Being Cruised at the Gym - How to Deal with it?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2011 8:11 AM GMT
    There's a guy at my gym that a couple of weeks ago I thought was giving me the eye quite a bit in the steam room and when I left to hit the showers he followed me out and went in the cubicle next to me, and I noticed him a couple of times peeking through a gap in the divider.

    Then yesterday he got into the hot tub when I was in there after my workout and then followed me up to the steam room. I could tell he was looking again and I admit I did glance his way a couple of times to see what he was going to do and a couple of times I noticed he had his hand down the front of his shorts and touching himself (I didn't react).

    Then when I went to shower he went in the cubicle opposite me and was looking through the door (there's a clear bit at eye level) but I just showered up and left.

    I'm not really sure what to do about this, I don't really want to report him as he's not done anything that bad, though I also don't want to lead him on because although he's a rather fit and handsome guy, I'm in a relationship so don't want to give him the wrong idea.

    Should I say something? I have no idea really how to handle this. I haven't said anything about it to my partner as I think he would feel uncomfortable about it and uncomfortable about me going to the gym thinking that there are guys hitting on me. I also feel a bit guilty about it because it's quite flattering to be cruised by a handsome guy, so a part of me sort of likes it even though it's unwanted/unsolicited attention.

    Any suggestions?
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    May 31, 2011 8:44 AM GMT
    I would just ignore him, unless he masturbates or exposes himself to you or tries to approach you. That's said- his peeking at you in the shower is inappropriate so you could directly tell him ur not interested. If he doesn't get the message, then report him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2011 8:47 AM GMT
    How I would deal with it:
    -be grateful and flattered
    -don't do anything, just go about your day
    -if he does anything to actually engage you, say "no thanks"
    -tell the boyfriend each step of the way because HONESTY IS IMPORTANT
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    May 31, 2011 2:01 PM GMT
    287571_745205.jpg

    Inform him of this fact.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    May 31, 2011 2:05 PM GMT
    Don't pay attention to him. If you don't give him the attention he's seeking, he'll move on to someone else. He might be looking for any kind of attention, even negative attention, so don't look at him, don't glance his way, don't say "hey," or nod at him, just pretend he isn't there. He'll lose interest soon enough.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2011 2:16 PM GMT
    Why don't you go home and wash?. I would never wash at the gym unless I really had to.
  • TheIStrat

    Posts: 777

    May 31, 2011 2:17 PM GMT
    Take it as a compliment and move on
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2011 2:35 PM GMT
    To really turn him off the next time he follows you, start picking at your toenails. Better yet, pick your nose. Nothing turns off the average person than a guy being a guy.lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2011 2:40 PM GMT
    FearTheFall said287571_745205.jpg

    Inform him of this fact.


    Y'know, I'm sort of surprised you don't have that pic tattooed on yourself by now icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2011 4:02 PM GMT
    DRRRRRRRRROP YOUR PANTS (i know i know... metaphorically)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2011 4:03 PM GMT
    UberBane saidWhy don't you go home and wash?. I would never wash at the gym unless I really had to.


    It's easier to do that. Plus, it's not just about the showers - the main 'attention' was in the steam room.
  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    May 31, 2011 4:10 PM GMT
    I have found that just ignoring the individual typically ends the offensive behavior. Sometimes when the guy doesn't get the message, I have said, "hey, I'm not interested and I don't think that behavior belongs in the steam room/wherever," and that shuts it down pretty quickly.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    May 31, 2011 4:14 PM GMT
    Ignore it, but take it as a compliment. It's when guys STOP cruising you at all that you really have something to be bummed about icon_wink.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 31, 2011 4:20 PM GMT
    I remember being cruised at the YMCA and it all came to a head on the 4th of July, 2009. The guy came into the Locker room right after I got in there. I'm sure it wasn't a coincidence, loaded me with compliments and hit on me, asking questions. I was blunt and clear. We haven't talked since.

    My reaction to this is, I'd ignore him and make it clear you aren't interested .. non verbally. He'll get the picture and if he doesn't, then tell him so.. or go to the management.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2011 4:22 PM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidHow I would deal with it:
    -be grateful and flattered
    -don't do anything, just go about your day
    -if he does anything to actually engage you, say "no thanks"
    -tell the boyfriend each step of the way because HONESTY IS IMPORTANT


    I agree with the above. I'm at the gym to work out hard, and yes, I have been cruised a few times and sometimes it's flattering, but the gym is not the place for it
  • JockChefJim

    Posts: 373

    May 31, 2011 4:24 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ saidIgnore it, but take it as a compliment. It's when guys STOP cruising you at all that you really have something to be bummed about icon_wink.gif


    Bingo! icon_biggrin.gif Here we go again.....icon_eek.gifWe all cruise guys at the gym in some fashion......Something as innocent as watching a guy doing a routine to sneaking a peak when changing......if you say you don't, you're lying or dead. Unfortunately there are more than there should be who do it in an inappropriate manner. (Shower/steamroom) Just ignore them unless they try to get physical then be polite and tell them no. Keep a rolled up newspaper with you to smack across the nose.....wait....that's for dogs humpiyour leg....aaahh....same thing. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2011 4:24 PM GMT
    if he is doing this every time then talk to him about how he is making you feel uncomfortable. if he still does not get the message then report him.

    and tell your bf about this. he can support you in any way. hiding things from your bf whether good or bad is not something i would do. in fact telling your bf that you are getting cruised at the gym may make him want to come with you to the gym so he can show you off. i mean that then would clearly give the message rhat you are taken.
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    May 31, 2011 4:27 PM GMT
    wildtype87 said
    FearTheFall said287571_745205.jpg

    Inform him of this fact.


    Y'know, I'm sort of surprised you don't have that pic tattooed on yourself by now icon_lol.gif


    LMAO! Maybe it's on his "unrevealed" body part. You know, the part we haven't seen yet....icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2011 4:28 PM GMT
    Bunjamon saidDon't pay attention to him. If you don't give him the attention he's seeking, he'll move on to someone else. He might be looking for any kind of attention, even negative attention, so don't look at him, don't glance his way, don't say "hey," or nod at him, just pretend he isn't there. He'll lose interest soon enough.


    Been there, done that, it works!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2011 4:36 PM GMT
    Pure said[story about him being cruised in the locker room]

    Any suggestions?


    1. Switch time up. Go at different times. Maybe an hour earlier or an hour later.

    2. Don't pay attention to him. No eye contact. Don't even look at him. Pretend he doesn't exist. FearTheFall, in this case, is actually right.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2011 4:37 PM GMT
    One guy was cruising me heavy at the gym. He was then trying to entice me into the steam room.
    On the way out, I said hello to him and asked him if he went to this gym often.
    He said he lived nearby with his partner.
    I wished him a good day.

    Scumbag.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2011 5:41 PM GMT
    There was this guy at my gym who I saw everyday, and I thought he was interested in me. He was always sweet, and he would always stare at me, and follow me around the gym. He would also wear really tight fitted clothes, and would always make sure I saw him. Well, I was attracted to him. I liked his attention. This happened everyday for months and months. Well, I asked him out. I thought I was doing something right. Well...he told me he was straight and he imploded. He told all his friends what a faggot I was and he and his friends made me feel so unwelcome at the gym that I had to leave because these guys were obsessed with making me feel bad. Now, I heard that he gets his cocked sucked by another male member there after his work outs. The worst part is is that I apologized to him for telling him how I felt. I swore he was interested in me. It sure seemed and felt like it. But, he must have been cruising me. I think I confused interest for that. I am naive to cruising. It looks like interest to me. Interested in me as a person. Needless to say, I feel like I am a disgusting person because I asked him out. I have zero confidence now. And, I don't trust guys now. And, I will never, ever ask out a guy ever again. That was my first time, and I won't make that mistake again.
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    May 31, 2011 5:43 PM GMT
    gymrat100 saidThere was this guy at my gym who I saw everyday, and I thought he was interested in me. He was always sweet, and he would always stare at me, and follow me around the gym. He would also wear really tight fitted clothes, and would always make sure I saw him. Well, I was attracted to him. I liked his attention. This happened everyday for months and months. Well, I asked him out. I thought I was doing something right. Well...he told me he was straight and ge imploded. He told all his friends what a faggot I was and he and his friends made me feel so unwelcome at the gym that I had to leave because these guys were obsessed with making me feel bad. Now, I heard that he gets his cocked sucked by another male member there after his work outs. The worst part is is that I apologized to him for telling him how I felt. I swore he was interested in me. It sure seemed and felt like it. But, he must have been cruising me. Needless to say, I feel like I am a disgusting person because I asked him out. I have zero confidence now. And, I don't trust guys now. And, I will never, ever ask out a guy ever again. That was my first time, and I won't make that mistake again.


    That dude sounds like a loser in many ways.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 31, 2011 5:45 PM GMT
    next time cover your genitals with your hands and yell out "I NEED AN ADULT!" while crying
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2011 5:50 PM GMT
    OP, if you're enjoying the attention, then don't do anything. You're a young, hot guy. You think your bf doesn't know that other guys look at you? I'm sure that guys look at him, too. There's never anything wrong with a little window shopping.

    If all you're doing is enjoying someone paying attention to you, don't automatically tell your bf, unless you guys have a deal to share fun stuff like this. It may come across like bragging, which isn't fun.

    Sounds like this guy is not being a little forward, though. If it starts bothering you, then just tell him, thanks, but that much attention is making you uncomfortable. If he doesn't back off, then and only then report him.