Would you date someone that used to do hard drugs?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 23, 2011 8:51 PM GMT
    Im not talking about pot or shrooms, Im referring to things like crystal meth and heroin.

    I ask because I went on a date with a guy Saturday. He was a little wacky, and he is currently clean from crystal meth and heroin (going on 15 months now.) Other than that, he is a lot of fun.

    He asked if I wanted to date, and I all ready said yes. I wanted to know other's opinions on the matter though.

    If you met a guy who was nice to you, but used to do hard drugs a lot, and was recently clean, would you still go out with him?
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    May 23, 2011 9:02 PM GMT
    Nooo
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    May 23, 2011 9:07 PM GMT
    not if they were a serious user unless they had major time (read 5+ years) clean

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    May 23, 2011 9:25 PM GMT
    The fact that you posted here AND said he was a 'little' wacky....may give you the answer your gut is telling.

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    May 23, 2011 9:30 PM GMT
    White4DarkerFL saidThe fact that you posted here AND said he was a 'little' wacky....may give you the answer your gut is telling.



    Well I all ready have my answer. It is yes. I believe that if we as a society separate people based on past mistakes than how can an individual hope for redemption. Yes he was very wacky at first. Then he calmed down and I had a really great time. Plus I got all giggly when he put his arm around me and kissed me on the cheek.

    I wanted to know what others would do in this situation for my own curiosity and nothing more.
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    May 24, 2011 12:26 AM GMT
    I've been on the other side of your situation. I've been out of my monogamous relationship with meth for 5 years, 9 months now. I told people about it for the first couple of years, and have stopped telling people that I'm dating about my past experiences with the drug. I'm glad there were some cool people that would still take a chance on me, and trust that I wouldn't start using again.

    This guy obviously saw that the drugs were not getting him where he wanted to go, and he has stopped. He's clean now, so what's the problem?
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    May 24, 2011 12:32 AM GMT
    As long as he is in recovery and trying his best, I wouldn't have a problem with it. Maybe you could be a good support system for him. Does he attend Narcotics Anonymous?
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    May 24, 2011 1:16 AM GMT
    Pyrotech saidI've been on the other side of your situation. I've been out of my monogamous relationship with meth for 5 years, 9 months now. I told people about it for the first couple of years, and have stopped telling people that I'm dating about my past experiences with the drug. I'm glad there were some cool people that would still take a chance on me, and trust that I wouldn't start using again.

    This guy obviously saw that the drugs were not getting him where he wanted to go, and he has stopped. He's clean now, so what's the problem?


    From my understanding people have an issue with it because there is a strong chance of relapse. At the same time, everyone has issues, and needs a rock to lean on at some point in their lives.
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    May 24, 2011 1:19 AM GMT
    Wouldn't even consider it.
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    May 24, 2011 1:22 AM GMT
    KardioKing saidWouldn't even consider it.


    Do you mind if I ask why?
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    May 24, 2011 1:24 AM GMT
    Currently using...absolutely no way.

    In rehab....no.

    In recovery - two years after rehab....maybe.

    Ex - more than two years, currently clean...sure.

    In your case 15 mos, you shouldn't write him off, especially if you like him. icon_smile.gif
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    May 24, 2011 2:00 AM GMT
    Chainers said
    KardioKing saidWouldn't even consider it.


    Do you mind if I ask why?


    Whoops! My bad, I skimmed and didn't catch the "used to do hard drugs." Still I'd be skeptical because seems like relapse occurs all too often. Like others said, it would depend on how long he had been clean.
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    May 24, 2011 2:13 AM GMT
    Yeah, why not?

    We all do things that we regret. If you really believe his addiction was the result of a disease, you shouldn't have any more of a problem dating someone with a past drug addiction than any other medical illness.

    If you make a moral judgment on the person for their drug use, then that is a different story and I think the true compelling reason people have not to date drug users.

    Obviously it goes without saying that you should both be tested for HIV but because of the way meth and heroin can be used, there is an increased risk for HIV. He should get tested to be safe. If he went through formal detox he probably already was.

    Drug use (and all life experiences) change us. I think he'd be a very interesting person to know and I find the people that most appreciate life are the one's who have been so very close to losing their own and have had to come back from those kind of experiences.

  • BardBear

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    May 24, 2011 2:18 AM GMT
    Remember, every relationship has a variety of ups and downs and crazy moments and sad moments. As you date this guy and grow a bit understanding him--know that that part of his history will always be there. It doesn't really matter what WE think, it matters what YOU think. Can you handle it? Do you have the support systems for a relapse?

    Once an alchoholic, always an alchoholic, sadly. I was in Al-Anon for some members of my family. Yes, that's drinking, not hard drugs-but the forces are very similar. And when I deal with those family members, I keep that in mind. Usually, a habitual user doesn't actually quit-they just replace it with other activities. Sometimes it's being addicted to the gym. Sometimes it morphs to a sexual addiction.

    The key is when they hit the low points of life that always come forth. A good friend dying, a parent's passing. How will they handle it?

    The sad part is, friend, you will always be second to whatever the addict loved before you. You will wish, hope, that, should they fall off the wagon, their sheer love will be for you and it will heal their wounds. Maybe. That'd be cool. But the fact is--you would be the one who the response would be undeterminable. THey won't know what you will do next. But drugs? They can take them and know the feeling will go away for sure.

    Now, with that knowledge, a downer for sure--they do deserve a second chance. Give it to him. Just know the road will be bumpy. What are you willing to do with it? Be open, honest and understanding. And, if the guy is worth it, it WILL work out.

    Good luck!

    Peace,
    Bardy
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    May 24, 2011 2:39 AM GMT
    For me, I would carefully weigh in a lot of factors if I really liked the guy.

    I would want to know how often/long they used to do the hard drugs when they were in that phase. The more substantial a time period and the more frequent they used during it, the higher the likelihood of eventual recidivism (even years later, if/when circumstances become very hard, or other potential triggers come into play)- just something I have observed from people I know personally. There is a HUGE difference between sporadic/light recreational use and somebody with a all-consuming life-destructive habit.

    If they have an addictive personality in general, I would tread with caution as one addiction is likely to be replaced with another, although some addictions can be positive (e.g. fitness/spirituality).

    Also, how did using affect their lives/relationships in the past, some users are highly functional, others clearly aren't.

    I know some truly great people who used to 'use'/are in long term recovery, who have some of the purest 'hearts' I have come across, and who have changed their lives for the best and stayed clean for many years- some of the best people I've known from any walk of life. I have also known some who were the complete opposite, and some who fall somewhere in between.

    I can't accurately generalize, it would really depend on the person in question, how I felt about them otherwise, how much I am able to read them. Some people are definitely worth the risk of jumping into the unknown/a relationship with, although most people, both addicts as well as people who have never touched a substance, aren't.

    In your scenario, assuming I really liked the guy, sure, I would date him, and tread slowly to feel him out (but I do that anyway tbh).


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    May 24, 2011 2:42 AM GMT
    I would probably not. I dont need that kind if instability in my life.
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    May 24, 2011 2:44 AM GMT
    I'd take a chance


    "Every sinner has a future and every saint has a past"
  • tallguy86

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    May 24, 2011 2:46 AM GMT
    No way. It would be way too sad to watch someone I care about doing that shit.
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    May 24, 2011 2:47 AM GMT
    tallguy86 saidNo way. It would be way too sad to watch someone I care about doing that shit.


    he means someone clean duh
  • dannyboy1101

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    May 24, 2011 2:51 AM GMT
    Only if he's muscular and straight acting and a masculine jock. O and vgl.
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    May 24, 2011 2:58 AM GMT
    Absolutely. I've tried just about everything (keyword being "tried") and I consider myself a reasonably decent human being who's somewhat responsible.

    As long as you're willing to clean yourself up and try to stand back up on your own, I don't see why there would be a problem.
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    May 24, 2011 3:07 AM GMT
    definitely not a deal breaker.
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    May 24, 2011 3:10 AM GMT
    Honestly, I would probably decline. Meth and Heroin is not something anyone can just easily walk away from especially if you were hitting it hardcore. 15 months doesn't seem like a very long time either. I'd consider it if the guy was clean for at least 5 years and did a complete 360 with his life and showed no signs of ever repeating the same mistake by putting himself in any situation that would make him revert back to old ways.
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    May 24, 2011 3:37 AM GMT
    Chainers saidIm not talking about pot or shrooms, Im referring to things like crystal meth and heroin.

    I ask because I went on a date with a guy Saturday. He was a little wacky, and he is currently clean from crystal meth and heroin (going on 15 months now.) Other than that, he is a lot of fun.

    He asked if I wanted to date, and I all ready said yes. I wanted to know other's opinions on the matter though.

    If you met a guy who was nice to you, but used to do hard drugs a lot, and was recently clean, would you still go out with him?


    I'd go out, but I'd be wary
  • awm55

    Posts: 619

    May 24, 2011 3:49 AM GMT
    Chainers saidIm not talking about pot or shrooms, Im referring to things like crystal meth and heroin.

    I ask because I went on a date with a guy Saturday. He was a little wacky, and he is currently clean from crystal meth and heroin (going on 15 months now.) Other than that, he is a lot of fun.

    He asked if I wanted to date, and I all ready said yes. I wanted to know other's opinions on the matter though.

    If you met a guy who was nice to you, but used to do hard drugs a lot, and was recently clean, would you still go out with him?


    I find it interesting that you would date and hookup with someone who escorts and goes to bathhouses, but past drug use is something that makes you think twice. I honestly find that surprising.

    But to answer your question, if a guy has tried pot, shrooms, ecstasy, coke etc in the past and currently does not do it (well maybe a bit of pot is ok) then I would have no problem at all, but heroin or meth use in the past are absolute deal breakers.