Should I break up with my boyfriend?

  • uoyevol

    Posts: 8

    May 17, 2011 10:21 AM GMT
    We've been in love for 1 month, and I love him very much, and I think he loved me too.
    We were both 26 years old.
    One day accidently I found he was chatting with some other older guys. The language was very lewd. I was furious and we fought. He said he was just curious, and there’s no real affairs happened between them.
    I was hurt badly, and then I found he like those who were more than 30 years old better, he has a lot online friends like that. He was a bottom not a versatile as I knew before..
    He begged me not to leave him. But I was really hurt; the one I almost decide to stay with for a lifetime has done this to me.
    The bad thing is I still love him, should I give him another chance or break up with him? Would this thing happen again?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2011 11:51 AM GMT
    I'm guessing much of his contacts preceded his relationship with you. Not justifying the lewd discussion, but say you had friends on this site, then met someone and started a relationship. Would you like your partner to demand you quit RJ?

    I think you should have a calm discussion. I think you are over-reacting.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2011 11:58 AM GMT
    1 month is a very long time in gay years. I think you should get married.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 17, 2011 11:59 AM GMT
    socalfitness said

    I think you should have a calm discussion.


    I would agree. Sit down and have a thorough diiscussion with him, be clear as to your expectations. Listen carefully to him... really communicate, but listening is very important. I don't think there's a problem with chatting with others online, but the lewd conversations must end.
    If it continues, I'd end it.

    Good luck with it, I hope you can work it out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2011 12:08 PM GMT
    rnyc said1 month is a very long time in gay years. I think you should get married.


    LOL icon_smile.gif

    So are gay years like dog years?

    xx
  • Road89

    Posts: 104

    May 17, 2011 12:10 PM GMT
    Student_90 said
    rnyc said1 month is a very long time in gay years. I think you should get married.


    LOL icon_smile.gif

    So is gay years like dog years?

    xx



    Much quicker - we have our own chronological bracket, lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2011 5:51 PM GMT
    Yea you are kind of over reacting a bit man. I prefer guys in their 30s and 40s myself, however I find it difficult to have a relationship with one. They usually say I just want sex (half true.)

    Just because he prefers older men doesnt mean he finds you unattractive.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 17, 2011 5:54 PM GMT
    rnyc said1 month is a very long time in gay years. I think you should get married.


    I thought that was lesbian years?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2011 5:54 PM GMT
    Timbales said
    rnyc said1 month is a very long time in gay years. I think you should get married.


    I thought that was lesbian years?


    No no lesbians get married on the second date, remember?
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    May 17, 2011 6:05 PM GMT
    rnyc said1 month is a very long time in gay years. I think you should get married.


    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Points.
  • aaronkei

    Posts: 211

    May 17, 2011 6:28 PM GMT
    I think after a calm discussion you should not talk to each other for about 3-5 days and just think on whether it is worth it and if you think it is give it another shot. There is a 50/50 chance here.icon_wink.gif
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    May 17, 2011 6:36 PM GMT
    All joking aside, one month is way too soon to know if you're willing to spend the rest of your life with him. You're still learning about him - obviously. If he still makes you happy, stay with him and see if you can make it work. But don't be too sad if it doesn't .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2011 6:44 PM GMT
    One month and you're already using the word "love".
    Excuse me while I laugh.
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    May 17, 2011 6:47 PM GMT
    one month is WAY too early. I consider THREE MONTHS the "dating" period where it is ok for you to not like your partner at all if something surfaces during that window period. THEN if during those three months you like each other, you get into the "relationship virgin mary" period... which is another 3 months but considered bf and bf without sex.

    Then, sex proceeds after (at around the 6 month) - then and only then FOR ME, do I tell someone I love them. If I have sex with you, it means I love you. Which is why sex is hard to get to with me.

    one month is WAY to soon to say you love someone.
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    May 17, 2011 6:49 PM GMT
    uoyevol saidOne day accidently I found he was chatting with some other older guys. The language was very lewd. I was furious and we fought. He said he was just curious, and there’s no real affairs happened between them.

    He was shopping for his next boyfriend. He doesn't want you to break up until he has time to find his next boyfriend.
    He didn't cheat on you, but he was up to no good. It's best to move on, but if you think you love him then give him another chance. Can he break your heart twice in the same place?
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    May 17, 2011 7:14 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    Timbales said
    rnyc said1 month is a very long time in gay years. I think you should get married.


    I thought that was lesbian years?


    No no lesbians get married on the second date, remember?


    And they consummate it in the uhaul icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2011 8:52 PM GMT
    uoyevol saidWe've been in love for 1 month, and I love him very much, and I think he loved me too.
    ONE MONTH and you feel like you already own him? If I were him, I'd tell you to go pound salt baby! After a month you're dating at BEST! You don't even know this guy. Clearly he enjoys chatting with older guys and maybe he even likes meeting them, why don't you ask him and if that's him then that's him, like it or after your one month lifetime relationship, run.
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    May 17, 2011 9:34 PM GMT
    I'm hoping that you mean you exchanged the "I love you's" a month ago and that you have been together for a while..

    You have to decide how you want to interpret this. You already did some damage by having a fight with him when you were angry. It's going to be hard to move back to a position where you can both move past this.

    Is this cheating? I don't know. You certainly seem to have reacted like he was treating on you, so he might as well have imo.

    It depends on how you handle these things personally. Not very many relationships can survive cheating and if you really want to some hard questions are going to have to be asked about how serious your bf is about this relationship and what drove him to cheat on you. I find that many times this kind of behavior is the result of some problem with the relationship that the person either can't understand, refuses to confront or doesn't have the ability to communicate. I think you should start thinking beyond the sex chatting older men to some of the root causes of his behavior.

    If you are both serious about staying together, seek out a relationship counselor.

    I should make a disclaimer that I had a similar problem with my ex-boyfriend (not cheating related, but strongly related to trust) and I made the decision that it would spare us both a lot of pain just to end the relationship. It might sound like I'm offering you a double edge sword because the "real" reason he cheated might be just as bad as the end result but I think there is something good in really understanding why a person did something.

    I hope you can take some time to think about this and that things work out for you both.