Breaking up with a cheater

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 10:15 AM GMT
    How do I tell him it's over? I found out that he cheated on me. I was trying to figure out how to turn the wi-fi on on his computer and stumbled upon a few photos of another guy giving him a blowjob and Lord only knows what else they did.

  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    May 25, 2011 10:28 AM GMT
    Again why men should wear condoms for sex-ALWAYSicon_exclaim.gificon_idea.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 11:07 AM GMT
    I read posts like these from time to time and wonder why people don't just own up to digging for dirt. That's what you were doing. You don't try to do something fairly innocent like "turning on wifi" and then stumble upon photos. You find them when you dig and you were digging.

    At least own up to that much. All the immature jealousy in relationships rarely comes from one side, even if it's warranted.
  • twilight2010

    Posts: 307

    May 25, 2011 12:34 PM GMT
    MikemikeMike saidAgain why men should wear condoms for sex-ALWAYSicon_exclaim.gificon_idea.gif


    This is very sad but true. You can be faithful as can be to your partner and then he goes and betrays that trust. I have heard about this time and time again. It makes me sick to even understand how people can live with themselves when they betray their partners trust.

    I do not even have anything to say on this matter accept. Please get tested for Hiv not to scare you but to be safe and secondly give the man the song by Beyonce - To the left, get rid of him, if he has done this thing then throw the trash out. I have no time for cheaters. Forgiveness and move on yes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 12:38 PM GMT
    shortguybeau saidI read posts like these from time to time and wonder why people don't just own up to digging for dirt. That's what you were doing. You don't try to do something fairly innocent like "turning on wifi" and then stumble upon photos. You find them when you dig and you were digging.

    At least own up to that much. All the immature jealousy in relationships rarely comes from one side, even if it's warranted.


    Why is it that when someone discovers a partner cheating there is always a person who comes on berating the cheated person about how they found out.

    Who cares HOW he found out, trust is earned, he obviously didn't trust his partner and he was right.

    to the OP, don't feel a shred of guilt, if the guy had ANY morals he wouldn't have cheated let alone photographed it.

    Dump his pathetic ass and find a real man.
  • twilight2010

    Posts: 307

    May 25, 2011 12:40 PM GMT
    shortguybeau saidI read posts like these from time to time and wonder why people don't just own up to digging for dirt. That's what you were doing. You don't try to do something fairly innocent like "turning on wifi" and then stumble upon photos. You find them when you dig and you were digging.

    At least own up to that much. All the immature jealousy in relationships rarely comes from one side, even if it's warranted.


    I am very sorry i beg to disagree with you

    If a person gives you a reason to doubt him been faithful to you, in my book you have the right to search anyplace because your health is at stake. Excuse me but these cheaters play people for fools. They think that they can mess around and still come home to you and infect you with their diseases.

    So what if the guy searches his boyfriends pc, if people want to cheat the other has the right to confirm it by any means necessary

    No time for scum on this planet
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 2:10 PM GMT
    ok, this will sound very clinical.

    the question was HOW?

    if you're going to use the images for a reason, are you sure they are made since you two were together? could they be older?

    i'm going to assume you know they were recent enough

    did you explicitly have a dialog about exclusivity? do you include details on what would be a deal breaker for you?

    i ask b/c i know lots of people don't. i didn't once. people often have different assumptions

    ok, so assuming you know the photos were newer and you were clear on your exclusivity, i wouldn't bother explaining much. just cut and run. he broke the contract, let him figure it out. avoid the drama. does he deserve your time for that? move on and don't bother because he'll do it again.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    May 25, 2011 3:45 PM GMT
    donovan1979 said

    I am very sorry i beg to disagree with you

    If a person gives you a reason to doubt him been faithful to you, in my book you have the right to search anyplace because your health is at stake. Excuse me but these cheaters play people for fools. They think that they can mess around and still come home to you and infect you with their diseases.

    So what if the guy searches his boyfriends pc, if people want to cheat the other has the right to confirm it by any means necessary

    No time for scum on this planet


    Bull sh*t, if you suspect someone of being unfaithful, you confront him like a man. Invading someone else's privacy is a load of crap, and it lowers you to being a deceitful person, too.

    To the OP: you say, "It's over. See ya."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 3:57 PM GMT
    I'm just saying that if you are at the point where you are digging for dirt, your relationship is already unhealthy. That's it. If you find yourself in that position, you probably should have left a while back because respect is already gone.
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    May 25, 2011 4:08 PM GMT
    shortguybeau saidI read posts like these from time to time and wonder why people don't just own up to digging for dirt. That's what you were doing. You don't try to do something fairly innocent like "turning on wifi" and then stumble upon photos. You find them when you dig and you were digging.

    At least own up to that much. All the immature jealousy in relationships rarely comes from one side, even if it's warranted.


    +1
    Agreed.

    Argument isn't whether he was justified or not searching, it's about honesty. If you are searching, own up to it.
    There is NO wifi options in My Pictures, so pretending otherwise is ridiculous and only makes you look a fool.

    For the record, if it's already that broke, why is it even an issue to say it's over?
    And why doesn't Beau ever bring his kittah's over for me to plays with?

    selfish shellfish.
  • metta

    Posts: 39099

    May 25, 2011 4:36 PM GMT
    Are you sure that the photos are recent photos? Just wanted to make sure.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 25, 2011 4:37 PM GMT
    Ask some questions before you pass judgement.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 4:38 PM GMT
    Was there a date stamp on the photos? How do you know these pics weren't taken before you were together? Also, gotta agree with Beau. If you were digging, your relationship was already fucked.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 4:44 PM GMT
    Thisuserexists said
    shortguybeau saidI read posts like these from time to time and wonder why people don't just own up to digging for dirt. That's what you were doing. You don't try to do something fairly innocent like "turning on wifi" and then stumble upon photos. You find them when you dig and you were digging.

    At least own up to that much. All the immature jealousy in relationships rarely comes from one side, even if it's warranted.


    Why is it that when someone discovers a partner cheating there is always a person who comes on berating the cheated person about how they found out.

    Who cares HOW he found out, trust is earned, he obviously didn't trust his partner and he was right.

    to the OP, don't feel a shred of guilt, if the guy had ANY morals he wouldn't have cheated let alone photographed it.

    Dump his pathetic ass and find a real man.


    +1,000,000!!!!

    The person who is wrong in these situations is the cheater, not the person who found out... whenever someone says "you shouldn't have betrayed his trust, you have no right digging in his things, you are the problem with the relationship" my head explodes from trying to process such illogical reasoning, just like when I try to argue with a girl. However, the fact that you are looking for evidence doesn't bode well to the integrity of the relationship.
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    May 25, 2011 4:50 PM GMT
    Re-read what's posted above.
    Maybe a personal bias is making it a bit unclear for you?

    No one is saying he did wrong to look.
    We're saying he's a fool for lying about looking.

    Trust him or don't.
    Either way is fine, but be honest with yourself about it.

    If you don't trust him, you don't...and probably shouldn't be with him.
    If you do trust him, then you woudln't be looking, so you need to reevaluate whether you do trust him or not.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 4:54 PM GMT
    tru_guy saidHow do I tell him it's over? I found out that he cheated on me. I was trying to figure out how to turn the wi-fi on on his computer and stumbled upon a few photos of another guy giving him a blowjob and Lord only knows what else they did.



    How do you know it's current? It might have happened before you met him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 4:59 PM GMT

    First, you should apologize for invading his privacy, then you should inquire about the pictures that you found; if his explanation is not satisfactory, you explain to him why it is unsatisfactory and why the deal is broken, and that this union has been terminated. Unfortunately, you may not get the truth. You'll have to make a judgement call. That is why I say, "If his explanation is unsatisfactory to you," terminate the union. I appreciate that the posters touched on your dirt digging. However, I am of the belief that you can dig in your own yard. This guy is part of your life so you can keep tabs that way. Of course, there are cleaner ways of doing so like keeping the lines of communication open and making what you want out of a relationship clear to the other party, like full disclosure. What you want from it has to be set at the start of the relationship. If it were known to him, he would expect that you would come to him with concerns and expect full disclosure. I reiterate that dirt digging has it's downside. First of all, it's dirty and with out due process can leave you one lonely officer of the peace. Of course, STD's suck too. You'll find both view points defended here. I had a friend that shorty after we found pictures of his BF being sucked off on the internet, he developed a nasty discharge. He broke it off with the bf, but to the end, the bf denied the pictures and that he transferred an STD. Now, some men lie so even with an open dialogue, you'd still find yourself in a pickle if somethings wrong.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 5:06 PM GMT
    first be sure that they are actually recent and not before he started dating you.

    Second, just admit you came across the pictures and be blunt. If he is cheating on you why should you have to tip toe around the subject?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 5:07 PM GMT
    iHavok saidRe-read what's posted above.
    Maybe a personal bias is making it a bit unclear for you?

    No one is saying he did wrong to look.
    We're saying he's a fool for lying about looking.

    Trust him or don't.
    Either way is fine, but be honest with yourself about it.

    If you don't trust him, you don't...and probably shouldn't be with him.
    If you do trust him, then you woudln't be looking, so you need to reevaluate whether you do trust him or not.


    Regardless people still do it consistently in other threads.
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    May 25, 2011 5:09 PM GMT
    Totally true, and totally annoying!
    :-)
  • xKorix

    Posts: 607

    May 25, 2011 5:13 PM GMT
    YOU'RE REAL WRONG FOR INVADING >=O

    CRIMINAL >=O
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 5:17 PM GMT
    hazardous said
    Thisuserexists said
    shortguybeau saidI read posts like these from time to time and wonder why people don't just own up to digging for dirt. That's what you were doing. You don't try to do something fairly innocent like "turning on wifi" and then stumble upon photos. You find them when you dig and you were digging.

    At least own up to that much. All the immature jealousy in relationships rarely comes from one side, even if it's warranted.


    Why is it that when someone discovers a partner cheating there is always a person who comes on berating the cheated person about how they found out.

    Who cares HOW he found out, trust is earned, he obviously didn't trust his partner and he was right.

    to the OP, don't feel a shred of guilt, if the guy had ANY morals he wouldn't have cheated let alone photographed it.

    Dump his pathetic ass and find a real man.


    +1,000,000!!!!

    This person who is wrong in these situations is the cheater, not the person who found out... whenever someone says "you shouldn't have betrayed his trust, you have no right digging in his things, you are the problem with the relationship" my head explodes from trying to process such illogical reasoning, just like when I try to argue with a girl. However, the fact that you are looking for evidence doesn't bode well to the integrity of the relationship.


    Normally giving someone their privacy is respectful, BUT when your in a "monogamous" relationship & you feel like the trust has been broken then I say by all means do what you have to do to protect yourself!

    If someone is cheating on you what makes you think they are going to admit it when & if you confront them? Men who cheat....lie. you have to catch them red handed.

    I suspected my ex was cheating. I went on a4a & sure enough found his profile, logged into his acct because he used "our" password for our computer for it. Had him giving out his name & # to guys for hookups, some were hiv + & he told them he didnt care.

    This is what made me go get tested & sure enough he had given me hiv. I was in bad shape. My dr said I shouldnt have even been able to walk around my #s were so bad. Its because I took good care of myself she said.

    If I wouldnt have done this I wouldve never been tested & ended up in the hospital for sure. I think when in a relationship there should be nothing to hide. You should be open & honest with sites & passwords. If you have nothing to hide then whats the problem?

    Men who cheat will lie to your face. After catching my ex in all of this he still swears it wasnt him, lmao.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 5:35 PM GMT
    Your profile says you're in a open relationship...and you think this is a problem.... why?
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    May 25, 2011 5:37 PM GMT
    scottjock6 saidYour profile says you're in a open relationship...and you think this is a problem.... why?



    ooo the plot thickens!
    LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2011 6:14 PM GMT
    Ahhh, but even an open relationship has rules, one being I believe:
    don't chill me to the bone when you touch me.
    Drama ON.
    .............................................