Help?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 26, 2011 2:48 AM GMT
    Guy I am dating for a month has just told me he is in love with both me and my ex. What do i do? I feel so hollow
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 26, 2011 2:50 AM GMT
    Tell him he can't have his cake and eat it too.

    Mmm...cake...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 26, 2011 2:53 AM GMT
    Duh, it's simple. What do YOU want to do? Do you want to have an open relationship? If not, break it off. It's only a month, you'll get over it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 26, 2011 3:04 AM GMT
    bigeasydude saidDuh, it's simple. What do YOU want to do? Do you want to have an open relationship? If not, break it off. It's only a month, you'll get over it.



    Yes, but he's 19. If I remember correctly, a month seems like 10 years at this age! icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 26, 2011 3:12 AM GMT
    all i ask guys is please dont be snide... I don't want to deal with it. Just offer advice
  • setherer

    Posts: 32

    May 26, 2011 3:19 AM GMT
    I feel you are both being played. It hurts. I'd say break it off and leave him wanting more. He'll regret it, and you'll get something better icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 26, 2011 3:38 AM GMT
    ^your name fits

    it just hurts and i dont know what to do... every time I invest myself I get slaughtered in the end...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 26, 2011 3:41 AM GMT
    i would be weary of a guy who says the "l"word in a one month relationship...though that just my opinion & advice :i
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 26, 2011 3:43 AM GMT
    Not to be intentionally snide, but welcome to gay dating. This is how it works out more often than not. You get back up, brush yourself off and keep moving on. A thicker skin can help, also.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 26, 2011 3:44 AM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    bigeasydude saidDuh, it's simple. What do YOU want to do? Do you want to have an open relationship? If not, break it off. It's only a month, you'll get over it.

    Yes, but he's 19. If I remember correctly, a month seems like 10 years at this age! icon_wink.gif

    Didn't know he was 19 but c'mon...he shouldn't have to ask what HE wants or he'll be forever a doormat.

    Listen, kid. If you like him and your ex. Go for it. If you want to date exclusively, tell him so. What is it that you want?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 26, 2011 4:04 AM GMT

    i want him exclusively
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 26, 2011 4:05 AM GMT
    graniteknighte said
    i want him exclusively

    Attaboy. Now go tell him and don't back down.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 26, 2011 4:07 AM GMT
    graniteknighte saidGuy I am dating for a month has just told me he is in love with both me and my ex. What do i do?
    Thriplet
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 26, 2011 4:13 AM GMT
    watching the phillies play the reds in the 16th inning...
    He and I were exclusive(or so I thought) and then he comes out tonight and tells me that he has been talking to my ex lately and has fallen for him...


    AFAIK he has not physically cheated...
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 26, 2011 5:11 AM GMT
    i say make a porno with your ex...

    but seriously, you should.

    and when you're done with that you'll come to the conclusion that you're 19, love is "love" after one month, and any dude who'd tell you he loves your ex after one month of dating is not someone you want to be with.

    then send me the porno.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 26, 2011 5:24 AM GMT
    hehehehe thanks cali *kisses your cheek*
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    May 26, 2011 7:11 AM GMT
    Mr. Right can't find you while you're stuck with Mr. Wrong.
    Tell him to let you know when he makes up his mind, either way.
    Until then, cease contact with him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 26, 2011 10:32 AM GMT
    Webster666 saidMr. Right can't find you while your stuck with Mr. Wrong.


    A mighty truism.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 26, 2011 2:06 PM GMT
    graniteknighte saidall i ask guys is please dont be snide... I don't want to deal with it. Just offer advice



    OK, this, "Guy I am dating for a month has just told me he is in love with both me and my ex. What do i do? I feel so hollow"

    He's a flake, and not what you want, or what you thought he was. Now you know. I'd walk away.
    You could tell him to choose, but if he chooses you his feelings for your ex will not just evaporate.

    I think your hollow feeling is one of huge disappointment and loss of trust and confidence in this man.

    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 26, 2011 2:08 PM GMT
    After having a little more information about your situation, this is what I see and what I personally would advise:

    • Although you might think I was kidding about a month seeming like 10 years at 19, I was actually serious too. Well, maybe not 10 years but trust me, a month as you get older seems to pass MUCH quicker! And a month is not long enough to know if you want to be exclusive with someone.

    • You can't love someone in a month. When people talk about "falling in love", they are often referring to infatuation, which has nothing to do with real love. Ironically, this infatuation is usually the magnet that brings people together so that they can eventually learn to love each other (sometimes.) But infatuation packs quite a punch to your emotions, especially at your age. These are some of the most hard hitting emotions you will ever feel. Even true love doesn't match infatuation's intensity. It's this very intensity that can trick your mind into thinking this is Mr. Right. Why else would you feel such strong emotions? But it's all a bio-chemical reaction in your brain, and it's important to remember this and force yourself to think with logic and not your emotions. Allowing your emotions behind the steering wheel will run you into a tree every time.

    • You're being played, plain and simple. Even if you guys never had an exclusivity agreement, it's still inappropriate for him to be emotionally engaged with you and your ex. You and a stranger, sure. But not your ex! How tacky is that? This should be a red flag to you that he can't look past his own desires. He knows that this has to be hurting you but he doesn't care. Dump him. Dump him hard and dump him quick. Don't give him an ultimatum because ultimatums never work. Just tell him you won't be seeing him anymore and wish him well. The end. Don't be surprised if he suddenly perks up and takes more interest in you, but don't give in. And don't break up with him just to get his attention. That doesn't work either. Okay, it actually does work, but it's only temporary and it still doesn't change the fact that this is not the guy for you.

    • Once you've cut him out of your life, it's time to look in the mirror. Why did you allow yourself to get so involved with someone after knowing them only a month? Self esteem issues? Loneliness? Not enough friends? Figure out why and try and remember how bad this hurts the next time you go on a date.

    •Circular dating is the healthiest way to get to know people, and the safest emotionally speaking. Circular dating is seeing more than one person at a time while keeping things very casual. Resist the temptation to have sex with everyone you go on a date with. Sex (especially good sex) can cloud your judgement and increase feelings of infatuation.

    •Don't get sucked into exclusivity so quickly. People put on their best behavior at first and you really don't get to see who you're dating until after several months (sometimes years.) If someone pressures you to be exclusive after a month, they are most likely very insecure and/or the jealous type, which means it's time to drop them from your dating pool. This is how you filter out the bad apples without getting emotionally damaged.

    You seem like a sweet guy and I think you can do much better than this dude.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    May 26, 2011 2:41 PM GMT
    graniteknighte saidGuy I am dating for a month has just told me he is in love with both me and my ex. What do i do? I feel so hollow


    You drop that fucker like a hot potato....Your future with him would be filled with...drama...bullshit.....jealous...instability......Run from that fucker like he was Frankenstein........After you do that work on you and your esteem...for you to be involved in a situation like this shows you need self love and self respect....BUD
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 26, 2011 3:41 PM GMT
    how?
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    May 26, 2011 9:31 PM GMT
    What do ya mean how? You tell him fuck this situation...It's not in my best interest...Finish by saying....FUCK YOU...then come on....But you got to believe you deserve better...the question is........Do ya?.....BUD
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 26, 2011 9:47 PM GMT
    graniteknighte saidhow?


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 26, 2011 9:50 PM GMT
    bigeasydude saidDuh, it's simple. What do YOU want to do? Do you want to have an open relationship? If not, break it off. It's only a month, you'll get over it.


    This doesn't sound like it would be a typical "open relationship-" it sounds more like "polyamory," which is much trickier and messier. icon_confused.gif