Bad Dates?

  • brendanmuscle...

    Posts: 593

    May 31, 2011 10:32 PM GMT
    What do you guys do when you have a bad date?

    a few weeks ago, i met someone online (actually not from this site) and he very much misrepresented himself from his pictures. The pictures were outdated, and he had gained ide say about 50 pounds of fat since his pics and def did not look like he was in shape- i def was not attracted to him at all.

    But we met for a dinner, and it just created an awkward situation. I really did not watn to be there, but then again what was i just going to do, leave? he did not have fake pictures, just old ones and he had gotten very much out of shape since.

    afterwards, i certainly did not want to do anything, so i said i needed to get back home.
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    May 31, 2011 10:50 PM GMT
    Yea I would have left. Is it rude? Yes. So is lying about who you are and using outdated pictures. All he did was waste your time and his.
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    May 31, 2011 10:59 PM GMT
    It depends on what the variance was based on how long we had talked before meeting face to face for the first time. I never just agree to meet someone, so I do a fair bit of fact checking on public records and verifying other information just to minimize the likelihood of being turned into a lampshade. I also try to stress test the personality enough to know he is not a complete jerk but some people are just very good at hiding things from you.

    Scenario One: Nice/friendly guy during chats, but is verbally abusive and/or very rude pretty much after you get done shaking hands.
    Solution - get up, walk out without looking back, he can take care of the check. Defriend on facebook on the way out etc.

    Scenario Two: Nice guy "interested in LTR" makes it clear, upon meeting for the first time, that he is only interested in sex.
    Solution - Directly say "No I am not interested" and attempt to be pleasant to finish the meal, but this can turn into scenario one pretty quickly.

    Scenario Three: Misrepresented education level and analytical abilities, e.g. having a hard time keeping up in discussing current events or research that should be a mutual interest.
    Solution - Privately tell self "No relationship" and see if a friendship could work like seeing movies or playing video games together. This generally turns into scenario two after he says something negative about Pokemon.

    Scenario Four: Completely blind-sided by news that should have come up in nearly a month of chit-chat and light flirting when we were both interested in something long term. Recent examples: married to a woman; a Priest (ewww!)
    Solution - Directly say "This is something you should have disclosed before you agreed to meet. Do yourself a favor and disclose this before you meet the next guy" and pull a scenario one.

    Scenario Five: Developed an internet crush and fell in love before we even met for dinner. When you meet for the first time it turns out he is not Mr. Perfect but he is an okay person (e.g. like in the OP's comment maybe he gained 100 pounds, but unlike the OP's comment it turns out that he is one of those really hysterical heavy guys like Kevin James)
    Solution - Politely craft a response that says "Not into you like that" but let's be BFFFs. This generally results in the guy pulling a scenario one on me and I finally end up paying for a dinner.
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    May 31, 2011 11:26 PM GMT
    I tolerated for the first few dates and then after that I decided that I'd be looking for the person in the picture.. When it comes time to do the "Are you X?" thing.. I'd say no icon_razz.gif I haven't had to do it thankfully I've done a better job screening folks icon_razz.gif

    Beyond the physical part, if someone has to misrepresent themselves to get to the point where they can go on a date it doesn't speak well to their self-esteem and they need to spend some more time being happy with themselves before they start looking for a relationship imo.

    I always try and make the first date some place that is easily escapable. Coffee is a really good option. I hate Coffee but it can last 15 minutes or 60 depending on if you're interested.



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    May 31, 2011 11:36 PM GMT
    Eh, I guess if one of your primary foci when meeting someone for the first time is to engage in something physical then yes variance in the actual physical appearance would be a problem to the preconceived plan.
  • brendanmuscle...

    Posts: 593

    May 31, 2011 11:46 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidEh, I guess if one of your primary foci when meeting someone for the first time is to engage in something physical then yes variance in the actual physical appearance would be a problem to the preconceived plan.

    Well being attracted to someone is pretty important to me... misrepresenting onesself is not cool
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    Jun 01, 2011 12:40 AM GMT
    brendanmuscles said
    Well being attracted to someone is pretty important to me... misrepresenting onesself is not cool


    It's important to everyone, some people are just better at creating complicated illusions that it's not icon_razz.gif
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    Jun 01, 2011 12:42 AM GMT
    Thats happened to me soooo many times...guys love using old ass pictures
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    Jun 01, 2011 12:51 AM GMT
    brendanmuscles saidWhat do you guys do when you have a bad date?
    Go home, jack off, and hope to do better next time.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jun 01, 2011 3:29 AM GMT
    suck it up, tough it out, and then make an rj thread about it.
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    Jun 01, 2011 6:18 AM GMT
    ZennedDaFuckOut saidThats happened to me soooo many times...guys love using old ass pictures


    IKR like we're not gonna notice icon_confused.gif
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Jun 01, 2011 6:32 AM GMT
    I had one of my worst dates of all time recently. The guy texted a few times during dinner, which I paid for. Since getting conversation out of him wasn't easy, I knew he liked to dance so I asked him if he wanted to go to a club. He said yes. So I paid for his cover charge and then a round of drinks. The last time he'd said thanks was when I'd opened the car door for him when I picked him up -- not for dinner, the door charge, or the drinks. I asked him to dance a couple of times and both times he declined. He then had to leave to walk his dog. Though he lived close to the club he was gone 45 minutes during which time I almost left. He finally came back. With his roommate. At that point I let him do the work. After ten minutes, I told him I was heading out.
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    Jun 01, 2011 6:36 AM GMT
    EricLA saidI had one of my worst dates of all time recently. The guy texted a few times during dinner, which I paid for. Since getting conversation out of him wasn't easy, I knew he liked to dance so I asked him if he wanted to go to a club. He said yes. So I paid for his cover charge and then a round of drinks. The last time he'd said thanks was when I'd opened the car door for him when I picked him up -- not for dinner, the door charge, or the drinks. I asked him to dance a couple of times and both times he declined. He then had to leave to walk his dog. Though he lived close to the club he was gone 45 minutes during which time I almost left. He finally came back. With his roommate. At that point I let him do the work. After ten minutes, I told him I was heading out.


    That sucks!
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    Jun 01, 2011 6:37 AM GMT
    Lenoxx said
    EricLA saidI had one of my worst dates of all time recently. The guy texted a few times during dinner, which I paid for. Since getting conversation out of him wasn't easy, I knew he liked to dance so I asked him if he wanted to go to a club. He said yes. So I paid for his cover charge and then a round of drinks. The last time he'd said thanks was when I'd opened the car door for him when I picked him up -- not for dinner, the door charge, or the drinks. I asked him to dance a couple of times and both times he declined. He then had to leave to walk his dog. Though he lived close to the club he was gone 45 minutes during which time I almost left. He finally came back. With his roommate. At that point I let him do the work. After ten minutes, I told him I was heading out.


    That sucks!


    Yeah that's a crappy date on many more levels than oh you look heavier than in your picture ugh.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2011 6:57 AM GMT
    It's hard to find Mr. Right, if he even exists, at this rate I'm prepared to be single forever, I'm kind of used to it so at least it won't hurt as much as the guys (or girls) who sacrifice their individuality (granted there are varying degrees of this) and are left single after being joined at the hip with someone for a long time. I just think it aways ends up one way or the other, either the guy I was interested initially ended up misrepresenting himself or I ended up not being as attractive to a guy I had the hots for...it's the same old shit, but I really don't care so much anymore, I live my life for me and improving myself, if someone wants to share it with me, great, if not so be it.
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    Jun 01, 2011 1:51 PM GMT
    this is why i define initial meetings as just having dinner to make a new friend.
  • Csrobbie2000

    Posts: 359

    Jun 01, 2011 4:23 PM GMT
    I prefer to meet up for a cup of coffee/tea on the first date. It is casual enough that it will take the pressure off on both parties. Besides, if we do not connect, then we can go our own ways, and it was just coffee ;)
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    Jun 01, 2011 7:00 PM GMT

    Its certainly dishonest, but the most you can really do about it now is just not meet up again.

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    Jun 01, 2011 7:14 PM GMT
    OMG i had one of those experiences. I told the guy I don't think you have a six pack and that I needed to see some ID because I don't think your 36 years old. Lately I handle these situations more pleasantly.I just don't want to project that negative energy I rather take the high road.

    I had a lousy date recently when the guy told me that he likes Str8 Kine od guys. (is that the reason you been single for 9 years?)

    He also was very inconsiderate. I couldn't give it up for a joker like that.

    As for people with old pics call them out on it how else will they learn?

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    Jun 01, 2011 7:21 PM GMT
    Chainers saidYea I would have left. Is it rude? Yes. So is lying about who you are and using outdated pictures. All he did was waste your time and his.

    This. Except I would have voiced my opinion on the matter if I felt it had gotten to an obnoxious level of awkward. Not in a rude way, but I'd be like, "I hope we can mutually agree that we're not what each other are looking for..."
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    Jun 01, 2011 7:23 PM GMT
    I think your experience is an endorsement for sites like RJ that verify pics and allow video chat. I remember seeing a guy on gay.com that had hot listed like 100 guys with the same profile pic (which made his point very well). icon_smile.gif It's amazing that people who hope to meet in person someone they have connected with online create fake profiles. Do they think people are so dumb they won't notice the difference when they finally meet? My philosophy has always been if you are not someone's type, it's really more about their preference than about you.
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    Jun 01, 2011 8:08 PM GMT
    sounds paranoid.



    spaghettimonster saidIt depends on what the variance was based on how long we had talked before meeting face to face for the first time. I never just agree to meet someone, so I do a fair bit of fact checking on public records and verifying other information just to minimize the likelihood of being turned into a lampshade. I also try to stress test the personality enough to know he is not a complete jerk but some people are just very good at hiding things from you.

    Scenario One: Nice/friendly guy during chats, but is verbally abusive and/or very rude pretty much after you get done shaking hands.
    Solution - get up, walk out without looking back, he can take care of the check. Defriend on facebook on the way out etc.

    Scenario Two: Nice guy "interested in LTR" makes it clear, upon meeting for the first time, that he is only interested in sex.
    Solution - Directly say "No I am not interested" and attempt to be pleasant to finish the meal, but this can turn into scenario one pretty quickly.

    Scenario Three: Misrepresented education level and analytical abilities, e.g. having a hard time keeping up in discussing current events or research that should be a mutual interest.
    Solution - Privately tell self "No relationship" and see if a friendship could work like seeing movies or playing video games together. This generally turns into scenario two after he says something negative about Pokemon.

    Scenario Four: Completely blind-sided by news that should have come up in nearly a month of chit-chat and light flirting when we were both interested in something long term. Recent examples: married to a woman; a Priest (ewww!)
    Solution - Directly say "This is something you should have disclosed before you agreed to meet. Do yourself a favor and disclose this before you meet the next guy" and pull a scenario one.

    Scenario Five: Developed an internet crush and fell in love before we even met for dinner. When you meet for the first time it turns out he is not Mr. Perfect but he is an okay person (e.g. like in the OP's comment maybe he gained 100 pounds, but unlike the OP's comment it turns out that he is one of those really hysterical heavy guys like Kevin James)
    Solution - Politely craft a response that says "Not into you like that" but let's be BFFFs. This generally results in the guy pulling a scenario one on me and I finally end up paying for a dinner.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2011 8:12 PM GMT
    You made a number of mistakes:

    Number 1: if you want to date a hottie then you should've webcammed with him first to see if he looked like his photos.

    Number 2: agreeing to meet for dinner. No, meet for a coffee or a drink.

    Number 3: not being honest straight away. You should have said, "this isn't going to work, sorry" and walked away.

    Live and learn.
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    Jun 02, 2011 6:28 AM GMT
    Chainers saidYea I would have left. Is it rude? Yes. So is lying about who you are and using outdated pictures. All he did was waste your time and his.


    Normally I don't agree with you, but yes totally that is correct. He already wasted time meeting you, why waste another 1 hour and possible $50 on dinner? I'm curious, who paid?

    redheadguy saidYou made a number of mistakes:

    Number 1: if you want to date a hottie then you should've webcammed with him first to see if he looked like his photos.

    Number 2: agreeing to meet for dinner. No, meet for a coffee or a drink.

    Number 3: not being honest straight away. You should have said, "this isn't going to work, sorry" and walked away.

    Live and learn.


    I agree with every part except number 1, and for that I'm going to let you have it honey...

    Hell no! I would never and have never needed to get on a webcam so a person can see if it's the real me. I look horrible on webcam and won't let anyone see me like that.

  • Life_Is_Good_...

    Posts: 109

    Jun 02, 2011 6:41 AM GMT
    This is why you make the first date a lunch date mid-week. If it is not what you expected you have an out that you need to get back to work. If it is mutually desired you ask him out for dinner for the next available Saturday night.

    If his pic is outdated, keep in mind you may be at his point someday, so do not judge too harshly. If he totally misrepresents himself, gracefully finish lunch and state you had a nice time meeting him but it was not a connection.

    If he continues to stalk you tell him you can not meet up with him today since you can not walk due to your herpes outbreak causing your crotch to burn, but do this over the phone to create no digital trace ( and why did you give him your number anyway?)