Lying by omission!!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2011 7:00 AM GMT
    I just had a really good friend get caught up in this kind of lie. The result has been me being involved in a project that goes against my personal belief and in which there was a considerate amount of personal work and time of mine that was invested. The lie originated with his ex boyfriend, but the truth was hidden by him despite him knowing that I had questions that only his ex boyfriend could answer that would provide clarity. My friend ended up filling me in on the missing piece and now I'm left wondering how he could leave me in the dark when he knew I had questions.

    I'm not sure how to proceed with this. Normally, I'm done when people show me who they are. For various reasons, this seems out of character for him. I will tell him my concerns, but, where to go from there? It's still deceit!!

    Not sure how to move forward with him......

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2011 5:20 PM GMT
    For me how to preceed would depend on his motives for the omission.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2011 6:42 PM GMT
    .....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2011 6:46 PM GMT
    theantijock saidJust had something similar. A friend asked me to tweak something poorly done for a client to get a certain something he needed to make a certain deal happen. I spent about an hour on it. The guy got his certain something with that and the certain something is being used on a certain deal that I have recently learned the details about. I never would have participated in that had I known what was not told me originally.

    Nothing was done to hurt me. The friendship is still solid. But I won't ever help again in that way. Lesson learned. I haven't said anything directly about it but I did "jokingly" make my feelings clear.


    Gawd I hate it when that happens...

    I did this thing for this guy for this place, but I didn't realize this place did these things for people that I wouldn't have done the thing for the place for had I known these things would have been done for these people! Sure, these things done by these people in this place are things that I do in places with other people, but the gumption of this guy to not tell me the place that these things were being done (inherently for these people)were for these people that I ended up doing these things for. It's as if I did these things for these people myself!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2011 6:56 PM GMT
    Pyrotech said
    theantijock saidJust had something similar. A friend asked me to tweak something poorly done for a client to get a certain something he needed to make a certain deal happen. I spent about an hour on it. The guy got his certain something with that and the certain something is being used on a certain deal that I have recently learned the details about. I never would have participated in that had I known what was not told me originally.

    Nothing was done to hurt me. The friendship is still solid. But I won't ever help again in that way. Lesson learned. I haven't said anything directly about it but I did "jokingly" make my feelings clear.


    Gawd I hate it when that happens...

    I did this thing for this guy for this place, but I didn't realize this place did these things for people that I wouldn't have done the thing for the place for had I known these things would have been done for these people! Sure, these things done by these people in this place are things that I do in places with other people, but the gumption of this guy to not tell me the place that these things were being done (inherently for these people)were for these people that I ended up doing these things for. It's as if I did these things for these people myself!


    what he's saying is that you really can't be that vague if you want advice.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2011 6:59 PM GMT
    this thread is too descriptive for me... I am too overwhelmed by the vivid, graphic details of it to give any comments. icon_eek.gif

    could you possibly make your stories a little more vague... I like when there's a little left to imagination, cos I like to analyze.

    icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2011 7:34 PM GMT
    judoguy saidthis thread is too descriptive for me... I am too overwhelmed by the vivid, graphic details of it to give any comments. icon_eek.gif

    could you possibly make your stories a little more vague... I like when there's a little left to imagination, cos I like to analyze.

    icon_razz.gif


    LOOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2011 8:36 PM GMT
    We need the
    ..........................................istockphoto_255252-shovel-in-heap-of-dir

    As for this guy, your friend: birds of a feather, which I got a kick out of, but that's beside the point. If it was such deceit that you can't even mention it,then break of friendship with this guy. It had to be bad and this is just what you know. Who knows what this could open the door to. I'm talking Hammer Films treachery. Sometimes friends, turn. They do and it's true. If he's done the... unspeakableicon_lol.gif, terminate the friendship. Or if it wasn't so bad and you didn't go into detail because it was work related, forgive him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2011 9:37 PM GMT
    honestly - you all know what the hell he is talking about? icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2011 9:46 PM GMT
    theantijock said
    running11 said
    Pyrotech said
    theantijock saidJust had something similar. A friend asked me to tweak something poorly done for a client to get a certain something he needed to make a certain deal happen. I spent about an hour on it. The guy got his certain something with that and the certain something is being used on a certain deal that I have recently learned the details about. I never would have participated in that had I known what was not told me originally.

    Nothing was done to hurt me. The friendship is still solid. But I won't ever help again in that way. Lesson learned. I haven't said anything directly about it but I did "jokingly" make my feelings clear.


    Gawd I hate it when that happens...

    I did this thing for this guy for this place, but I didn't realize this place did these things for people that I wouldn't have done the thing for the place for had I known these things would have been done for these people! Sure, these things done by these people in this place are things that I do in places with other people, but the gumption of this guy to not tell me the place that these things were being done (inherently for these people)were for these people that I ended up doing these things for. It's as if I did these things for these people myself!


    what he's saying is that you really can't be that vague if you want advice.


    Pyro's was funny. I don't know why you thought I was seeking advice though. But thanks for the useful instruction.


    i wasn't speaking to you. yours just happened to be quoted by him, not me. thanks tho.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 03, 2011 11:39 PM GMT
    God, all this code. If they read what you wrote here they will know exactly what you are referring to anyway.

    That said, if it is your friend, clear the air with him. If its not a big enough deal to you then blow it off and it will go away.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 04, 2011 12:47 AM GMT
    judoguy saidthis thread is too descriptive for me... I am too overwhelmed by the vivid, graphic details of it to give any comments. icon_eek.gif

    could you possibly make your stories a little more vague... I like when there's a little left to imagination, cos I like to analyze.

    icon_razz.gif



    I second this motion.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 04, 2011 1:02 AM GMT
    kevinap saidI just had a really good friend get caught up in this kind of lie. The result has been me being involved in a project that goes against my personal belief and in which there was a considerate amount of personal work and time of mine that was invested. The lie originated with his ex boyfriend, but the truth was hidden by him despite him knowing that I had questions that only his ex boyfriend could answer that would provide clarity. My friend ended up filling me in on the missing piece and now I'm left wondering how he could leave me in the dark when he knew I had questions.

    I'm not sure how to proceed with this. Normally, I'm done when people show me who they are. For various reasons, this seems out of character for him. I will tell him my concerns, but, where to go from there? It's still deceit!!

    Not sure how to move forward with him......



    Confront the situation. And, if the project is still in progress, recuse yourself due to the misalignment with your principles.

    I have removed myself from projects, and even refused payment for work performed, when projects have turned out poorly on the basis of unethical factors.
  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Jun 04, 2011 7:07 AM GMT
    Huh? I'm not a detective. I have no idea what ur talking about
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 04, 2011 7:12 AM GMT
    jakenoh saidhonestly - you all know what the hell he is talking about? icon_confused.gif


    Geez, I thought it was just me. All that kept going through my head was, "who's on first???" icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 04, 2011 7:19 AM GMT
    theantijock saidJust had something similar. A friend asked me to tweak something poorly done for a client to get a certain something he needed to make a certain deal happen. I spent about an hour on it. The guy got his certain something with that and the certain something is being used on a certain deal that I have recently learned the details about. I never would have participated in that had I known what was not told me originally.

    Nothing was done to hurt me. The friendship is still solid. But I won't ever help again in that way. Lesson learned. I haven't said anything directly about it but I did "jokingly" make my feelings clear.


    That seems like the proper solution yall
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 04, 2011 7:44 AM GMT
    I get it.
    Maybe...
    If there is something that you don't want to know about or you know he will hate; possible change his whole opinion of you, you keep your mouth shut.
    It was in the past and you/they are not that person anymore.
    Is it a lie...only if you directly ask and it is denied.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 04, 2011 9:14 AM GMT
    LOL, ya'll a bunch of bitches......hahahaha.......thanks for the laughs over this....

    It's really complicated....but, my goal was not to have to re-write a version of the New Testament to grab some advice.....

    I think in the long run I will walk away and let things cool off and just see where things progress naturally. While my head wants answers, my heart is just saying to move on and be more cautious with the details in the future. I can only control whats mine to own.

    My heart was in the right place, that's what matters......I'm not going to do anything more than clean up the work I had already started and then be on my way.....that is just who I am.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 04, 2011 4:29 PM GMT
    kevinap saidNot sure how to move forward with him......

    Tough one for me. Your friend may have been caught between residual loyalty to his ex-BF, versus his natural tendency for honesty. Without knowing much of the facts, or the people, I would hope my own response in this situation would have been honesty.

    I have an ex with whom I remain very close & connected. No danger to my partner, but he's like a good friend, as he says I am to him. He's also met my partner several times, and we've all gone out together. I would bend over backwards to help and protect him if the situation arose. But lying to my partner about him? Or even to one of my friends? No, I can't imagine I'd do that.

    So your good friend may have violated a few precepts here, regarding honesty & loyalty to friends. I think this friendship is now strained, if not broken, and due to him, not you. I would have a discussion about this with your friend. If the responses you get are not satisfactory, you will have your answer.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 05, 2011 12:13 AM GMT
    The situation is complicated because I believe that his exboyfriend is emotional and financially abusive. All my talks with my friend are only centered around what his boyfriends interpretation is and how his reaction affects him. It's completely sick and twisted. He doesn't realize that all my attempts have been to clarify my relationship with his exboyfriend who has claimed to be my friend. The actions were not matching the words. Personally, I don't think his exBFs actions ever matched his words in dealing with him. However, that is his project he decided to take on, NOT mine.

    Muchmore.......I'm reminded of this quote "the road to hell is paved with good intentions".

    theantijock.....sticky situations, better to take time to forgive....but it will never be forgotten. Sometimes people lose their way, all people.....