is Crisis a bad thing, for all its discomfort?

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    Jun 02, 2011 4:45 PM GMT
    uniqueness and individuality are touted by many wise traditions as being mere illusion... but i can't help but cling to the idea of being unique and valuable.... we all tell ourselves stories of who we are, or want to be, or will be... and the world always finds ways to remind us that control and desire are only just so potent. our self identities are little more than the stories we tell ourselves over and over, and/or that those around us constantly reaffirm. but ultimately, i think our culture has led to an engorgement of personal self identity; the stories we cling to, defining our selves, are often inflated- hence why "entitlement" gets thrown around a lot toward my generation. i don't deny it in my own instance- i wrestle with the dragon of entitlement daily, knowing it to be false.... and yet like a hydra, i can't seem to kill it off for good.

    in this economy, wherein my degree is useless, i find myself struggling lately with simple inner conflicts like what i want to be and do, what i want in life, how i feel about other's expectations for me, etc. i thought i'd had these things figured out; i was the kid with the comfortably affluent family, good grades and internships, and high hopes, who got into the top program in the country for what he wanted to do, made it through graduation.... But now I've lost all sense of direction or aim. since graduating and being unable to find a design position, i've been a server, a life insurance agent, a furniture salesman, and am now newly unemployed- all within one year. its not a unique story, but it smarts sharply of failure, and i'm not accustomed to that sting.

    While i struggle, i'm trying not to be a 'downer,' but rather to use this quandary as an opportunity to dig a bit deeper into myself and learn a thing or two. its a turbulent time, for the world, our country, this generation, and myself. i need to reclaim my true, inner self confidence, while also fostering humility and perspective.

    easier said and acknowledged than done.

    i dont' mean to sound like a broken thing, or a needy, unformed youth- though perhaps i am- but i lay myself bare here, because its helped in the past- this site is full of wise men with strong insights, caring, and feedback. we all, i'm learning, have these periods in life where we are forced by circumstance to introspect and re-evaluate everything, and its never comfortable. some are broken by these crises, and some are made by them- i find myself teetering and wobbling on the thin line between the two, as i sit here contemplating filing for unemployment benefits.


    i'm not sure what i hope for or anticipate in response to this post, if anything; empathy, advice, shared frustration or insight.... i just needed to vent it all to ppl other than my therapist or family. thanks for reading.
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    Jun 03, 2011 9:21 AM GMT
    "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.". Helen Keller.....

    I also recently heard a quote stating that "if you are depressed, you're living in the past. If you're anxious, you're living in the future. At peace, you are living in the present"

    Mastering the art of being one with uncertainty has been a challenge I have worked very hard for. Living for today has brought forth all the opportunities that exist around me. It's being one with things being as exactly as they are intended to be. Setting goals exists outside of controlling things. With control, we lose sight of the reality that is before us. Setting goals put me on a path to the future I desire. I know that I'm exactly where I need to be for a reason. I patiently wait for the universe to appear to guide me in the direction that is intended for my life and consistent with my goals. I know that any missteps along the way are there to teach me a lesson, i just need to be able to tap into those to keep from making the same mistakes.
    This is a small snippet of how I live my life. Not sure if it helps...
    We all have to find our own way.


    Safe travels.
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    Jun 03, 2011 9:39 AM GMT
    Your eloquence is astounding. I struggled with finding my path since I was 18. I worked menial jobs for years, accomplishing nothing. I dropped out of college and relocated to a new state for "love" of all things. I understand the feeling very well. I too thought I would be successful at my age but here I am living with my mother while she helps me through college.

    People will say have a positive attitude and the like but It's hard at times to always have such an outlook. I know I have felt like a a failure many times. I was to be the first of my mothers children to graduate college. My goal now is just that and I will achieve it.

    Surround yourself with friends and away from negative, drama filled people. I wish you the best and hopefully you land yourself a decent job that you can utilize your degree to it's potential.
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    Jun 03, 2011 9:47 AM GMT
    Control? Hahahah......."Man proposes, and God disposes...."

    I remember a friend telling me after he recently graduated with a degree in Mechanical Engineering......"I sure as hell would hate to be doing that for the rest of my life..."

    It's all relative.

    Most of us tend to define ourselves first by what we do for a living. Once that
    disappears, then what? Ummm...I'm unemployed.......

    So? A mere blip on the radar screen.

    Hang tough......what I wouldn't give to be 24 and know what I know now......

    icon_eek.gif
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    Jul 22, 2011 2:50 AM GMT
    A crisis is a crisis. The outcome can depend on our reaction to whatever situation it might be. I was unemployed last year for a summer and I'm glad it's over. Nobody's entitled to anything.

    Don't give up; remember to dance!

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    Jul 22, 2011 2:53 AM GMT
    It's a bad thing when it's made-up.

    Like this present "debt crisis," or the "climate crisis," or Hillary's ridiculous "silent crisis of day care..."
  • hyperionx

    Posts: 232

    Jul 22, 2011 2:58 AM GMT
    Did you just graduate?
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    Jul 22, 2011 3:30 AM GMT
    Learning to manage through crisis can help build personal resilience.

    Managing through crisis (plural) really helps build personal resilience...or you can allow it to defeat you.
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    Jul 22, 2011 10:53 PM GMT
    I personally believe that difficult times in ones life can provide one with insight, self-knowledge and a high degree of resiliency (this coming from someone who has gone through at least two clinical depressions without treatment). That being said, you must be on the watch for picking up potentially destructive habits (e.g. drinking heavily, drugs etc.). Not saying that you would do this, but there have been times in my life where I started worrying that I was developing bad habits (like drinking alone while depressed, not a smart idea).

    BTW are there opportunities for you in your field outside of the USA?
  • DrewT

    Posts: 1327

    Jul 22, 2011 11:00 PM GMT
    Read Charles Eisenstein's Ascent of Humanity. You'll find you are not alone.
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    Jul 23, 2011 10:46 AM GMT
    the 20s are called the "trying 20s" for a very good reason.

    you are trying to BECOME , and know who you are.

    This is normal. the most important thing to do is to keep talking and express your feelings. the more you do that, the more you will pass through this.
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    Jul 27, 2011 9:26 AM GMT
    I may be biased just because this is my field, but in my experience "being happy" doesn't lead to a lot of change and innovation in someones life. The times of crisis and the process that we must go through to get out of a crisis is when we learn the most about ourselves and our humanity.
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    Jul 27, 2011 1:21 PM GMT
    adam228 saidI may be biased just because this is my field, but in my experience "being happy" doesn't lead to a lot of change and innovation in someones life. The times of crisis and the process that we must go through to get out of a crisis is when we learn the most about ourselves and our humanity.


    I agree, some of the worse moments of my life were followed by some of the most constructive changes. I also notice that I remember traumatic moments in my life much more vividly then happy moments. Perhaps something to do with the survival instinct kicking in.
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    Jul 27, 2011 1:32 PM GMT
    Everything that has caused me pain has eventually served as experience, strength, and hope. I never know how or when, and I never know for whom... but it has.