Where do I begin?

  • mav29x

    Posts: 12

    Jun 01, 2011 1:15 AM GMT
    Hey everyone, I'm new to the RJ community as well as the gay/bi community as a whole, and to be honest, I feel a little lost.

    I've had girlfriends in the past but never been with a guy. I've always known that a part of me want to be with a guy but I have never acted on it, mostly due to having very strict and traditional parents. Because of this, I still classify myself as bi-curious. I'm 29 and bi-curious... great. I think I'm a little too old to be just curious.

    Well I don't want to be curious anymore. I want to know. But where do I even begin? Where do I even go to meet people? I don't have any gay or bi friends that I can go to or hang out with... at least none that are openly gay that I know of. Furthermore if I were to start dating a guy, I would feel so selfish because it would be more of an experiment for me. I can't guarentee that I'll like it and really, it can go either way. I would feel really bad for wasting the other person's time. Guess I care more about others than I do myself.

    What do I do?
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Jun 01, 2011 3:34 AM GMT
    Well, you want to experiment, without strings attached, right?

    Gay sauna is the right place for you.icon_twisted.gif

    http://newyork.gaycities.com/bathhouses/
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jun 01, 2011 3:38 AM GMT
    first thing is you need to be selfish. stop worrying about everyone else in this life because you've clearly put everyone else before your own needs. don't think of parents, about friends, about even how the other will react to your being a newbie.... you put yourself out in the world honestly, act like a decent human being, and everyone else should take care of their own shit. they don't react well to you, that's their loss. be honest and enjoy your life for once.
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    Jun 01, 2011 3:40 AM GMT
    we've all been there icon_biggrin.gif god what i would have given for facebook when i was younger icon_biggrin.gif but with that said, meeting people online is a great place to start, esp if you're shy like me icon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2011 4:58 AM GMT
    How about you look at a few of the RJ guys...there are some really awesome guys here who'll really help you out, advise you and possibly date you.

    My advice to you would be to do whatever your feel comfortable with...if you feel like you're in over your head, don't feel bad about stepping back a little and easing into things. Most importantly, enjoy the journey, BE SAFE, and when you find the spot on the gay/bi/straight spectrum that makes you happy, settle into it and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Be honest with the people you meet, and don't let the disappointments bother you more than they should.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2011 5:06 AM GMT
    DrNY saidHow about you look at a few of the RJ guys...there are some really awesome guys here who'll really help you out, advise you and possibly date you.

    My advice to you would be to do whatever your feel comfortable with...if you feel like you're in over your head, don't feel bad about stepping back a little and easing into things. Most importantly, enjoy the journey, BE SAFE, and when you find the spot on the gay/bi/straight spectrum that makes you happy, settle into it and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Be honest with the people you meet, and don't let the disappointments bother you more than they should.


    I like this advice. I'm about six months senior to you...been with girls prior to recently, etc. Come to terms with being bisexual or gay or whatever, and some of the guys here have been great with helping me out...one has been better than great, but that's for another day icon_redface.gificon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2011 5:30 AM GMT
    I'd just say experiment and have fun. Once you get the sex down and know what you like, then gravitate on dating the right guy. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Jericophantom...

    Posts: 185

    Jun 01, 2011 6:44 AM GMT
    First off you need a V-8 hit

    Next "STOP LOOKING" if this is who you wanna be then accept it apply it to your mindset and allow our ppl to be drawn to you.....in the month of June usually theres a Pride go to one dressy comfy and take a friend someone you trust change your norm apparal and realize your gaydat (Personally mine was how I only crushed on DL dudes who let it later be known) I'm proud of you for making the choice but make it baby step once you've got the friends and maybe some fam let the parents know to make it official and something else not to scare you or put you off but you'll be coming out to the rest of you life not everyone need to know to protect you and then their are other that will love you even more

    Be honest and open I was there in a relationship he was caring and sensitive were still friends today icon_smile.gif

    oh and Douche you'll thank me later icon_smile.gif

    Shave away shame and be who you are it's the only way you'll start to find happiness


    I'm nineteen going on twenty I'll be going to my first pride

    Hit me up sometime if you have more specfic questions
  • mav29x

    Posts: 12

    Jun 01, 2011 11:13 PM GMT
    Thanks for the advice, guys. As far as bath houses goes, I dont think I'm quite ready to dive into this butt first yet icon_wink.gif

    I'm putting effort into accepting it, by joining this community and the LGBT center here in NYC. I guess I'll see where it goes.

    Not sure if I have a gaydar. And if I have one, not sure that it works very well. I usually cant tell until I hear the person speak and even then it's hit or miss with some people.

    I'll try to attend the pride parade at the end of June.

    Thanks again, guys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2011 11:20 PM GMT
    See the movie "In and Out." Netflix has it.
  • Ryvick1212

    Posts: 29

    Jun 01, 2011 11:23 PM GMT
    Don't worry about not having a gaydar, it can in fact be acquired. The more guys you hang out with the better itll get.

    And I agree with the guys earlier, just start by making friends. Making them online is pretty easy so thats helpful icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2011 11:34 PM GMT
    Be open to the experience, whatever it might be and remember to be practical and smart. Don't rush into anything.