Thanks all. I actually have a pretty fucked up history with guys, which I'll share now.
Other than elementary school, I never really had a best guy friend, all through junior high and high school my closet friends were girls, and my small circle of friends only contained one other guy. I never had another guy to pal around with all the time, even though I am gay, I am pretty much a normal guy otherwise.
Anyhow, in my first semester in college, I became friends with this guy, who was really chill and he gave me his number to hang out, he's straight. We became pretty tight and talked and chilled all the time. When I first met him, I did not find him attractive, he was just a normal guy friend, but as time grew on, me the gay fell for my straight friend. To make an already long story short, he stopped being friends with me because I became to annoying and clingy for him. He came back into my life for a short while and pulled the same shit again. I really became depressed over this because even though he was straight, I did have love for him and really enjoyed his company, This is all began in 2008 and just in the past few months, I feel I finally made peace with his no longer in my life.
I have a tendency to get clingy because when you are so alone, and then someone gives you the time of day, you become afraid of losing that and become needy without realizing it. That is a big issue of mine.
Now on to my gay life:
I just recently in the past few months decided to meet up with guys and explore my sexuality. I am too shy for bars so I went on craigslist.com (which is shady as hell) to see if I can find a normal guy. The first guy I met up with, was really nice and sweet, a few years younger, we hooked up but didn't have sex, he was my first gay kiss and oral/jo experience, but I really wasn't that attracted to him, so needless to say it didn't work out.
After him, I had a few other hook ups but nothing special. Then came Michael, he was my age, close to my house and just had a sick personality. I really felt so connected to him, he really was special and it did feel like it could be special. This is going to sound so cliche, but when we cuddled and watched a movie, I really felt like nothing mattered, I was happy. To make an already long story short, I learned that he was battling a loss himself of his ex-bf and that when he first met me he was looking for a random hook-up, but thought I was nice and cute and wanted to give me a try, then his ex came back in the picture and had decided to make it work with him.
I can't seem to let go of this and get sad over what could of been, I really liked this guy