Hi, New Here

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2011 5:20 AM GMT
    Hey, I'm Sal. I just joined this forum, been wanting to join a gay site for some time now. I just turned 22. I'm not out and having a lot of trouble making sense of my sexuality. I recently met a guy and it didn't work out and I'm pretty bummed and kinda hurt. I'm pretty much a lonely guy and can't seem to get luck and because I am not out it's hard for me talk about my "gay" problems with people; so I figured I'd chat with people like me to see if they can help me out.
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    May 30, 2011 3:41 PM GMT
    I'm not really the expert to comment on this since I'm not out to anyone myself. Been using RJ for a while but only recently signed on here.

    As for the the experience that did not work out, don't get too bummed - this happens to everyone. Making a connection is not easy but eventually you will click with someone. You just need to be patient. And be careful not to obsess over it. You are still young and there's so much more to life to enjoy. Stay positive. It will happen gradually and delving too much in this might lead to depression, especially since you say you are lonely. It is a good step that you came out here and posted. Start communicating slowly and open up. You'll feel better.

    There've been some earlier posts here by people in the closet. Try going through them. And I think there is also another website called emptyclosets which helps people that are not out deal with it.

    Good luck and hope you figure this out soon!
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2940

    May 30, 2011 3:44 PM GMT
    Welcome here, and good luck!

    Remember that even heterosexuals don't find the right person on the first try - that's why there's dating.

    Give yourself time to grow into who you are at your speed. Have confidence in yourself, and continue to explore, and try to avoid the trap of falling for the first person you meet.

    Hope it all works out!

    Nat
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    May 30, 2011 3:45 PM GMT
    welcome sal...it gets easier with time or you get a little thickened skin. At least on here you can vent any ponder advise until you are ready to come out.
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    May 30, 2011 5:07 PM GMT
    Welcome 2 RJ Sal.

    My best advice, bearing-in-mind-total-respect for your privacy...,

    "Do not spend a single minute in-the-closet."

    This does NOT mean b a flaming queen. It does mean "Have not the slightest fear, of the Truth" ...and b "out" to anyone who asks. Also, as you embrace your sexuality, when an uncomfortable situation is at hand- REMEMBER 2B HUMOROUS !

    Example/hypothetical:
    ...A str8 looking guy, whom you are NOT attracted 2, says something very very anti-homo, 4 your dubious benefit, in front of a bunch of your friends; such as, "Are You a Fag?"
    ...Best answer there is . . . :
    (...as you look around @ the spectators) "For them(?), NEVER! But for you . . .(?) ...I'm thinking, I'm thinking . . . !!"

    You will find humor quite disarming; and TRUTH, refreshing . . . !
    Try this sometime (whether-or-not there is an audience):

    Belligerent (and I might add jealous) Str8 dood: "Why are you so f-ing Queer?
    You: "You & I are not so different..."
    Str8 dood ...even more belligerent: " Oh ya, oh ya, How'z-That?"
    You: "I piss in the shower too."

    Other possible replies:
    " You seem to know quite a lot about that subject . . . "
    " Are you about to ask me for my phone # ?? . . . "
    " ...Yr asking the wrong man. Sorry, but yr not my type!"

    If you can apply humor w/ Love & understanding; rather than, fear, cockyness, or especially judgmentalism
    YOU WILL DO JUST FINE.



    BTW, coming out 2 parents is easy; just embrace the TRUTH and eventually your Peeps will appreciate your honesty . . .
    ...Best (most mature) response to an utterly-shocked parent: " Dad, would you have preferred that I tell you a lie? " Remember, b a MAN about the Truth! Here is another, rather soft approach 2 parents:

    Mother: " Where are you going in such a hurry?"
    You: " I've got a hot date "
    Mom: " Oh, what's her name? "
    You, giggling
    a bit: " Well, this time, it's not a 'Her' "

    ...Just remember: "Humor" "Humility" "Confidence"






  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2011 5:13 PM GMT
    Welcome!

    People come and go. Your first crush is still probably somewhere in your head, the boy you like won't always like you back and we usually derail threads into something ridiculous.


    This is RJ. Feel free to talk about almost anything!
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    May 30, 2011 5:23 PM GMT
    Well if you're looking to explore your own sexuality and talk about relationships, health, etc. Then you've definitely come to the right place. I had no one to vent to about my recent break up, but the guys on this site and it was extremely helpful.

    You'll get a wonderful blend of tough and gentle loving here, but in the end the intent is often times the same. And yes, expect some randomness too, because what is life without a few perplexing moments?

    I hope you meet lots of interesting people here and learn new things about yourself.

    also, have to agree with the comments above. It sucks, but you'll definitely get past it, and just know that searching for anything meaningful will take a bit of time.
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    May 30, 2011 6:58 PM GMT
    Sal, you posted, then vanished; I miss you already!
  • Little_Spoon

    Posts: 1562

    May 30, 2011 7:00 PM GMT
    awesome_face.png
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2011 10:39 PM GMT
    Thanks all. I actually have a pretty fucked up history with guys, which I'll share now.

    Other than elementary school, I never really had a best guy friend, all through junior high and high school my closet friends were girls, and my small circle of friends only contained one other guy. I never had another guy to pal around with all the time, even though I am gay, I am pretty much a normal guy otherwise.

    Anyhow, in my first semester in college, I became friends with this guy, who was really chill and he gave me his number to hang out, he's straight. We became pretty tight and talked and chilled all the time. When I first met him, I did not find him attractive, he was just a normal guy friend, but as time grew on, me the gay fell for my straight friend. To make an already long story short, he stopped being friends with me because I became to annoying and clingy for him. He came back into my life for a short while and pulled the same shit again. I really became depressed over this because even though he was straight, I did have love for him and really enjoyed his company, This is all began in 2008 and just in the past few months, I feel I finally made peace with his no longer in my life.

    I have a tendency to get clingy because when you are so alone, and then someone gives you the time of day, you become afraid of losing that and become needy without realizing it. That is a big issue of mine.

    Now on to my gay life:

    I just recently in the past few months decided to meet up with guys and explore my sexuality. I am too shy for bars so I went on craigslist.com (which is shady as hell) to see if I can find a normal guy. The first guy I met up with, was really nice and sweet, a few years younger, we hooked up but didn't have sex, he was my first gay kiss and oral/jo experience, but I really wasn't that attracted to him, so needless to say it didn't work out.

    After him, I had a few other hook ups but nothing special. Then came Michael, he was my age, close to my house and just had a sick personality. I really felt so connected to him, he really was special and it did feel like it could be special. This is going to sound so cliche, but when we cuddled and watched a movie, I really felt like nothing mattered, I was happy. To make an already long story short, I learned that he was battling a loss himself of his ex-bf and that when he first met me he was looking for a random hook-up, but thought I was nice and cute and wanted to give me a try, then his ex came back in the picture and had decided to make it work with him.

    I can't seem to let go of this and get sad over what could of been, I really liked this guy icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2011 10:47 PM GMT
    GeminiHeart saidThanks all. I actually have a pretty fucked up history with guys, which I'll share now.

    Other than elementary school, I never really had a best guy friend, all through junior high and high school my closet friends were girls, and my small circle of friends only contained one other guy. I never had another guy to pal around with all the time, even though I am gay, I am pretty much a normal guy otherwise.

    Anyhow, in my first semester in college, I became friends with this guy, who was really chill and he gave me his number to hang out, he's straight. We became pretty tight and talked and chilled all the time. When I first met him, I did not find him attractive, he was just a normal guy friend, but as time grew on, me the gay fell for my straight friend. To make an already long story short, he stopped being friends with me because I became to annoying and clingy for him. He came back into my life for a short while and pulled the same shit again. I really became depressed over this because even though he was straight, I did have love for him and really enjoyed his company, This is all began in 2008 and just in the past few months, I feel I finally made peace with his no longer in my life.

    I have a tendency to get clingy because when you are so alone, and then someone gives you the time of day, you become afraid of losing that and become needy without realizing it. That is a big issue of mine.

    Now on to my gay life:

    I just recently in the past few months decided to meet up with guys and explore my sexuality. I am too shy for bars so I went on craigslist.com (which is shady as hell) to see if I can find a normal guy. The first guy I met up with, was really nice and sweet, a few years younger, we hooked up but didn't have sex, he was my first gay kiss and oral/jo experience, but I really wasn't that attracted to him, so needless to say it didn't work out.

    After him, I had a few other hook ups but nothing special. Then came Michael, he was my age, close to my house and just had a sick personality. I really felt so connected to him, he really was special and it did feel like it could be special. This is going to sound so cliche, but when we cuddled and watched a movie, I really felt like nothing mattered, I was happy. To make an already long story short, I learned that he was battling a loss himself of his ex-bf and that when he first met me he was looking for a random hook-up, but thought I was nice and cute and wanted to give me a try, then his ex came back in the picture and had decided to make it work with him.

    I can't seem to let go of this and get sad over what could of been, I really liked this guy icon_sad.gif


    You should start a new thread with your life stories. This is too long for a single post embedded in a thread for people to read. Or add this to your original post.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2011 10:49 PM GMT
    GeminiHeart saidHey, I'm Sal. I just joined this forum, been wanting to join a gay site for some time now. I just turned 22. I'm not out and having a lot of trouble making sense of my sexuality. I recently met a guy and it didn't work out and I'm pretty bummed and kinda hurt. I'm pretty much a lonely guy and can't seem to get luck and because I am not out it's hard for me talk about my "gay" problems with people; so I figured I'd chat with people like me to see if they can help me out.


    Hi Sal, welcome to the sight. the name is Dontae. Your still pretty young so dont rush it you'll find someone. You should start off with friends first then work your way up. i hope your luck change for the better
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2011 10:58 PM GMT
    Hey Sal, nice to hear from ya. my best advice when confused:

    Theres no sense in trying to make sense of life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2011 11:14 PM GMT
    That was a long posticon_smile.gif You've sort of nailed your problem. You just need to deal with it.

    Clingy, getting too-attached & desperate is not good for any relationship, be it a boyfriend, partner or just friends. Everyone likes their space and will back off if they feel suffocated. Have your own circle of friends, activities that you do without your partner and let him have his "me-time" too.

    Since you describe yourself as a lonely person, maybe you should start making friends to hang out with, maybe for a sport or hiking? You need to focus on yourself more and let the boyfriend/partner search not dominate all your free time.

    As far as Michael is concerned, it will take time but you will get over him gradually. You are young and you'll meet lot of people. You will have ups and downs. This is all part of the dating/relationship process but you'll learn something from each experience to get stronger and more sure of what you are looking for.

    Please be wary of Craigslist. You might meet better people at your college's LGBT club or support groups. Or go to dating sites where people have more information about who they are and what they are looking for.

    And one more thing on your post confused me. You said he had a sick personality? Not sure if you really liked him or it was an infatuation. Maybe the loneliness is clouding your judgement?

    Good luck anyway. As I said in my previous reply, I'm no expert and am still figuring things out for myself but wanted to give you my 2 cents.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2011 11:18 PM GMT
    Little_Spoon saidawesome_face.png
    That mouth looks like it's waiting on a big ole dick.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2011 11:23 PM GMT
    waimea said
    GeminiHeart saidThanks all. I actually have a pretty fucked up history with guys, which I'll share now.

    Other than elementary school, I never really had a best guy friend, all through junior high and high school my closet friends were girls, and my small circle of friends only contained one other guy. I never had another guy to pal around with all the time, even though I am gay, I am pretty much a normal guy otherwise.

    Anyhow, in my first semester in college, I became friends with this guy, who was really chill and he gave me his number to hang out, he's straight. We became pretty tight and talked and chilled all the time. When I first met him, I did not find him attractive, he was just a normal guy friend, but as time grew on, me the gay fell for my straight friend. To make an already long story short, he stopped being friends with me because I became to annoying and clingy for him. He came back into my life for a short while and pulled the same shit again. I really became depressed over this because even though he was straight, I did have love for him and really enjoyed his company, This is all began in 2008 and just in the past few months, I feel I finally made peace with his no longer in my life.

    I have a tendency to get clingy because when you are so alone, and then someone gives you the time of day, you become afraid of losing that and become needy without realizing it. That is a big issue of mine.

    Now on to my gay life:

    I just recently in the past few months decided to meet up with guys and explore my sexuality. I am too shy for bars so I went on craigslist.com (which is shady as hell) to see if I can find a normal guy. The first guy I met up with, was really nice and sweet, a few years younger, we hooked up but didn't have sex, he was my first gay kiss and oral/jo experience, but I really wasn't that attracted to him, so needless to say it didn't work out.

    After him, I had a few other hook ups but nothing special. Then came Michael, he was my age, close to my house and just had a sick personality. I really felt so connected to him, he really was special and it did feel like it could be special. This is going to sound so cliche, but when we cuddled and watched a movie, I really felt like nothing mattered, I was happy. To make an already long story short, I learned that he was battling a loss himself of his ex-bf and that when he first met me he was looking for a random hook-up, but thought I was nice and cute and wanted to give me a try, then his ex came back in the picture and had decided to make it work with him.

    I can't seem to let go of this and get sad over what could of been, I really liked this guy icon_sad.gif


    You should start a new thread with your life stories. This is too long for a single post embedded in a thread for people to read. Or add this to your original post.


    Sorry, I have to learn the rules here.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2011 11:24 PM GMT
    hpfan84 saidThat was a long posticon_smile.gif You've sort of nailed your problem. You just need to deal with it.

    Clingy, getting too-attached & desperate is not good for any relationship, be it a boyfriend, partner or just friends. Everyone likes their space and will back off if they feel suffocated. Have your own circle of friends, activities that you do without your partner and let him have his "me-time" too.

    Since you describe yourself as a lonely person, maybe you should start making friends to hang out with, maybe for a sport or hiking? You need to focus on yourself more and let the boyfriend/partner search not dominate all your free time.

    As far as Michael is concerned, it will take time but you will get over him gradually. You are young and you'll meet lot of people. You will have ups and downs. This is all part of the dating/relationship process but you'll learn something from each experience to get stronger and more sure of what you are looking for.

    Please be wary of Craigslist. You might meet better people at your college's LGBT club or support groups. Or go to dating sites where people have more information about who they are and what they are looking for.

    And one more thing on your post confused me. You said he had a sick personality? Not sure if you really liked him or it was an infatuation. Maybe the loneliness is clouding your judgement?

    Good luck anyway. As I said in my previous reply, I'm no expert and am still figuring things out for myself but wanted to give you my 2 cents.


    I meant "sick" as in he is really fun and sweet, and would make these stupid silly jokes and had a funny laugh...idk man he was just really unique to me
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2011 11:30 PM GMT
    hi, I'm old here

    welcome and good luck icon_wink.gif