What is an appropriate age-gap for dating? Three years, five years, ten years; or does love know no limit?

  • Jonny21

    Posts: 199

    Jun 11, 2011 1:37 AM GMT
    My roommate and I were having this discussion in the car the other day. I was of two minds about the whole issue. I agreed with him that love is love, and that the situation was very specific to each particular relationship. However, I could see how large differences in age could definitely become a factor.

    I told my roommate that although I was not looking to date right now, I could not see myself with anyone five years older or younger at this juncture in my life. I also conceded that as I got older I could see myself expanding the gap.

    To me, I felt that your late teens and twenties are very important years in terms of self-realization, mental and psychological development, and cultivating your own identity. I told him that I felt that dating someone too much older than you could "short-circuit" this process (for either me or someone younger than me, if I was dating younger).

    My rationale was that if the gap was too large then the younger person in the relationship could become too emotionally, financially, and psychologically dependent on the older mate; and that it could ultimately stunt the younger mate's personal growth.

    What are your opinions? My motivation here is not to be judgmental, and I apologize in advance if I offend anyone, that was not my intentions. I am just looking to seek out other perspectives, especially from people that have experienced this phenomenon first-hand.

    P.S. I have just started to write on this forum, however I have read many post. It seems like without any pics, people don't respond. Was up with that? I guess I gotta get a some pics up to be take seriously around here!
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    Jun 11, 2011 1:53 AM GMT
    Each to their own.

    For me, when I was 15, I was hunting and bagging guys up to mid-40's (as well as guys slightly older than me).

    Today, I'm into guys who are older than me, and all the way down to 18 (I do check ID).

    I'm an equal opportunity kind of guy.

    Hot is hot.

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    Jun 11, 2011 2:03 AM GMT
    I understand your point, and there probably is some validity to it.

    I've always been more attracted to younger guys (18-25) physically, but I doubt they'd be a good partner emotionally for someone like me in their 40's.

    My bf of five years is 13 1/2 years younger than me. I don't think either one of us ever thinks about the age gap, but it's less significant than say if I were 33 and he was 20.
  • Anto

    Posts: 2035

    Jun 11, 2011 2:08 AM GMT
    What is an appropriate age-gap for dating? Three years, five years, ten years; or does love know no limit?

    Depends on the people involved.
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    Jun 11, 2011 2:33 AM GMT
    My spouse is 15 years older than me. We've been together for 20 years. It's more about finding someone who you can be yourself with than setting an age limit.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jun 11, 2011 2:38 AM GMT
    i can't see myself dating someone 13 to 14 years older or younger than me. i have not seen anyone younger 29 i would date. i am almost 40 and definitely will not be looking for anyone 18 to 25. i would feel like a molester. what can you possibly have in common with someone that young. oh well to each and there own. i go about 6 to 7 years plus or minus
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    Jun 11, 2011 2:45 AM GMT
    I agree that the age gap seems to matter less the older you get. I also find that bigger age gaps are more acceptable or part of "the norm" in gay relationships than in straight relationships.

    For example, you see 2 guys that are 7 years apart and that doesn't seem big at all. You see a straight couple that is 7 years apart and that tends to raise more eyebrows.

    Here's a silly little formula I heard for calculating an acceptable age gap:

    --> Your age divided by 2, plus 7 <--

    So if you're 25, then you can date someone as young as:
    ( 25 / 2 ) + 7 = 19.5
    ...which is 6 years younger than you.

    If you're 45, then you can date someone as young as:
    ( 45 / 2 ) + 7 = 29.5
    ...which is 16 years younger than you.

    It seems this formula takes into account the young/old factor :-)




    PS For the mathematically challenged, if you're the younger person, the reverse would be:

    --> Your age minus seven, multiplied by 2 <--
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    Jun 11, 2011 6:09 AM GMT
    I think I'm in the same boat as the OP, where being in a relationship with anybody who is significantly older or younger would be a complete disservice to myself as a person, due to maturity differences, since at 19, I'm rather new to the world and trying to figure things out, meanwhile someone who is 35 already knows the ropes and knows a lot about themselves and has a hell of a lot of experience.

    The irony is that I recently discovered that I'm usually attracted to older men and women (25-30 range).
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    Jun 11, 2011 6:30 AM GMT
    yeahim40 saidMy spouse is 15 years older than me. We've been together for 20 years. It's more about finding someone who you can be yourself with than setting an age limit.


    Preach it! haha

    icon_smile.gif

    I agree.

    xx
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    Jun 11, 2011 10:33 AM GMT
    At this point (25), I would date a very mature 21 to about 30. Although I have been finding men in their 30's extremely attractive...
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    Jun 11, 2011 10:44 AM GMT
    If you love someone, you love someone, but with that being said I don't think I would not want a partner more than 10 years older or younger. I just think there is more to relate to in a person in the magic 10 year number. It's not such a big deal; women date older men all the time. If love comes your way, I wouldn't turn love down by saying, "Oh, you're not the right age for me according to my friends or society's rules."
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    Jun 11, 2011 11:41 AM GMT
    depends on who you ask obviously

    those old men who are not emotionally properly developed, will state that it's ok to date someone so very much younger than they are.

    young guys who are seeking daddy replacements and who cannot see themselves as being in a dysfunctional engagement will seek out someone much older than they are. After all the trappings of experience, power, wealth can be seductive.

    do what works for you - ultimately that's all that matters. just don't be a whiney ass if things don't work out or if people raise their eyebrows.

    i think when you are in your teens and twenties you should date only guys in your own age groups.