Need advice from asian guys

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 19, 2011 9:19 PM GMT
    Im a white guy who lives in China, and I love chinese guys. My problem is I cant seem to meet any. When I go to gay bars most guys like won't even look at me or the ones who do are like flamers lol. Also i only get messages from white guys on sites like manhunt, and most white guys i've met are douches. Its frustrating. Lots of chinese women show an interest but obviously thats not what im after, and they're annoying lol. If you are familiar with chinese culture or anything please give me advice or tell me what im doing wrong.
  • DoeDeer

    Posts: 20

    May 19, 2011 9:43 PM GMT
    I'm not chinese or know much about the chinese culture, but I'll just give you general advice.
    Basically, just go for it. If/when you're at a gay bar there and see someone that interest you, just go up to them and introduce yourself (maybe they're shy to initiate since you're not from around there lol), throw him a compliment, or maybe offer to buy a drink, even if they deny you at least they got a look at you then, but what have you got to lose anyway!

    My bff is in China right now for school and from her pics many places look gorgeous, so just get out there and have a blast.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 19, 2011 9:48 PM GMT
    Thanks man. icon_smile.gif I thought the first comment would be something mean like "stop being so ugly" haha.
  • DoeDeer

    Posts: 20

    May 19, 2011 9:53 PM GMT
    lol no that would appear to be more of a rude comment and not advice.

    but honestly if you're looking for more than just a hookup and the person doesn't like you for who you are then they're probably just not right for you, but don't get discourage! it takes time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 19, 2011 9:54 PM GMT
    Move to California, there's tons of Asians here, problem solved.

    But more realistically, I think the general idea there is to stay within your own race. Perhaps this is why you aren't getting the attention you are looking for? There are always exceptions of course, so just go for it.
    Asian culture is subtle and shy, totally different from the Western regions. Take charge and see where it leads to.

    If all else fails...
    I'm Chinese. Holla. icon_lol.gif

    Good luck!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 19, 2011 9:59 PM GMT
    Yea, I've noticed that in many Asian cultures, people are a lot more reserved. Those who've grown up in Western culture would likely mistake this reservation as passivity or indifference. Just go up to the guys you like and strike up a conversation. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 19, 2011 10:05 PM GMT
    Are california asians into white guys or only other asians? I may just get surgery to look more chinese anyway
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 19, 2011 10:11 PM GMT
    Start out with being sociable and cordial to the flamers the work your way up the totem pole to the Bruce Lee's in the bar.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 19, 2011 10:11 PM GMT
    A few possibilities: (i) they're playing hard to get, (ii) they're intimidated by you, (iii) they don't want to appear too transparently into you so they pretend that they're not interested, (iv) they're so attracted to you that they're afraid to look at you or talk to you, and/or (v) they are "sticky rice." Show them your dick or a picture of your dick (like the one in your profile) and see if that changes anything.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 19, 2011 10:18 PM GMT
    Order a drink for the guy and when the waiter takes it to him he'll let him know who bought it,, then you're in.. It's rude not to acknowledge the person who sends a drink your way.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 19, 2011 10:18 PM GMT
    You said you live in Shenzhen? Go shirtless and men will fly to you like bees to nectar. Lol. Chinese are generally less direct in approach and can be quite passive to strangers.

    You are quite tall and that can come across a little intimidating (for shorter and smaller guys). Adding to the fact that you are White, Chinese will assume you can only speak English. So they avoid you in fear of making fun of themselves.

    A number of things you are try though:
    1. Shave: a clean shaven look gives you more credibility; you will come across more trustworthy and friendly.
    2. Speak some Chinese (Mandarin, or Cantonese). They will be less intimidated to speak broken English back if you first speak their language.

    Shenzhen is also a place of non-locals. A huge part of population there does not originate there and are from other parts of China. That means there is a diversity of Chinese who practise different cultures, speak with dialects, and act differently. Also they might only be there for a short period and is not looking for LTR. Just keep those in mind.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 19, 2011 10:27 PM GMT
    Thanks uberick thats all helpful advice. I find it hard to believe anyone would be intimidated by me though i'm kind of a sad person lol icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 20, 2011 2:22 AM GMT
    naivenewbie saidAre california asians into white guys or only other asians? I may just get surgery to look more chinese anyway


    White guys I can tell you! Esp with hairy chests!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 20, 2011 4:39 AM GMT
    naivenewbie saidAre california asians into white guys or only other asians? I may just get surgery to look more chinese anyway

    Come sit on my lap and tell me all your worries. icon_wink.gif

    One thing you might to have in the back of your mind, is that different cultures have different dating rituals. A while back, I posted a blog entry of some American chick's commentary on dating/sex in Japan. Really bizarre and very complicated, from a western point of view. But I'm sure that might be part of what's going on with you. Try to make some gay friends first, and ask them for some insight on how dating works over there.
  • 67891011A

    Posts: 3

    Sep 19, 2011 6:23 PM GMT
    You concern is interesting. In California most (not all) Asian guys prefer white guys. They want a TOP. If they sense you are a bottom ( I don't know if you are) they have no interest. 95% or more of Asian homos in CA are bottom. They want a MAN. if you come off as sweet, shy, and not confident don't expect too many Asians to flock your way. That would be like them making love to themselves.

    Yin and Yang----negative and postive---feminine and masculine----passive and aggressive. That is the law of nature. To attract sweet shy Asians you must be aggressive, dominant, forward, macho.

    Don't be fooled by a big muscular Asian (though these are rare) or Asian jocks. 99% of those also are bottom. How do I know? So very many have approached me, and I am 100% top.

    Also Asians in Asia prefer a man with some hair on him. If you are hairless like they are they won't be as interested, yet they do like ALL whites basically----if you are a top and have a reasonably large endowment.

    In California some Asians are sticky rice (only into other Asians) but they are in the minority. Most LOVE white men (who are tops).

    Hope this helps.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 19, 2011 8:27 PM GMT
    Try learning how to Kung Fu fly, they love that, and also finish every sentence with "long time" icon_biggrin.gif

    I keed I keed
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 20, 2011 12:16 AM GMT
    Claystation saidTry learning how to Kung Fu fly, they love that, and also finish every sentence with "long time" icon_biggrin.gif

    I keed I keed


    ROFL

    Me love you long time. Okare?
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Sep 20, 2011 12:17 AM GMT
    the chinese wont pay u any attenion and the white guys are douches. .

    LOL, maybe it's u. Maybe nobody wants u.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 20, 2011 2:09 AM GMT
    naivenewbie saidThanks uberick thats all helpful advice. I find it hard to believe anyone would be intimidated by me though i'm kind of a sad person lol icon_sad.gif


    This could be part of the problem with first impressions. I haven't tried dating in Asia, but when I was in China I learned to be smiley, happy and return a lot of enthusiasm when asking questions and getting to know people for the first time. Don't overdo it, but with language barriers, you have to pump up your responsiveness so people know if they're doing well in conversation with you. Learn to let your excitement and enthusiasm show through your eyes if you haven't yet. A lot of it is in the eyebrows and eye contact.

    So, I don't know about gay Chinese culture, but where I was stationed, it was rural and people were fairly gregarious. It was easy to sit down and make new friends once you had an in, especially over drinks. If a group of guys are hanging out, I would offer to buy them a round in exchange for helping with your Mandarin or telling you stories about the city. I think the trade would work better since it gives you a clear motive and it doesn't look like you're just trying to impress with your money. However, people love free drinks and nominal gifts are part of the culture. You should really start with the goal to make friends and then grow from there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 20, 2011 2:58 AM GMT
    You're smokin hot! Too bad you're not here in San Francisco. icon_twisted.gif

    Seriously, in China, being homosexual is still highly stigmatized. You're going to have to sniff around for the local places where "men meet men". Also, in China, sadly there is racism. It has been my experience that the Chinese from China "look down" on white people as being inferior.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 21, 2011 5:24 AM GMT
    Just let you know that people in Shenzhen are from too many places, some of them are nice, some of them just........So there will be a culture gap among these people, And for you, the wall is even higher, but it doesn't u cant break it. Its too hard to tell you what to do since most Chinese gays are too "shy" to be actively approach other guys. And when you think they don't look at you, that's what you think, but they are actually. in a undetectable way, ninja style if i may say. Even they are so horny that could just fk any guy in a bar, they usually don't show how they feels, I grew up in Zhuhai city,some province. So trust me, you are being noticed. Im attending a collage in the US right now and have experienced the huge difference. I am psychology, behavior science major, Your situation kinda interested me, i would love to go to a gaybar and see how it goes. i never been to one before i left china, i was like 17. But this November i am heading home. btw, if you got a chance visiting Zhuhai, do let me know.
    i just got a simple answer, most of the time people think you speak a foreign language, so they don't think they can talk to you, Stay back and chill is kinda what chinese do when they don't feel a big possibility to achieve something.
  • 67891011A

    Posts: 3

    Sep 29, 2011 8:49 AM GMT
    So many guys have left you so very many wise remarks. With all that you should surely be able to overcome your problem and begin meeting some nice Chinese guys that are your type.

    In any event, DON'T change your physiognomy with plastic surgery or anything to look like a Chinese. That would be the wrong way to go about it. Here in California most of the Asian guys are much more attracted to other ethnicities. So you will always have more of a chance at meeting a quality guy if you are NOT the same as them---as long as you follow some of the sage advice all the guys have given you here.

    I do believe it is true that often a Chinese guy will NOT show his true feelings as we Caucasians would. One Chinese that commented to you said exactly that. They are more subtle with their emotions and can be VERY hard to read for a white guy, especially a novice like yourself.

    In my last comment I stressed the manly hair thing and the macho top thing. It was my attempt at humor in part. While I do believe it is a big factor in sex appeal for Asians to whites (I speak from long experience), obviously you cannot grow chest hair you don't have. So don't worry about that. Just be who you are, be relaxed in your own skin, and be confident. Everyone loves a confident relaxed person. Be approachable, and smile a lot too.

    If your heart is more GIVE than GET that makes a huge difference as well. It seems so many times we worry about what we can GET than what we can GIVE, and that is unfortunate. If we were all more giving, imagine how much happier the world would be. As a 100% top, I've been practicing giving all my life. lol Remember, even if a Chinese guy is huge and buff, the chances are---- according to a wise and successful Chinese friend of mine---he will still be a bottom.

    So if you are a top, or could be, then you should do well with Chinese boys.

    Good luck. Have fun. Be a man!





  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 29, 2011 10:14 AM GMT
    naivenewbie saidIm a white guy who lives in China, and I love chinese guys. My problem is I cant seem to meet any. When I go to gay bars most guys like won't even look at me or the ones who do are like flamers lol. Also i only get messages from white guys on sites like manhunt, and most white guys i've met are douches. Its frustrating. Lots of chinese women show an interest but obviously thats not what im after, and they're annoying lol. If you are familiar with chinese culture or anything please give me advice or tell me what im doing wrong.


    I guess you have to notice your surroundings first, and see if anyone is actually trying to check you out. I know a lot of Asians are very reserved, where they tend to look away if the person they find attractive is looking at them. Even in chat rooms, they don't initiate conversations with one another, because they are "shy" on the internet.
    You love chinese guys, I love caucasian guys. icon_biggrin.gif but older ones, too bad vancouver is too multi-culture for me to find qualitative older men, lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 29, 2011 10:16 AM GMT
    you should dye your hair blond and wear blue contacts
  • Iakona

    Posts: 367

    Sep 29, 2011 2:27 PM GMT
    You're Canadian? Do you know how many gay asians are right here in Canada? In Toronto there are gay asian nights at clubs....and I am sure Vancouver has a strong population there!