What to do?

  • twilight2010

    Posts: 307

    May 23, 2011 5:42 PM GMT
    My boyfriend and I used to have sex regularly but then it started to be less. Like at first 3 times a week now im lucky if its 1 a month.

    The problem here is that he claims he is always tired. Every single time i try to stimulate him he pushes me away and says he is tired. this can be on weekdays or even weekends when he does not even work.

    One day he told me he was tired and then he refused sex. then i caught him jerking off instead. Every man has the right to jerk off please dont get me wrong but he never wants to have sex when i try, it must be on his terms or nothing.

    When he does want sex then he wont let me suck him and he used to always. He wants to suck me but does not let me return the favour. I also like to suck him but no way he lets me.

    I have been with him for many years,,It never used to be like this. Guys what is your take on this? Please give me advice. He shows no romance what soever.

    He claims to love me and he is a good boyfriend to me but he does not have sex with me. if i get it im lucky if it is once a month
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    May 24, 2011 2:30 AM GMT
    It may not be this _at all_, but I wanted to throw it out there for consideration because it happened to me, and also because guys tend not to (or not to want to) consider this: he may have been sexually abused and just now coming to terms with it or recovering memories.

    My first BF was sexually just _fine_ (great, actually) until the memories started surfacing, and then suddenly I couldn't touch him, not even kissing. It eventually got better after therapy and time (lots of both!), but he still hadn't gotten anywhere close to being able to have sex again when we eventually broke up (for many reasons, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that the strain that put on the relationship didn't help).

    Maybe it's something much more innocuous (he's tired), or less deeply rooted (he's cheating on you). But do consider the possibility and maybe read up on some potential signs that abuse could be in his past.

    If you (or anyone else reading this and dealing with this issue) want more info, feel free to message me privately.
  • twilight2010

    Posts: 307

    May 24, 2011 6:25 AM GMT

    No he was not sexually abused ever, he has never told me that and i know his family there is nothing like that.

    It was all fine and then it just changed. But what does a person do in this case?

    I do not know what to do. I spoke to him and he said hes tired and every time i try cuddle or kiss or try to make sexual gestures to him he says no. It must always be on his terms and his terms alone.

    What does a person do? What do you all think about this?
  • twilight2010

    Posts: 307

    May 25, 2011 12:29 PM GMT
    come on guys please I need wisdom from the great Real Jocks here. I honestly dont know what to do here? Help needed.
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    May 25, 2011 2:17 PM GMT
    A few things come to mind:

    -Maybe he's bored. Even if you both find each other incredibly hot, having the same routine can be so predictable that it doesn't turn him on anymore (which has happened to me).

    -It's also possible that he has a lower sex drive now which is just due to age. A friend of mine's boyfriend (now ex but not for this reason) doesn't have a high sex drive and he's always legitimately tired but when he is horny you know that he is.

    -Do you think he might be seeing someone else? Even if it's not physical he could be getting along with someone on an emotional level which could seem to dull your relationship.

    -There's higher priorities in his life such as work load, finance, family, finding purpose in life / future aspirations / past regrets / in need of lifestyle change.

    That's what I'd think if I were in your position. I really think it's great that you have talked to him about it so he's aware that you're feeling neglected. And maybe he doesn't realise what's happening himself and is blaming his lack of energy as a reason for it but I hope it works out for you. I wouldn't badger him about it lest he feels like you're complaining that there's something wrong with him as a person and help him (like you are) overcome his issue/s if there is one. Some things just need time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 2:22 PM GMT
    I honestly think he has moved on and not interested in you. He still cares about you emotionally but maybe not sexually and is afraid to tell u.icon_question.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 4:00 PM GMT
    Sex generally has a shorter lifetime than a relationship. I used to hear people say sex gets people together and love keeps them there, but a sexless relationship can eventually become like that movie "Date Night," where you are just really good roommates.

    If once a month doesn't work for you, come to an agreement or move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 4:06 PM GMT
    Have you considered that he is having sex elsewhere?

    Not wanting to be sucked off...is a strong sign that he's having sex (maybe unsafe sex) and does not want to infect you.

    Beyond that, I recommend a marriage counselor..or similar place where he can talk.