WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN???

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 22, 2011 4:54 AM GMT
    My boyfriend (yes I have a boyfriend now, not a random stalking project) and I were talking about what we want in life today, and it was rather cute.

    So I busted out the adorable cliche line that he "completed me."
    Because he seriously does. I feel like a normal person around him.

    His response was that I "compliment" his life, and went on to say that he is a complete person, and it isn't healthy to require someone else to fulfil you.

    And then I was all like "OH YEAH? WELL hahahahaha I was just joking, I have mountains of self-respect and would totally be fine without you."


    ... So yeah. icon_confused.gif

    Interpretations please? Judging by his response I did not answer correctly.
  • ShanksE

    Posts: 263

    May 22, 2011 6:22 AM GMT
    Compliment and complement are two different words. I have a feeling he meant the latter. Good luck.
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    May 22, 2011 6:29 AM GMT
    Complement as in french fries to a burger is not a compliment everyone likes to hear. icon_biggrin.gif
  • shawn06

    Posts: 337

    May 22, 2011 6:47 AM GMT
    His comment was straight up a dickhead remark and I would inform him. He would have done just fine with the you complimenting him reply, why he threw that in is beyond me. But still its not a big deal
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    May 22, 2011 7:02 AM GMT
    I can understand why he responded the way that he did; your comment, even if you meant it in a joking manner, made you come off as a stage 5 clinger. icon_eek.gif

    And we all know most men, once they feel tied down... BAIL BAIL BAIL!!!
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    May 22, 2011 7:46 AM GMT
    KardioKing saidyou come off as a stage 5 clinger.


    This. Can you BE any more needy by saying that to your BF? Let's think of a few ways to do some damage control. Don't call him, instead just limit your texts down to two occasions per day. After two days you can call him. If he does call you, answer it though, and limit the conversation down to three minutes.
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    May 22, 2011 7:55 AM GMT
    In your version it makes you sound or seem dependant upon him to feel like a whole, which in a sense may indicate self esteem problems as cute as it may feel making it the remark could be taken the wrong way. Most men are allergic to
    “cling-ons”

    As he responded it indicated he doesn’t need you to feel like a whole person but he’s still glad that you’re there at the same time, it’s like saying you make his life more interesting =)

    Now your reply to that was a bit on the defensive side cause you may have felt hurt though it could have made your simple conversation into an all out argument, it’s better to keep in mind what he said, and note the essence of it “No one needs another human being to feel complete, we should all ready be feeling that way on our own”
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    May 22, 2011 7:56 AM GMT
    This is a tough one.

    I don't think he was being condescending and I don't think you were being clingy. But I can see how both of these can come out from both of your responses.

    To me, it's the classic, "a woman's point of view vs. a man's point of view". I'm not calling you a woman, but your response is more in line with how a woman would respond and his response is more in line with how a man would respond in a straight relationship. Marriages last for decades with these types of differences, so don't fret it at all.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 22, 2011 7:59 AM GMT
    Sounds like you made a comment that someone might say whose in a serioius relationship, but your comment at the end basically said "who needs you", so to speak. His initial response wasn't any better.

    With interaction like that, you'll be looking for another bf before long. I'd suggest treating each with a little more respect.
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    May 22, 2011 8:56 AM GMT
    waimea said
    KardioKing saidyou come off as a stage 5 clinger.


    This. Can you BE any more needy by saying that to your BF? Let's think of a few ways to do some damage control. Don't call him, instead just limit your texts down to two occasions per day. After two days you can call him. If he does call you, answer it though, and limit the conversation down to three minutes.


    So to fix the rom-com "you complete me" bullshit he should pull a page from The Rules? Yeah, sounds fucking brilliant.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    May 22, 2011 9:15 AM GMT
    what does star trek and toilet paper have in common??

    They both go around your anus and they both wipe out cling ons!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 22, 2011 9:55 AM GMT
    EastCoastNAZ saidThis is a tough one.

    I don't think he was being condescending and I don't think you were being clingy. But I can see how both of these can come out from both of your responses.

    I actually have in my profile under looking to meet "People who complement me- who just sort of "mesh".

    The fact is that the best comliment that I could pay somebody is that they complement me. It really is the equivalent of "adds to" me. Not so much completes me as I am perfectly happy and am a complete person. I need somebody who adds to my personality and my life while I add to theirs (it is somewhat a given that in a complementary relationship you each benefit) Basically, I have strengths and weaknesses and would love to find somebody strong where I am weak and likely I can help provide strength where they need it. That is probably what your BF was referring to.

    When you changed your take on the situation and told him you are fine without him it would have been the equivalent of him responding to your initial "you complete me" by saying "I don't need you."

    While that may be that you interpreted his saying that you complement his life as being negative, he was telling you that you are important to his life. You responded by saying that you were just kidding and don't need him. No doubt that his response to what you said told you did not answer "correctly." If it was how you felt I would say that it was the "correct" answer, but it is, in reality the complete opposite of how you really feel. And yes, I would be insulted if I told somebody that I loved that they "complemented" me and their response was that they neither need, nor desire me.

    Well, there is the interpretation from somebody whose stated goal is to meet "somebody who complements me."
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    May 22, 2011 2:22 PM GMT
    I'm going to echo what yourname, waimea, lastmystic, and west77 said. Tone of voice is important and I can't get that from what you wrote, but it seems like he was gently trying to show you a healthier way to look at things. The whole "you complete me" thing is Hollywood B.S. and completely antithetical to the concept of a healthy relationship of equals. But if you've grown up steeped in that crap through popular culture, you might think it's a sweet, romantic thing to say. Let his words sink in, think about the difference between being "completed" vs. "complemented," and I think (hope) you'll see the wisdom and love behind what he said.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 23, 2011 12:40 AM GMT
    I wouldn't try to analyze this too much; it think it means that you are more romantic and more sensitive than your partner. Forget it.
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    May 23, 2011 12:48 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidSounds like you made a comment that someone might say whose in a serioius relationship, but your comment at the end basically said "who needs you", so to speak. His initial response wasn't any better.

    With interaction like that, you'll be looking for another bf before long. I'd suggest treating each with a little more respect.


    This
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 23, 2011 12:49 AM GMT
    I think what you said was a nice thing to say... there's a reason we refer to our partner's as each other's "better half".. its a figure of speech
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    May 23, 2011 12:51 AM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    DUDE! I think (like your BF) such a comment ("you complete me") would really upset me --send off serious warning bells!!!!


    No offense, but saying that to me would give me warning bells that you have intimacy issues....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 23, 2011 12:53 AM GMT
    KardioKing saidI can understand why he responded the way that he did; your comment, even if you meant it in a joking manner, made you come off as a stage 5 clinger. icon_eek.gif

    And we all know most men, once they feel tied down... BAIL BAIL BAIL!!!


    Well isn't that the truth! mmhmmmm