Making Friends in NYC...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2011 2:08 AM GMT
    Is harder than I thought it would be. I'm kind of embarassed to admit but I moved here nearly 7 months ago and still don't really know anyone.

    Part of the reason has to do with being shy and not getting a job until a few weeks ago. I used lack of money as a reason not to get out and meet people but now that I finally have some form of a regular income that's not a valid excuse anymore. I know it doesn't cost money to make friends and meet people but a lot of activities centered around socializing cost money.

    The other part has to do with my staying at my aunt and uncle's place in the suburbs. It seems like most people around my age live with a roommate or two and can therefore meet their circle of friends.

    I'm planning on moving into the city ASAP but in the meantime I'm getting lonely and wondering how other newcomer's made their group of friends. meetup and other internet sites seem a bit hit or miss.

    Going out to a bar alone feels awkward, heck I even feel slightly awkward eating lunch alone in Bryant Park amongst the groups lunch friends from work.

    I'm sure someone had a similar experience after moving to a new city.
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    May 26, 2011 2:24 AM GMT
    On an adventurous feeling day, just make conversation with someone. Maybe even try to make small talk a habit and that would break you out of shy behaviors and eventually one of those conversations will lead to a friend. Hobbies make this much easier, gives you something to talk about with the other person involved in that hobby.
  • JerseyBlues

    Posts: 111

    May 26, 2011 4:48 AM GMT
    It usually takes about 6 or so months to make friends when you move to a new city, even if you know only a few people before you get there. Once you start working, you'll make friends there and will find it easy to meet others as well.
    I was born and raised in NYC and we get a bad rep for being "rude" or "cold" but in 2005 New York City was named "The Most Polite City" by Reader's Digest. Yes, it's true!! http://gothamist.com/2006/06/20/nyc_is_the_worl.php

    Just hang in there and don't get discouraged. I moved from NJ to Atlanta at 24 and only knew 4 people there before I got there. After 5 years I had more friends down there than I ever had in my life and am still very close to some of them. I then moved back to NY at 29 and made more friends at home. At 36 I moved to Baltimore for a job and did not know one person there. It was very lonely at times, especially the first 6 months (cause I moved in December), but then I made friends through my realtor and at work. After almost 5 years there, I just packed up and moved to Texas a few weeks ago. This was one of the easiest moves cause I'm staying with my cousin and know a lot of his friends from visiting over the last few years.

    You'll find friends very soon, especially now that it's nice out. Pick up a copy of "Time Out New York" or "New York" magazine and you'll see tons of things to do in the City during the summer. Go to the events that interest you and you might make friends at some of the events! Good luck!

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    May 26, 2011 5:22 AM GMT
    Something that struck me about NYC about 5-6 years ago was that for a city of nine million people it's really easy to feel very alone.

    I moved here with my now ex-boyfriend and I never really focused on making friends because we lived together and I still had strong ties to my friends in VA where I moved from.

    I've always been the kind of person who doesn't need a huge amount of friends as long as I have a few good ones (and I do.)

    Needless to say after we broke up I definitely feel a friend deficit, so yeah be my friend LOL.

    To my credit, I'm going to a party on Friday and Saturday night so I'm not completely alone ;)

    The summer is my big gap to make it through. So instead of brooding that I don't know that many people I'm trying to go places by myself and focus a lot on myself (vanity ftw). Then I go back to school in the fall and I'm around people my age again.

    I interact with A LOT of people at work but they are all older than I am and somehow I found the only place in NYC where there aren't any other gay people haha.

    I'm so tired, I'm sorry if none of this made sense.






  • tomjack

    Posts: 91

    May 26, 2011 5:32 AM GMT
    I can relate.. but your best bet is to get involved with something.. take a class... play a sport.. join a club ... this is the best and easiest way to make friends trust me...
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    May 26, 2011 6:33 AM GMT
    Hmm, maybe this might help you to find events which you may want to attend?

    http://newyork.timeout.com/things-to-do
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    May 27, 2011 12:38 AM GMT
    I think it's hard also. It doesn't help that I'm a loner by nature and don't like socializing, although I still want to date and find friends with common interests. It's easy to find guys with whom to have sex, if that's all you want, but finding friends and "decent" guys to date is hard. It's also hard with work and travel. The time is very limited and when I'm not working, I want to relax because I'm tired and have to take care of errands.

    In short, I'd like to find places or groups where I can meet guys who are intelligent and, yes, even nerdy.
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    May 28, 2011 4:57 PM GMT
    Thanks guys for the advice and input.

    NYC is an interesting city with a lot of different personalities. You just need to hunt around for your niche. Lot's of like minded people here- the only problem is finding them. A lot of newcomers are looking to meet others now that it's summer. Summer events are more fun when you have someone to go with.

    adam228 saidSomething that struck me about NYC about 5-6 years ago was that for a city of nine million people it's really easy to feel very alone.

    I moved here with my now ex-boyfriend and I never really focused on making friends because we lived together and I still had strong ties to my friends in VA where I moved from.

    I've always been the kind of person who doesn't need a huge amount of friends as long as I have a few good ones (and I do.)

    Needless to say after we broke up I definitely feel a friend deficit, so yeah be my friend LOL.

    To my credit, I'm going to a party on Friday and Saturday night so I'm not completely alone ;)

    The summer is my big gap to make it through. So instead of brooding that I don't know that many people I'm trying to go places by myself and focus a lot on myself (vanity ftw). Then I go back to school in the fall and I'm around people my age again.

    I interact with A LOT of people at work but they are all older than I am and somehow I found the only place in NYC where there aren't any other gay people haha.

    I'm so tired, I'm sorry if none of this made sense.



    No it made sense, I'm the same way. Rather have a couple of good friends rather than a ton of people who are juts acquaintances. Quality over quantity for me.

    And it is strange to feel alone amongst so may people, especially weird when loneliness creeps up on you riding on the subway- there's someone sitting right next to you. I wouldn't really recommend talking to strangers on the subway though.


    BTW, a fellow RJer reached out to me who is very cute and nice. Planning to meet this week, just got to ask for what you need sometimes.icon_wink.gif