Asking a guy out (advice)

  • TallSoCal

    Posts: 321

    Apr 10, 2008 2:00 AM GMT
    All right. I REALLY need help with this.


    So, I work at a Hollywood Video in my area, and one of my customers is a guy I REALLY like. I'm almost 100 percent sure he's gay cause we went to school together. He was a senior when I was a freshman, and I've liked him ever since. When I see him, I get really nervous, but we always smile at each other.

    Usually when he comes in, he'll come in with a girl. I don't have a problem with rejection, but I've never asked someone out before. Here's what I'd say:

    "Forgive me if I'm getting the wrong impression from you, but would it be inappropriate of me to maybe ask you out sometime?" and then maybe I'd say something about my crush on him? I dunno.

    What do you guys think?
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Apr 10, 2008 2:07 AM GMT
    If you're friendly with him make it more casual and just ask him if he'd like to have a drink out sometime

    THEN if he says yes...That's when you go on a FACT-finding mission
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    Apr 10, 2008 2:10 AM GMT
    its hard...but if u have the courage to do so, then do it icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 10, 2008 2:22 AM GMT
    I would try to get talking to him casually. Sounds like you are on the right track though.
  • TallSoCal

    Posts: 321

    Apr 10, 2008 2:40 AM GMT
    GQjock saidIf you're friendly with him make it more casual and just ask him if he'd like to have a drink out sometime




    How do I do that without giving him the wrong impression about myself?
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 10, 2008 2:43 AM GMT
    I totally agree.. leave out the "ask him out" and make it more casual. A drink or to chat or the like. On the basis of that discussion you will get a chance to evaluate.. and if you sense he is gay and open.. ask him out on a date.
  • TallSoCal

    Posts: 321

    Apr 10, 2008 2:57 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI totally agree.. leave out the "ask him out" and make it more casual. A drink or to chat or the like.



    How do I do THAT? lol. Neither of us have the same friends. I was thinking I could have my friend (a lesbian) throw one of her kickbacks (small gathering of friends), and I could invite him and have him bring some people so he wouldn't feel awkward.

    The only problem with that is he doesn't rent too often, and if he comes in, and I tell him about it, and Melissa's schedule is off, it would be kinda awkward.
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    Apr 10, 2008 3:00 AM GMT
    maybe you could start the chat right there and ask him what his favorite type of video is. Get him talking about something that isnt too personal and apropos for the circumstances. If he seems talkative, open to chatting, and hasnt let you know that he is def. str8, then ask if he wants to have coffee sometime. To me, coffee sounds less threatening then meeting for a drink. But then I dont drink, so maybe I am off.
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    Apr 10, 2008 3:01 AM GMT
    This is always missed connections on craigslist. Doesn't require any courage to make a post.
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    Apr 10, 2008 3:02 AM GMT
    I think coffee idea is a good one.
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    Apr 10, 2008 6:59 AM GMT
    Doo it. I'm shy and lame but guys usually ask me out so i'm good lol. But if you feel strongly enough i would.

    However i'd make it more casual. I think being blunt by just coming out and saying it how you discribe might put him on the spot. When guys have done that to me its usually put up a wall and then I say yeah we should sometime. (Which means NEVER!) lol.
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    Apr 10, 2008 7:24 AM GMT
    I do have a slight warning about "getting personal" with this guy while you're at work: what if your casual advance is not welcome? He could make your work environment very uncomfortable if he complains to your boss.

    It happened to me, at a haircutting salon (when I gave a damn about my hair). The guy who was interested in me took the liberty of checking out my phone number in their database and called me out of the blue. Although I didn't bust him with his superiors, I wanted to, because I felt like it was an invasion of my privacy. I did, however, stop going to that salon.

    IF you like him, find a chance to meet him somewhere not connected to work. That may take some cleverness on your part, like asking innocuous questions like, "Where's a good place to get mangos around here?" or "I'm so Jonesing for a Starbucks...you ever been to that one across the street?"

    Then, when you do actually bump into him (outside of work), make the move.
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    Apr 10, 2008 7:32 AM GMT
    First off, make sure he is actaully gay otherwise you might be setting yourself up for a some serious embarassment which could have some drastic consequences since you are hitting on a customer at work.

    Second, you are at work and he frequents that place. Not a good sign. Try doing that sort of thing elsewhere that isn't attached to your work place.

    Third, "do no ask him out". That is lame. You should invite him out for some friendly coffee and get a better idea about him before jumping the gun since the only time you ever see him is the place you work at, which ironically enough, is at a video store. A quarter of your work in done since you have a general idea what kind of movies he's into. Use that as a convo starter and you should be fine or then again maybe not since YOU do work in Video Store and it might seem old and tired to talk business with him.
  • TallSoCal

    Posts: 321

    Apr 10, 2008 7:39 AM GMT
    All right. So, I'm gonna take all of your advice and I'm gonna kinda lie and do this:

    I'm going to ask him if he goes to my school because I thought I saw him. lol. He'll most likely say no, and I'll say, "Oh ok. Nevermind. I just thought I saw you while I was in the library. I was gonna go over and say hi, but good thing I didn't...? Haha"

    And maybe take it from there? We'll both be a little more comfortable after that. Haha. I dunno. I'm getting nervous just thinking about it. lol

    How does that sound? lol. It sucks, doesn't it?
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    Apr 10, 2008 7:43 AM GMT
    ERRRRRRRRRRRRRR> Wrong.
    Do not lie. That will never help you out in wanting to meet someone.

    If you've never seen this guy out and about anywhere then you are shooting blind in a dark room assuming you know where he's been. Do not even play that card because if he's smart he will know you are fakin' it.

    Spark up something that you both might have an interest in. Talk sports, music, outdoor activities, school, pets, or travel. Just remember not to lie.
  • wc2boy

    Posts: 36

    Apr 10, 2008 11:47 AM GMT
    GQjock saidIf you're friendly with him make it more casual and just ask him if he'd like to have a drink out sometime

    THEN if he says yes...That's when you go on a FACT-finding mission


    That's exactly it. Next time you see him just ask him if he wants to go out for a drink/meal sometime and catch up. Since you went to the same school you'll already have plenty to chat about.

    If he declines then he's not interested, if he says yes then you'll have an opportunity to get a bit more detail on whether he's young, free, gay and single.
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    Apr 10, 2008 11:52 AM GMT
    My only advice is to avoid this sort of thing on the job. You likely do not want to lose your job.

    Just make casual chit chat about his rentals - "That's a good one, you'll have to let me know what you think." or something to that effect. The videos are your commonality and not beyond the realm of appropriateness.
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Apr 10, 2008 12:32 PM GMT
    FORUM FREEDOM (the right to be off topic)!


    Why do gay men think someone is hitting on them/gay if they get smiled at by that person?

    PS- what you originally wanted to ask (look at how nicely i get back on topic) was verbose and didn't roll of the tongue easily. Try practicing saying it in the mirror. It's akwardly phrased and rather formal sounding. If you are interested, try coming up with something much more relaxed.
    :-)
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 10, 2008 12:50 PM GMT
    Awemazing said[quote]


    How do I do THAT? lol.



    Sounds like you have it well in hand. The approach with your lesbian friend is a sound one. When there, just gab with him, then ask him out for a drink.

    Otherwise, I would try and chat him up when he's in your store.. based on commonalities and conversation, you still might want to try "the drink" approach.
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    Apr 10, 2008 1:16 PM GMT
    The fact that he comes in with a girl gives you an opportunity. Ask him something, or say something, about his "girlfriend" and see if he corrects you. "Ah, she's not a girlfriend."

    That does two thing. It gives you a better idea of whether he's gay or not. It also starts a conversation that might make things even clearer.

    Beyond that, I would try to get to know him a bit outside of the video store. Use that conversation to try to find a common interest. Then invite him to something you're doing with other friends.

    Tell him about some get-together or activity you have coming up (or will hastily put together icon_wink.gif for the right guy). That then gives you an excuse to get his phone number. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2008 1:24 PM GMT
    GQjock saidIf you're friendly with him make it more casual and just ask him if he'd like to have a drink out sometime


    Awemazing said
    How do I do that without giving him the wrong impression about myself?


    Ah, don't you mean the right impression? You do want to ask him out and have a drink, right?
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    Apr 10, 2008 3:56 PM GMT
    I've the same problem Awemazing. I'm interested in someone, but not sure how to approch him. I find him attractive, but you never know how it'll turnout. I've gone to war and faced my fears, but why can't I do this simple thing? Its fustrating. You have atleast talked to him, mine is more an attraction from a distance. Have a great day.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19138

    Apr 10, 2008 3:58 PM GMT
    Or, you could just really go for the gusto and invite him back to the stock room :-)
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19138

    Apr 10, 2008 4:04 PM GMT
    PhxAriz08 saidI will ask him for his number or his e-mail. So that you guys can keep in touch... Then ask him if he like to walk around and chit chat or maybe grab some beers??


    Might be a better idea to casually give him your # and/or email address and tell him to give you a call if he'd like to hang out sometime. Obviously, you wouldn't have given him your contact info if you didn't want him to contact you. If he's interested, he will.
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    Apr 10, 2008 5:03 PM GMT
    Ask him next time he comes in "what type of video's" he likes and say i can e mail you or text when we get the latest in?

    lf he says no i will come in and check from time to time you have LOST Mate?