:( Some things are just so sad!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 6:18 AM GMT
    My friend has been in a relationship for the past year.. No one has EVER met his boyfriend! Till eariler today... We ran into them holding hands... And kissing.... The boyfriend didnt take us well considering we ambushed their date and he had never met us. well you know how boyfriends are when they meet your friends he probably thought we were F*buds or he was cheating... Well turns out my friend didnt want us to see his boyfriend because he was overweight... That is soooo sad! the guy was super sweet and actually really cute... I know guys go based on looks primarily and the poor guy wanted to break down because my friend would tell him he didnt know anybody, well the guy wasnt dumb and quickly realized why he was telling him he didnt know anybody! IT WAS BECAUSE HE WAS EMBARRASED OF HIS BOYFRIEND!!!! ... But would you ever be ashamed of who you were dating?
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    May 25, 2011 6:25 AM GMT
    No. I wouldn't be ashamed of dating someone because of their looks. I'm the one dating the person and if others think he is ugly,fat or stupid.They don't have to be around him or date him. icon_biggrin.gif


    This is pretty sad and I've heard stories like this before from other gays


  • SuperPump

    Posts: 242

    May 25, 2011 1:04 PM GMT
    I wouldnt be dating somebody if I was embarrassed of him...
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    May 25, 2011 1:08 PM GMT
    Some gays are SUPER shallow. That's fucked up, I wouldn't even consider dating an idiot that was ashamed to be seen with me around his friends. Bastard.
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    May 25, 2011 1:10 PM GMT
    badboy69 saidI wouldnt be dating somebody if I was embarrassed of him...

    Duh

    I know the feeling of when you have a hot new bf and you want the whole world to see you, it's like you got a new bag. I guess the opposite feeling makes you want to hide from the whole world... I think that means you have some great insecurities about what people think about YOU, not your bf...
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    May 25, 2011 1:21 PM GMT
    Your friend seems kinda douchey.

    Sorry.

    But to be embarrassed about that is really pathetic.

    You seem nice though!!

    xx
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    May 25, 2011 1:50 PM GMT
    "well the guy wasnt dumb and quickly realized why he was telling him he didnt know anybody! IT WAS BECAUSE HE WAS EMBARRASED OF HIS BOYFRIEND!!!! ... But would you ever be ashamed of who you were dating?"


    ....I think you should ask your friend yourself why he was keeping his BF away from you and your friends. You're making an assumption here that he's ashamed, but it could also be that he's trying to protect his BF from rejection by others and the disapproval of others.

    -Doug


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    May 25, 2011 2:19 PM GMT
    You should call your friend and be direct. Tell him you thought his boyfriend was cute and sweet. Invite them out to hang out or get coffee.

    This all goes back to the closet. Too many gay guys are afraid of being seen with a guy they find attractive, just because he doesn't fit some established mold.

    But to answer your question...I would never be ashamed of my boyfriend. And anybody that treated him poorly would be cut off immediately.
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    May 25, 2011 2:32 PM GMT
    White4DarkerFL saidYou should call your friend and be direct. Tell him you thought his boyfriend was cute and sweet. Invite them out to hang out or get coffee.

    +1

    I was going to post the same thing myself.
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    May 25, 2011 3:45 PM GMT
    White4DarkerFL saidYou should call your friend and be direct. Tell him you thought his boyfriend was cute and sweet. Invite them out to hang out or get coffee.

    This all goes back to the closet. Too many gay guys are afraid of being seen with a guy they find attractive, just because he doesn't fit some established mold.

    But to answer your question...I would never be ashamed of my boyfriend. And anybody that treated him poorly would be cut off immediately.


    AMEN
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 25, 2011 3:52 PM GMT
    I remember a couple of times my partner had made comments about "what my friends thought of him", meaning his perception that somehow he wasn't up to snuff in that he wasn't physically gym fit and that I am really into it.
    He said, "they probably expected a model on your arm". He certainly isn't average per se, he just didn't work out at a gym frequently (but actually does now). Regardless, the idea that somehow he might have the perception that he didn't meet some physical criteria upset me....
    It is about alot more than that...
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    May 25, 2011 4:11 PM GMT
    I've always felt like the one who should be hidden away, so...nope. Never been ashamed of the guys I date.

    I'm the Rhoda, they are the Mary.
    It's a good and happy situation.
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    May 25, 2011 4:17 PM GMT
    Sorry in advance for highjacking this post but I have a related question (but nothing to do with looks) ..

    What if your partner has a habit saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, which is kinda embarrassing. The relationship is sound, but he lacks the 'filter' that most of us have and doesn't believe what he says the wrong things.

    Do you limit where you take him? ie to work functions etc, or do you just accept it, get embarrassed and move on (as you love him and you've been together for a long time)
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    May 25, 2011 4:19 PM GMT
    tcom saidSorry in advance for highjacking this post but I have a related question (but nothing to do with looks) ..

    What if your partner has a habit saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, which is kinda embarrassing. The relationship is sound, but he lacks the 'filter' that most of us have and doesn't believe what he says the wrong things.

    Do you limit where you take him? ie to work functions etc, or do you just accept it, get embarrassed and move on (as you love him and you've been together for a long time)


    That's a matter of matters and upbringing.
    Sounds like he's rather selfish to put you into these awkward and uncomfortable situations.

    if he loves you, he needs to learn to exercise some couth tact.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 4:40 PM GMT
    iHavok saidI've always felt like the one who should be hidden away, so...nope. Never been ashamed of the guys I date.

    I'm the Rhoda, they are the Mary.
    It's a good and happy situation.


    lol I would totally show you off like a new Louis Vuitton messenger bag, and not a knockoff one either.

    Back to the OP, well that is a sad situation. Your friend shouldn't be ashamed of who he loves. Looks are what attract a guy initially; personality is what will keep him or drive him away. I've dated hot guys and I've dated ugly guys. I've dated nice guys and I have dated total bitches. Eventually it all comes down to how that guy makes you feel, not what he looks like.
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    May 25, 2011 4:44 PM GMT
    cityaznguy said
    iHavok saidI've always felt like the one who should be hidden away, so...nope. Never been ashamed of the guys I date.

    I'm the Rhoda, they are the Mary.
    It's a good and happy situation.


    lol I would totally show you off like a new Louis Vuitton messenger bag, and not a knockoff one either.

    Back to the OP, well that is a sad situation. Your friend shouldn't be ashamed of who he loves. Looks are what attract a guy initially; personality is what will keep him or drive him away. I've dated hot guys and I've dated ugly guys. I've dated nice guys and I have dated total bitches. Eventually it all comes down to how that guy makes you feel, not what he looks like.



    awww you're so sweet.
    I'm quite content being the kingmaker, not the king.
    Someone has to be the man behind the throne...sides, view is always better there ;-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 7:09 PM GMT

    To me, you calling it embarrassment right away should illuminate why he didn't tell you. Social ideals exist in the gay community just the same. One's mind can relax that he's gay and likes guys, but to accept that he likes guys who are not socially ideal ... just in general, it's unfortunate, but true, the mind tenses up again.
    When gay and realizing a variation of your preference for guys would be surprising to anyone who knows you...one should divulge that variation. Your friend couldn't have really been embarrassed because of the PDA, but social ideals make it just as hard to divulge the details of one's preferences to ones close to him, the same way it was hard to begin with to divulge those preferences. You can relate to that? You weren't embarrassed, probably just afraid and anxious.
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    May 25, 2011 7:11 PM GMT
    lol.
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    May 25, 2011 7:15 PM GMT
    Your friend clearly wasn't embarrassed enough to show clear public displays of affection with his chubby boyfriend.

    It sounds more like to me he didn't trust you guys and was probably worried about how you would respond to a man that he cares about that may not fit your idea of the kind of guy that he should be with.

    Of course I'm making very quick assumptions, but it seems more to me like this is about you and the rest of his friends and less about his chubby spouse.