Is it all about the appearance?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 24, 2011 6:28 PM GMT
    I know that most of us say that looks isn't everything but in fact looks is the first thing we see and if we are not immediately attracted to a guy, we don't give them that much of a chance.
    So do you think it is actually possible to like someone as a person despite the fact that he may not be the type we like?

    Now I don't mean if it is possible in some parallel universe where people are not so superficial, especially gay men. I mean here and now, in our world :-)

    And no, this is not one of the "Will I find my soulmate" threads, this is just something I have been thinking about lately - exactly how superficial are we : ))))
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 24, 2011 6:30 PM GMT
    Looks is important, but it is not the only thing. The fact of the matter is attraction is 50% how you look and 50% personality, confidence, and so forth. This is why people say I am smoking hot in person, yet I get no attention online. I have personality, and not just rock hard abs.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 24, 2011 6:33 PM GMT
    ive-got-confidence-funny-albums.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 24, 2011 8:04 PM GMT

    I've been more liberal on my dating criterion lately to allow for some false negatives. Just like the good 'ol ROC curve, being more liberal costs you more time and money. One of these men was a true negative I realized after about six dates. So adjusting my bias is an ongoing battleicon_smile.gif

    I think looks are very important, but if you take care of yourself from the inside including mentally it will show on the outside. That's what I look for.
    Receiver_Operating_Characteristic.png
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 24, 2011 8:10 PM GMT
    deltalimen said
    I've been more liberal on my dating criterion lately to allow for some false negatives. Just like the good 'ol ROC curve, being more liberal costs you more time and money. One of these men was a true negative I realized after about six dates. So adjusting my bias is an ongoing battleicon_smile.gif

    I think looks are very important, but if you take care of yourself from the inside including mentally it will show on the outside. That's what I look for.
    Receiver_Operating_Characteristic.png


    Is this what we have become? A society where dating has turned into mathematical formulas and charts?

    Just check for chemistry lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 24, 2011 8:21 PM GMT
    ^Well, for me I've dated enough men to know what is gonna work and what is not. I'm also a biased bitch. SO, I'm suggesting manipulating bias to get true resultsicon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 24, 2011 9:18 PM GMT
    Is it ALL about the looks?
    No.

    Does it play an important factor in attraction... yeah.
    You have to find something a little bit endearing to keep you attached. Be honest with yourself about it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 25, 2011 1:15 AM GMT
    For me there is a right temperature of attractiveness to get me interested. But that's about it. Beyond that what comes out of the persons mouth can easily make me very not interested lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 25, 2011 1:17 AM GMT
    I have found a guys mind is probably the sexiest thing about them. Sure I have to find them attractive on some level. But I can forgive a lot for someone who makes my mind as excited as my dick and makes me laugh. While 7 days a week in a gym cant cure an ugly face, it also cant make someone interesting.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    May 25, 2011 1:19 AM GMT
    There was a documentary on PBS about couples who had been together for over 50 years. They all said the same thing. "The sex was amazing."

    If you're looking for a man to love, you have no shame in narrowing the prospects down to the man who makes you want to stay home and shag all day. He'll be the guy you're still with 50 years from now.

  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    May 25, 2011 1:21 AM GMT
    So yes, looks, well sexual appeal is important in a relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 25, 2011 1:24 AM GMT
    ive always had one priority when seeking someone to date or build something with..and its always been about the non physical..i dont know how few think like me..but i only look for smarts and intellect. And thats beginning to be a rare trait in guys. If your smart and not socially awkward and really know how to have a conversation..chances are we will have better communication..but if your all about looks then thats the only thing you will gain from the guy- his looks. Sadly most gay men dont understand this...case and point..arranged marriages last ten times longer than normal marriages..as both parties go into the marriage not knowing who the other is..so they work to get to know each other..this is the process that most gay men ignore...getting to know someone first.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 25, 2011 1:25 AM GMT
    Relationship = Job position

    Looks = Foot in the door, job interview.

    If you can't take calls, make copies, file a report or even know how to appropriately answer interview questions you'll never get the job regardless of how many "interviews" you land.

    Is being able to get your foot in the door important? Sure it is! However It's more important to actually be able to do the job.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 25, 2011 7:33 AM GMT
    TrevorMark saidIs it ALL about the looks?
    No.

    Does it play an important factor in attraction... yeah.
    You have to find something a little bit endearing to keep you attached. Be honest with yourself about it.

    Yes, this is very true.
    I have always thought that in order to be with someone, you have to be sexually attracted to them.

    But for example I know this couple of two guys who are kind of ... well, not the sexiest men ever icon_rolleyes.gif But they are together for more than 3 years now. So if it is not their looks that attracted them to each other, it had to be the personality.... or maybe desperation? : )))

  • May 25, 2011 7:54 AM GMT
    I have to find you at least cute to even talk to you, if your not I won't even bother on a date... However, as I have gotten older I have also learned to judge someone's potential in life, and that makes up for another part of it... I wouldnt date a medical student though, if he was busted... Cute is unique, and it varies from person to person, but overall I am picky...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 25, 2011 7:55 AM GMT
    fulldelight said
    Yes, this is very true.
    I have always thought that in order to be with someone, you have to be sexually attracted to them.

    But for example I know this couple of two guys who are kind of ... well, not the sexiest men ever icon_rolleyes.gif But they are together for more than 3 years now. So if it is not their looks that attracted them to each other, it had to be the personality.... or maybe desperation? : )))


    My question to you... if they find each other attractive, who are you to question it? icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 25, 2011 8:00 AM GMT
    fulldelight saidIs it all about the appearance?
    Yes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 25, 2011 8:13 AM GMT

    Looks become less and less important.

    When you're in a stable relationship long term you can't help but look down on guys that use dating criteria like "abs" "great smile" "muscled or athletic" ""

    And nearly every one of them are single.

    Anyone who comes over to you or dates you because of your looks, is already in the "most likely to fail" category.





  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 25, 2011 8:15 AM GMT
    I don't want to get all Shirley McClain on you,,but I think sometimes there is some outside force that attracts us to people. This happened to me personally and when we started talking (after our initial attraction which neither of us could explain) we found we had so much in common....

    and he smelled good ...the manly smell...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 25, 2011 8:28 AM GMT
    I may sound shallow here but I’m being honest to myself
    Personally yes, appearance is a considered factor
    But I seriously give more emphasis to his personality
    I like a guy who makes me laugh and is easy to relate too

    Besides
    Who doesn’t want a cute guy that’s romantic and funny =P
  • janu88

    Posts: 346

    May 25, 2011 8:36 AM GMT
    i dont know, for me its not so much the actual skin...
    but the body posture, how he holds himself up.... something within... icon_wink.gif
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    May 25, 2011 10:01 AM GMT
    fulldelight saidI know that most of us say that looks isn't everything but in fact looks is the first thing we see and if we are not immediately attracted to a guy, we don't give them that much of a chance.
    So do you think it is actually possible to like someone as a person despite the fact that he may not be the type we like?

    Now I don't mean if it is possible in some parallel universe where people are not so superficial, especially gay men. I mean here and now, in our world :-)

    And no, this is not one of the "Will I find my soulmate" threads, this is just something I have been thinking about lately - exactly how superficial are we


    Speak for yourself, I don't think I am superficial. The way someone looks doesn't mean a shit if it's not accompanied with brain. In my case, brain is what counts, you can be ugly as monkey's butt, but if you are smart...well, works for me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 25, 2011 10:06 AM GMT
    i met a guy yesterday who is a friend of my friend he is not very good looking guy and i didnt feel any attraction for him, but after spending 2 hours with him i discovered how beatuiful he is....

    Just try to show how beatuiful you are from inside , then beleive me everyone will feel your beauty outside
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 25, 2011 10:06 AM GMT
    I've been on enough first dates by now to know that if the looks aren't doing it initially, it's not gonna happen. The exception is if it's someone you actually see regularly and can get to know in a non-dating way first. Investing that kind of energy into a new date is pretty random. Why would anyone expect that? If you rationalize that everyone deserves that kind of chance, it's impossible to give it.

    The other side of it is that what's attractive to some is not to others. Don't think it's unfair to let looks guide you. My friends and I don't even share taste in looks... there is something for everybody.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 25, 2011 10:07 AM GMT
    AntoNomad said
    Speak for yourself, I don't think I am superficial. The way someone looks doesn't mean a shit if it's not accompanied with brain. In my case, brain is what counts, you can be ugly as monkey's butt, but if you are smart...well, works for me.

    This is exactly what my question was :-) Thanks!