friends?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 27, 2011 11:35 PM GMT
    this is a simplified version of what happened but any input I'd be grateful for. I met this guy online and we chatted for about a month, then started hanging out on weekends watching movies, dinner, and yes playing around, for about 4 weeks. it was going great and we both expressed to each other how much we liked each other and that it felt good. Then he tells me he's getting back with his ex (I just found out was only broken up with him for a month before we met). So we agreed to be friends at the time and have talked to each other every night, all night, we're literally best friends and he's stated that. We've hung out since, just us, and gone to movies and even cuddled one night, but I feel like I'm just the "other guy" in case the ex thing doesn't pan out the way he plans. It sucks cause I haven't liked someone like this in probably 5 years. I told him last weekend that I had developed feelings for him and he didn't know what to say other than sorry if I got hurt....then this week he starts telling me that he's already questioning his renewed relationship, and is scared his x gonna leave him again, and how nothing has changed from before. did I mention that it's been 3 weeks and he's already moved in with him? Should I stick around and see what happens? I don't wanna be the rebound guy, even though I feel like I've already played that role once. Should I make a move? an ultimatum? I value this guy's friendship, we're really good friends right now, and there is a connection between us as he's admitted. I just don't like being strung along.
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    May 28, 2011 12:54 AM GMT
    Continue to be his friend and expect NOTHING.
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    May 28, 2011 1:06 AM GMT
    vincent7 saidContinue to be his friend and expect NOTHING.


    That's good advice. I would go a step further though and back off. This kind of thing tends to repeat itself over and over.

    If he breaks it off with the guy, I would kick back and wait to see what happens, otherwise your are setting yourself up to be hurt. There's a reason he got back together, he still has feelings for the guy.
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    May 28, 2011 1:09 AM GMT
    I was in a similar situation.

    If he talks to you, don't ignore him. But don't go out of your way to talk to him. Give yourself some time go get over the guy.
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    May 28, 2011 1:29 AM GMT
    thanks guys, that's the thing that confuses me though...he's the one that initiates the contact every night and sometimes in the day. and I mean every night literally. he's also the one who invited me to hang out when we have. I thought he wanted me to disappear just 3 weeks ago. it's very confusing behavior.
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    May 28, 2011 1:34 AM GMT
    vincent7 saidContinue to be his friend and expect NOTHING.


    This
  • Leo123

    Posts: 126

    May 28, 2011 1:41 AM GMT
    oh no..

    Don't go down that road, it's clearly a dead end. You'll get hurt.
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    May 28, 2011 1:53 AM GMT
    maybe...I've been hurt before, and it ended up making my life way better in the long run so I'm not scared, you only live once dammit! I think me meeting him was just timed badly. and yes, he's told me he has feelings for his ex and that the ex was also the one who broke it off the first time...and i think his ex is using that knowledge to manipulate the situation (there's more details I can't discuss) I really just don't wanna see him get hurt, cause he's already worrying about it and expressing that to me. I'm gonna take the advice though and just be his friend and see what happens w/o expectations. we're hanging again this weekend.
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    May 28, 2011 1:53 AM GMT
    thats a tough question man. your a good guy for sticking in there even though it is hurting you in the process. I think maybe he is just confused right now and not sure if he is ready to leave his ex/current BF. But please don't play the rebound guy...be more of the point guard lol. Ask him if he see you 2 getting back together...if not you'll find another. good luck
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    May 28, 2011 2:08 AM GMT
    yea, I like that point guard POV hehe icon_biggrin.gif we were never really officially together though, it was too young of a relationship to even be a relationship in my eyes...which is why I had no problem being friends while this ex thing blows over (and i think it will). it's just he wont stop talking to me, its like he's killing me with kindess...very slowly...and painfully, and I don't know if he knows it...but i don't want it to stop icon_cool.gif

    btw, thanks for all the responses everyone...my life's been turned upside down cause of this one guy...le sigh.
  • cookingitswee...

    Posts: 445

    May 28, 2011 2:28 AM GMT
    I hate to be negative in terms of this subject, but I feel as though he is trying to string you along like a puppet. He does not want to part with his ex, but he taks to you nightly and seems to be very flirtatious. He is afraid of loosing this other guy and holds you on in the mean time. As others say this usually happens on and on with guys. He seems inconsiderate, uncaring and just pain selfish. Be careful, because I see you set up with hurt.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 28, 2011 2:32 AM GMT
    Sounds like he's using you for a convenient nursemaid, so to speak.

    You are either friends or more than friends. You need to realize that line and not .. not go over it (sounds like you already have). It sounds like you are just a convenient "blanket" for him... I wonder what would happen if you really needed a friend... would HE be there???
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    May 28, 2011 2:34 AM GMT
    FLbub saidyea, I like that point guard POV hehe icon_biggrin.gif we were never really officially together though, it was too young of a relationship to even be a relationship in my eyes...which is why I had no problem being friends while this ex thing blows over (and i think it will). it's just he wont stop talking to me, its like he's killing me with kindess...very slowly...and painfully, and I don't know if he knows it...but i don't want it to stop icon_cool.gif

    btw, thanks for all the responses everyone...my life's been turned upside down cause of this one guy...le sigh.



    The power of manship lol. well i did kind of have a similar situation but with a girl though so i dont know if it counts. But i fell into the friendship zone and thats all she wanted. i say make yourself available before you push away MR. right.
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    May 28, 2011 2:52 AM GMT
    I certainly wouldn't turn down a date from someone else at this point if that's what you mean by Mr. Right.

    I just don't know if I should confront him and give him an ultimatum or not...it's too early to tell what is actually happening with this ex thing, and I'm not a dick. He's just too god damn friendly with me for just wanting to be friends, it's misleading IMO. I don't even get this much attention from friends I know like brothers.
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    May 28, 2011 3:04 AM GMT
    FLbub saidI certainly wouldn't turn down a date from someone else at this point if that's what you mean by Mr. Right.

    I just don't know if I should confront him and give him an ultimatum or not...it's too early to tell what is actually happening with this ex thing, and I'm not a dick. He's just too god damn friendly with me for just wanting to be friends, it's misleading IMO. I don't even get this much attention from friends I know like brothers.


    Dude, he's in a relationship with someone else. What do you think an ultimatum will do? He already chose the other guy...I'm just sayin'
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    May 28, 2011 3:13 AM GMT
    well he won't stop talking to me all day every day like I'm his boyfriend...he has someone who should be satisfying that...and it's flirtatious as hell...so I guess the ultimatum would be more about knocking that off if he doesn't mean it. like you guys said earlier, I'm just gonna be his friend with no expectations and maybe respond less to his chat.