The Last Straw

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    May 22, 2011 4:30 AM GMT
    We're always talking about meeting the man of our dreams and spending the rest of our lives with that person. In order to meet the man of your dreams its very clear that you have to make compromises to be happy with that person and who they are as an individual.

    1. What is the last straw, the one thing you would not be willing to compromise to be with this individual?
    2. When you look for someone, do you search for someone of equal, higher or lesser attractiveness than yourself? How often do feel like your settling?

    Be completely honest, and don't judge.
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    May 22, 2011 4:38 AM GMT
    1) My last straw, the one I would not be willing to compromise with my loved one is loving someone else. In other words, I would break up with ANY man if he ever said to me he wants an open relationship or found out he was seeing another man. I will never allow that if you are with me - no ands, ifs, or buts... that is my last straw.

    2) This is a bit subjective... where one door closes another door opens, an area that is not so great may be covered by an area that is great. In other words, everyone has their flaws and their highlights... so no one is out of my league and I am not out of anyone's league... everyone is on the same playing field. -> In my mind.. as long as you stay monogamous you are definitely someone I want to talk get to know.
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    May 22, 2011 6:58 AM GMT
    _Mohammed_ said1) My last straw, the one I would not be willing to compromise with my loved one is loving someone else. In other words, I would break up with ANY man if he ever said to me he wants an open relationship or found out he was seeing another man. I will never allow that if you are with me - no ands, ifs, or buts... that is my last straw.


    ditto on this since this happened with me and my ex he said he wanted to sleep with another guy who was my 'friend' and well I decided I wasn't gonna have that. yes I broke up with him, later he said he wasn't going to do it which I know was a load of BS

    2) would be that I'm attracted to whoever and whatever I like, they appear attractive to me, but to others they might not be. My friends say I like ugly guys but I think they look pretty good
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    May 22, 2011 7:25 AM GMT
    I support plural marriage.

    I am in a 20+ year relationship that endured meeting my soul mate, and he being apart of our relasionship for 11 years, until he was murded. Our relationship can survive anything I think. Can't think of a straw that would break the camels back.

    Now when I was in my 20s and my head still full of dreams I could never of imagined myself being in such a situation. But I have never been in an open relasionship.

    How I still miss my tall blond handsome Russian Husband; but life goes on and so has my other relationship.

    My first husband is American born a member of Mensa, and Purdue education. Yes in many ways he is a nerd, and not like any other I had dated before; as in being a nerd.

    Husband Number 2. Was Russian, who was born in the high ranks of the USSR, thanks to his grandfather and father being high ranking military men. Seb was well cultured and educated too. but not a nerd, he was more in line of past boyfriends, tall blond and handsome.

    I have been so blessed, to of had two wonderful men in my life. The last straw just has not come along yet.

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    May 22, 2011 7:46 AM GMT
    I wouldn't be in an open relationship and also with a lier. Even the small lies I hate. I'm 100% honest and I always let people around free for being the same.

    I think I search guys that are what I would like to be, I mean that complement the part missing of me. For example, I'd love to wear piercing, but I'm not so courageous. Guys wearing piercing in the eyebrows and lips (Only 1!!!) are a pop out in my eyes. lol
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 22, 2011 7:50 AM GMT
    The last straw would be "drug use" and I don't mean something like pot (but I would find that pretty offensive).

    And I don't "look" since I already have a partner, but I would say someone I can relate directly to, at least a upper middle class background, educated. That doesn't mean I would exclude anybody. If they weren't "relationship material", that could come from a variety of reasons.
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    May 22, 2011 8:13 AM GMT
    santosedelcid said1. What is the last straw, the one thing you would not be willing to compromise to be with this individual?
    2. When you look for someone, do you search for someone of equal, higher or lesser attractiveness than yourself? How often do feel like your settling?


    1. The last straw would be if he was physically violent with me.

    2. I agree with Mohammed that this is subjective. You might thought you traded up but others thought you were blind...or vice versa. That's all subjective.

    I don't think open relationship is bad though, btw. I think it's risky though...icon_sad.gif
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    May 22, 2011 12:18 PM GMT
    santosedelcid saidWe're always talking about meeting the man of our dreams and spending the rest of our lives with that person. In order to meet the man of your dreams its very clear that you have to make compromises to be happy with that person and who they are as an individual.

    1. What is the last straw, the one thing you would not be willing to compromise to be with this individual?
    2. When you look for someone, do you search for someone of equal, higher or lesser attractiveness than yourself? How often do feel like your settling?

    Be completely honest, and don't judge.

    Why didn't you say "and who he is as an individual"? You're only talking about one male individual, right?
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    May 22, 2011 1:04 PM GMT
    My last straw would be someone who is demeaning or insulting to others and treats others as lesser human beings. Arrogance and a sense of entitlement are qualities that just really turn me off.

    When I was single I tended to look for guys I perceived to be equal to me in terms of attractiveness or maybe a bit more attractive. I never sought out anyone I perceived as less attractive.
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    Jul 09, 2011 11:43 AM GMT
    _Mohammed_ said1) My last straw, the one I would not be willing to compromise with my loved one is loving someone else. In other words, I would break up with ANY man if he ever said to me he wants an open relationship or found out he was seeing another man. I will never allow that if you are with me - no ands, ifs, or buts... that is my last straw.

    2) This is a bit subjective... where one door closes another door opens, an area that is not so great may be covered by an area that is great. In other words, everyone has their flaws and their highlights... so no one is out of my league and I am not out of anyone's league... everyone is on the same playing field. -> In my mind.. as long as you stay monogamous you are definitely someone I want to talk get to know.


    Regarding (1), I'm curious:

    A. Do you consider it somehow logically or conceptually (perhaps even "metaphysically", if you will) IMPOSSIBLE a man (perhaps not **you** in particular, admittedly----but not just **you**, but (supposedly) ANY man) to be **in love** (** "genuinely" ** in love, if you will; but NOTE the "scare quotes" around 'genuinely') with **more than one man** **concurrently** (or "simultaneously")? Further: A-1: Could YOU (at least in-principle) be (i.e, are you capable of being), again, at least in-principle, not only attracted-to, but in-love-with (or at least extremely--and **genuinely**!!---extremely romantically **fond** of) more than one particular man at any given time?! A-2: What if you were in-love with, or at least almost full-fledgedly in-love-with (and could easily become completely in-love-with) some man with whom you (almost presumably, we may say) have a wonderful erotic/romantic chemistry/resonance, and this man is very genuinely/sincerely/passionately in-love-with YOU, and yet he also his similar (i.e., more-or-less just as strong, and, mind you, just as noble & genuine & sincere) erotic/romantic sentiments for one or more other men, concurrently with his feelings for you. (And, again, remember, **by hypothesis**, YOU really do care about/for him very deeply, and are at least half-way (so-to-speak) in-love-with him, if not indeed (almost, anyway) full-on, full-tilt in-love-with him, precisely in the sense that, among other things, you genuinely, as I said, care about him, admire him, and very much enjoy being with him). What is HE to do?! WHAT would YOU **HAVE** him do?!

    Say you fall for a guy in, say, Winnipeg or Windsor, not to far (especially the latter) from the Toronto metroplex, admittedly, but sure-as-hell not all that close either!! And he falls for YOU (big time!!), but he also, more-or-less simultaneously (i.e., overlapping within just a few days, or at most, say, maybe a week or so) (can't help but genuinely) falls for yet another guy in, say, oh, hell, I don't know, let's say Calgary (or Edmonton, or, hell, even Vancouver, say, for that matter). HE might (indeed quite possibly would) like to maintain a polygamous (yet---**mind you!!!**---**exclusive** to ONLY you TWO, NOT just a wide-open free-for-all) relationship with BOTH of you guys!! In other words, he chooses be honest and candid with BOTH of you about his feelings---and desires to maintain a genuinely loving/romantic/intimate relationship with BOTH of you, rather than go behind both of y'all's back as regards the other?? WHAT would have (or insist, or whatever) that HE DO----GIVEN, again carefully mind you and take-into-consideration, that YOU really, really DO love and care about HIM!!??

    A-3: Unless you declare---which, of course, is certainly your prerogative---that it would be absolutely IMPOSSIBLE, INCONCEIVABLE for the following to be the case----WHAT IF THE GUY, in the above scenario, IS NOT "some (other) guy", but indeed **YOU**, Mohammed?! What if YOU start dating TWO (or, hell, even 3 I suppose, at least in principle perhaps) guys concurrently, but, fairly soon-on, WITH **BOTH** (or however many, presumably no more than, say, 3) of them, you realize that you are, if not perhaps fully in-love, then nonetheless right on the verge, so to speak, of being so, with BOTH of them: That is, you really are (have just evolvedly, so to speak, as it has come to develop in dating them both) damn-near full-fledgedly, **genuinely** IN LOVE with BOTH them!! What NOW, now that the shoe is on the other foot, as we say?!

    In apology, let me say that I am a J.D. (though not at this time a practicing attorney) who also almost got a doctorate in philosophy (but walked away from the crap with merely a J.D.)---so I have a "double-dose", so to speak of argumentation, and Socratic hypotheticals!!!

    I look forward not only to Mohammed's response, but to that of anyone else....
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    Jul 09, 2011 12:43 PM GMT
    looks are subjective, of course i like hot guys, but u know the feeling of liking sum1 u wouldnt normally think was hot cuz theyre badass.

    my 1 thing i wont comprimise on is unhealthy habits, eating poorly, being lazy, its easy to date sum1 like that and be sucked into that lifestyle, I'm working too hard on my health to throw it away for some guy icon_rolleyes.gif
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jul 09, 2011 1:20 PM GMT
    waxon said I'm working too hard on my health to throw it away for some guy icon_rolleyes.gif


    And doing a fabulous job of it handsome guy! icon_cool.gif
  • Scorpio1113

    Posts: 90

    Jul 10, 2011 3:39 PM GMT
    1. Disrespect. That includes disrespect to me and things I care about (including the relationship/himself). It shows that he doesn't care. So cheating, bringing drugs into my house, putting down my friends, putting down me or himself...etc.

    2. Well currently I'm in love with my man's flaws and all, so I would assume equal. I've come to terms with my flaws and I don't hate myself for it.