Dating a new guy I am not into what so ever.....

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2011 8:28 PM GMT
    Ok, soooo I've given up on dating someone I am attracted too and decided to date someone who looks good on paper. I have been seeing him for 4 weeks now and still he isn't growing on me at all. I actually try to see him less and less as time goes on. I had dated a guy for 2 weeks prior to this that I was attracted too but he just walked away from me like they always do. We never even slept together either, and now he is dating a buff friend of mine. Big arms wins again, whats the score now, Big arms 55 Jeffrey 0. Sigh.. I see what happened there. BUT back to guy #1. I just am really pushing myself to date someone who looks good on paper. I know I can't have my cake and eat it too you know? Seriously be with someone who ur attracted too and they treat you good. PFHT yah right. lol Thats not in the cards for me. So what techniques do you guys use who are in relationships to force urself into liking someone. I am super nice to him ALL the time, and well, the sex isn't good, but hey sex goes away right? Please I need help, I don't know what to do here to like him!

    -Jeff
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    May 20, 2011 9:14 PM GMT
    You're missing a connection, everything starts with a connection. If you don't like him that way obviously you're not connected. the way i connect people is finding out about them, not surface stuff but deep stuff. Find out about their past, the reason why they think a certain way, and that stuff. Basically try to figure out what makes them tick going to a point where I know why they breath and such. Thing is that in order for this to happen you have to be deep as well divulging information about yourself so they can see you.

    Ok that aside (connection, connection, connection, connection, connection, connection, connection) if you don't like him why are you with him? This is what confuses me about guys and girls (men and women if you prefer). They look for someone they try to like, but end up not liking in the end, but they stay together since in the back of their heads they think 'best I can do.' That aside I swear not trying to judge you, just I hear about this a lot.
  • RickRick23

    Posts: 24

    May 20, 2011 9:35 PM GMT
    Jeff, you seem like you're extremely intelligent, articulate at least...Why force your self into something you don't want? Obviously guys are attracted to you, that goes without saying...It gets to a point where you have to step back and ask is it everyone else or is it me? Maybe you're self sabotaging yourself with those guys that you are really into because you think you're not good enough, whatever it is dating is a total mind fuck, like the previous poster vain_nayias said you really need to make a connection before you do anything, that's what makes any relationship worth pursuing, it's the hardest part of the process but it saves you a lot of confusion and frustration in the long run.

    If you're having shit sex with the current guy then what is the point really? If there is no emotional attachment, no sexual chemistry, no longing to be with the guy...then you're really wasting valuable time that could be spent with someone more serious and worth while. If the guy is really clingy on you, you might be doing more damage than good by keeping him thinking it's working out man.

    And seriously you should really stop beating yourself up about losing to big arms...not every guy is into that and that solely...and if they are well, you just saved yourself some time dealing with a selfish prick narcissist then haven't you?
  • kuroshiro

    Posts: 786

    May 20, 2011 10:29 PM GMT
    Wow, I can tell you just by looking at you that the other guy is missing out on a lot.

    But, I'll echo on what other people are saying: you can't force yourself to like someone. However that isn't to say that you can't or won't if you spend some time apart from him or seriously give it some thought. Then again that happened to me once so... I can't really say that's pattern forming.

    Paper will only get you so far. In the end you'd only end up miserable if you continue to let this drag on. It seems as though it's just for the sake of having someone there... which shouldn't be how it is.
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    May 20, 2011 10:35 PM GMT
    How dare you! I only look good on 'paper'? And I thought the sex was amazing..
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    May 20, 2011 10:44 PM GMT
    Three words... don't do this.

    Your intentions are obviously good, but (and I mean this with the greatest respect for you) quit being an idiot. You know, you KNOW, trying to date someone you're not attracted to is futile. So why do it?

    I sympathize. We've all been there. I've been there, and I'll tell you it doesn't work out. You can't expect to develop a liking for someone who doesn't spark you at all. This will inevitably lead to disappointment and depression, and probably hard feelings.

    So do yourself a favor and date people that turn you on, even if those people are rare. Even if you have to kiss 99 frogs to find that one prince.
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    May 21, 2011 12:13 AM GMT
    You really look good on paper, but I think your self-esteem is in the toilet. Please try to be a little more positive; your post is really negative.
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    May 21, 2011 12:23 AM GMT
    Jcaliguy saidOk, soooo I've given up on dating someone I am attracted too and decided to date someone who looks good on paper. I have been seeing him for 4 weeks now and still he isn't growing on me at all. I actually try to see him less and less as time goes on. I had dated a guy for 2 weeks prior to this that I was attracted too but he just walked away from me like they always do. We never even slept together either, and now he is dating a buff friend of mine. Big arms wins again, whats the score now, Big arms 55 Jeffrey 0. Sigh.. I see what happened there. BUT back to guy #1. I just am really pushing myself to date someone who looks good on paper. I know I can't have my cake and eat it too you know? Seriously be with someone who ur attracted too and they treat you good. PFHT yah right. lol Thats not in the cards for me. So what techniques do you guys use who are in relationships to force urself into liking someone. I am super nice to him ALL the time, and well, the sex isn't good, but hey sex goes away right? Please I need help, I don't know what to do here to like him!

    -Jeff


    Child.... Do you hear yourself?? You cannot force yourself into liking someone when you don't want to!! It's like my sister who has a strong aversion to mushrooms. No matter how they are prepared, she will NEVER like them. You don't have a connection with this guy... that's it, relationship is over. Actually... never really began.

    You should REALLY be thinking about why you need so badly to be in a relationship... to the point that you are sleeping and dating someone that you dont even like? Plus... you are leading this guy on? Come on... You do seem articulate and smart, but you have to do what makes sense.

    Happiness comes from within. Always.
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    May 21, 2011 12:25 AM GMT
    on paper in terms of? your values? the judgement of others?

    should a person with X trait only date Y trait or other X traits?

    who makes these rules?

    you might want to ask what your actual needs are emotionally and psychologically, because i think when these are met, physical intimacy will follow. it may not be porn sex, but porn sex is not durable.
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    May 21, 2011 12:27 AM GMT
    If it feels good, do it.

    This doesn't seem like it feels good.

    Don't do it.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11829

    May 21, 2011 12:28 AM GMT
    You want what you can't have so you settle......It never works.....Second....Your esteem is in the gutter....You need to learn to love yourself first...before attempting to love someone else....BUD
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    May 22, 2011 8:55 AM GMT
    Well I did it guys, I let him down today. He was so sad, he really asked me what was wrong with him that he coudl change.... icon_sad.gif I told him "Chris, its just I don't feel a spark with us, I don't even know if I am really looking for anything serious right now. I have a feeling I may not be able to be open to a relationship and thats why I don't feel much right now. I have alot going on right now with my business, life, and helping my family, so there isn't much time for me to be able to spend with you. I also said I didn't think it was fair that I wouldn't be able to involve myself in a relationship with him, and even though I thought he was a very stand up guy, really sweet, and had all the qualities I am looking for in a man, that right now I just am not open to dating someone or being involved.." Soooo Basically I half lied. BUT! He did say tahnks for being honest with him, in which he then tried to give me new rims for my Lexus... which I couldn't accept. Since him an I have been friends from before this, I will give it some time, then maybe let him come to me when he is ready to be friends again. I don't want to push him off but he has to know I am not ready for anything with him other than friendship. icon_razz.gif Thanks for the advice guys, I really got alot of great input on my situation and whats been going on. icon_smile.gif Thank you.!!icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    May 22, 2011 9:19 PM GMT
    I dont think I would be able to ever force myself into like somebody. If you just wait and be patient i'm sure a guy will come along that is perfect for you icon_razz.gif

    Best of luck on finding the right guy. (Also you have a cuuute dog so that should help) icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 22, 2011 9:28 PM GMT
    Sucks to be you now don't it.
    He's actually guy #2- guy #1 would be the guy that dumped you because he came first... or rather didn't at all.
    I think you should leave him now and stop wasting his time. If you aren't attracted to him now- you never will be. You seem like a decent guy- just wait....

    From the sound of it- it seems like guy number one was just trying you on- the way you're trying guy number two on.... did you enjoy the feeling of having a man slowly drift away from you so much that you felt/feel the urge to help another one experience it as well?
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    May 22, 2011 9:32 PM GMT
    LOL obsessed with these tragic posts! icon_eek.gif
  • swimmer8671

    Posts: 429

    May 22, 2011 9:35 PM GMT
    Dumbest thing i have ever read! Seriously? You are forcing yourself to be with someone that you arn't attracted to and that you don't want to spend time with because what? He has a great credit score and is nice??? Thats stupid. You don't have to compromise for the things you want, you just have to work harder to obtain them.

    You deserve someone that you are sexually attracted to, intellectually attracted to, and emotionally attracted to. If someone isn't all of the above then what in the fuck are you doing with them?

    If you arn't happy then whats the point???
  • swimmer8671

    Posts: 429

    May 22, 2011 9:35 PM GMT
    Dumbest thing i have ever read! Seriously? You are forcing yourself to be with someone that you arn't attracted to and that you don't want to spend time with because what? He has a great credit score and is nice??? Thats stupid. You don't have to compromise for the things you want, you just have to work harder to obtain them.

    You deserve someone that you are sexually attracted to, intellectually attracted to, and emotionally attracted to. If someone isn't all of the above then what in the fuck are you doing with them?

    If you arn't happy then whats the point???
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    May 22, 2011 9:40 PM GMT
    Duuuuude, what is your deal? First off guy #1 didn't just flake off for no reason, there's a reason for everything. I'm guessing in those two weeks toy portrayed a series of moving too quickly, forcing the issue, or pure desperation. I mean tall hung out for two weeks..... TWO WEEKS, 14 days, etc etc. Second guy you're trying to like him.... why? Why are you so hard up for a relationship? Propping up a brick wall on cardboard just is a prop, not the real thing. Stop trying to make things happen, loosen up, chill out, work on your issues and roll with punches. But stop desperately seeking companionship
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    May 22, 2011 9:40 PM GMT
    I'll keep this short and simple.

    Nobody can force themselves to date someone whom they are not into to. However opposites do attract and since you're a intelligent person, you are open minded to see whatever else is out there in the dating pool.

    Honestly I would love to date a guy like you. Big arms don't win for me but a nice smile and the eyes does it for me, because that's what I like gazing into.

    Happy Hunting and remember, eventually you'll find one for the long haul icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 22, 2011 9:42 PM GMT
    GODDAMN DROID PHONES!!! the above post is riddled with errors, but the point is clear
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    May 22, 2011 9:46 PM GMT
    Solution: get bigger arms?
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    May 22, 2011 9:55 PM GMT
    waimea saidSolution: get bigger arms?


    No, this is not the solution.

    I dont know where the OP is getting this "bigger arms" idea. Many, many, many gay men prefer lean muscle over hella buffed people. This includes lean muscle, skinny guys, and hella buffed out people in general.

    I went on a date with a guy who was twice my size. He was a personal trainer so most of the time we talked about fitness. This is how the conversation went:

    "Im cutting because I want abs"

    "why do you want abs?"

    "Because thats what guys like"

    "No one is not going to be with you because you dont have abs, if your going to get them, get them for yourself and not for someone else."

    so Jcaliguy, no one is not going to be with you because you have small arms. There not getting with this other guy because his arms are big.

    He has confidence, you dont. Work on yourself, then try to date.
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    May 22, 2011 10:29 PM GMT
    Seriously? Can't believe you are doing that. You should probably just end it right now.

    A. You can't make yourself be more "into" someone.
    B. You are going to hurt this guy, no questions.

    It's better to be single than forcing yourself to be in an unhappy relationship, especially at someone else's expense.
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    May 22, 2011 10:32 PM GMT
    sissyDC saidVOTE FOR ME AS MAN OF THE DAY...I ONLY NEED 34 MORE VOTES...HOW FUNNY WILL IT BE TO HAVE A SCRAWNY LIMPWRISTED PANSY AS MOTD?? LOL
    cut this shit out
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    May 23, 2011 4:44 AM GMT
    Glad to hear you dumped the guy. He deserves better.