Older gay men helping younger gay men....

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2008 5:25 PM GMT
    Experience and wisdom come with age (hopefully). Do you older guys share that with younger guys? role model? ( nonsexual).
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    Apr 09, 2008 6:39 PM GMT
    KissingPro saidExperience and wisdom come with age (hopefully). Do you older guys share that with younger guys? role model? ( nonsexual).


    Haha - ask my three 'sons'!
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    Apr 09, 2008 6:44 PM GMT
    Gigaram said[quote][cite]KissingPro said[/cite]Experience and wisdom come with age (hopefully). Do you older guys share that with younger guys? role model? ( nonsexual).


    Haha - ask my three 'sons'![/quote]

    UGH... You and i havent gone round and round about this in a long time LOL
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    Apr 09, 2008 6:50 PM GMT
    Yes I gladly share my experiences and (limited) wisdom about being gay and being HIV+, especially regarding safer sex practices and what some of the underlying causes of practicing unsafe sex are.

    I have met some great younger gay guys (<25) on the internet who are grateful for my advice. When I came out it seemed to be every man for himself. Most older gay guys were either traumatized by the AIDS epidemic, alcoholic or after me sexually.

    I can think of only one guy (my late roommate) who was happy to give advice. Mind you he used to be a counsellor for troubled youth so it came naturally.

    I think one of the secrets of a successful life is to have good mentors, both in one's career and one's personal life.
  • Muunrakur

    Posts: 169

    Apr 09, 2008 7:56 PM GMT
    I'm glad to hear that such men exist. I came out at 17 and there was this endless parade of older, gay men who wanted to "help" me.. there was, each and every time, a sexual angle to all their concern. Frankly, I was sickened by what I saw as predatory behavior.

    I noticed it especially at Boston's youth pride events, where older men would swarm the high school-aged boys and try to pick them up.

    I hope my partner and I can be the kind of non-sexual role-model types our community needs. The reflex however, is to avoid younger guys altogether.
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    Apr 09, 2008 8:54 PM GMT
    I actually volunteer as a safe zone mentor for LGBTQ students where I work. I've only had to employ that moniker a couple of times, but felt that I had at least some positive impact for my part in things.

    Beyond that, I think in one on one interactions with <25 gays I can become a little lecture intensive, a state often sparked by their ridiculous levels of ignorance about certain topics.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 09, 2008 8:58 PM GMT
    I'm more than happy to chat with others, younger or older that I can give any insight, recommendations or the like that can be helpful.

  • jarhead5536

    Posts: 1348

    Apr 09, 2008 9:11 PM GMT
    Muunrakur saidI'm glad to hear that such men exist. I came out at 17 and there was this endless parade of older, gay men who wanted to "help" me.. there was, each and every time, a sexual angle to all their concern. Frankly, I was sickened by what I saw as predatory behavior.

    I noticed it especially at Boston's youth pride events, where older men would swarm the high school-aged boys and try to pick them up.

    I hope my partner and I can be the kind of non-sexual role-model types our community needs. The reflex however, is to avoid younger guys altogether.


    What you said. I can only hope that this was a generational thing, and that guys my age and older don't prey on the younglings, all the while pretending to offer mentoring, as used to be done. I tend to avoid the kids, because I would think that they are suspecting my motives...
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    Apr 09, 2008 9:14 PM GMT
    KissingPro saidExperience and wisdom come with age (hopefully). Do you older guys share that with younger guys? role model? ( nonsexual).


    Only at work if the opportunity arises appropratly. One dose not make a big deal at work, about being a fag. So a lot of them don't know.

    But then I've also had some of them get upset for a time, when they do find out. But One looks at that as being the role model.
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    Apr 09, 2008 9:16 PM GMT
    ive had some older men help me out financially and taken me out to dinner/lunch, etc, and we just talk, nothing sexual, and i really look up to them for that.

    as a college student i dont have much of an income and at times i just stay without food, and i meet these guys and they offer to help out icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 09, 2008 9:17 PM GMT
    Gigaram said[quote][cite]KissingPro said[/cite]Experience and wisdom come with age (hopefully). Do you older guys share that with younger guys? role model? ( nonsexual).


    Haha - ask my three 'sons'![/quote]

    Sorry have to ask. But do your 3 son's know daddy is a bisexual?

    If not. Then you are a role model as str8 daddy. Not as a bisexual father.
  • MisterT

    Posts: 1272

    Apr 09, 2008 9:20 PM GMT
    While I'm not much older than many, I still try to help answer questions and give some advice to guys that ask, in a non threatening, or sexual way. I feel it's wrong to take advantage of their inexperience.
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Apr 09, 2008 9:33 PM GMT
    Now that I'm an older gay man (36 as of yesterday) I'll use my powers for the good of the younglings. One day I hope that my knowledge is good enough to be, what is called, The Oil of Old Gay.
  • Muunrakur

    Posts: 169

    Apr 09, 2008 10:32 PM GMT
    Auryn saidNow that I'm an older gay man (36 as of yesterday) I'll use my powers for the good of the younglings. One day I hope that my knowledge is good enough to be, what is called, The Oil of Old Gay.


    Happy Birthday, gramps!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2008 10:39 PM GMT
    Sure, I gas on and on at the young'uns.
    I used to see them shuffling their feet and checking their watches.

    Now they just run when they see me coming.
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    Apr 09, 2008 11:12 PM GMT
    jprichva saidSure, I gas on and on at the young'uns.
    I used to see them shuffling their feet and checking their watches.

    Now they just run when they see me coming.


    Oh, hardly. Some of us listen closely to every word that comes out of the mouth of tiny, old, wizened you. You're like Yoda or something.

    Myself, I try my best to lead a good example to my younger and/or more recently out acquaintances. Every now and then I actually do.
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    Apr 09, 2008 11:27 PM GMT
    It is interesting to see this forum. I have recently received several notes from younger men. Most start out as nice notes that are complementary and slightly sexual. As a father, I look at these men and think my son is only a few years younger than they are and while most are very handsome and sexy, it bothers me to be hit upon by some of them only because of the proximity to my son's age. I always try to be nice and warm but not encourage the sexual overtones simply because i feel relationships between equals are best. and i know that age often isn't the deciding factor of equality, but life experience is. And i want these wonderful men to have full meaningfull lives without the burden of either being taken care of and then feeling the need to reimburse someone or then in the end having their youth encumbered with the restrictions of an older partner. Some of this i know sound ageist or whateveer the term is, but it isn't. The beauty of youth should be shared with the beauty of youth. I was young once. I don't need to relive it and i don't want to live it viacariously through my son and certainly not through my partner. I know this is slightly off topic but the older men should be willing to offer unbiased guidance. And remove their hormones from the topic. I think the best advice one of my age can give someone who is younger is to live life fully and embrace it with the zest that only youth can. Don't be bullied into conforming to some expected norm. Being gay, isn't a definition of your person, just of your sexual preference. It is miniscule in the grand scheme of who you are. Many people will try to box you into a catagory so they can feel safe in who they are. Don't allow that. break all boundries...even if it is as small as dressing how you like when out to running for that public office. Take the hit and move on. In the end you will be bigger and the winner and those who were negative to you will have been left in the dust.
    (phew! really preachy!)
    all the best.
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    Apr 10, 2008 12:35 AM GMT
    I've shared so much with my best friend who I might add is only 27 it's unbelievable. He hits me up for information about everything. He has been my workout partner, in fact he is the one that got me into bodybuilding. He knows more about me than anyone on the face of this earth. I am a role model for him a confidant, a mentor, and his closest friend. He is in a relationship and I talk to him at least once a week. I am proud to know him and I'd do anything for him.
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Apr 10, 2008 12:58 AM GMT
    Auryn saidNow that I'm an older gay man (36 as of yesterday) I'll use my powers for the good of the younglings. One day I hope that my knowledge is good enough to be, what is called, The Oil of Old Gay.


    Muunrakur saidHappy Birthday, gramps!


    Thanks! Now I need to find my teeth so I can go out to eat.
  • justinlee86

    Posts: 501

    Apr 10, 2008 1:10 AM GMT
    I have to admit that I have met some of the most helpful and influential older gay men...and without them I wouldnt be where I am today...
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    Apr 10, 2008 1:21 AM GMT
    You had me right up to "(nonsexual)" ...then my interest kinda waned. ................. icon_lol.gif
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    Apr 10, 2008 4:16 AM GMT
    I enjoy being questioned by younger guys, being
    "picked at" teasingly as "THE OLD MAN". They enjoy me cause I'm a child at heart, but they know I'll tell them like it is, yet they come back for more. Ha !!! I frequently have teenagers/20somethings work for me at the island camp I have, and its rewarding and invigorating being liked by them, and I find I in turn like and would do anything for them. Just wish there were more gay guys around for similar non-sexual relationships. I've really enjoyed getting acquainted with the young guys hera at RJ there's a lot of sweethearts, that's for sure. It annoys the hell out of me when a younger guy thinks because I say hello, that I want in his pants. He may be nice to look at, but that doesn't meen that that's all I see in a nice looking young gay guy. One guy I gave a compliment to, (totally free of any statement that could have been missconstrued as an advance) I started with "THIS IS JUST A COMPLIMENT" his response was "SHOULDN'T YOU BE WRITING SOMEONE YOUR OWN AGE?" My response back was "SHOULDN'T YOU BE ABLE TO RECOGNIZE THAT THE STATEMENT "JUST A COMPLIMENT" MEANS THAT MY MESSAGE WAS "JUST A COMPLIMENT" I DIDN'T KNOW THAT THERE WAS AN AGE LIMIT ON COMPLIMENTS" That was only one though of many many good experiences here with the younger set !!!
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    Apr 10, 2008 11:48 AM GMT
    In a general sense, I'm happy to share with and learn from younger guys. Unfortunatly, none of my younger friends are gay. In my experience there seems to be a big divide between younger and older gay men. Here in central Columbus, many of the younger guys are too busy being Ambercrombie clones to care about older guys (except as a source of money).
    I'm glad I met some very nice older men when I was in my 20's who shared their wisdom and experiences with me without wanting to get into my pants (well most of the time).
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    Apr 10, 2008 12:01 PM GMT
    Here on RJ. TOTALLY. Thank you to all the older guys who've shared their wisdom and experiences. icon_biggrin.gif
  • GeorgeNJ

    Posts: 216

    Apr 10, 2008 12:48 PM GMT
    jarhead5536 said

    What you said. I can only hope that this was a generational thing, and that guys my age and older don't prey on the younglings, all the while pretending to offer mentoring, as used to be done. I tend to avoid the kids, because I would think that they are suspecting my motives...


    I recently starting working with a trainer, age 25, straight, gorgeous. We had developed a nice friendship (totally in the health club) the year prior. Now that we're together on a regular basis for my training, I find myself wondering if he's wondering -- eg what my motives are, etc. I feel self-conscious, so I tend to keep it professional, cordial, and not too close or outwardly chummy. He's exhibited no suspiciousness, it's just my neurotic self. I find it difficult 2nd guessing what he's thinking, as well as the other members who've known me over the years (especially the gay ones). I like the idea of being a big brother, even to straight guys who look up to me, but it's like a balancing act to keep the trust intact.