Ive told this many times in other threads here but maybe not enough so here it goes, maybe it'll help someone out there.
I was involved with a man for 6 yrears. He was the love of my life, everything Id always wanted. Beautiful body, beautiful heart & soul....so it seemed. He took my breath away from our first sight of each other. If soul mates exist I believed he was mine. My kids loved & adored him, family loved him....I loved him with my whole heart.
Even so, There started to be discrepencies in the relationship. Id catch him in lies, even cases where I knew he had cheated on me, and he would lie about that. We supposedly had a "monogamous" relationship. I went & got checked & sure enough he had given me hiv.
It hurts to this day that he wasn't ever man enough to admit his faults & what he had done.
Even so we tried to work it out as we loved each other & were raising our son together. He had no complications from the hiv. By the time I found out my cd 4 was 90 & viral load almost 500k. Thats bad. The dr said she didnt see how i was walking around much less biking with my son & etc. I was also ate up with thrush.
I was in the hospital 3x since then. My husband couldnt handle the idea of me being sick & him being poz also so he left me & our son & reverted back to his jehovah witness ways saying he wanted to save his soul & live forever.
Its been the most painful ordeal of my life. I know having hiv is serious, and Im doing great now, remarkable recovery. But my heart still breaks not having him in my life. Even though the actions I have described to you by him are horrible & horrendous he was a beautiful loving man that me, nor my son will ever forget. I miss him every day. I truly loved him no matter what he did.
Im undetectable now and my cd4 is up to 400. Starting to enjoy my life as a single gay dad is scary but im strong & have alot of fight & many years left in me.
Being poz has made me appreciate life more, appreciate the small things that go unnoticed. I dont worry so much about material things, as long as I have my son & he has what he needs thats all I care about.