The Invisible Asian

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    May 22, 2011 1:01 AM GMT
    I belong to several forums. One topic that always seems to see resurface over & over again is the idea of preference vs. racism when it comes to desirability of an Asian person. Although I wrote this from an Asian standpoint, I believe these same thoughts can apply to other races that feel this way. Growing up in a conservative state in which I was the only Asian person in all of my schools that I attended, and then traveling and meeting a lot of people in my later years, I believe I know why these topics come up so much and why Asians are viewed the way they are. The reason why Asians feel like they are not desired, why Asians go for Caucasians, and why Caucasians say they do not like Asians due to preference rather than racism all come down to one word: Visibility. Here are my observations over the years and throughout my travels:

    * Military Men who date Asians: Why is it that I have found that many military men date and/or marry Asians? Why is it that when I travel to places that have a lot of military who bring back Asian people, that I am treated the most normal in those areas? I believe it is because of visibility. They are used to traveling overseas so much and have seen so many types of Asians that they don’t have this preconceived notion of what an Asian person should look like.

    * Asian Men that do not date other Asians: Why does it seem like many Asian men that live in America don’t date other Asians? My thought is again visibility. All Asians in the U.S. see are Caucasians everywhere they go, every movie they see, every television screen, and every billboard they pass. If you hardly ever see any Asians, how would you ever get to know that there are so many types of Asians out there?

    * Caucasian men who have “not interested in Asians” in their profile: A lot of the posts I see from Caucasian men who say they have no interest in Asians say that it is not because of racism but because of preference. I believe it is not because of conscious preference, nor is it because of conscious racism either. I really believe all of this has to do with visibility (or lack thereof) of Asians. If many Caucasians have not spent a lot of time with many different Asians, and they don’t ever see a wide variety of Asian people, then is it really any wonder why they say they are not attracted to Asians due to preference?

    * Growing up as the only Asian: I grew up in a state in which I was the only Asian person in my entire school. People didn’t say hello to me very often, and I’ve had people tell me it’s because they didn’t think I could speak English until I said anything, so you can only imagine what strangers would think. It wasn’t until I started traveling to places in the U.S. that had a larger military and/or Asian demographic that I realized that I was treated this way.

    It’s funny that the show “Glee” had an Asian guy on there with no name for the longest time- he had no name and was called “The Other Asian.” It was to poke fun at just how invisible Asians are in the United States when it comes to visibility in media. With all of the above observations I’ve had from everyone I’ve met and everywhere that I’ve traveled to, it’s no wonder why people Asian and non-Asians feel the way they do, and that there is such an idea as “the invisible Asian.” Let me know your thoughts on this, Asian or not.

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    May 22, 2011 1:05 AM GMT
    i've always felt like that had a huge impact. media is always examining a white persons life, so a lot of black guys wanna date white girls.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    May 22, 2011 1:16 AM GMT
    They don't like me because I'm:
    --Asian
    --Black
    --Tall
    --Fat
    --Skinny
    --Short
    --Feminine
    --Masculine
    --too hairy
    --not hairy enough
    --bald
    --not hung big enough
    --not a top
    --not a bottom
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    May 22, 2011 3:20 AM GMT
    I like potato and rice!
    I'm brown rice.
    I've never been invisible.
    I used to be self-conscious about the way people stared.
    Now, I don't mind when they leer.

    I do agree with you that us Asians are less numerous in some places. But, that just makes us that much more desirable. icon_wink.gif
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    May 22, 2011 3:22 AM GMT
    I find what you have to say on the visibility factor valid. In the US, Caucasians are the majority where as Asians only make up 14-16%. Therefore you are right on how the media only protrays the lifestyles of the majority. I believe at the end of the day its comes down to education, not just preferences.

    Regardless of race, if you have travelled to many places around the world, your perception has expanded because of having experienced different races and their culture. For the majority that have not been to other places in the world, getting the 411 local depiction of race/culture in the states and reading about info on the net is not the same as experiencing it abroad. So you are right the military naturally have a broader spectrum of acceptance of other cultures having been there and experienced it.

    I believe that the stereotype factor also plays a role in their misconception. Not all asians are math wizs, not all gay asians are flaming rice queens, not all asians are short, and etc...you know what i'm getting at. Maybe having had a bad experience with one asian guy, somehow your brain equates that to asians across the board. In theory guys say they treat each person without color, race and boundaries. However, in the real world, the majority is not as such.

    Honestly i really dont think about it. You will win some and loose some. icon_biggrin.gif
  • SuperPump

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    May 22, 2011 3:25 AM GMT
    Im asian and alot of white guy seem to be interested in me lol
    although most of the time I dont go for other asian guys, I have ran into a couple of really attractive ones
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    May 22, 2011 3:49 AM GMT
    rosco87 saidi've always felt like that had a huge impact. media is always examining a white persons life, so a lot of black guys wanna date white girls.

    Rosco buddy! Did you come back for more flaming in this thread? jk icon_razz.gif

    rjb2001 saidNot all asians are math wizs, not all gay asians are flaming rice queens, not all asians are short, and etc...>

    LOL! This is why people don't think you're gay, buddy. They probably think you're straight **shrugs**. When you break the news they're like, "omg you're gay?! I thought you were just being Asian". It's so degrading. icon_mad.gif


    To OP: This topic has been talked to death icon_neutral.gif I do agree with the Asian guys wanting Caucasian BFs though. I have always thought that it'd be nice to have an Asian BF, but no Asian guys wants to date me. They'd be friends with me...like some dysfunctional gay version of the Ya-Ya sisterhood or the Joyluck Club, but not as an object of affection. All I keep attracting are the white boyz, which aren't even my top choice btw. Oh well; go figure.
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    May 22, 2011 5:46 AM GMT
    I'm from SoCal. Mexicans are the majority, but Vietnamese and Chinese communities are prominently built there.
    Asians were a majority in my high school.
    I saw many Asian girls with white guys, including some of my friends.
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    May 22, 2011 6:01 AM GMT
    Two things:

    1) I'm asian, not sexually attracted to other asians because I'm just not into them. DOES NOT MEAN WE CAN'T BE FRIENDS!

    2) If you say in your profile that you are just looking for friendship, and then say that you are not into asians, you are probably being racist.

    But in the end everyone has the right to say what they think or feel. So fuggit.
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    May 22, 2011 3:04 PM GMT
    Rosco – I agree, media adds to the visibility (or non-visibility) of groups of people, and what to think of those groups. For the longest time, everyone thought I was like that Asian guy in “Sixteen Candles” because that’s all everyone in school had to go by since I was the only Asian they’ve seen other than that guy in the movie.

    Webster – I don’t think it’s as simple as that. Sure, it’s easy to just say it’s preference, but what causes that preference and is it a conscious choice, or are we told what to think of a whole group of people by what we see (or don’t see)?

    GAMRican – I’m not saying that you yourself are invisible. I’m talking about Asians being invisible as a whole in the US. How many Asian movie, tv, radio, billboard, actors, actresses, singers etc can you name that are visible in the US? Also, what does this lack of visibility of Asians as a whole in the US say about Asians, and the perception of those (ie: Jackie Chan, Chow Yun Fat etc) say about what others should think of when they see an Asian person? Again, everyone thought I was supposed to be like Long Duck Dong on “Sixteen Candles” because that’s what everyone at my school saw as an Asian person other than myself.

    Rjb – What you say makes sense, and adds a lot to what I’ve experienced as well.

    Badboy69 – I have a lot of Caucasian guys interested in me too, but I also see a lot of postings on many forums of Asian guys who say they are not into other Asians, and Caucasian guys who put in their profile “not into Asians.”

    Friendsrbette – Same comment as with Webster. Since we are talking about a whole group and ethnicity of people, I don’t think it’s as simple as preference because you have to think about what is shaping that preference.

    Cityaznguy – I agree that I see this topic come up a lot, but I always see that half of the posters always seem to think it’s simply a matter of preference, while the other half thinks it’s racism, whereas I don’t think it’s a conscious choice of either, which is why I wanted to create a new thread on this.

    Serioushat – I definitely see more Asian girls with white guys, but why not Asian guys with other Asian guys?

    Turtlesour- I see you bolded #2 - I don’t have anything in my own profile about dating or friendship, but I agree that if someone says they want friendship and then say they are not into Asians, then they could very well be racist, or they really are looking for a hook up or relationship and don’t want an Asian.
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    May 22, 2011 4:06 PM GMT
    My biggest issue is Black people who don't want to date other Black people.
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    May 22, 2011 4:16 PM GMT
    By creating this thread, you're really not adding anything novel. This topic's been hashed out several times, and whether one's preferences are rooted in some form of racism or not, it's all irrelevant. At the end of the day, you're still Asian, and most (even other Asians) would not want to be near you, whether romantically or socially. Many of the reasons could very well be racist in nature, but even then, you have to face the reality of "so what?" People can and should be racist if they want. Da troof hurts.
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    May 22, 2011 4:19 PM GMT
    atl2atx85 saidBy creating this thread, you're really not adding anything novel. This topic's been hashed out several times, and whether one's preferences are rooted in some form of racism or not, it's all irrelevant. At the end of the day, you're still Asian, and most (even other Asians) would not want to be near you, whether romantically or socially. Many of the reasons could very well be racist in nature, but even then, you have to face the reality of "so what?" People can and should be racist if they want. Da troof hurts.


    That's really fucked up coming from you.
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    May 22, 2011 4:28 PM GMT
    Im actually more or less exclusively attracted to east Asian men. I don't know why but it's been like this for several years.
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    May 22, 2011 4:47 PM GMT
    Chattman91 said
    atl2atx85 saidBy creating this thread, you're really not adding anything novel. This topic's been hashed out several times, and whether one's preferences are rooted in some form of racism or not, it's all irrelevant. At the end of the day, you're still Asian, and most (even other Asians) would not want to be near you, whether romantically or socially. Many of the reasons could very well be racist in nature, but even then, you have to face the reality of "so what?" People can and should be racist if they want. Da troof hurts.


    That's really fucked up coming from you.


    why me specifically? and do you think it's fucked up because you know it's true?
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    May 22, 2011 4:59 PM GMT
    All I'm hearing is "ching chong nip nong fong".
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    May 22, 2011 7:54 PM GMT
    Anduru saidAll I'm hearing is "ching chong nip nong fong".


    Oh you silly. That's what you say when you want to order fried frog legs in a Chinese restaurant. I thought I taught you that, or did you forget already? It's ok, when you come to NYC to visit, we can sharpen your Chinese by having a nice dinner in Chinatown icon_biggrin.gif. Just remember I don't eat cats so when you order be careful not to mispronounce. icon_wink.gif
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    May 22, 2011 7:56 PM GMT
    hmm, I don't want to live in America any more.
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    May 22, 2011 8:12 PM GMT
    cityaznguy said
    Anduru saidAll I'm hearing is "ching chong nip nong fong".


    Oh you silly. That's what you say when you want to order fried frog legs in a Chinese restaurant. I thought I taught you that, or did you forget already? It's ok, when you come to NYC to visit, we can sharpen your Chinese by having a nice dinner in Chinatown icon_biggrin.gif. Just remember I don't eat cats so when you order be careful not to mispronounce. icon_wink.gif


    cantonese people are gross



    jk....kinda
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    May 22, 2011 8:27 PM GMT
    atl2atx85 said
    cityaznguy said
    Anduru saidAll I'm hearing is "ching chong nip nong fong".


    Oh you silly. That's what you say when you want to order fried frog legs in a Chinese restaurant. I thought I taught you that, or did you forget already? It's ok, when you come to NYC to visit, we can sharpen your Chinese by having a nice dinner in Chinatown icon_biggrin.gif. Just remember I don't eat cats so when you order be careful not to mispronounce. icon_wink.gif


    cantonese people are gross



    jk....kinda


    I am not Cantonese! I do enjoy a good dim sum from time to time. No chicken feet though...ick. I dunno why people like it...

    chicken_feet.jpg

    Well, actually this picture doesn't look too bad.
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    May 23, 2011 12:59 AM GMT
    first of all, this picture above me looks like penises in general tso's sauce (yum)...

    i forgot to say one more important thing:
    Just because I am not generally attracted to asians does not mean I close off that possibility from ever happening. I am sure out of the millions of asians out there, there are bound to be some I find nom.
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    May 23, 2011 2:55 AM GMT
    atl2atx85 saidBy creating this thread, you're really not adding anything novel. This topic's been hashed out several times, and whether one's preferences are rooted in some form of racism or not, it's all irrelevant. At the end of the day, you're still Asian, and most (even other Asians) would not want to be near you, whether romantically or socially. Many of the reasons could very well be racist in nature, but even then, you have to face the reality of "so what?" People can and should be racist if they want. Da troof hurts.



    Atl2atx85 - Since you are not Asian (and I am assuming you are probably gay since you are on RJ), let me say exactly what you said to me, but in your circumstance: "Many of the reasons could very well be HOMOPHOBIC in nature, but even then, you have to face the reality of "so what?" People can and should be HOMOPHOBIC if they want. So what you are basically saying is this: why even bother trying to discuss or change something that you believe the majority of people in this world believe? In your situation, you could very well be saying, why discuss and try to change perceptions since people can be homophobic if they want.

    Since you are okay with posting ignorance about someone being different from you then you are saying it's okay for people who hate gays to be ignorant about you and your feelings, so I am ignoring your ignorance just like I am ignoring all of your posts.
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    May 23, 2011 3:10 AM GMT
    badboy69 saidIm asian and alot of white guy seem to be interested in me lol
    although most of the time I dont go for other asian guys, I have ran into a couple of really attractive ones


    if you didn't tell me you with asian I would've never guessed. There must be some mixing going on there.
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    May 23, 2011 3:23 AM GMT
    icefan said
    atl2atx85 saidBy creating this thread, you're really not adding anything novel. This topic's been hashed out several times, and whether one's preferences are rooted in some form of racism or not, it's all irrelevant. At the end of the day, you're still Asian, and most (even other Asians) would not want to be near you, whether romantically or socially. Many of the reasons could very well be racist in nature, but even then, you have to face the reality of "so what?" People can and should be racist if they want. Da troof hurts.



    Atl2atx85 - Since you are not Asian (and I am assuming you are probably gay since you are on RJ), let me say exactly what you said to me, but in your circumstance: "Many of the reasons could very well be HOMOPHOBIC in nature, but even then, you have to face the reality of "so what?" People can and should be HOMOPHOBIC if they want. So what you are basically saying is this: why even bother trying to discuss or change something that you believe the majority of people in this world believe? In your situation, you could very well be saying, why discuss and try to change perceptions since people can be homophobic if they want.

    Since you are okay with posting ignorance about someone being different from you then you are saying it's okay for people who hate gays to be ignorant about you and your feelings, so I am ignoring your ignorance just like I am ignoring all of your posts.


    good. don't listen to him. its self-hatred.

    i have asian friends. i have also dated asian guys.
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    May 23, 2011 3:51 AM GMT
    AvadaKedavra said
    icefan said
    atl2atx85 saidBy creating this thread, you're really not adding anything novel. This topic's been hashed out several times, and whether one's preferences are rooted in some form of racism or not, it's all irrelevant. At the end of the day, you're still Asian, and most (even other Asians) would not want to be near you, whether romantically or socially. Many of the reasons could very well be racist in nature, but even then, you have to face the reality of "so what?" People can and should be racist if they want. Da troof hurts.



    Atl2atx85 - Since you are not Asian (and I am assuming you are probably gay since you are on RJ), let me say exactly what you said to me, but in your circumstance: "Many of the reasons could very well be HOMOPHOBIC in nature, but even then, you have to face the reality of "so what?" People can and should be HOMOPHOBIC if they want. So what you are basically saying is this: why even bother trying to discuss or change something that you believe the majority of people in this world believe? In your situation, you could very well be saying, why discuss and try to change perceptions since people can be homophobic if they want.

    Since you are okay with posting ignorance about someone being different from you then you are saying it's okay for people who hate gays to be ignorant about you and your feelings, so I am ignoring your ignorance just like I am ignoring all of your posts.


    good. don't listen to him. its self-hatred.

    i have asian friends. i have also dated asian guys.


    I small_red_heart.gif you buddy but you know that already icon_biggrin.gif