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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2011 6:45 PM GMT
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    May 18, 2011 9:56 PM GMT
    BambinoRex saidmy question is: for those who manage to maintain durable relationships. how do you best navigate being social in a world that doesn't necessarily acknowledge or support you? within other gay friends, how do you manage the way people confuse candor with license?


    I find that if I treat my partner as I would a straight spouse in conversation - i.e., he's just there, nothing remarkable about it - straight people tend to respond in kind. In other words, they generally do acknowledge if you treat it matter-of-factly.

    And with other gay folk, well, things have changed a bit. 15-20 years ago visible long-term couples were so rare I helped to found a local gay couples group. The first time we marched in Pride there were a few stupid young jerks who made a point of making the rounds of the couples, saying things like "You're hot, don't you want me, I could make you leave your boyfriend." Now we're pretty much everywhere. I don't find that gay guys tend to get in my business more because I'm half of a couple. Frankly, single guys especially tend to put the relationship up on a pedestal, assume that if you've made it that far things MUST be perfect, you wouldn't have anything to complain about. They're much more likely to annoy (or alternatively, titillate) me complaining about the drama of their own love lives. But that may be because I made that transition from single to half of a couple so long ago, that it's just no longer very interesting.icon_wink.gif

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    May 19, 2011 12:21 AM GMT
    that's the kind of feedback i am interested in.

    thank you.

    the pedestal thing is true for anything people haven't attained, i think. be it money, power, looks, sex...whatever....the grass is always greener...or if you have XYZ, it must be a limitless magical resource which you are never taxed on (not just money). and anything you've had a long time is in itself not inherently fascinating....it would be navel gazing.

  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    May 19, 2011 12:39 AM GMT
    The easy solution is to move to Canada where gay marriage is legal. When a cute str8 guy says he's engaged, we say "Oh who's the lucky guy?!" Then we all laugh and go back to chatting about the wedding and the wife and leave the patients waiting while we socialize. OK I got off track venting about my coworkers there, but, there are almost 7 billion people on the planet. None of those other 7 billion people are affected by you being gay, or care that you're gay. Just live your gay life in the way that makes you happy. Tell anyone who is critical of you to fuck off.
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    May 19, 2011 12:46 AM GMT
    but it's cold in canada. i thought it was cold living in south carolina. i'm half lizard practically.

    but i get the rest of what you are saying, and i agree with it.
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    May 19, 2011 4:19 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]showme said[/cite]
    BambinoRex saidmy question is: for those who manage to maintain durable relationships. how do you best navigate being social in a world that doesn't necessarily acknowledge or support you? within other gay friends, how do you manage the way people confuse candor with license?



    We're just us. icon_wink.gif

    The candor and license thing is intriguing. In what way?