After coming out: The Binge Phase

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    Jun 06, 2011 11:29 AM GMT
    Hi all

    You guys know the story about me coming out, the shitbags who walked away etc and the ex gay ministries I attended. What I have found is that the last year has been like a pressure cooker that has exploded and I have sort of well- played the field quite a bit- how did you guys transition this phase and sort through it? I love sex (who doesn't?) but it feels like years of repression, self hate and asexuality have gone the other extreme.

    Any thoughts? I can't talk to gay christians! Most are SO judgemental. You guys are more laid back and see things as they are.
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    Jun 06, 2011 11:40 AM GMT
    Please be careful and know that the slut phase will get old soon enough and you will be looking for more substance in a relationship. Is your excess everyday? once a week? several times a day? I think once a week is not so excessive, but that's just my opinion.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Jun 06, 2011 11:45 AM GMT
    Make sure you play safe.
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    Jun 06, 2011 1:21 PM GMT
    Heya

    Its averaged bout 1-2 a week, and I am ALWAYS safe but want to move out this phase. Its part of the barrenness I feel with lack of friendships, loneliness and coming to terms with my sexuality. The sex has been incredible sometimes but there's more to life than this.
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    Jun 06, 2011 2:31 PM GMT
    blactor saidHi all

    You guys know the story about me coming out, the shitbags who walked away etc and the ex gay ministries I attended. What I have found is that the last year has been like a pressure cooker that has exploded and I have sort of well- played the field quite a bit- how did you guys transition this phase and sort through it? I love sex (who doesn't?) but it feels like years of repression, self hate and asexuality have gone the other extreme.

    Any thoughts? I can't talk to gay christians! Most are SO judgemental. You guys are more laid back and see things as they are.

    I came out just a couple months before turning 46, and I went sexually wild! I realized what that horny phase is all about they say male teens go through, but I had never experienced at that age.

    Only I think it was even more intense in my case, including all the 30 suppressed years that had followed, all hitting me at once like a released spring. But because it WAS so strange to me & new, I also stepped back and tried to analyze it. And kinda understood what was happening, estimating the "fierce phase" would last about 6 months, with a tapering off until I would be nearly back to normal by 12 months, or perhaps what would now be my "new normal" and begin my settling-in phase. But first the fun while it lasted!

    That's exactly how it happened. But what a 6 to 12 months it was! I still blush to think of it, but also a bit proud of myself, that I managed that at such an age, when I was told mid-40s gay guys didn't have a chance in the gay world. And not good looking, either, but with such lustful drive that I sorta overpowered my many physical shortcomings.

    So if my case is any indication, then what you're initially experiencing is normal and will taper off in time. Though you may remain at a permanently higher level of sexual activity than ever before, now that you're no longer fighting your natural orientation.

    Of course, I must insert here (no pun) a comment about safe sex, and wise sex, choosing partners carefully on many levels, so that you're not hurt medically, emotionally or physically. I'm still HIV & STD-free, and never had an abusive or dangerous lover. Your lust must never override your logic, and good sense. This is where your overall maturity & life experience will give you an advantage. And I do envy you -- it's was a memorable & happy time for me, exploring who I am, before it was totally too late.
  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Jun 06, 2011 2:36 PM GMT
    Art Deco, exactly right. I have followed Art Deco's sensible postings for some time, but this is definitely one of the best. Great advice.
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    Jun 06, 2011 2:45 PM GMT
    We all go into this phase at one point or another. Most of us get out of it too. I came out at 21, so that's when I went through it. You're young still. You look good. Be safe, and just do what seems smart to you and what you think will bring you happiness.

    The very fact that you posted this indicates that you're about ready to leave this phase. If you are, then just start setting rules for yourself. Say "I won't do one-night stands." Or, "I'll go on at least a few dates with a guy before I have sex with him." Your sex drive is not out of your control. So if you're ready to move on to a less promiscuous lifestyle, just do it. If you're still enjoying promiscuity, then just continue to be safe and don't stress out about how others are judging you.
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    Jun 06, 2011 4:29 PM GMT
    Yep, I think it's pretty normal to sort of feel like you're 'whoring' yourself out after first coming out. I think for guys coming out later, it's actually important to experience not only the physical but emotional side of this. The joy of being with someone, the touch, the pain of feeling for someone only to have them never call you back, all good. Most guys who come out later are coming out of other relationships and really need some separation time. What better way to kill two birds with one stone!

    I agree, it will taper off as you realize that although sex is great, love is better and with love, you get great sex too!