Confronting a friend's sexuality

  • Lunastar

    Posts: 328

    May 17, 2011 4:31 AM GMT
    I have a friend who I'm very positive is gay but knowing him, I would not be surprised if he never comes out, he's one of those as Santana from Glee put it "Late in Life" gays and I'm wondering should I let him be or try to get him more comfortable with his sexuality?
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    May 17, 2011 4:56 AM GMT
    Are you out?
  • Lunastar

    Posts: 328

    May 17, 2011 4:57 AM GMT
    You just brought me to reality, no I am not quite out, but I have told a few friends, and one of those friends is the one I am talking about in the original post
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    May 17, 2011 4:58 AM GMT
    Lunastar said... try to get him more comfortable with his sexuality?
    ^^^that
  • Lunastar

    Posts: 328

    May 17, 2011 4:59 AM GMT
    Does out mean out and proud or does it mean you've at least told one person, because in this case I don't believe my friend has
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    May 17, 2011 5:00 AM GMT
    Outing a friend would be a low thing to do. You can't push him out. The best you can do is be a supportive friend. Just offhandedly offer: "I accept you for who you are," and leave it at that. You can't make decisions for him about how he's going to live his life. You have no choice but to accept that.
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    May 17, 2011 5:00 AM GMT
    I think you need to be comfortable in your own sexuality before you worry about his. Best of luck to you!
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    May 17, 2011 5:07 AM GMT
    ohioguy12 saidI think you need to be comfotable in your own sexuality before you worry about his. Best of luck to you!


    I agree. Let him deal when he's ready to deal. In the meantime, just be an understanding friend, not pushing either way.
  • allezallez

    Posts: 50

    May 17, 2011 5:14 AM GMT
    It's one thing if you're trying to force him to be out against his own wishes, but it's another if you're just trying to show him that gays can lead normal lifestyles just as straights can.

    Before I came out, I adopted the mind-frame that my sexuality is not going to prevent me from living a life any differently than anyone else would. While this may not be the tactic that some people take or prefer, I do not let being gay be the highlight of my personality. It can be, if I want, but I don't want it to be. I am a person who happens to be gay; I am not a gay who happens to be a person. Above all, I am who I am and I don't play up my sexuality any more than I play up my being left-handed, or my being a size 10.5 shoe, or anything else. If I act like it's normal and no big thing, then that's the impression that others get, as well.

    Part of it for me, at least, is that I never want to feel ashamed of being gay because I never want anyone else to feel like they have something on me, that they can use it against me. I am not going to let being gay be used against me, so if I act open about it, then no one can do that. But if I act ashamed of it, then I am giving people power over me - and I refuse to let that happen. I am the controller of my life.

    ohioguy12Are you out?


    This is a good point. Before you start telling other people that "being gay is okay," you need to come to terms with it yourself and be comfortable discussing it.
  • eddieross69

    Posts: 841

    May 17, 2011 5:18 AM GMT
    What exactly is it that you think you will accomplish by outing him? Isn't his coming out HIS issue, not yours? Just as your coming out is YOUR issue, not his.
  • Lunastar

    Posts: 328

    May 17, 2011 5:18 AM GMT
    All of your responses are great, but there are some things I have to say


    As I said earlier, I have told a couple of good friends about my sexuality but, it was also sort of forced (a friend saw my viewing history-the rest is self-explanatory), and that friend confronted me about the situation. At the time I was very uncomfortable but I don't regret it being done because it's helped me to make that first step to becoming more comfortable

    I understand that I am not one to judge if I can't back up my own talk but I was only merely asking how to help this friend (perhaps the thread title was misleading).

    Thanks again
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    May 17, 2011 5:24 AM GMT

    Does he know YOU'RE gay? If he does, and hasn't talked to you about his own sexuality....then I think you should MYOB.
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    May 17, 2011 5:24 AM GMT
    eddieross69 saidWhat exactly is it that you think you will accomplish by outing him? Isn't his coming out HIS issue, not yours? Just as your coming out is YOUR issue, not his.

    Right? You're not even ready to be completely open... why would it matter if he is when you can't even deal with yours? icon_razz.gif
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    May 17, 2011 5:25 AM GMT
    I think it's best to leave it alone for now. If you came out to him, then you're probably the first person he'll come to when he's ready, or has questions or whatnot. He might not be ready to acknowledge the fact that he likes men, or he may not even be gay, period.
  • allezallez

    Posts: 50

    May 17, 2011 5:27 AM GMT
    Lunastar saidI understand that I am not one to judge if I can't back up my own talk but I was only merely asking how to help this friend (perhaps the thread title was misleading).


    Again, my advice is to show to others that being gay ain't no big thang and lead by example.
  • Lunastar

    Posts: 328

    May 17, 2011 5:28 AM GMT
    He knows about me

    and I think I got the gist of all this.
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    May 17, 2011 6:31 AM GMT
    Subtly suggest you're onto him. See how he reacts.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    May 17, 2011 7:18 AM GMT
    It seems as though your sense of support in your friend to come out is more to serve yourself for whatever reason. You should just let it be. It is strictly his move.
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    May 17, 2011 7:34 AM GMT
    CLOSET FAG WANTS TO OUT FELLOW CLOSET FAG

    WOOOWWWWw
  • Aus92

    Posts: 328

    May 17, 2011 8:27 AM GMT
    Santana from Glee? icon_surprised.gif Shes 16 in the show icon_razz.gif

    But yeah its okay to ask but down pretty much force it don't his throat. Thats what a friend did to me and then it added to the reasons I didnt want to come out at the time because I wanted to avoid all the 'I told you so' and that bullshit...

    Like for example, I didnt out go out one night because I had a heap of uni work due the next day and it set him off on a big rant and the phrase 'gay and depressed' was thrown in there alot.

    Needless to say I'm not friends with him any more because hes a mooching, selfish, annoying asshole icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 17, 2011 8:38 AM GMT
    Talk to him about yourself being gay, don't try to get him to out himself if he clearly isn't ready, if he sees you opening up about your sexuality and how you're obviously OK with being gay, he might feel comfortable doing the same. If he doesn't, don't push it or you'll alienate him from you.
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    May 17, 2011 8:40 AM GMT
    How you gonna confront him about his sexuality, when you haven't even confronted yourself with coming out?, besides if he wants you to know he's gay, let him tell you. Would you like being confronted about your sexuality, like if its really any ones business...just saying.
  • Twenty_Someth...

    Posts: 1388

    May 17, 2011 8:41 AM GMT
    powerrangers.gif

    Dude, you've got to deal with your own shiz before you can help your friend out!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2011 8:45 AM GMT
    Wishful thinking? Would be nice if you weren't the only one going through this.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2011 10:22 AM GMT
    Anduru saidCLOSET FAG WANTS TO OUT FELLOW CLOSET FAG

    WOOOWWWWw



    TROLOLOLOLOL!!