life was going to look like... and often begin facing some difficult challenges interpersonally.

    BUT... you will realize that 'giving up' those things means you get to live a life that is YOUR OWN, and not prescribed by someone else.

    Keep on going. Stay strong.... it will all improve in time icon_smile.gif


    I really hope so...Thanks a lot icon_smile.gif
  • XxXxXxAZNxXxX...

    Posts: 615

    May 17, 2011 8:18 PM GMT
    heybreaux saidIn addition to whatever pressures that are going on for you personally, there is a lot going on in the world, which doesn't help. People underestimate the effects of external events too, but the point is it may help you to remove yourself from negative thoughts, watch a comedy or do something that you really enjoy to help get your mind off of how you feel. Something busy so that you can focus your attention on it instead of how you feel. Sometimes the acuteness of feeling bad only makes you think of feeling bad and then you steep in it and feel worse.

    I am on board with paul who says to research the symptoms you have it might lead you on a path to discovering what it is and maybe even how to deal with it.

    But also, get some activity going, something fun for you that gets you energized. It can be simple. One a day for an hour or so, the gym is one idea.

    One thing that works for me is I constantly remind myself that no matter what I am feeling, there are many many who are far worse off than me, and that makes me thankful and helps me to feel better.

    This too shall pass, you can do it, think positive thoughts, you have a bright road ahead of you. icon_biggrin.gif


    I just spent the day with one of my best friends and we did have a blast so mayb it's just a random phase lol
    but thank you a lot icon_smile.gif
  • XxXxXxAZNxXxX...

    Posts: 615

    May 17, 2011 8:19 PM GMT
    CHIdude saidI completely understand you because I go through rushes of emotion on a daily basis. I just try to keep positive. Take it one day at a time, and if there's something in your life that's not working find something else. Lean on your friends for support, the real friends will always be there to listen.


    I really hope so.
    It's so weird I'm not usually this emotional and gloomy
    uggg so frustrating.
    Thanks though icon_smile.gif
  • XxXxXxAZNxXxX...

    Posts: 615

    May 17, 2011 8:21 PM GMT
    shortguybeau saidMy life today is so different from ten years ago. I moved to Europe, got a job I loved, and changed everything about my life I hated. It sucks it took HIV to make it happen, but it happened all the same.

    Sometimes it's hard to see the tomorrow through the today. If today feels rotten, you can be sure 100% that there is some real pleasure and joy in your life tomorrow you aren't taking into account. Have faith in that because you can't ever imagine how much fun it will be. Especially when you are young and don't have an ounce of fat on your body.

    I imagine your future has quite a few bits of pleasure in it. I'm not a gambling man, but I'd put money on that.

    Your life today is not your life forever. You can change it and you will. What you change it to is up to you.


    I am sorry that you have contracted HIV. It's true tomorrow is really hard to figure out and truly I don't know if it will ever get better.
    ...Guess I gotta just hold my head high and hope for best because that's all I can do right now
    thanks a lot and good luck to you icon_smile.gif