bhp91126 saidWould you want a relationship with someone who was out having casual sex up until?
Sure–assuming the ? stands for "the time we become official boyfriends," or whatever. I'd think it was totally normal for somebody to have sex (assuming it's "normal" sex) in-between LTRs, and then settle down and be monogamous (to whatever degree the couple decides upon) once the relationship takes off. That's what I want and envision for myself.
But let me push you a little, bhp. Not to be combative...I'm honestly just trying to understand. You ask:
bhp91126Or are you one of those hypocrites of the "do as I say, not as I do" variety?
First, I totally agree that this type of person would be a shitty BF, and shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place. But why, in your mind, is this type of shitty hypocritical behavior so closely associated with somebody's behavior before
they get into a relationship? Why does it seem so likely to you that if a guy has occasional casual sex when not
in a relationship (for me it'd be about once a month), then he'll act like an asshole once he's in
a relationship? To me that seems like a really pessimistic outlook, and it doesn't match my dating history (neither for me nor for my wonderful ex BFs).
And yet you're not alone on this. I'm noticing that this is a really
common expectation people carry around. As BR says below you:
BambinoRexif you fuck people too fast, in my experience, you tend to deal with consumers who are always seeking the next new thing and will step out on you
Again, this kind of guy sounds like a really shitty BF. But I don't see the connection between [a] his shitty behavior as a BF
and [b] his sexual behavior when he's single
At the risk of trivializing this, here's a random analogy. One of my ex's would never
put the cap back on the toothpaste. It drove me crazy. So now I know I want a BF who will put the cap back on. But I'd still be open to dating a guy who leaves the cap off when he's single
. I just don't believe in "once a cap-leaver-offer, always a cap-leaver-offer."
OK, thanks for the thoughts, fellas. Again, I don't mean to be argumentative. Keep the feedback coming!
PS: Thanks for that link BambinoRex. I'm gonna listen to that here in a few.