Would you forgive a guy who rejected you in a homophobic way because he was in the closet and later apologized saying he was wrong?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2011 3:10 AM GMT
    I would.

    Also, have you ever been rejected by a guy because he was in the closet and did he later apologize in real-life?
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    May 31, 2011 6:09 AM GMT

    Yes. I would. When I was in the closet I teased this gay couple I saw walking in D.C. I thought they were so adorable in their little suits with their umbrellas, but I was repressed and miserable so I puffed up my chest and scowled at them. I'd like to apologize to them if one of them is on here and remembers that day, I was wearing camo pants and a white tank top. Sorry, I was totally miserable then.

    Never happened with a guy, but friends have apologized after I came out to them and they realized how many gay digs they've made in my presence up until then.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2011 6:26 AM GMT
    gymrat100 saidWould you forgive a guy who rejected you in a very mean and cold way...


    Did he drug you and disembowel you? Cold you whippersnapper.

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    May 31, 2011 6:33 AM GMT
    Yes I would.

    The latter has never happened.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2011 6:51 AM GMT
    a sincere apology is often worthy of forgiveness, so yes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2011 7:17 AM GMT
    If you made this topic to find out what to do, you're not going to find the right answer. For any one of the responses, sometimes they would, sometimes they wouldn't, it depends on the situation every time and popular opinion shouldn't steer your instinct.
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    May 31, 2011 12:16 PM GMT
    Ariodante, yes. Haha. I meant homophobic. Bad choice of words.
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    May 31, 2011 12:17 PM GMT
    You're right, muchmore.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 31, 2011 12:36 PM GMT
    Hey guys, let me say that in about 1997, I hadn't accepted who I am and wasn't comfortable with the "gay label". My exploration was done quietly
    and I convinced myself, "well I'm just exploring a few things and it didn't mean anything".

    I answered an ad in the newspaper about "a guy looking for another guy", seems kind of funny now, but he lived in an adjacent community and we agreed to a dinner meeting. After a reschedule or two, we did meet at a mexican restaurant and had a nice time (what's the problem with meeting a new friend and have dinner afterall.....) He started calling me, wanting to see me.
    I certainly wasn't ready for that. Geez what would my family say? I was just curious (and in the back of my mind.... like "go away".) After trying to call about 6 or 8 times, he did go away).

    It wasn't until the next year that I went through a metamorphosis, really started to accept (and like) myself...... and I apologized to that guy, who the year before I rebuffed. He still wanted to date me, but by then there was another man in the mix. He's still here.... lol
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    May 31, 2011 12:45 PM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    Yes. I would. When I was in the closet I teased this gay couple I saw walking in D.C. I thought they were so adorable in their little suits with their umbrellas, but I was repressed and miserable so I puffed up my chest and scowled at them. I'd like to apologize to them if one of them is on here and remembers that day, I was wearing camo pants and a white tank top. Sorry, I was totally miserable then.

    Never happened with a guy, but friends have apologized after I came out to them and they realized how many gay digs they've made in my presence up until then.

    I was very touched by this story. And glad to hear that you aren't miserable today about who you are, I presume.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    May 31, 2011 12:48 PM GMT
    yes i would
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    May 31, 2011 12:50 PM GMT
    100% yes. Everyone's journey is so unique; we can’t always imagine or anticipate the pressure someone else is enduring. I understand the sentiment to grow a pair and come out, but for teenage kids in particular I understand being closeted for financial support reasons. The older a person gets, the less instinctual empathy I have for being closeted, but I maintain that there are pressures they are enduring that we may not realize, both real and imagined.
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    May 31, 2011 1:15 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidIt wasn't until the next year that I went through a metamorphosis, really started to accept (and like) myself...... and I apologized to that guy, who the year before I rebuffed. He still wanted to date me, but by then there was another man in the mix. He's still here.... lol

    Another heartfelt story, like GuiltyGear's. Thanks.

    I've told the story here before of how I came out in a flash, less than 24 hours. And during the first few hours I was depressed about my self-discovery that I was gay. I knew gay was bad, because most of the world said so, and certainly the Army, from which I had recently retired.

    But then I turned it around. A rationalization, perhaps, but I've never been a conventional thinker. I like to reexamine things from many angles.

    And I thought to myself: "I KNOW I'm a good & decent person, that's a constant, a given, that hasn't changed. Therefore, if I'm gay, then gay can't be as perverted and indecent as I've been led to believe. And that goes for other gays, as well."

    A bit simplistic, granted, but at the end of that first day I was happy to realize that I was gay. If for no other reason than it resolved all the confusing conflicts I'd felt inside me all my life, both conscious & unconscious, answered all the mysteries about myself that I could never before resolve.

    And there's nothing I hate more than questions for which I have no answers. Now I had it all figured out at last, better late than never, and I immediately jumped into the gay world very prominently with both feet, no closeted interim period for me at all (closeted = knowing you're gay but concealing it, versus my former deep psychological denial that I even WAS gay). I now celebrate that coming-out day annually as my "second birthday," having just passed my 16th.

    Your metamorphosis may not have been as virtually instantaneous as mine was, but at least you say you had it. That, after all, is the very essence of Gay Pride, to erase that sense of shame, guilt & fear. Continue to accept and like yourself as a gay man.
  • Hokenshi

    Posts: 387

    May 31, 2011 1:18 PM GMT
    Yes and Yes.
    One guy gave me crap in school I heard he'd come out a little while back and when I was back home last year he actually tried hitting on me, it was very odd.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    May 31, 2011 1:23 PM GMT
    Wow, gay men are so easy.

    Yes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2011 1:45 PM GMT
    Of course I would. I've been closeted and I know how they feel icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2011 2:08 PM GMT
    yes, i would.

    yes, i have.

    the catch is that some people use their baggage as a crutch to rationalize being jerks. and i'll forgive that, but i don't revisit them the same way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2011 2:10 PM GMT
    Haven't happened to me yet, but I'd say yes
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    May 31, 2011 2:11 PM GMT
    Depends on how badly they ridiculed me about it. Quick example, if it was my kindergarten bully, there is no fucking way I can forgive him. I'm friend's with my 4th grade bully, but there is just no way that I can see myself completely forgiving Bobby... That was cruel torture (he was even 2years older than me too)

    Edit:

    Sorry, I didn't realize part of the title of the thread. If it was someone who I had hit on when they weren't ready, and approached me later, I would probably be up for it.
  • TheIStrat

    Posts: 777

    May 31, 2011 2:18 PM GMT
    Yes.

    However, if it was one of those bullies in high school/college who treated ppl like garbage, then no. Fuck those closeted assholes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2011 2:21 PM GMT
    What is there to forgive...I would have moved on with me life. I would accept the apology and keep it moving.
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    May 31, 2011 2:47 PM GMT
    Yes and yes.
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    May 31, 2011 2:58 PM GMT
    original714 said100% yes. Everyone's journey is so unique; we can’t always imagine or anticipate the pressure someone else is enduring. I understand the sentiment to grow a pair and come out, but for teenage kids in particular I understand being closeted for financial support reasons. The older a person gets, the less instinctual empathy I have for being closeted, but I maintain that there are pressures they are enduring that we may not realize, both real and imagined.


    Wow! You read my mind and posted first. I also have to agree with GuiltyGear's point. The road to self acceptance can lead to some pretty tough places, and everybody is on their own journey. They have to take their own steps.

    If they apologize, then I would forgive them. It shows they they reflected and made the effort to make amends. For some guys to apologize...takes some guts.
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    May 31, 2011 3:09 PM GMT


    Let me change that... How about.. Forgive and forget, but he wouldn't have a second chance =P
  • kyr4

    Posts: 7

    Jun 04, 2011 2:24 AM GMT
    I would forgive but I wouldn't give him another chance.