can't cum during hookup

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 12, 2011 3:14 PM GMT
    So, here's my problem- lately whenever hookup with a guy, I can't cum. This started last fall when I had a fuck buddy. Things were good, but then I started to have troubles and cut it off. He was hot and we had good chemistry, so I just chaulked it up to maybe growing more mature and needing sex with feelings. Imagine that?!

    I've largely focused on dating since then- no hookups. This has meant no sex. I've gotten myself off in the meantime through porn. I thought I was jerking to porn too often, so I stopped. I can get off fine without porn.

    Last night I met a guy for a drink. He's in an open relationship (bf lives far away), so I knew it'd just friends, but he was flirting. We had a great time and I brought him home. This dude is cute, fit, very smart- all the things I'd look for except he's not available. We fooled around for awhile and did everything except fuck. It was dirty and relaxed- did everything I like. He came twice, but I couldn't cum at all.

    What 's the deal? Anyone else have this issue? I'm grown-up now and need to know there is potential for more? There is something physically wrong with me? Or, I'm just a head case? I want to have fun until I meet a great man!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 12, 2011 4:33 PM GMT
    maybe it's a subconcious thing, perhaps on some level you're sick of or don't really like hookups? i've had this happen in a less of a hook up scenario (i've never hooked up), i wasn't happy with the situation and decided to do it anyway. i don't think your age has anything to do with it. masturbation can be an issue too, try not masturbating at all, unless you're completely dateless and find it necessary.
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    Jun 12, 2011 4:53 PM GMT
    Yea I used to have this problem too, except it's the opposite. If I date a guy I can't get off with him. A lot of it is pressure. The more you think about getting off the worse it's gonna be, so just relax and if you cum you cum if not no biggie. Orgasm =/= sex
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    Jun 12, 2011 9:37 PM GMT
    Thanks for the replies, guys. I think I was feeling a bit inadequate for no reason at all. My friend reminded me there's nothing that says you need to cum every session anyway! And yes, I think I'm ready for sex with feelings. Someday...
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    Jun 12, 2011 10:39 PM GMT
    Hey man -- totally feel you -- It takes me a million years to cum and very often I don't. I don't care, but my fuckbuddy gets pissed off. I can cum with no problem with porn, but sometimes even while getting fucked, I can make it happen.
  • brendanmuscle...

    Posts: 593

    Jun 14, 2011 3:42 AM GMT
    i see nothing wrong with sex reguularly rwhen youre dating someone...
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    Jun 14, 2011 5:21 PM GMT
    I've had the experience a few times and I think anxiety is the reason for it because it seems to happen with the most stunning guys I hook up with. The ugly ones, no problems.
    It actually happened on Monday at work. This amazingly gorgeous tradey (my heart was beating so fast, he was that hot) was cruising me at work and we ended up kissing, groping and sucking each other off but when it came to him sucking me off I just went limp. icon_eek.gificon_cry.gif I got it back up when I went down on him (I might have a clit in my throat) but then came too quickly; that sucked. I try to train myself by thinking about when it's happened and when the moment has occurred and see if I can work out a way to encourage myself to working order but obviously it's a work in progress. I do find hook ups less interesting these days though.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jun 14, 2011 5:33 PM GMT
    Then don't hook up. Have sex with someone you are in a relationship with and care about. You also may want to lay off the masturbation if you are going to be dating a potential candidate.

    Despite what Foreskin Nazi says, the most important sex organ is your brain.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2011 5:53 PM GMT
    Timbales said
    Have sex with someone you are in a relationship with and care about.


    Pikachu_OMG_by_dxinite.jpg

    This sentence shook the very foundation of my belief system....People actually do this...?

    *runs out the door crying*
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2011 3:25 PM GMT
    Timbales saidThen don't hook up. Have sex with someone you are in a relationship with and care about. You also may want to lay off the masturbation if you are going to be dating a potential candidate.

    Despite what Foreskin Nazi says, the most important sex organ is your brain.


    Yeah, I know. That must be the answer. I used to enjoy hooking up and had had a sex dry spell for many months, so I figured I had to do it even though I probably wasn't too into it. Hopefully I'll wise up and accept what my brain seeks. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2011 12:59 PM GMT
    Timbales saidThen don't hook up. Have sex with someone you are in a relationship with and care about. You also may want to lay off the masturbation if you are going to be dating a potential candidate.

    Despite what Foreskin Nazi says, the most important sex organ is your brain.


    Brilliant. Case closed.

    I've had 3 one-nighters my entire life for that reason. I simply can't cum with someone I've just met. In fact, much beyond making out, and I'm beyond my comfort zone the first date.

    In my experience, there is only one cure for this: alcohol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 27, 2011 3:22 AM GMT
    Dude you're not the only one. I find it hard to cum when I'm with someone. I remember the first guy I had sex with, it took me at least 10 hookups before I was able to cum. Then after that, the next guy it was maybe a couple sex sessions more and then it usually wasn't a problem. I really don't know what it is but it's hard from me as well but I'm easily pleased if I'm doing it myself or watching porn.

    Most of the guys I've been with, which isn't many, claim they feel bad but I'm like "oh well" I'm cool. Get yours I'll get mine when you leave lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 27, 2011 3:29 AM GMT
    I sucked off a hot guy on Saturday, who despite was getting the "best head of his life" wasn't able to cum after an HOUR of head. He apologized, said it felt good but he just couldn't cum. But I kept on working it for another minutes, and suddenly, he came.

    Sometimes, you just have to go at your own pace and not worry about having a time limit to great sex.

  • Jun 27, 2011 7:04 PM GMT
    Don't think so much about it. Just enjoy the moment. If it happens, it happens. You're probably putting too much pressure on yourself.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Jun 27, 2011 7:25 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]
    In my experience, there is only one cure for this: alcohol.[/quote]



    also: poppers.



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  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Jun 27, 2011 7:26 PM GMT
    If you can get off when you masterbate, then I'd think that physically you're ok.
    In this situation, your brain is fucking with your body.
    You're putting too much pressure on yourself to perform.
    It's ok to decide that you're not going to have sex unless it's in a dating relationship. That's cool - but if you're not dating a guy and you get horny - then you have to take care of it yourself or change your mind on only having sex within the confines of a relationship.
    The thing is, guys get horny. Not all sex is about love or relationships, and if two horny guys want to get together and get off together, that's cool too.
    So, if you go into a purely "hook-up" situation, just go in with the idea of feeling good, having fun - giving and getting pleasure. Don't think about "getting off" just enjoy what happens and listen to your body. Don't spend so much time worrying about "cumming" or "being in a relationship" that you let the good years slip away.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 27, 2011 7:44 PM GMT
    You're focusing too much on cumming. You don't have to cum every time you have sex. Focus instead on enjoying the sexual experience and the pleasure you derive from it. Personally, I'm a multiple cummer, but I don't expect my sex partners to cum every time I cum. There's no shame in cum-less sex.