EI

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    May 26, 2011 6:41 AM GMT
    N/A
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    May 26, 2011 7:06 AM GMT
    The secret is drive.
    Oprah had (and has) the drive to succeed.
    Absolutely nothing would have deterred her from achieving success.

    If you're stuck in a rut, who stuck you there, and what are you doing to do to get out of it ?

    Do you know what you want ?
    Figure out what you want, do some research, then make a plan that will get you there.

    "Oh, but then I'd have to do something."
    That's my biggest problem. I usually don't make changes until I have to.

    BTW, I feel that "emotional intelligence" is an oxymoron.
    Emotions are feelings.
    Intelligence is learning or the ability to learn.
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    May 26, 2011 1:33 PM GMT
    Interesting topic 5ebastian!

    Think with your heart.

    Forgiving those that wronged you I think begins with feeling pity for them, and their shortcomings.
    Forgiving is not forgetting, lest history repeat itself, lol.

    Empathy is a huge thing. Imagine yourself in the person's situation (that you wish to feel empathy for) and imagine trying to overcome their personal hurdle
    whatever it may be, as if you are them, in their situation, with their resources.

    I hope this helps a little.

    -Doug


  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    May 26, 2011 3:21 PM GMT
    Emotional intelligence (EI) has been studied for over 25 years with lots of research validating it's importance. I use an Emotional Intelligence Assessment with many of my clients (and also as a hiring tool) to understand someone's strengths and weaknesses. The research indicates that EI is much more important than IQ in predicting someone's success (in any field). Think about it, it's not the smartest person that gets the farthest in the real world, even though you need a certain amount of raw intelligence to function properly. It's the person who can lead and communicate with others, problem solve well, handle stress, present ideas, etc. who rises up the ranks.

    EI is about real-world smarts and assesses how you understand yourself, how you communicate and interact with others (teamwork), how you handle stress and problem solve, as well as how you maintain a positive outlook. The specific components measured in the assessment include self-regard, emotional self-awareness, assertiveness, independence, self-actualization, empathy, social responsibility, interpersonal relationships, stress tolerance, impulse control, reality testing, flexibility, problem solving, optimism and happiness.

    The good news is that you can improve your EI over time. They are all skill sets that can be learned. The assessment that I use actually provides strategies to improve the areas that rank below average.

    So OP, if your goal is to improve your emotional intelligence, you are on the right path to feeling better about yourself (self-regard), realizing your potential (self-actualization) and being happier (happiness) in life. Go for it.
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    May 26, 2011 3:44 PM GMT
    Ironman4U said.

    The good news is that you can improve your EI over time. They are all skill sets that can be learned. The assessment that I use actually provides strategies to improve the areas that rank below average.

    So OP, if your goal is to improve your emotional intelligence, you are on the right path to feeling better about yourself (self-regard), realizing your potential (self-actualization) and being happier (happiness) in life. Go for it.


    So the OP should become a client of yours?
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    May 26, 2011 3:51 PM GMT
    pre mortemSo the OP should become a client of yours?


    I typically don't work with individuals (although I could). My point was that there are tools, assessments and resources available for someone who is serious about improving his emotional intelligence.
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    May 26, 2011 3:53 PM GMT
    ^This idea of being responsible for your own.

    We are all accountable for ourselves and no one else. At the end of the day it's myself that I have to be okay with.
    - "Take what you need and leave the rest behind."
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    May 26, 2011 4:18 PM GMT
    "Emotional intelligence" is a term popularized by psychologist Daniel Goleman in his book by the same name. Goleman, formerly a science writer for the NY Times, has written and spoken widely on the subject. Check out his website:

    http://danielgoleman.info/

    I think most of his work is helpful. Much of it is about mindfulness, positive psychology, etc., with evidence supplied by neuroscience.
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    May 26, 2011 4:53 PM GMT
    Ironman4U saidEmotional intelligence (EI) has been studied for over 25 years with lots of research validating it's importance. I use an Emotional Intelligence Assessment with many of my clients (and also as a hiring tool) to understand someone's strengths and weaknesses. The research indicates that EI is much more important than IQ in predicting someone's success (in any field). Think about it, it's not the smartest person that gets the farthest in the real world, even though you need a certain amount of raw intelligence to function properly. It's the person who can lead and communicate with others, problem solve well, handle stress, present ideas, etc. who rises up the ranks.

    EI is about real-world smarts and assesses how you understand yourself, how you communicate and interact with others (teamwork), how you handle stress and problem solve, as well as how you maintain a positive outlook. The specific components measured in the assessment include self-regard, emotional self-awareness, assertiveness, independence, self-actualization, empathy, social responsibility, interpersonal relationships, stress tolerance, impulse control, reality testing, flexibility, problem solving, optimism and happiness.

    The good news is that you can improve your EI over time. They are all skill sets that can be learned. The assessment that I use actually provides strategies to improve the areas that rank below average.

    So OP, if your goal is to improve your emotional intelligence, you are on the right path to feeling better about yourself (self-regard), realizing your potential (self-actualization) and being happier (happiness) in life. Go for it.


    ALL ABSOLUTELY CORRECT [and well-stated]! I might only add that learning how to see yourself in others and them in you [in some way] also helps foster one's Emotional Intelligence.
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    May 26, 2011 4:56 PM GMT
    I would imagine you build emotional intelligence by feeling and not just burying things down.
  • xKorix

    Posts: 607

    May 26, 2011 5:12 PM GMT
    Bale02 saidI would imagine you build emotional intelligence by feeling and not just burying things down.


    I agree, I don't think it's difficult or complicated, just feel. Then you'll be able to feel how others feel. I think empathy and EQ should be easy and automatic like breathing.
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    May 26, 2011 6:15 PM GMT
    It's about doing you, and just being happy with yourself, and the circumstances that put you there. if you don't like something, change it.
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    May 26, 2011 7:14 PM GMT
    Ironman4U said I use an Emotional Intelligence Assessment with many of my clients (and also as a hiring tool) to understand someone's strengths and weaknesses.


    Any ideas where I can get one of those things?
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    May 26, 2011 7:26 PM GMT
    greenhopper said

    Any ideas where I can get one of those things?

    Email me and I can give you some info. Unfortunately, like most assessments, there is a cost involved. I basically pay a slightly above wholesale cost myself and then add my time to interpret the results, give feedback/insights, make recommendations and offer tools to use for creating a personal development plan. I can get you a better deal than you can find "in the market" (and offer you some free feedback) but you still will have to pay.
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    May 26, 2011 7:27 PM GMT
    You can always do things to modify your behavior, but is creating a system of behaviors to give the appearance you have high emotional intelligence... actually high emotional intelligence? I'm not so sure.

    What we are really talking about is empathy. At this point EQ and these other terms should probably be thrown out in favor of the neuroscientific term.

    Empathy at it's core is our ability to understand the feelings and emotions of others and to some extent share those feelings. We have all seen someone trip on stage and feel a pang of anxiety because we know what that must feel like.

    Empathy has been correlated with prosocial behavior. If you understand the feelings and emotions of others you are less likely to bring something negative upon them, because to some extent you are bringing it back to yourself. This is where the mindfulness/buddhism stuff starts to tie back in.

    But, we can also have bad empathy. The germans have a word for this, schadenfreude. It's when you feel good at someone elses misfortune. An example I can think of is me taking pleasure that Elizabeth's Smart captor/rapist was given a life sentence despite him feigning mental illness.
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    May 26, 2011 7:34 PM GMT
    While empathy is a component of emotional intelligence...there is much more to EI (or EQ - emotional quotient) than empathy.
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    May 26, 2011 7:35 PM GMT
    TheantijockThis is where I have huge issues with the likes of Oprah and Dyer and the rest of those types of new agers who advocate surrounding yourself only with people who agree with you and throwing away those in your life who are not on what you might at some point perceive to be the same path as you. Those people and those ideas have destroyed a lot of relationships and a lot of lives. It is typical behavior of users and of fair weather friends and it is disgusting that someone of influence would advocate it


    Thanks for pointing that out. The New Age idea of shunning others for a different belief system is straight out of Christian fundamentalism.

    I have seen this happen over and over. The worst example in my own life occurred during the early days of the AIDS epidemic. A friend of mine was dying. He had been to Louise Hay's center in California, as had many of our mutual friends. Louise Hay taught that you could "cure" AIDS by thinking more positively, reciting mantras, cozying up to crystals, etc.

    When my friend took the turn that led to his death, these friends visited him in the hospital where they repeatedly accused him of failing to sufficiently enlist Louise's tools. They refused to say good-bye to him. He bought into this for a while but finally erupted in rage and banished them from his room.

    Much of New Age thinking is magical thinking. Rather than accept that tragedy occurs independent of our cognitive and emotional styles, New Agers would rather blame the victim.






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    May 26, 2011 10:23 PM GMT
    From the gist of your thread, I think you are ready to embark on a spiritual path. The reason, I think, Oprah comes across so nourishing to your soul is that she is truly a friend to the world and it clearly shows. I suspect she has done lots and lots of work on her spiritual life. Whatever spiritual path you choose is up to you. If you are unsure, do a little reasearch on the web and read what appeals to your soul. Personally, I am drawn to the metaphysical and it has helped me greatly with my inner life. I like to use the statement: the planet is my home and the world is my family.

    Blessings to you and peace!
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    May 26, 2011 10:44 PM GMT
    adam228 saidYou can always do things to modify your behavior, but is creating a system of behaviors to give the appearance you have high emotional intelligence... actually high emotional intelligence? I'm not so sure.

    I was thinking something along these lines. Been searching for the answer for a few years now, and I think this EI discussion is going off on a tangent. It's not what Oprah is talking about it. Knowing the right answers or the proper way to behave as is measured in something like an EI assessment has nothing to do with actually being happy with your life. And as far as having drive, you can take huge strides to achieve a goal, turn your life upside down and still be the same depressed you. Neither does success or being the high IQ guy versus the high EI guy have anything to do with your happiness. It's just all about love and acceptance.

    I was pulled into conversation with a stranger today in a cafe. She was foreign-born and raised with traditional values, although she had quite a good attitude about taking the best from Sweden as well. She was over 30 and unmarried, and all she wanted was someone to wake up with in the morning and to compliment her cooking. She was spilling her guts to me, and I knew what she really wanted was for me to ask her out, but I told her I was gay and understood exactly what she felt. It just reminds me what our true needs are.
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    May 27, 2011 1:13 AM GMT
    I admit I've been watching Oprah since I was a 12 yr old boy! I can't believe the show ended forever but the OP brings up a good point. What she said on the last show made a lot of sense to me. The whole "find your own calling" might seem cliche but it's real.
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    May 27, 2011 1:15 AM GMT
    I built mine with popsicle sticks and a glue gun. Still holding strong.
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    May 27, 2011 4:37 AM GMT
    People will always remember how you made them feel. I heard that quote about 10 years ago and my career and personal relationships have grown by remembering that. I now work in a company led by a lady that makes her direct reports feel like nails under her hammer. No sense of achievement or "good job" or "you've contributed to my success". As a result, the message that "you're all expendable" is pushed down through her "team". Sad. No wonder everyone is leaving there.