A friend of mine recently came out to his parents accidentally...

  • Ethan_1990

    Posts: 34

    May 25, 2011 5:01 AM GMT
    A friend of mine was overheard by his parents when he was talking about how he likes guys... They kinda flipped out and told them how disgusting that is and that they're incredibly disappointed in him. I don't really know what to tell him because I got more of the "DUH! What took ya so long" reaction from mine... I could really use some advice to give him! Please help!
  • Ethan_1990

    Posts: 34

    May 25, 2011 6:35 AM GMT
    Bump

    I could really use the advice here guys!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 6:42 AM GMT
    There's nothing to tell him. He has to create his own "coming out" experience...everyone has one.
    Just be supportive and be a shoulder for him to cry on.
  • JoeKIngJay

    Posts: 377

    May 25, 2011 7:35 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidThere's nothing to tell him. He has to create his own "coming out" experience...everyone has one.
    Just be supportive and be a shoulder for him to cry on.


    +1 Great advice!
  • GLBeck

    Posts: 28

    May 25, 2011 11:32 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidThere's nothing to tell him. He has to create his own "coming out" experience...everyone has one.
    Just be supportive and be a shoulder for him to cry on.


    This is the best advice. Every family is different so be there to support him.
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    May 25, 2011 12:53 PM GMT
    Ethan_1990 saidA friend of mine was overheard by his parents when he was talking about how he likes guys... They kinda flipped out and told them how disgusting that is and that they're incredibly disappointed in him. I don't really know what to tell him because I got more of the "DUH! What took ya so long" reaction from mine... I could really use some advice to give him! Please help!


    all you can do is be there for him socially (or more if that's wanted/needed)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 12:55 PM GMT
    Yeah, I agree with the other posters, just be a good friend and acknowledge that everyone's experience of coming out is different. It can be painful and liberating at the same time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 1:06 PM GMT
    PFLAG can probably help his parents get through his coming out.

    National Office: http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2

    PFLAG has several local chapters near Madison:

    Seymour: http://www.seymour.org/community/pflag

    Louisville, KY: http://www.pflaglouisville.org/PFLAG_Louisville/Home.html


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 1:32 PM GMT
    I got the same reactions as your friend there. They've also constantly been trying to convince me that this is the wrong way and that I should be straight and have children.
    In time they have grown softer, they've stopped mentioning this and treat me with more respect.

    So I guess you should tell your friend to, erm, be patient. In time things will better themselves.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 1:58 PM GMT
    Your friend is in crisis now. Hopefully it cools down..but these things can rage on for years.

    Coming out to non-accepting parents is just brutal. Parents react with fear, hate, yelling, threats, loathing, crying, silent treatment, etc. They vow to find a cure, bringing in allies such as an anti-gay therapist or church to fight on their side. Then years later, after thousands of dollars have been spent on quack christian therapists and untold emotional scarring....they come to reluctantly realize that he is gay.

    The stuff I mention above is emotional abuse. He will need a friend that will listen to him vent. Also, you can help him with suggestions and be a sounding board. Help him to identify resources if needed.

    Just knowing he has somebody on his side...makes a HUGE difference.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 2:04 PM GMT
    does he hang out with your parents at all? might help him to spend some time/talk with parents who are accepting.

    My BF's parents were the "ugh" ones, mine are the "yay you" ones. After spending some time together, his mother became a lot more open to the gay thing, though she still doesn't like me, and when she's drunk it's an issue ;P But on a normal day, his mother is ok now.
  • aaronkei

    Posts: 211

    May 25, 2011 11:55 PM GMT
    Get some literature on the "gay thing" from barnes and noble or the internet. There is some good stuff out there to help explain what it is and that he can't who he is because he isn't a disease. I would advise him not to push his parents either because this is a shock to them after so many years of a lie that was unintentional. They are very hurt right now because he lied plus they were raised to look down on homosexuality. Look through their eyes and see what their going through. If he were my friend I would sit down with his parents and after educating myself I would tell them to ask me all the questions they wanted.icon_rolleyes.gif