My ex

  • Stin7

    Posts: 33

    Jun 12, 2011 7:38 AM GMT
    We’ve ended our relationship on August 2010, it’s been almost a year since we’ve split. He was so bad to me… so sooo bad to me (no cheating or anything..) He just treated me real bad, like I’ve betrayed him: he accessed my e-mail account to make sure I wasn’t cheating on him without my permission of course, he’s also said I probably had aids and he should do analysis because he wasn’t sure I was with someone else… He put a magnifying glass in every single thing to end up saying I was acting different because of ‘who knows why’… he threatened to tell my parents I was gay If I didn’t tell him the ‘truth’… The ‘truth’ about me cheating on him…. a ‘truth’ that never happened in real life, it only happened in his crazy mind.

    He never told my parents, I never cheated on him, and the last time we spoke we had a HUGE FIGHT. I had never in my life screamed at a person the way I did that evening. I was tired and sick about everything. I was so hurt, frustrated, angry, stressed by his threats and distrust…

    I have to see my ex every single day AT WORK since then. We never spoke again. But I always see him in the corridors with his co-workers. He is a very good looking person and even though he was so incredibly unfair, I can’t get over him somehow. I know I don’t love him. I’ve never been able to love him because of his personality… So now, I feel like I need to look for another job cause I feel so dependent on his moves, what he says, etc… we don’t work on the same area but I always can hear his conversations because the place where I’m at is close. I have mixed feelings, and I hate it. I hate that I’m paying attention to what he does at work… He does not deserve my attention, he treated me like shit and I need to move on once and for all. My friend says it’s normal the way I’m feeling, but I hate the situation..

    I don’t know what to do. I know for sure I don’t want to go back to him. I know nothing’s gonna change because he is 100% sure I cheated on him. He is utterly crazy still when we were together he was so funny, sweet, cute, protective, and kind. I sometimes try to find out why he was so mad at me, maybe he was in love and I wasn’t? Maybe he expected more from me?

    *sigh*
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 12, 2011 11:08 AM GMT
    Well don't go back to him for sure because it sounds like he is crazy. One of my ex's was similar to your ex in the sense that he was jealous thinking that I cheated and demanded that I take a lie detector test lol, but of course he was also very protective of me... so who knows maybe the two go hand in hand.

    As for your work situation, I'm not too sure what to recommend. Maybe try to take your vacation time? That way you won't have to see him for a while. Sometimes you just need a break from that person for some time and then you can move on as friends hopefully. Also, if it really does affect your mental health then maybe try moving to a different desk so you don't have to hear him.
  • Stin7

    Posts: 33

    Jun 12, 2011 2:21 PM GMT
    microbiologist saidWell don't go back to him for sure because it sounds like he is crazy. One of my ex's was similar to your ex in the sense that he was jealous thinking that I cheated and demanded that I take a lie detector test lol, but of course he was also very protective of me... so who knows maybe the two go hand in hand.

    As for your work situation, I'm not too sure what to recommend. Maybe try to take your vacation time? That way you won't have to see him for a while. Sometimes you just need a break from that person for some time and then you can move on as friends hopefully. Also, if it really does affect your mental health then maybe try moving to a different desk so you don't have to hear him.


    thank you for your comment!

    vacations are impossible, I'll just try to find another job, it's the best solution.
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    Jun 12, 2011 2:29 PM GMT
    Toxic is toxic and from what you're saying, your ex was definitely a bad choice for you. You really need to think about your part in the breakup other than his false accusations. You know the truth about yourself.

    I'm not sure if a job change would help unless you can move on and realize he was wrong. I you have guilt regarding the breakup, you might as well stay where you are. Just rise above it; easier said than done. Good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 12, 2011 2:43 PM GMT
    Yeah your ex is just a insecure jealous freak who doesn't deserve you. You need to work up the courage and change the situation. Live life for you. Once you have vented out all your feelings you can truely begin to move on. Even if you have to see him everyday, its awkward. Just channel your focus elsewhere, workout, hobbies. Do whatever makes you feel good.
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    Jun 12, 2011 2:58 PM GMT
    Whenever there is tension between you and someone for a reason that's beyond your control, it's very frustrating. Every time you see/hear him, it's a reminder of the frustration and it stings a little. You can take two approaches.

    1) You can change venues by moving jobs. This would allow you to forget about him by distancing yourself from the situation. Some situations just require a reset and this may be one of them.
    2) You can stay in your current job use this as a "building" experience by allowing yourself to slowly move past it, day by day, getting 1% better each week. The great thing about this approach is that once you move on, you'll be much more adept at coping with similar situations in the future.

  • Stin7

    Posts: 33

    Jun 12, 2011 3:14 PM GMT
    vincent7 saidToxic is toxic and from what you're saying, your ex was definitely a bad choice for you. You really need to think about your part in the breakup other than his false accusations. You know the truth about yourself.

    I'm not sure if a job change would help unless you can move on and realize he was wrong. I you have guilt regarding the breakup, you might as well stay where you are. Just rise above it; easier said than done. Good luck!


    I'm not guilt whatsoever... I wasn't perfect but I never cheated on him, he is a very jealous crazy person... and yes, I'll do my best to just rise above it and move on...
  • Stin7

    Posts: 33

    Jun 12, 2011 3:15 PM GMT
    rjb2001 saidYeah your ex is just a insecure jealous freak who doesn't deserve you. You need to work up the courage and change the situation. Live life for you. Once you have vented out all your feelings you can truely begin to move on. Even if you have to see him everyday, its awkward. Just channel your focus elsewhere, workout, hobbies. Do whatever makes you feel good.


    That's what I've been thinking about. I need to work out and live my life differently outside my work so I start feeling the change...
    thanks for your words.
  • Stin7

    Posts: 33

    Jun 12, 2011 3:17 PM GMT
    Brownale saidWhenever there is tension between you and someone for a reason that's beyond your control, it's very frustrating. Every time you see/hear him, it's a reminder of the frustration and it stings a little. You can take two approaches.

    1) You can change venues by moving jobs. This would allow you to forget about him by distancing yourself from the situation. Some situations just require a reset and this may be one of them.
    2) You can stay in your current job use this as a "building" experience by allowing yourself to slowly move past it, day by day, getting 1% better each week. The great thing about this approach is that once you move on, you'll be much more adept at coping with similar situations in the future.



    Great response... thanks a lot.

    I'm gonna try to find a new job but I'll start to implement your 2nd point =)

    thanks again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2011 1:21 AM GMT
    Good for you to know FOR SURE that you need to get away from him by finding anothe job. Alot of gay guys are stuck in a toxic relationship so I applaud you for figuring that out and moving on. You deserve someone better.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2011 1:23 AM GMT
    Jesus. Grow some fucking balls. You sound like a 14 year old girl. The next guy that even thinks of asking you on a date is going to regret it before the appetizer is done. Try to find an ounce of self respect.