Advice for a 5 month relationship

  • newbiebottom

    Posts: 38

    May 29, 2011 5:33 PM GMT
    5 months ago, i met a man who is amazing. we have had some amazing times, and certainly feel a great connection with each other. i am slowly working my way out of the closet, and both of us (tops) are becoming versatile and enjoying it. both of us are extremely busy professionals in our 30s, but we do our best to spend time with each other. its been a great learning experience for me, navigating the subtleties of a relationship and working through my own character flaws.

    so.... for those who are in successful long term relationships, what advice would you give to someone at the five month mark?
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    May 31, 2011 3:27 AM GMT
    You ask a great question. I am shocked that there are no responses yet. Either everyone is celebrating Memorial Day or no one in the RJ community has gotten as far as you have in a relationship.
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    May 31, 2011 3:31 AM GMT
    newbiebottom saidAdvice for a 5 month relationship
    Drop him before the 6th month, otherwise it won't be a 5 month relationship ever again. icon_razz.gif
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    May 31, 2011 3:34 AM GMT
    OK.. everything is awesome and perfect in my life, So I'm asking all you complete strangers what I can do different.

    This is bullshit
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    May 31, 2011 3:44 AM GMT
    SDGMAN saidOK.. everything is awesome and perfect in my life, So I'm asking all you complete strangers what I can do different.

    This is bullshit


    There is no need to be negative. The OP is asking for advice. Perhaps he is feeling a bit insecure about dating another top--which I would think is perfectly logical. So far, it seems to be working but he'd like to know what else he can do to preserve it.

    There are far too many threads about people wanting relationships on RJ. I think it is time that we, as a community, focus on the next phase: now that you are in a relationship, how do you keep it working...
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    May 31, 2011 3:47 AM GMT
    marcobruno1978 said
    SDGMAN saidOK.. everything is awesome and perfect in my life, So I'm asking all you complete strangers what I can do different.

    This is bullshit


    There is no need to be negative. The OP is asking for advice. Perhaps he is feeling a bit insecure about dating another top--which I would think is perfectly logical. So far, it seems to be working but he'd like to know what else he can do to preserve it.

    There are far too many threads about people wanting relationships on RJ. I think it is time that we, as a community, focus on the next phase: now that you are in a relationship, how do you keep it working...


    nooooo.. I really don't get this.. and I'm not a negative guy
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    May 31, 2011 4:19 AM GMT
    My husband and I have been together for nearly 12 years now. We've been in an exclusively monogamous relationship since Day One.

    My biggest advice to people: Get over yourself.

    I don't mean that in a negative way. What I'm trying to say is that the sooner you can push aside whatever hangups you have, either with yourself or with the man you're with, the sooner you can start truly enjoying the rest of your lives together. If something bothers you about your partner, you need to learn to accept it as part of his being. You can't just ignore it-- that just breeds resentment on your part. You can't force him to change, either-- that just breeds resentment on his part. If something bothers you about yourself, you either need to accept it or decide to improve it. It takes a lot of work, believe me.

    An example:
    I've never been happy about my body. Over these past 4 years or so, I went from being skinny to skinny-fat and way out of shape. My self-perception was making me so miserable that I could tell it was starting to affect how my husband viewed me. He has always accepted me for how I look, and constantly tells me how handsome he thinks I am, but I could tell that my persistent negativity was wearing on him as well. So I made the conscientious decision to start exercising and changing my body to how I want it to look.

    In the few short weeks that I've been working out, not only has my attitude improved, but it has also given us another activity to do together. And, why didn't anyone tell me how awesome post-workout sex is? Holy crap, our sex drives are better in our mid-30s than they were in our mid-20s!

    All I can say, OP, is that you need to accept him for who he is, and accept yourself for who you are, and things will iron themselves out with a lot of work and a lot of love. I wish you both the best.
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    May 31, 2011 4:46 AM GMT
    newbiebottom said5 months ago, i met a man who is amazing. we have had some amazing times, and certainly feel a great connection with each other. i am slowly working my way out of the closet, and both of us (tops) are becoming versatile and enjoying it. both of us are extremely busy professionals in our 30s, but we do our best to spend time with each other. its been a great learning experience for me, navigating the subtleties of a relationship and working through my own character flaws.

    so.... for those who are in successful long term relationships, what advice would you give to someone at the five month mark?



    Simply, stay the course and you'll do fine. Think with your heart, if you'll pardon the pedestrian expression.

    -Doug
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    May 31, 2011 4:52 AM GMT
    I'm confused with your question. Everything seems to be going well. If you two enjoy each other and get along great together then go with it. I've been in my relationship for 9 months now and it has been absolutely amazing. Each time I spend with this guy, I recognize how much I really care for him. I suggest that you be yourself, that's the best you can be. If you are yourself and he's himself and you get along and enjoy each other then you'll find success. If it doesn't turn out like that, then you will have the benefit of learning about gay relationships and grow from the experience. Keep the communications very open and encourage him to do the same and you'll always be on the same page. Good luck.
  • newbiebottom

    Posts: 38

    May 31, 2011 9:48 PM GMT
    i am just looking for advice from those with more experience than i have had. this is all very new to me and i dont want to fuck this up. its been great, but i want to make sure i am aware of the pitfalls. to those, who gave advice, thank you.
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    May 31, 2011 10:11 PM GMT
    newbiebottom saidi am just looking for advice from those with more experience than i have had. this is all very new to me and i dont want to fuck this up. its been great, but i want to make sure i am aware of the pitfalls. to those, who gave advice, thank you.



    Take good care of him unconditionally. Try new things as much as possible to keep the relationship exciting. Learn to like his likes and how to trust him wholeheartedly.
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    May 31, 2011 10:57 PM GMT
    Wow..hmm lots to be said here...so let's just dive right in.

    You could be asking a website full of random people because for one you don't really know how to approach a continuing and long lasting relationship with this guy because you aren't being fully honest (I.E. no being fully "out"), and this is causing you some kind of hesitation.

    Another small thing is you don't mention much on the communication aspect of the relationship, so is there a mutual understanding that you both are "seeing each other" or has is become a dating relationship. (just sayin ye'all)

    Either way I think this question you have posted to a website of complete strangers (who most probably have never seen a happy relationship last this long) is something that you should be asking the guy you are interested in and have the connection with, to see just how far you both are willing to take this path.


    *Disclaimer*
    -not a relationship guru, longest relationship I was in was only 3 years, I'm just providing an outside perspective on what I have seen in his question and what i have noticed about some (SOME!!!) guys in the RJ website.-
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    May 31, 2011 11:00 PM GMT
    newbiebottom said5 months ago, i met a man who is amazing. we have had some amazing times, and certainly feel a great connection with each other. i am slowly working my way out of the closet, and both of us (tops) are becoming versatile and enjoying it. both of us are extremely busy professionals in our 30s, but we do our best to spend time with each other. its been a great learning experience for me, navigating the subtleties of a relationship and working through my own character flaws.

    so.... for those who are in successful long term relationships, what advice would you give to someone at the five month mark?
    Stay strong and do whatever means necessary to make the relationship work
  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    May 31, 2011 11:19 PM GMT
    To the OP congrats on finding your guy. Second there is no manual for relationships esp with two men. I'm at the 2 month mark in my own relationship. This 2 month mark is very different from the 2 month mark in both of my previous relationships. Each guy is different, plus your a bit different each time also. Just relax, enjoy eachother, keep your eyes open and don't ignore RED FLAGS!!! You will find once the sex haze and newness clears away, you get a better picture of eachother and what your willing to compromise on, because there will be compromise one way or another. Good luck, and listen to your gut, it's the best indicator! One last thing, don't ever put your guy on a pedestal, because eventually he will fall off of it.
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    May 31, 2011 11:27 PM GMT
    You're five months in and things SHOULD be great. They'll probably be great for quite a while longer, but as familiarity and routine creep in be cautious of taking your significant other for granted. There is a natural ebb and flow in any real long term relationship and it is completely normal. Just be prepared for it and know that on the other side of a lull is an awesome renewal that will deepen your bond. When the tough times in life come, keeping a relationship together is not always the easiest thing to do, but it can be the most rewarding. If you want to make a relationship work, never stop working on it or like the ivy on your coworkers desk it will shrivel up and die.

    I've been with my partner for nearly 11 years, and the two biggest things that have helped us in good and bad times are 1) honest and open communication, and 2) a willingness to say sorry first.

    Best wishes!