BELIEVERS: could you date and love someone who is NOT a believer? NON-BELIEVERS: could you date and love someone who IS a believer?

  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    May 17, 2011 11:26 PM GMT
    Rephrased - If you are a person of faith - be it Christian, Buddhist, Jewish, Muslim, Pagan or any other strict belief - could you be happy, and love, and NOT judge or try to convert someone who is not a believer or a doubter (agnostic or atheist)?

    If you are agnostic or atheist, could you be happy, and love, and NOT judge or try to convert the thinking of someone who is a believer or person of deep personal faith that believes in a higher power?

    Think about it, and answer honestly. Would you still respect and see the other man as equal and not judge him or feel the need to change him?

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    May 17, 2011 11:29 PM GMT
    I wouldnt care if they believed in something that I do not believe in. I'll be fine as long as they dont try to shove it in my face and down my throat.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    May 17, 2011 11:31 PM GMT
    A_1991 saidI wouldnt care if they believed in something that I do not believe in. I'll be fine as long as they dont try to shove it in my face and down my throat.


    How would you feel - for instance - if a guy very simply bowed his head and said a prayer before each meal, even in public restaurants or at dinner with friends. Not a big flourish, just a moment of silent prayer before eating. ?
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    May 17, 2011 11:39 PM GMT
    MuscleComeBack said
    A_1991 saidI wouldnt care if they believed in something that I do not believe in. I'll be fine as long as they dont try to shove it in my face and down my throat.


    How would you feel - for instance - if a guy very simply bowed his head and said a prayer before each meal, even in public restaurants or at dinner with friends. Not a big flourish, just a moment of silent prayer before eating. ?


    Haha I actually have a friend who is really religious and Catholic that does that and no one seems to mind. For myself personally, I dont mind it since it is their life and they can believe and do whatever they want. Also, I dont think a simple prayer or moments of silence is going to detract or kill my mood or romance for a person. If they go overboard and do stuff like handing out "million dollar bills" and do crazy religious ape shit then yeah I would go crazy. Besides that, I can careless.

  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    May 17, 2011 11:57 PM GMT
    i would not care one or the other. as long they were not trying to push there beliefs on me. i think we would be fine
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    May 18, 2011 12:02 AM GMT
    Of course not, but judging has nothing to do with it, DONT try to put a negative spin on it. The Word says so much about it. It says how can two walk together unless they be in agreement? (amos), It says not to be unequally yoked (2 Cor.) etc. etc. But on a practical basis my faith is the most important part of me, I can only relate on a deeper level with someone who can pray, read the Word and worship similar to how I do.
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    May 18, 2011 12:02 AM GMT
    I've had friends and boyfriends who were religious. I personally never had any problem with their beliefs and participation in their faith. However, it didn't always work the other way around. Some couldn't help but find something wrong or disappointing about me as not a follower of any religion (and I don't even claim to be an atheist).
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    May 18, 2011 12:03 AM GMT
    No.
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    May 18, 2011 12:03 AM GMT
    BTW, there is a world of difference between just going to church and being religious ...and having a deep relationship with God the Father.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    May 18, 2011 12:06 AM GMT
    Hell yeah. I'm chasing a hot muslim guy now. His faith is like his taste in TV shows or music or anything else. It's the part of him that keeps him from becoming "US." Finding a husband isn't like reversing mitosis, as if you two become one cell again. The stuff that successful couples share is only a small part, usually the sex part, and not everything else.
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    May 18, 2011 12:11 AM GMT
    Religion?icon_rolleyes.gif Does that counts? I'd never ask anyone about his religious believes. First, it's rude, second, I don't give a fuck.
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    May 18, 2011 12:22 AM GMT
    Explain how it is rude.
  • UVaRob9

    Posts: 282

    May 18, 2011 12:33 AM GMT
    I'm agnostic, but I've found that on dating sites I tend to have the highest compatibility with Jewish guys. The explanation I got from one of my straight friends was that Jews tend to be more socially liberal than most of the other religions. Yes, I know there are anecdotal bits to the contrary, but that was what he told me and it makes sense from my group of friends.

    antonomadReligion? Does that counts? I'd never ask anyone about his religious believes. First, it's rude, second, I don't give a fuck.


    I don't get this. It's not at all rude to ask. There are definitely rude ways to ask, like "do you believe in God?" because that's automatically making a judgement about a person before getting an answer. It actually is important to know about a potential partner. Rudeness comes from, as the OP posited the question originally, if one tries to convert the other's way of thinking. That's the disrespectful part of it, not the asking.
  • fitdude62

    Posts: 294

    May 18, 2011 12:48 AM GMT
    Faith or lack of it is a major part of each individual person.

    A relationship built only on one or two factors, such as faith or sexual tastes is very shallow and will probably fail over time.

    A true relationship is based on many factors of compatability. Faith or religous views are just one small factor.

    Peace, David
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    May 18, 2011 12:49 AM GMT
    hum .... i've done it, me bekng Catholic and my ex boyfriend being agnostic. He believes in the universe and that kind of thing. I think he did said one time there's a God out there, just not one that goes into a religion.

    I guess if the two guys respect each other and their beliefs and as long as one person does not try to push their beliefs into the other person's mind, everything should be fine.

    I've done it, date and love someone who is not a person of faith. It has its moments and I guess I'd do it again as long as what I said before happens. Otherwise I don't think I'd like to have a conversation with someone about my faith and my beliefs. I don't like to talk about it as it is ... let alone start a fight or an argument about beliefs....
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    May 18, 2011 1:02 AM GMT
    fitdude62 saidFaith or lack of it is a major part of each individual person.

    A relationship built only on one or two factors, such as faith or sexual tastes is very shallow and will probably fail over time.

    A true relationship is based on many factors of compatability. Faith or religous views are just one small factor.

    Peace, David


    While a relationship is based on many things, FAITH (to me) is the major factor. It depends how important it is to you as to whether it is it is an big factor or not.
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    May 18, 2011 1:22 AM GMT
    MuscleComeBack saidRephrased - If you are a person of faith - be it Christian, Buddhist, Jewish, Muslim, Pagan or any other strict belief - could you be happy, and love, and NOT judge or try to convert someone who is not a believer or a doubter (agnostic or atheist)?

    If you are agnostic or atheist, could you be happy, and love, and NOT judge or try to convert the thinking of someone who is a believer or person of deep personal faith that believes in a higher power?

    Think about it, and answer honestly. Would you still respect and see the other man as equal and not judge him or feel the need to change him?



    For short term yes, for LTR no.

    Most people just say they are this and that just because they grew up catholic or whatever. But they aren't that religious.

    Adding being gay to the equation and you find some of the most conflicted and confused guys out there. Gay and religion is like oil and water.




  • fitdude62

    Posts: 294

    May 18, 2011 1:23 AM GMT
    Paulin said
    fitdude62 saidFaith or lack of it is a major part of each individual person.

    A relationship built only on one or two factors, such as faith or sexual tastes is very shallow and will probably fail over time.

    A true relationship is based on many factors of compatability. Faith or religous views are just one small factor.

    Peace, David


    While a relationship is based on many things, FAITH (to me) is the major factor. It depends how important it is to you as to whether it is it is an big factor or not.


    Paulin,

    You are right, I did not mean to imply that it is not a major factor for some people. Sorry if I did not make that clear.

    I just mean that basing a relationship on one or two factors alone makes it a very unstable relationship.

    Peace, David
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    May 18, 2011 1:31 AM GMT
    No, I couldn't date a "believer" of any religious faith, especially if he actively attends services.

    Being raised in the church, I understand how much they try to push their members to convert "non-believers" to their flavor of religion; and I understand that in reality, it has more to do with maintaining/increasing revenue than it does with actually trying to "save" people from some deity.

    I couldn't live with someone who - in the back of his mind - is always thinking of how much of a sinner I am, and wanting to "convert" me to give my money to a non-profit-taxable business.
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    May 18, 2011 1:31 AM GMT
    I think atheists and theists can be to over bearing. So I would prefer someone that isn‘t strongly pulled one way or the other.
  • Syphon

    Posts: 366

    May 18, 2011 1:45 AM GMT
    If he was devout and it was an integral part of his life, no.

    If he were a 'bad' Christian and never went to church, and believing there is a god is pretty much the extent of his beliefs, we'd be fine.



  • victor8

    Posts: 237

    May 18, 2011 1:45 AM GMT
    short answer yes...if they showed me the same unconditionl love!!
  • BeingThePhoen...

    Posts: 1157

    May 18, 2011 1:48 AM GMT
    Believer, sure. Religious, not so much. They typically creep me out a little, or at the very least make me uncomfortable with the praying and the talk about how "HE is risen" and crap like that. UGH. Creepy.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    May 18, 2011 1:56 AM GMT
    I ask, in part, because a very good friend whom I love deeply, as a friend - not a romantic or amorous interest - said today that he wants to find a (woman) who "like me, makes Christ the center of her life. I couldn't ever marry a woman who wouldn't pray with me when times got hard, or who didn't make Christ the priority in her life."

    This will, to some, be a rather shocking and even extreme statement, but it's critical for him. And I've tried to respect this and see its value, but I also see a VERY lonely man, who is constantly rejecting the interest of women based on this litmus test.

    I'm a believer, but not a Christian, and I'm certainly not a scriptural believer as I have endless problems with scripture-based faith of any sort. I personally don't think that The Word is the only word or the final word, or even a whole truth unto itself. However, I would never discount that faith in someone else, nor would I negate it and dismiss it as wrong - only untrue and of no value to me personally. I have, on occasion with my friend, asked him in troubled times if he's prayed - knowing that this is the direction that most centers him - and I've asked him what scripture says about the dilemma he faces and how it might speak to him, and comfort him, and center him and put him at ease and help give him guidance. I don't do it patronizingly, nor do I do it glibly. I know it's his compass and I very sincerely apply my questions to him in this direction because he'll open up, and talk about things more openly, and frankly. I'm not cynical about it - I'm actually quite respectful. I don't pray with him, simply because I don't want to pretend to do something with him that isn't sincere. I want to be completely honest. He knows I don't share his "Christ centered" view of life. And today, he dismissed me rather bluntly saying it was because I did not have Christ at the center of my life. I was taken back by it. I had suggested to him that there may be a woman who sees and feels and believes in something quite different - but who would respect and encourage and support him in his spiritual journey, but was a far better match for him than someone who (his words) "put Christ first in all things, even ahead of our marriage." He said that it was impossible. It was a deal breaker. I said that I couldn't understand how he could dismiss the possibility of loving someone who loved him more than anyone, and whom he also loved, simply because of this mutual belief requirement. I was honestly baffled by it. He said nobody comes ahead of Christ, and so he was waiting for that woman or staying single for all his life.

    So, I find it disturbing that in a faith that seeks to set its disciples on a path to care for others - whose christ set example of sacrificing for others NOT to sacrifice for the Godhead, but to do as he did and put others ahead of even himself - that a person with that faith could reject love from someone or even their love toward someone if they didn't believe exactly as the other person believes. I find that very, very sad.

  • danielvn

    Posts: 222

    May 18, 2011 2:51 AM GMT
    I'm an atheist and dating a believer is fine with me. As long as he's not too obsessed with what he believes in and does not try to convert me LOL icon_smile.gif