I've done something bad... sorry RJ

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 17, 2011 7:33 AM GMT
    I did something bad.

    Here's the situation. I felt the guy I've been dating was cheating on me, we met through Grindr. We both had deleted it. I knew there was another app that could run grindr yet, it's not grindr and thus your profile doesn't appear. I set him a trap by creating a fake profile in this grindr like app, (it's called DNS if someone else is thinking on keeping an eye on their bfs)

    The thing I feel I should apologize for is taking pic form an RJ profile here icon_sad.gif
    But congrats to the dude, I got more than 20 hits on grindr, but I only care about this guy I've been dating. Turns out he is cheating.

    icon_sad.gif sad story

    I just don't know what to do. But it's over, that's for sure.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 17, 2011 7:45 AM GMT
    Useless, without pics, this thread is.

    Yoda_SWSB.jpg
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    May 17, 2011 12:01 PM GMT
    So you define cheating as having a profile on a dating application...? there is the simpleRule of see see no touch, and unless you both agreed to be monogamous, then there really isn't any foul here icon_sad.gif

    There's info missing here (sorry if you don't feel like we "need to know" it) but without it we can't really make well informed advice or sympathy.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    May 17, 2011 12:07 PM GMT
    1. How do you know it's him? If you faked a profile and used someone els's pic, couldn't someone have faked his?
    2. Stop dating. People who enter relationships suspicious will just stay suspicious and date self-fulfilling disappointments of BFs
    3. Expecting to find a faithful boyfriend on GRINDR is like expecting to find your AA sponsor in a bar

    And last but not least (my new response to all questions about what to do with cheating BFs you suspect and don't trust).........
    4. Stay with him. Really. You both enjoy the benefits of each other, you both act through suspicion or lies and subterfuge and lack of trust, and clearly are on the search for what you feel is lacking in the other, so you're perfectly matched. Don't throw away a good codependent fuck buddy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 17, 2011 12:09 PM GMT
    I dislike these "investigative" detective undercover stings to catch cheating bfs and partners.

    In my mind, your attempt to "catch" him in something bad is just wrong and could possibly be worse than his lame profile on some smartphone app. Plus, using another RJ's profile is just beyond crazy man.

    I'm not condoning his actions by any means. I would try to have an adult conversation with him about what you found and how you found it. No lies. The absolute truth. Maybe, just maybe he will show the same respect and come clean with his truth.

    If you believe this relationship is worth continuing, clear the air with truth, try to gain some mutual trust, and move on.

    If not, you will always be doubting his every move when you're apart and this relationship will crash and burn.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 17, 2011 12:14 PM GMT
    Geez, if you had spent the effort talking to him, maybe you would have had some positive results and it wouldn't have been over.....

    Even if you decided to break up with him, the result would have at least been a little more positive.
  • Zaakat

    Posts: 30

    May 17, 2011 12:17 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidUseless, without pics, this thread is.

    Yoda_SWSB.jpg


    LMFAO hahahahahahaha
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 17, 2011 12:22 PM GMT
    how are you sure he cheated?? I mean all you say is you created a fake profile on an app. Did you flirt with him with the fake profile? I probably would have set a date and met up with him like yeah bitch i know what you were up too but thats just my dramatic ass lol
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    May 17, 2011 12:52 PM GMT
    MuscleComeBack said
    3. Expecting to find a faithful boyfriend on GRINDR is like expecting to find your AA sponsor in a bar

    And last but not least (my new response to all questions about what to do with cheating BFs you suspect and don't trust).........
    4. Stay with him. Really. You both enjoy the benefits of each other, you both act through suspicion or lies and subterfuge and lack of trust, and clearly are on the search for what you feel is lacking in the other, so you're perfectly matched. Don't throw away a good codependent fuck buddy.


    Preach.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 17, 2011 1:11 PM GMT
    high_expectations_asian_father_YOU_NOT_R

    .... to be dating or anything that involves someone else. Go do some self work first mr. insecurity. It is your insecurity that is pushing others away.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 17, 2011 1:31 PM GMT
    Dude, the picture you stole.... you should delete it. You should also tell the guy whose picture you stole if you cannot delete.

    I have had several fake profiles made with photos stolen from me and I HATE IT. It is very invasive and it is amazingly creepy. Stealing another guy's pictures to hide yourself and pump yourself up is identity theft, even if not in the financial sense.

    I know your motives were not for profit or to troll,.... but to the guy whose picture you stole, how does HE know that?

    BTW, I joined RealJock for no reason other than to get the Admin to take down two different profiles made of me. I really love RJ, but I hate when someone fakes my profiles...

    And many of them are from Washington, DC for some reason. I dont want to be a hater,... i have met great guys from DC. But many of the fake profiles have DC as the location.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 17, 2011 2:08 PM GMT
    Yeah, delete that pic, delete that account in fact. If it were my pic that got poached (and I doubt that happened in this case unless your guy has a thing for the elderly, but I've had it happen to me in the past) I'd be furious.

    Friends of ours might see it. To my knowledge my partner doesn't use those sites himself. He used to be on Silver Daddies and I've told him he can rejoin it if he likes socializing there, or join here, too. I have no fears about him.

    But our friends might wonder about ME, if they saw my poached pic, thinking I had set up a false account for myself. Their regard for me would plummet if they suspected I was cheating on my partner, who's their friend, too, and whose welfare interests them.

    And perhaps their concern for him would prompt them to confidentially share that info with my partner, who in turn would be confused and distressed by "my" actions in creating such an account. I hope he'd quickly share that with me, so I could straighten out the misunderstanding, but what about his feelings until it was cleared up? A number of people could therefore be upset by poaching a pic like that, to set up a false online account.

    I commend you for having the manliness to admit your mistake, and hope you're correcting it pronto. Sometimes these errors in judgment serve as examples to others in learning proper online behavior.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 17, 2011 2:10 PM GMT
    metropolitan saidI did something bad.

    Here's the situation. I felt the guy I've been dating was cheating on me, we met through Grindr. We both had deleted it. I knew there was another app that could run grindr yet, it's not grindr and thus your profile doesn't appear. I set him a trap by creating a fake profile in this grindr like app, (it's called DNS if someone else is thinking on keeping an eye on their bfs)

    The thing I feel I should apologize for is taking pic form an RJ profile here icon_sad.gif
    But congrats to the dude, I got more than 20 hits on grindr, but I only care about this guy I've been dating. Turns out he is cheating.

    icon_sad.gif sad story

    I just don't know what to do. But it's over, that's for sure.


    Guys cheat. If you love him, tell him and give him a chance to say he's sorry.
  • hawkeye7

    Posts: 565

    May 17, 2011 2:19 PM GMT
    I agree with alpha muscle you have to come clean with the guy whose pic you used so he can clean up any mess you might have made.

    As for your (you and bf) mess..............it is time for the truth. You need to tell him what you did and what you have seen. maybe you will both grow from this and find out you really care about one another.....and maybe you will not.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 17, 2011 2:20 PM GMT
    Bunjamon said
    MuscleComeBack said
    3. Expecting to find a faithful boyfriend on GRINDR is like expecting to find your AA sponsor in a bar

    And last but not least (my new response to all questions about what to do with cheating BFs you suspect and don't trust).........
    4. Stay with him. Really. You both enjoy the benefits of each other, you both act through suspicion or lies and subterfuge and lack of trust, and clearly are on the search for what you feel is lacking in the other, so you're perfectly matched. Don't throw away a good codependent fuck buddy.


    Preach.



    Amen!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 17, 2011 2:22 PM GMT
    tangent:

    i met a good friend of mine via someone else poaching his photo. i had seen his photo under someone else's "facebook friends"

    later i saw the same photo and it turns out the first guy had poached the photo. but in the interim, the 2nd guy and i had become good friends. completely platonic. i drove to help him move furniture in his house and then we worked out together. now we text and chat about his boyfriend and the guy i'm interested in, who is not my boyfriend.
  • jim_sf

    Posts: 2094

    May 17, 2011 2:22 PM GMT
    Alpha_Muscle saidAnd many of them are from Washington, DC for some reason. I dont want to be a hater,... i have met great guys from DC. But many of the fake profiles have DC as the location.


    /me goes off on a tangent.

    Dude. Closet-case family-values Republican members of Congress.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 17, 2011 2:23 PM GMT
    icon_sad.gif

    I agree with most, w/ these additional point

    1. You dunno it's him until you meet him in real person to confirm.
    2. Even with intention to cheat, he hasn't cheated on you...that you know of, for sure.
    3. Even if really cheated, guys have sex with other people but it doesn't mean he doesn't love you anymore. He's just horny. How's sex life w/ you guys btw? If you don't mind me asking. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want.
    4. You should send an apology to the guy you borrowed the picture from. It's the right thing to do.
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    May 17, 2011 2:24 PM GMT
    I'm actually aware of at least three guys using my photos on Gay.com.

    I don't mind.
    They usually throw it up with some generic here's my dick pics, which are always way off and kinda disappointing.

    If it wasn't such an easy misunderstanding to fix, I'd be more upset, but when you can prove someone wrong so quickly, why get all worked up over it?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 17, 2011 2:25 PM GMT
    bad boy, bad boy ...
    whatcha gonna do...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 17, 2011 2:31 PM GMT
    You both marred the relationship through subterfuge.

    Cut your losses. If this is how it is now, I don't know if you should expect to be able to have a long-term trusting relationship. Get out now, and remember that when you start a new relationship, expectations should be given from the start (or very near it). Only when everything is laid out like that can you truly expect that you both want the same thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 17, 2011 2:38 PM GMT
    iHavok saidI'm actually aware of at least three guys using my photos on Gay.com.

    I don't mind.


    Oh shit. You didn't confront them?! Oh better yet, try to get them come out to meet in person. icon_lol.gif


    iHavok saidThey usually throw it up with some generic here's my dick pics, which are always way off and kinda disappointing.


    I wonder if ex-bf sees those pics, they were prob like, "WTF happened to it?! Was there a downsizing?!"
    50512_110905705118_8659_n.jpg
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    May 17, 2011 4:46 PM GMT
    cityaznguy said
    iHavok saidI'm actually aware of at least three guys using my photos on Gay.com.

    I don't mind.


    Oh shit. You didn't confront them?! Oh better yet, try to get them come out to meet in person. icon_lol.gif

    I did a few times, and it never went anywhere...soon as they saw it was me, they didn't respond. Shrug. It's flattering though, having a photo someone likes enough they wish it was them... i dunno.


    iHavok saidThey usually throw it up with some generic here's my dick pics, which are always way off and kinda disappointing.


    I wonder if ex-bf sees those pics, they were prob like, "WTF happened to it?! Was there a downsizing?!"
    50512_110905705118_8659_n.jpg


    amusing tangent...i always refer to my penis as "fun sized" which actually is the smallest of the candy bar sizes. ;-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 17, 2011 5:27 PM GMT
    Man, am I the only one with photos that havent been stolen?

    It makes me feel so cheap...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 17, 2011 5:31 PM GMT
    I wish I were attractive enough for someone to steal my pics and make a fake account somewhere. icon_neutral.gif