Feeling Unwanted

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    May 27, 2011 10:19 PM GMT
    I'm 19 and I've never had a boyfriend. I have a difficult time meeting guys and I've had to resort to less favorable channels to meet them. I get ignored by 95% of the guys I'm interested in. I tend to be attracted to white guys my age, but most of them don't reciprocate my interest. For the ones that do communicate with me it seems as if I'm always leading the way and pulling the strings. I feel extremely unattractive and I have a low self esteem from being bullied so much during school. I don't have any friends at all and when I message people to try and get to know them they ignore me. I've tried going to a gay club but I feel invisible there to. Please help me.
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    May 27, 2011 10:25 PM GMT
    You're a good looking kid and you're only 19. You'll find someone soon. Until then, if you're feeling down just go hangout with a friend and forget about that
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    May 27, 2011 10:28 PM GMT
    I thought this was gonna be another AC thread. icon_lol.gif
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    May 27, 2011 10:29 PM GMT
    I don't have any friends. I was talking to this other guy on Facebook and set up a movie with him and his boyfriend. They were both extremely friendly and I had a good time. But they don't text me or anything. I'm sure if I text them now they would respond but it doesn't seem like I'm wanted. I figured most guys my age would be more open about their sexuality and be in the same position as me, working to make friends. It seems like everyone's lives are full and they can't be bothered to add me to theirs. In the beginning I was trying to find potential boyfriends but I gave up and just decided to look for friends instead. It's like talking to wall trying to talk to guys where I'm from. I'm very well spoken and I think I carry myself well. I'm educated and I have a college degree.
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    May 27, 2011 11:38 PM GMT
    lol arent we all like this though? I have no problem having friends.. just focus on making friends perhaps?
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    May 28, 2011 12:24 AM GMT
    Maybe it's my appearance...
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    May 28, 2011 12:31 AM GMT
    No, it's the vegetables.

    Seriously though, try meeting people through something that isn't a dating site or something online, like a sport or club. I've only made like 2 lasting friends from online, the rest are from in person. It's too easy to blow someone off online.
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    May 28, 2011 12:32 AM GMT
    hazardous saidNo, it's the vegetables.

    Seriously though, try meeting people through something that isn't a dating site or something online, like a sport or club. I've only made like 2 lasting friends from online, the rest are from in person. It's too easy to blow someone off online.


    No one talks to me at clubs and I'm really shy so I never approach anyone.
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    May 28, 2011 12:35 AM GMT
    silvirain said
    hazardous saidNo, it's the vegetables.

    Seriously though, try meeting people through something that isn't a dating site or something online, like a sport or club. I've only made like 2 lasting friends from online, the rest are from in person. It's too easy to blow someone off online.


    No one talks to me at clubs and I'm really shy so I never approach anyone.


    Ok well you're doomed then... or you'll find a way to be more outgoing. I know I did, I'm a really introverted person, but I've learned how to put myself out there so I'm not lonely. You'll do the same eventually.
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    May 28, 2011 12:38 AM GMT
    Maybe I should be more constructive...

    What are some things you really like to do?
  • HndsmKansan

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    May 28, 2011 12:41 AM GMT
    A few questions... are you in college? Do you work? What kinds of things do you enjoy doing?
  • barriehomeboy

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    May 28, 2011 12:43 AM GMT
    You're a hot guy. If you saw Ricky Martin in a bar, feeling as insecure about yourself as you do, would you approach him? Meanwhile, he's standing there wondering why nobody is approaching him, and starting to feel unattractive himself.

    We all feel like we're trolls. You look like Prince Harry compared to me. Go after whoever you want!
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    May 28, 2011 12:43 AM GMT
    hazardous saidMaybe I should be more constructive...

    What are some things you really like to do?


    I like to read tech blogs. Create stuff in Photoshop. Listen to music. Go to the movies.
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    May 28, 2011 12:44 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidA few questions... are you in college? Do you work? What kinds of things do you enjoy doing?


    Yeah I'm a college student. I work part time. I'm mainly into tech stuff. Movies, music etc.
  • HndsmKansan

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    May 28, 2011 12:48 AM GMT
    Just curious, do you talk to other students at school? Why not get involved in student activties. I loved my undergraduate years and all the activities in which I was involved. Still have a number of my college friends...

    And at work? Are you friendly with any of those people?
    What about your gym?

    I suggest you consider volunteering for a charity that you might happen to care about. You will meet people, it won't be awkward, just be sincere.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    May 28, 2011 12:52 AM GMT
    My version of that is that you go places where people who like the stuff you are into do. Your lover isn't going to appear magically online. He's going to be someone you run into and who loves one of the things you like to do.
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    May 28, 2011 12:53 AM GMT
    I'm not a naturally social person. I just graduated community college and am transferring elsewhere now. Yeah I get along great with everyone and love to talk because I know them. No one talks to me at the gym or helps me I have no idea what I'm doing there, that's why I stick to cardio.

    HndsmKansan saidJust curious, do you talk to other students at school? Why not get involved in student activties. I loved my undergraduate years and all the activities in which I was involved. Still have a number of my college friends...

    And at work? Are you friendly with any of those people?
    What about your gym?

    I suggest you consider volunteering for a charity that you might happen to care about. You will meet people, it won't be awkward, just be sincere.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    May 28, 2011 12:53 AM GMT
    One of the things is the key. He's not going to satisfy every need you have.
  • HndsmKansan

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    May 28, 2011 1:01 AM GMT
    silvirain saidI'm not a naturally social person. I just graduated community college and am transferring elsewhere now. Yeah I get along great with everyone and love to talk because I know them. No one talks to me at the gym or helps me I have no idea what I'm doing there, that's why I stick to cardio.


    I understand, it probably feels a little overwhelming, but....

    You also need to learn to take the initiative. What are you wanting at the gym? You are paying to be there, so I suggest you talk to the management about whether they provide someone to work with you so you will know how to use the machines.

    Many here aren't "naturally social", but you learn to get out of your comfort zone and do it... because in the long run its in your best interest.

    I remember when I was 19, I decided I wanted to be on my campus newspaper, but writing wasn't enough.. I wanted to be the editor and make that newspaper better.... I did, we doubled the issue number each semester.
    You need to look around you and thing about those things you want to do and to learn. Volunteer!!! When I was in 7th grade, I realized I wanted to do more than just show my quarter horse, I wanted to teach. I asked to hang out at some of the larger stables and I started teaching horsemanship when I was in 9th grade..... I LOVED IT! I developed friendships, but you must take the initiative to improve your life, if you find it "wanting" now.
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    May 28, 2011 1:28 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]silvirain said[/cite]I'm not a naturally social person. I just graduated community college and am transferring elsewhere now. Yeah I get along great with everyone and love to talk because I know them. No one talks to me at the gym or helps me I have no idea what I'm doing there, that's why I stick to cardio.


    Sounds like maybe you had a sheltered life. I was the same way growing up an only child and not being able to go anywhere. This all change when i got a job and started college at Wayne state. Start making friends with the people you see daily and hang with them. One good friend is better than 7 bad ones. also force yourself to greet everyone... thats how i broke my shyness.
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    May 28, 2011 3:25 AM GMT
    Maybe those femine guy you have no interest in feel just as unwanted as you do. Sorry but reading how you exclude others because of their nature makes it difficult to feel sympathy for you. It is totaly your right to exclude anyone you want but then don't complain when others do it to you.