Moving into a gay houseshare to alleviate loneliness?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2011 9:54 AM GMT
    Is this a good idea? After the shit I've had to deal with in the last year I'm wondering if its a good idea.

    Can anyone give me some thoughts?
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    May 30, 2011 1:09 PM GMT
    I don't know what you have been through but I've had many living conditions with gay roommates. The best one was in San Antonio when I was renting a room in a 3-bedroom house. There were always three of us (at one point 4). No sex and no exceptions of sex which was great. I'm not going to say it didn't happen though. I can't remember any actual drama.

    When I lived with only one gay roommate we got along very well no problems. When that roommate moved in his boyfriend then either drama was flung around frequently or simmered to a boil. That happened with two different roommates.

    I do live alone now. If I were to have roommates then I would have no problem with it but not if any of them had a live in boyfriend.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 30, 2011 1:16 PM GMT
    I'd make sure a "gay roommate situation" is really what you want. It would be helpful if we knew what you went through.... if you opt to proceed, make sure to write down what is most important for success. If there are some things you can talk about with your fellow live in's that might help make it a positive experience and not so negative.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    May 30, 2011 1:21 PM GMT
    A shared living arrangement can be a great way to relieve loneliness. It is nice coming home to someone. But remember that you might not live with people who necessarily want to be your new best friend or who want to hang out with you all the time (or at all, for that matter).

    And why do they have to be gay?
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    May 30, 2011 1:24 PM GMT
    Heya

    Last year, I mentioned about how coming out casued me to lose a lotnof mates from church to the point Im having to rebuild my friendship base at the moment.

    so im trying to rebuild my social circles etc
  • hawkeye7

    Posts: 565

    May 30, 2011 2:17 PM GMT
    having a really fun gay roomate is awsome
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    May 30, 2011 2:31 PM GMT
    Bunjamon saidA shared living arrangement can be a great way to relieve loneliness. It is nice coming home to someone. But remember that you might not live with people who necessarily want to be your new best friend or who want to hang out with you all the time (or at all, for that matter).

    And why do they have to be gay?


    a big +1 to that.

    I'm fine with straight guys, but the living with gays guys have been a disaster in my experience.
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    May 30, 2011 3:46 PM GMT
    Bunjamon saidA shared living arrangement can be a great way to relieve loneliness. It is nice coming home to someone. But remember that you might not live with people who necessarily want to be your new best friend or who want to hang out with you all the time (or at all, for that matter).

    And why do they have to be gay?


    Just keep in mind roommates are sometimes just that.... roommates. Not all roommates want to be buddy buddy and you really have to keep the boundaries clear and drawn wit certain people.
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    May 30, 2011 3:57 PM GMT
    Not all roommates want to be buddy buddy

    Totally agree. You need to make sure your roommate is friendly and social . Not the type that stays locked up in his room!

    For the loneliness, maybe you could look for activity partners for a sport or hiking or other hobbies. You could also sign up for volunteering. I have a lot of fun when I volunteer. There's a nice cross-section of people showing up . The funny ones keep you smiling and plus you also feel good after a nice deed!
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    May 30, 2011 4:02 PM GMT
    I don't see anything wrong with it per se...however it isn't fair to put the burden of alieviating your lonliness on your new roommate. He will have his own life, and possibly his own issues, so you could end up being lonely living with someone else.

    I'd suggest joining gay groups in your area and/or volunteering to meet new people. That way you are going to meet people with similar interests who are also ok with your sexual orientation, and from which new friendships might grow.
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    May 30, 2011 4:32 PM GMT

    I'm thinking of doing this, you'll have to let me know if the slumber parties are as epic as I'm imagining.

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    May 30, 2011 5:23 PM GMT
    xanadude saidI don't see anything wrong with it per se...however it isn't fair to put the burden of alieviating your lonliness on your new roommate. He will have his own life, and possibly his own issues, so you could end up being lonely living with someone else.

    I'd suggest joining gay groups in your area and/or volunteering to meet new people. That way you are going to meet people with similar interests who are also ok with your sexual orientation, and from which new friendships might grow.

    Co-sign!

    While the roommate situation does sound kind of fun... it depends on the age, the mental state of the other guy and what the circumstances are. I think it's a Russian roulette which you could ask to bite the bullet or do the above post with equal results... plus more to do on certain dates. icon_smile.gif
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    May 30, 2011 5:43 PM GMT
    Moving into a house share could be wonderful, or it could be hell.
    He's noisy.
    He's a slob.
    He won't shut up.
    He won't do anything.
    He's home ALL the time.
    He steals my stuff.
    He plays terrible music

    Better play it safe and get a dog.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2011 5:44 PM GMT
    Webster666 saidMoving into a house share could be wonderful, or it could be hell.
    He's noisy.
    He's a slob.
    He won't shut up.
    He won't do anything.
    He's home ALL the time.
    He steals my stuff.
    He plays terrible music

    Better play it safe and get a dog.


    +10000

    or a cat
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2011 6:42 PM GMT
    I don't think I could do the roommate thing again after living by myself for so long. Its great to be able to do what you want when you want. I would suggest that maybe you get a single apt/condo in a complex where you could meet people in your building. Do they have to be "gay"? Good people come in different packages....
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    May 30, 2011 7:27 PM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    I'm thinking of doing this, you'll have to let me know if the slumber parties are as epic as I'm imagining.



    we can just have our own slumber parties GG icon_twisted.gif

    no need to move to have those!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2011 7:33 PM GMT
    gay or str8 roommates SUCK
  • SFGeoNinja

    Posts: 510

    May 30, 2011 9:18 PM GMT
    TrevorMark said
    xanadude saidI don't see anything wrong with it per se...however it isn't fair to put the burden of alieviating your lonliness on your new roommate. He will have his own life, and possibly his own issues, so you could end up being lonely living with someone else.

    I'd suggest joining gay groups in your area and/or volunteering to meet new people. That way you are going to meet people with similar interests who are also ok with your sexual orientation, and from which new friendships might grow.

    Co-sign!

    While the roommate situation does sound kind of fun... it depends on the age, the mental state of the other guy and what the circumstances are. I think it's a Russian roulette which you could ask to bite the bullet or do the above post with equal results... plus more to do on certain dates. icon_smile.gif


    I agree. For someone your age, this could be a toss-up. A lot of potential room-mates in their 30s are "over" the fun, buddy-buddy phase of living together and just want a roomie strictly to cut costs. A friend of mine who is 32 just moved into a shared 2-bd apartment to save money, after living alone, thinking it would be fun fun all the time with his new roommate. Not so. They constantly bicker and can't stand each other. Unless you are friends with the person already, getting a roommate is not the solution. I think volunteering for a gay non-profit or joining a club sports team or something might be better luck.
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    May 30, 2011 9:31 PM GMT
    I've had good and bad experiences with roommates and I prefer to live alone these days. To live alone one has to be his own best friend and possibly have a couple of friends who have their own places to get together, do things, and share. Getting a dog isn't such a bad option.
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    May 30, 2011 9:36 PM GMT
    Great idea. My roommate and I grew up 15 miles apart but we never knew each other until we met here in Denver. We get along great. We hangout together but there is no sexual chemistry which makes the situation of living together easier.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    May 30, 2011 9:47 PM GMT
    I have always had a roommate. Some gay, some straight, some good, some bad. My current roommate is straight and a ranger in the U.S. Army and we get along great. Try it and see....but try it without any expectations. icon_wink.gif
  • josephmovie

    Posts: 533

    May 30, 2011 9:47 PM GMT
    It's good when it works and a nightmare when it doesn't.

    I suggest you consider a gay friendly female as an option. A fun, social gal to come home might be just the ticket. And there are a lot of them out there.
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    May 30, 2011 10:07 PM GMT
    fasterpace saidgay or str8 roommates SUCK
    But the str8 ones only suck when they're drunk.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2011 5:47 PM GMT
    In all my life, I've only lived alone for 3 months. Having a roommate is good when it's someone you know well and can confront about things that annoy you without any risk of trouble. In any case where it's been someone quieter, messier or more aloof than me, it's turned out to be an awkward living situation. That and when bedrooms are beside each other and/or there is no soundproofing.

    On the other hand, living in a house of a few people has been best because it's a friendlier atmosphere and the mix of personalities generally makes people more considerate. Everyone is more likely to recognize a need for house rules and to follow them.