To all those struggling with coming out...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2011 8:41 PM GMT
    I thought I would share part of my very recent coming out story to offer hope to those of you who can't seem to find the courage to do it. My coming out process has been LONG and when I joined RJ back in December, only my best friend knew. Since then I have come out slowly, starting with those who would handle it the best. That left my best straight male (and slightly homophobic) friends to tell last.

    Well, I decided this weekend that I needed to suck it up and tell these guys. So I told the two that are closest to me, and the response could not have been better! My best buddy was the first to know and he literally just said "Well you shouldn't have felt awkward telling me. I don't know why you made it a big deal" and my other buddy said "I am mad at you for thinking I wouldn't handle it well." And actually, the 2nd one was mad that I told the other guy first haha.

    So what did I learn? It really ISN'T a big deal! I worked this up in my head the whole time and almost had anxiety over it. But then I actually tell everyone and, if anything, I am closer to them all than I was before I came out.

    There is my story. I know that not everyone will have the ideal coming out like I have where they get not one bad reaction, but I just wanted to share so maybe I can help anyone in the same situation I was in a few months ago.
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    Jun 04, 2011 9:26 PM GMT
    Thanks for sharing. That is a very nice read for those who are now thinking about coming out or are just starting the process. You have great friends.
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    Jun 05, 2011 2:58 AM GMT
    It's always good to know your best friends have your back no matter what and don't love you conditionally.
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    Jun 05, 2011 4:00 AM GMT
    You probably did not intend to suggest this slant on it, but your experience is indicative of the quality of person that you are. Your friends respected your status because they had the utmost respect for you. Consistent with your forum posts that show a classy guy.
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    Jun 05, 2011 4:07 AM GMT
    "My best buddy was the first to know and he literally just said "Well you shouldn't have felt awkward telling me. I don't know why you made it a big deal" and my other buddy said "I am mad at you for thinking I wouldn't handle it well."

    THIS, I feel is far more the norm than most guys believe. We always make such a big deal about "coming out"...when, in fact, there are many around us who have always known, had suspicions...or it wasn't a big deal anyway!!
    I only had ONE person not accept it readily...and that was my oldest brother.
    My mom told him... and she said I was no longer welcome in his house.
    I decided to confront him about it...and my mom couldn't have been more wrong!! It's not something we talk about all the time...but I don't ask him about being straight much either.

    BTW, congrats on having such good friends... we all do, we just don't give them enough credit.
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    Jun 05, 2011 4:52 AM GMT
    Aww, this is such a compelling story! Slightly similar to my own with the same kind of reception. So good!
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    Jun 05, 2011 5:13 AM GMT
    That is awesome man. As you said not everyone has a good coming out story but I have learned from many years of denial & slowly coming out that we truly have nothing to fear but ourselves, we are our own worst enemies when battling this pressure deep within us.

    These quotes come to mind that are so true. "we have nothing to fear but fear itself" & "to thine own self be true".

    Ive found the bigger deal I make of it the bigger it becomes, if someone chooses to not be in your life once you reveal who you really are....then they have no place in your life. No matter who it might be.
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    Jun 05, 2011 8:33 AM GMT
    It was the same with me, I felt ashamed how well my friends took it. The only problem they had were my preconceived thoughts of how they would react. If anything it has just brought us closer to each other.
    It wasn't the same with my parents though, they didn't like it that much and are still trying to convince me that this is just a phase. But I've kept my business to myself and they are getting used to it so who knows, perhaps one day I might be able to bring a boyfriend home and we will both be welcome.
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    Jun 05, 2011 8:45 AM GMT
    yeah none of my friends cared at all in the end
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    Jun 05, 2011 8:52 AM GMT
    awww- wait- so you didn't get any, "I've always suspected..." or "I'm not surprised..." responses? icon_mad.gif
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    Jun 05, 2011 9:35 AM GMT
    Good for you man , and yeah , I had the same problem and it all worked out really nice in the end, still haven't told all of my friends yet , but I'm going to eventually , when I feel the need to icon_smile.gif
  • Twenty_Someth...

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    Jun 05, 2011 9:46 AM GMT
    Same with me and my best buds! Your friends will love you for who you are!
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    Jun 06, 2011 12:52 AM GMT
    Sorry I neglected this thread guys. I wasn't by a computer. Thanks a bunch for all the responses! It really was a great experience and I hope my story inspires anyone struggling with coming out to their friends. It makes me feel dumb for waiting this long to come out haha