Jeez, that's sad...

  • swedeinusa

    Posts: 285

    Jun 13, 2011 12:14 AM GMT
    So I was hanging out with some friends today, joined by some strangers who were friends of friends. Anyways we're a pretty mixed crowd, and after some chit chat, turns out these guys are gay. That's cool, another brother, whatever. Anyways, I ask one of them in a joking manner, "I've never seen you at the club, where have ya been man?"

    His response?
    "I'm not attractive enough to go to the club"

    I'm kind of frozen there grinning awkwardly. I mean the kid wasn't unattractive neither was he was like omgawdsupermodelhot, so I was just like whatever. Tried to avoid an awkward moment but he continued on,

    "I'm not attractive enough...yet, that's why I don't go to any of the clubs, or parties, or the local gym. I mean...only attractive people go there. I'm not attractive enough for the gay community"

    And I'm sitting here like, "God, this is awkward" in my head, I just reassured him a little and went off to get some drinks. Now I'm laying on my bed reflecting on this sad sad conversation. Sometimes I think our community (straight AND gay) is so...exclusive. Its kind of sad.icon_confused.gif
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    Jun 13, 2011 12:31 AM GMT
    Oh man, you opened a can of worms on that one. icon_lol.gif

    You should have said something like..
    I'm not exactly a supermodel either. But it's pretty dark in those clubs, and I do alright.

    But yeah, I agree. I think gay (and straight) people sometimes feel inadequate in certain ways. After all, everyone feels the need to belong.

    heathers1.jpg
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    Jun 13, 2011 12:38 AM GMT
    Well, you DO live in Miami. Some cities have a more shallow community than others, and Miami has to be one of the worst, right? But even in general terms, I'd have to say I agree with you. The gay "community" isn't much of a community at all.
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Jun 13, 2011 12:50 AM GMT
    Having worked in both the straight and gay party/clubbing community I agree. I NEVER feel attractive in clubs. I always feel like that ugly awkward kid I was when I was 13/14. I always feel like the kid playing dress up, like im stepping into someone elses shoes.

    I don't really go anymore ebcause of this. Except woodys, because there i can't always jsut pretend it's ebcause i'm not buff and beefy andmasculine enough.
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    Jun 13, 2011 2:56 AM GMT
    Wow... that's sad.. I ain't all that, but I never felt that way.
  • swedeinusa

    Posts: 285

    Jun 13, 2011 3:44 AM GMT
    mizu5 saidHaving worked in both the straight and gay party/clubbing community I agree. I NEVER feel attractive in clubs. I always feel like that ugly awkward kid I was when I was 13/14. I always feel like the kid playing dress up, like im stepping into someone elses shoes.

    I don't really go anymore ebcause of this. Except woodys, because there i can't always jsut pretend it's ebcause i'm not buff and beefy andmasculine enough.


    Just...why? I mean, I know it can be hard when all we have to look at are tan muscley hunks on TV, in magazines, and everywhere...but that's no reason to not go out. Have fun, fuck the haters and appreciate what you have opposed to not? There are a lot of bright individuals, great people who are offset by the glitz, the glam, and the muscle since they don't feel worthy. : I just don't get it...who cares what other people think? Work to better yourself and go anywhere you want to.
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    Jun 13, 2011 3:50 AM GMT
    Being overweight never stopped me from getting laid on Sobe. icon_lol.gif
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    Jun 13, 2011 3:58 AM GMT
    Ya I agree completely. I guess it's understandable to know where he's coming from, but then again, it's the gay community. We have always been the "different" ones in society. And coming from that prospective, I think the gay community is pretty empathetic towards people like him. Ya, there's always those assholes who think they're better than everyone else, but that doesn't characterize everyone else in the club/bar like that. I think he's looking from the outside in and making his perceptions like that. I really think people (esp. the gay community) are more considerate than what he thinks.
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Jun 13, 2011 4:02 AM GMT
    SDGMAN saidWow... that's sad.. I ain't all that, but I never felt that way.


    Exactly. The average gay male is not omgawdsupermodelhot. I am certainly not omgawdsupermodelhot. And yet I still go out and have a good time.

    All communities are shallow to some extent, probably ours more than others, but he's not being kicked out of gay bars for being ugly. He's insecure. Lots of people are. It's unfortunate, but not the gay community's fault.
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    Jun 13, 2011 4:09 AM GMT
    Hot is a state of mind. A physically beautiful man that can't hold a conversation, can't maintain eye contact, shuffles his feet, makes unkind comments about others and has poor self-confidence may as well be a deformed troll.
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    Jun 13, 2011 4:12 AM GMT
    swedeinmiami saidSo I was hanging out with some friends today, joined by some strangers who were friends of friends. Anyways we're a pretty mixed crowd, and after some chit chat, turns out these guys are gay. That's cool, another brother, whatever. Anyways, I ask one of them in a joking manner, "I've never seen you at the club, where have ya been man?"

    His response?
    "I'm not attractive enough to go to the club"

    I'm kind of frozen there grinning awkwardly. I mean the kid wasn't unattractive neither was he was like omgawdsupermodelhot, so I was just like whatever. Tried to avoid an awkward moment but he continued on,

    "I'm not attractive enough...yet, that's why I don't go to any of the clubs, or parties, or the local gym. I mean...only attractive people go there. I'm not attractive enough for the gay community"

    And I'm sitting here like, "God, this is awkward" in my head, I just reassured him a little and went off to get some drinks. Now I'm laying on my bed reflecting on this sad sad conversation. Sometimes I think our community (straight AND gay) is so...exclusive. Its kind of sad.icon_confused.gif



    Then why don't you ask him out?
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 13, 2011 4:15 AM GMT
    That is sad... had I been there, I would have complete discussion with him... no way I'd let that pass.
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    Jun 13, 2011 4:18 AM GMT
    It isn't so much the community as it is the person's own lack of self confidence. In my opinion, at least.
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    Jun 13, 2011 4:23 AM GMT
    Do the right thing and lie icon_razz.gif It doesn't matter if you find him attractive anyway, the goal is just for him to feel attractive and he'd enjoy himself a lot more.

    The sooner people realize that these thoughts are largely independent of how you actually look, the better off we will all be. So many people feel like the "ugly awkward" guy and they absolutely are not (case in point, mizu5!!). So, we end up with a huge amount of single people (gay and straight) because nobody thinks they look good enough and some of us are lucky enough to meet someone who can slap us and tell us we are attractive.

    Yeah, there is a social standard of attractiveness but there is a more important individual standard that is far more in-depth and varied.


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    Jun 13, 2011 4:23 AM GMT

    "I'm kind of frozen there grinning awkwardly. I mean the kid wasn't unattractive neither was he was like omgawdsupermodelhot, so I was just like whatever. Tried to avoid an awkward moment but he continued on,..."

    You know, my automatic reaction wold be to be his mirror, a view seen delightfully through the lens of swedeinmaimi. Why not?

    In a story, I once wrote that when a person could see that another was wonderful, that same someone who was looked upon as wonderful was inspired by the fact that someone else thought so.

    -Doug

  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Jun 13, 2011 4:30 AM GMT
    swedeinmiami said
    mizu5 saidHaving worked in both the straight and gay party/clubbing community I agree. I NEVER feel attractive in clubs. I always feel like that ugly awkward kid I was when I was 13/14. I always feel like the kid playing dress up, like im stepping into someone elses shoes.

    I don't really go anymore ebcause of this. Except woodys, because there i can't always jsut pretend it's ebcause i'm not buff and beefy andmasculine enough.


    Just...why? I mean, I know it can be hard when all we have to look at are tan muscley hunks on TV, in magazines, and everywhere...but that's no reason to not go out. Have fun, fuck the haters and appreciate what you have opposed to not? There are a lot of bright individuals, great people who are offset by the glitz, the glam, and the muscle since they don't feel worthy. : I just don't get it...who cares what other people think? Work to better yourself and go anywhere you want to.
    Why? Because my good characteristics are my intelligene, My humour, my devotedness. those don't shine at clubs. ANd going out gniht after night when all you taller, beefier, more musclar, more masculine friends get picked up, and you get sneers, is jsut disheartening.
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    Jun 13, 2011 4:45 AM GMT
    i used to feel awkward going to clubs, then i said "fuck it" and now i enjoy myself as opposed to going to be someones eye candy.
  • swedeinusa

    Posts: 285

    Jun 13, 2011 4:47 AM GMT
    miamimasseur said

    Then why don't you ask him out?


    A bit on the young side, besides he was a little bit too...down in the dumps for me. But ask him out to the clubs? Sure, why not? I can get him to come with us next weekend if he's willing (and then I can report back later).

    His lack of self confidence is worrisome, I just wonder how many other people out there feel that they don't 'belong' just because of how they perceive themselves. And as for why I didn't draw him into a pep talk, as you guys suggested, well...I'm not very good at the whole cheer-up-life-will-treat-you-well-in-the-end-kind-of guy. He was certainly very negative about it and I didn't want to push the issue further. I'm not in the habit of remedying people I meet on the fly. Sorry.
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Jun 13, 2011 4:51 AM GMT
    i think the thing is, is that ill still go out with friends. Ill enver say im too ugly to be there, but iget relly fucking down on myself when im there> ia lwasy go in hopeful with a good personality. I know im a catch. But physically i can't compare to a lot of guys, and that what clubs focus on
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    Jun 13, 2011 4:52 AM GMT
    mizu5 said
    swedeinmiami said
    mizu5 saidHaving worked in both the straight and gay party/clubbing community I agree. I NEVER feel attractive in clubs. I always feel like that ugly awkward kid I was when I was 13/14. I always feel like the kid playing dress up, like im stepping into someone elses shoes.

    I don't really go anymore ebcause of this. Except woodys, because there i can't always jsut pretend it's ebcause i'm not buff and beefy andmasculine enough.


    Just...why? I mean, I know it can be hard when all we have to look at are tan muscley hunks on TV, in magazines, and everywhere...but that's no reason to not go out. Have fun, fuck the haters and appreciate what you have opposed to not? There are a lot of bright individuals, great people who are offset by the glitz, the glam, and the muscle since they don't feel worthy. : I just don't get it...who cares what other people think? Work to better yourself and go anywhere you want to.
    Why? Because my good characteristics are my intelligene, My humour, my devotedness. those don't shine at clubs. ANd going out gniht after night when all you taller, beefier, more musclar, more masculine friends get picked up, and you get sneers, is jsut disheartening.


    Different strokes for different folks buddy. I used to feel unattractive because I think that a shortish (I mean 5'9) guy with a lean muscle body was hella ulgy. In fact, I still do, and thats who I am, but what I found was that there are plenty of beefy guys out there who are tall who like a littler guy.

    Attraction is a state of mind, if you feel ugly you are ugly.
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    Jun 13, 2011 4:56 AM GMT
    There are tons of guys who feel this same way, but either choose not to admit it, or are never asked the question. So, for him to admit it, to me, means that he is either looking for someone to say, "no, you're very attractive" or for someone to take him under his wings.
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    Jun 13, 2011 5:15 AM GMT
    I feel like no matter how you look you should be doing whatever the hell you want to do to have fun!!! Life is TOOOOO SHORT for worrying about what the "americas next top model bitch in the corner" is saying about you!!

    I take a persons self image as a sign of immediate attraction or not. The hottest guy with low self esteem becomes not so hot and a mid level man can become super attractive if he thinks good of himself and carries himself with dignity.

    Btw- I work in a gym and have some overweight guys that come in and BUST HUMP and I LOVE IT!!!! Saying you "dont belong" because you're not fit is blasphemous--its the place everyone started!!!
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    Jun 13, 2011 5:21 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidBeing overweight never stopped me from getting laid on Sobe. icon_lol.gif


    I saw that icon_lol.gif
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jun 13, 2011 5:21 AM GMT
    Nobody will ever mistake me for "cool."
    But, I don't let that ruin my life.
    Not very many people fit in.

    "I wouldn't want to belong to a club that would allow me to be a member."

    Groucho Marx said something like that...
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    Jun 13, 2011 2:15 PM GMT
    Its funny because I also have insecurity whether I'm qualified to be a regulation hottie.

    Just this Saturday night, I felt majorly insecure because there were plenty of attractive folks. However three different people whom I'm acquainted insisted that I was one of the more eye pleasing and great person to be around with.

    I guess I get overwhelmed sometimes because usually I am confident when it comes to socializing and small talks.